6 months of happiness. One bad weekend. And he walked.

trying hard to understand · 07-19-2007, 08:33 AM

I can't snap out of recently being dumped by my long distance boyfriend of 6 months. Three months into the relationship, we started expressing our love to each other. On many occasions with out me saying it first, he would tell me he loved me. There were difficulties in our relationship - the distance being a big problem. How can we truly get to know each other if all we ever have are weekends from which we are exhausted by the travel. But, we discussed all this and persevered. He gained my trust by always talking about the future of us and family. Until, we had two 'off' not so fun weekends together where I couldn't seem to fit in with his close friends. After driving 9 hours to be with him, trying to find my way in the conversations with his friends who he held so high, two weeks before meeting his family which he pushed for, he broke up with me. He asked if we could talk and first said he was overwhelmed with us and keeping up the pace with the distance and our jobs. Which we talked through but then he said he "really liked" me but didn't feel like we were anything more than a casual relationship. A hotel romance - a term his best friend used about us who never accepted me. All of a sudden it went from love to like. I listened to his reasons which quickly became he wished in some ways I behaved differently, was more social butterfly, but he knew that from the beginning. All of a sudden, I was not attractive to him. He would never confirm to me that he ever truly loved me. How does it go from Love to Overwhelmed to Like to nothing. I don't understand. Was it all an act? He asked for two months off. Never apologized for having me purchase tickets to fly to meet his parents. It was only 5 days ago he handed me the phone to speak to them about the coming trip.

Never even mentioned it, until I asked which two months off and realized that it meant no trip to meet his family.

But, I know it is over. I keep beating myself up over what I should of done differently. We had an off weekend but I never excepted or thought he didn't love me. He all of a sudden was a complete stranger - his touch and kiss had no affection.

I want to contact him but it has only been two days since the breakup. I want to better explain myself. I want to send him back all the love letters he sent me to remind of that he did love me. But, I know I should just walk away. But is that giving up? Will I regret not fighting for us? Will I just seem pathetic when I contact him? If I make no contact, will he miss me and regret his decision? Does 'time off' always mean done and over?

I am freaked because I was told time and time again he is such a great catch and good person. But, I freaked under the pressure of fitting into his world.

I just want him to admit he loved me. Why do men say things they don't mean. I told him I loved him. I never said and didn't mean it. I never lied to him. And, he replied 'I never lied to you'. What does that mean. I said 'if you don't love, set me free'. He replied with silence. Then asked for two months off. Was he just to afraid of hurting me to say I faked it the whole time or I loved and lost it or simiply it is over???????????????????????

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! How does one go from a great weekend, celebrating 6 months of happiness, finalizing plans to meet his family, snuggling countless hours to the following weekend of admitting to extreme doubts in us? Doesn't a realtionship take a leap of faith? Aren't you suppose to work through the doubts and cold feet? He even said there is no good reason for us not be together. But, then.............

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Last edited by trying hard to understand : Yesterday at 08:01 PM.

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll · 07-19-2007, 08:44 AM

ohh well the thing here is he was probaly planning on leaving you anyways.......plain and simple, it was just this bad weekend that sped up his plan too leave you. thats all.

darkpumpkin · 07-19-2007, 09:11 AM

Well I will have to say from what I had read is that for the first few months you both felt the anticipation and excitment of finding someone you clicked with. The more you spent together face to face the more he may have realized that it may not work. Think of it this way. If you had lived across the street from him and after a few dates do you think the same thing would have happened?

beauty21 · 07-19-2007, 09:32 AM

Trying hard to understand, I am SO sorry. Sounds to me like he's listening to his friends on this one. As I read, it seems like everything changed when you were trying to fit in with his friends. You did what you do best, and you were being yourself, what more can he ask for. Socializing comes from the soul, some peopke are born with the gift to socialize and some were not. I am not a social person either. I'm a shy person. So I understand where you are coming from.

You don't need him to admit a damn thing. If he wants to go, then let him go. There will be people throughout your whole life that will walk in, and walk out but you gotta know which ones are worth keeping around and who's not. Long distance relationships are a big challenge. And I think between the two of you, there wasn't enough time spent together, to determine if there was time worth spending apart to be together.

Do Not Contact Him. Move on with your life, and find someone that lives driving distance or walking distance from you. Someone whom you can see everyday, and someone who likes your unsocialness. Cause trust me, there are guys out there that appreciate it. Hang in there babes.

