My Ex's grandmother just died

Hope_full · 07-19-2007, 12:40 PM

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 2-3 months ago we dated for 5 1/2 years and were doing the no contact thing. He just called me to let me know his Grandmother (we really liked eachother) has just passed away and he would like me to go to the wake.
I don't know what to do I was doing so well with him out of my life and I know one wake won't get me sucked back in but is it mean of me to not want to go. I mean I know I have too, I just don't know what to do his whole family will be there. And they will just be looking at me (I broke up with him); I don't know if I can handle it. Any advice please?

Kalika · 07-19-2007, 12:47 PM

I think you should go. Be gracious and express your condolences to the family. If any ill will is expressed towards you by a family member, then politely excuse yourself from the situation.

Your presence there does not mean that you have to become a crutch for your ex. It just means that you wanted to say goodbye to someone you liked and valued.

still hurting · 07-19-2007, 12:48 PM

My ex's grandma passed away a year after we broke up...we too were NC, I found out from his mom. I did not go to the funeral and I really regret it. He needed me to be there even though we were not together and his grandma would have wanted me there.

If you were close to her you should go. But if the family has harsh feelings towards you over the breakup and you feel that your attendance would do more harm than good then maybe it's not the best idea. Maybe you should even talk to your ex about it.

Beec · 07-19-2007, 01:26 PM

Go, as the others have recommended, and if you feel yourself getting too emotional or sucked in or anything, leave. Just say you have something else you need to do, or that you need to get ready for something the enxt day.

Also, a little emotion is ok at a wake or funeral, after all it is what it is. You need not say why you became a little emotional.

And most people I know have the class not to begin a fight at their own relatives wakes. The accept the condolences and that's all.

Pixie-Minx · 07-20-2007, 09:49 AM

definatly go! its one day thats all

Hope_full · 07-23-2007, 09:33 AM

Went, was pretty awkward but my sis came with me (support). We talked (ex & I) and it that was okay. He told me that he actually told his family that our break was a mutual thing (which I believe in hearts of hearts if was) which is fine with me cause it made me feel better to be there and not think people didn't want me there. I have to admit I found it weird at first why his aunts were all asking how I was doing and if I were okay, but it all made sense after he told me. Thanks everyone for your advice I am glad I went now.

07-19-2007, 12:40 PM	#1
Hope_full Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 29	My Ex's grandmother just died My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 2-3 months ago we dated for 5 1/2 years and were doing the no contact thing. He just called me to let me know his Grandmother (we really liked eachother) has just passed away and he would like me to go to the wake. I don't know what to do I was doing so well with him out of my life and I know one wake won't get me sucked back in but is it mean of me to not want to go. I mean I know I have too, I just don't know what to do his whole family will be there. And they will just be looking at me (I broke up with him); I don't know if I can handle it. Any advice please? __________________ Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Today could be the first day you take a positive step towards a better future. Confidence is key for motivation, happiness, and the overall quality of your life.

07-19-2007, 01:26 PM	#4
Beec Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New York Posts: 7,556	Go, as the others have recommended, and if you feel yourself getting too emotional or sucked in or anything, leave. Just say you have something else you need to do, or that you need to get ready for something the enxt day. Also, a little emotion is ok at a wake or funeral, after all it is what it is. You need not say why you became a little emotional. And most people I know have the class not to begin a fight at their own relatives wakes. The accept the condolences and that's all. __________________ "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." C.S. Lewis--Answers to Questions on Christianity

07-23-2007, 09:33 AM	#6
Hope_full Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 29	Went, was pretty awkward but my sis came with me (support). We talked (ex & I) and it that was okay. He told me that he actually told his family that our break was a mutual thing (which I believe in hearts of hearts if was) which is fine with me cause it made me feel better to be there and not think people didn't want me there. I have to admit I found it weird at first why his aunts were all asking how I was doing and if I were okay, but it all made sense after he told me. Thanks everyone for your advice I am glad I went now. __________________ Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Today could be the first day you take a positive step towards a better future. Confidence is key for motivation, happiness, and the overall quality of your life.

07-19-2007, 12:47 PM	#2
Kalika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,343	I think you should go. Be gracious and express your condolences to the family. If any ill will is expressed towards you by a family member, then politely excuse yourself from the situation. Your presence there does not mean that you have to become a crutch for your ex. It just means that you wanted to say goodbye to someone you liked and valued.

07-19-2007, 12:48 PM	#3
still hurting Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 80	My ex's grandma passed away a year after we broke up...we too were NC, I found out from his mom. I did not go to the funeral and I really regret it. He needed me to be there even though we were not together and his grandma would have wanted me there. If you were close to her you should go. But if the family has harsh feelings towards you over the breakup and you feel that your attendance would do more harm than good then maybe it's not the best idea. Maybe you should even talk to your ex about it.

07-20-2007, 09:49 AM	#5
Pixie-Minx Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 253	definatly go! its one day thats all