Was he wrong to do this?

Vaxil · 07-24-2007, 02:08 AM

Several months ago, when I was learning how to drive, my instructor who was 28 years older then me confessed he had a crush on me, and wanted a relationship with me. I was 18 at the time, and in High School. I was not attracted to him and turned down his advances.

I personally have no problem with age-gap relationships with whatever amount of years, as long as they are both adults and consent. You can't help who you fall in love with, younger or older.

But when I explained this to my friend, as I had been debating this in my head for awhile, she explained to me that he had done wrong in the situation. I asked her why, and she responded, "Because while you may have been technically an adult, you are still in High School, and thats why it was wrong. Not because he liked you, but because he acted on it"

I keep thinking he did nothing wrong. He couldn't help that he developed something for me, and he only responded to it. Did it really make a difference that I am in High School? I heard that despite my age, the fact that I am still in High School would have made it 'illegal'.

I am not seeing him, nor am I planning to, I am merely curious if what he did was wrong by hitting on me, or if it was just a rather-creepy older guy likes younger girl crush.

spearntime · 07-24-2007, 02:16 AM

Any man who does this in his work environment is a pervert with serious self-conduct issues. Stay away from this one. I think you are being naive. He should be reported. I don't like it when guys that age try to take advantage. And that's exactly what he was doing. It doesn't matter if you are legally an adult.

blender · 07-24-2007, 02:22 AM

Spearntime is sooo right.. it's not that what he said was 'wrong" it was the fact that he said it to you when he was your "instructor" and it was very inapporpriate.. you are still young, but wise because you did NOT take him up his offer, attractive or not..yuk..he's just "yuk". He lacks maturity and classiness...yuk again.

la5t13 · 07-24-2007, 02:23 AM

He was wrong. He put you in an uncomfortable situation when you should be able to trust your teacher. I'd report him.

spearntime · 07-24-2007, 02:34 AM

I think he NEEDS to be reported...or you could end up seeing him on the news after harrassing underaged girls.

blender · 07-24-2007, 02:36 AM

yep, it was innappropriate even if you "felt flattered" it was still inappropriate for a guy to take advantage of his 'work situation" to hit on a young girl.. and he describes it as "a crush"???? maybe HE"S the one in highschool... be wary of guys who use "immature language" to provoke your esteem... he's in a trusted position and he used it in the wrong way...

ggg · 07-24-2007, 03:47 AM

I am a late twenties guy. I would never hit on a student at work, no matter what may cross my mind. This is totally out of line. You are probably not the first young woman he's tried this with.

valiantv · 07-24-2007, 07:04 AM

Technically I don't think there was anything definitely wrong here, and I wouldn't go reporting the poor guy could be fired or have his reputation ruined for putting his heart on the line. As long as he didn't push it after you said "No".

OK maybe he does this to lots of his students, but maybe he doesn't! I think he's innocent until proven guilty. Maybe he's just immature and didn't realise what he did was (a little bit) wrong... If you want to do anything then threaten to report him but don't actually do it.

It has nothing to do with you being high school or the 10 year age gap, but the fact that you are 18 and he is 28 (if he were 32 and you were 22 it would probably be OK) is a bit wierd alright... I mean 18 is still just kind of "turning into an adult". And also, he violated the trust between teacher and student, kind of. (Actually not necessarily, but that's another debate...)

Quote:

You can't help who you fall in love with, younger or older.

Hmmm... That's a bit soap-opera-ish, unless you spend a lot of time with someone - like you're good friends or school lab partners or work together or something - it's quite possible to get over someone after you stop meeting them, and until then, keep your feelings to yourself! Anyway, for a 28 year old to be attracted to an 18 year old does seem to show a lack of maturity... an 18 year old would have to do an awful lot to attract me!

valiantv · 07-24-2007, 09:26 AM

Oh! Wow! you're right... Oh yeah that's a huge age gap!!!! Now I don't know what to think, but I take back what I said about him just being a little immature...

BUT! Believe it or not, I still don't think you should report him! Again, maybe threaten to report him or better still, have someone else threaten to report him, that should scare him enough not to do it again. Actually reporting him, you will ruin the guy's life, and if it turns out he is just lonely or depressed... or going through a kind of crisis (maybe his marriage has just collapsed and he doesn't know what to do) then you could do some serious damage - much more serious than the situation warrants. I mean once you turned him down he left you alone, right? All he did was tell you how he feels, he didn't actually try anything, did he?

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll · 07-24-2007, 09:45 AM

whats the problem? he took a risk, i mean its not the most praiseworthy way too do it, but i dont think he should be reported unless you had been 14 at the time........

07-24-2007, 02:08 AM	#1
Vaxil Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Gender: None Specified Posts: 84	Was he wrong to do this? Several months ago, when I was learning how to drive, my instructor who was 28 years older then me confessed he had a crush on me, and wanted a relationship with me. I was 18 at the time, and in High School. I was not attracted to him and turned down his advances. I personally have no problem with age-gap relationships with whatever amount of years, as long as they are both adults and consent. You can't help who you fall in love with, younger or older. But when I explained this to my friend, as I had been debating this in my head for awhile, she explained to me that he had done wrong in the situation. I asked her why, and she responded, "Because while you may have been technically an adult, you are still in High School, and thats why it was wrong. Not because he liked you, but because he acted on it" I keep thinking he did nothing wrong. He couldn't help that he developed something for me, and he only responded to it. Did it really make a difference that I am in High School? I heard that despite my age, the fact that I am still in High School would have made it 'illegal'. I am not seeing him, nor am I planning to, I am merely curious if what he did was wrong by hitting on me, or if it was just a rather-creepy older guy likes younger girl crush. __________________ ~Forever with Hope~

07-24-2007, 09:26 AM	#9
valiantv Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 695	Oh! Wow! you're right... Oh yeah that's a huge age gap!!!! Now I don't know what to think, but I take back what I said about him just being a little immature... BUT! Believe it or not, I still don't think you should report him! Again, maybe threaten to report him or better still, have someone else threaten to report him, that should scare him enough not to do it again. Actually reporting him, you will ruin the guy's life, and if it turns out he is just lonely or depressed... or going through a kind of crisis (maybe his marriage has just collapsed and he doesn't know what to do) then you could do some serious damage - much more serious than the situation warrants. I mean once you turned him down he left you alone, right? All he did was tell you how he feels, he didn't actually try anything, did he? __________________ "A woman may have invented tippex, but only after a man invented the mistake!"

07-24-2007, 02:16 AM	#2
spearntime Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sunny California (by the beach) Gender: Female Posts: 202	Any man who does this in his work environment is a pervert with serious self-conduct issues. Stay away from this one. I think you are being naive. He should be reported. I don't like it when guys that age try to take advantage. And that's exactly what he was doing. It doesn't matter if you are legally an adult.

07-24-2007, 02:22 AM	#3
blender Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,599	Spearntime is sooo right.. it's not that what he said was 'wrong" it was the fact that he said it to you when he was your "instructor" and it was very inapporpriate.. you are still young, but wise because you did NOT take him up his offer, attractive or not..yuk..he's just "yuk". He lacks maturity and classiness...yuk again.

07-24-2007, 02:23 AM	#4
la5t13 Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 156	He was wrong. He put you in an uncomfortable situation when you should be able to trust your teacher. I'd report him.

07-24-2007, 02:34 AM	#5
spearntime Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sunny California (by the beach) Gender: Female Posts: 202	I think he NEEDS to be reported...or you could end up seeing him on the news after harrassing underaged girls.

07-24-2007, 02:36 AM	#6
blender Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,599	yep, it was innappropriate even if you "felt flattered" it was still inappropriate for a guy to take advantage of his 'work situation" to hit on a young girl.. and he describes it as "a crush"???? maybe HE"S the one in highschool... be wary of guys who use "immature language" to provoke your esteem... he's in a trusted position and he used it in the wrong way...

07-24-2007, 03:47 AM	#7
ggg Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Age: 31 Posts: 74	I am a late twenties guy. I would never hit on a student at work, no matter what may cross my mind. This is totally out of line. You are probably not the first young woman he's tried this with.

07-24-2007, 09:45 AM	#10
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Offline Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ...Super Bowl 43... Gender: Male Posts: 3,073	whats the problem? he took a risk, i mean its not the most praiseworthy way too do it, but i dont think he should be reported unless you had been 14 at the time........