Batya33 · 07-19-2007, 10:08 AM

How much time did you spend in person during this six months? Often in person relationships end after two-three months - after the initial excitement fades - so if you only saw him a few times in person it's analogous to going out with someone a few times who you discover you're not compatible with. Of course that's my perspective - that the typing and talking - particularly before you met and dated in person - is mostly fantasy and not really indicative of or relevant to in person compatibility.

trying hard to understand · 07-22-2007, 01:59 PM

I have gone 7 days with no contact. I realize now that he never felt the connection to me that I did for him. What blinded me is that he set the pace of us and pushed into my family, to meet his friends, to talk on the phone with his parents, to start searching for a job in his town -- to me all these actions meant he had to be in love with me and feel that I was special. I hate the men (I am sure women can do it to) just say one thing, do one thing, and without truely meaning it. I got a letter from him on Friday. I thought at least he had the courtisy to explain things, to tell me I am not a horrible person, that maybe we have hope for each other, but no. It was just a note on legal a piece of legal pad paper that said 'I am so sorry. It is me. - Enclosed is cash for your airplane ticketj.' This was the ticket he asked I purcash to meet his family. The letter was so cold. It made it easy to through out all the past love letters, messages, and emails. It gave me closure but not what I wanted. I am just empty now. Lost and sad and lonely. I am trying to pick up and pursue a better life for myself, but, but it is hard to breath. I tried to find solice with my friends but. But, I still end every thought with but...

trying hard to understand · 07-22-2007, 02:04 PM

FYI: Over the 6 months together, we saw each other almost every weekend. With a recent stretch of 3 weeks off because we were exhausted from all the travel. Our lifes didn't match - but I thought love would conquer all. But, it appearently wasn't love. Now, I know I when I was making love to him, he was simiply sleeping with me. Leading me on. I feel like a failure for not being able to connect with me the way he wanted. I think there are a million things I could of done differently. But, I was so tried from the distance and exhausted from the whirlwind rollercoaster. I never expected him to come into my life, but now that he is gone, it hurts more than I can explain. For that, I feel stupid.

darkpumpkin · 07-23-2007, 01:32 PM

DON'T YOU FEEL STUPID- it happens with life. You fall in love connect with someone just to find out they didn't connect with you. You think that everything is going how it should, you get tired from trying to make sure it does just to have the other person say. Sorry we just don't fit. Not your fault. Best part of all is that if he's not meant for you it means someone out there is and you have to find him. Won't be easy but it can be fun.

People leave their mark on our hearts and at times it feels like that mark will never fade, but it does. Everything fades. But remember the longer you stay staring at that mark on your heart you lose time and chances to find the one who will treat your heart with care.

07-19-2007, 08:33 AM	#1
trying hard to understand Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	6 months of happiness. One bad weekend. And he walked. I can't snap out of recently being dumped by my long distance boyfriend of 6 months. Three months into the relationship, we started expressing our love to each other. On many occasions with out me saying it first, he would tell me he loved me. There were difficulties in our relationship - the distance being a big problem. How can we truly get to know each other if all we ever have are weekends from which we are exhausted by the travel. But, we discussed all this and persevered. He gained my trust by always talking about the future of us and family. Until, we had two 'off' not so fun weekends together where I couldn't seem to fit in with his close friends. After driving 9 hours to be with him, trying to find my way in the conversations with his friends who he held so high, two weeks before meeting his family which he pushed for, he broke up with me. He asked if we could talk and first said he was overwhelmed with us and keeping up the pace with the distance and our jobs. Which we talked through but then he said he "really liked" me but didn't feel like we were anything more than a casual relationship. A hotel romance - a term his best friend used about us who never accepted me. All of a sudden it went from love to like. I listened to his reasons which quickly became he wished in some ways I behaved differently, was more social butterfly, but he knew that from the beginning. All of a sudden, I was not attractive to him. He would never confirm to me that he ever truly loved me. How does it go from Love to Overwhelmed to Like to nothing. I don't understand. Was it all an act? He asked for two months off. Never apologized for having me purchase tickets to fly to meet his parents. It was only 5 days ago he handed me the phone to speak to them about the coming trip. Never even mentioned it, until I asked which two months off and realized that it meant no trip to meet his family. But, I know it is over. I keep beating myself up over what I should of done differently. We had an off weekend but I never excepted or thought he didn't love me. He all of a sudden was a complete stranger - his touch and kiss had no affection. I want to contact him but it has only been two days since the breakup. I want to better explain myself. I want to send him back all the love letters he sent me to remind of that he did love me. But, I know I should just walk away. But is that giving up? Will I regret not fighting for us? Will I just seem pathetic when I contact him? If I make no contact, will he miss me and regret his decision? Does 'time off' always mean done and over? I am freaked because I was told time and time again he is such a great catch and good person. But, I freaked under the pressure of fitting into his world. I just want him to admit he loved me. Why do men say things they don't mean. I told him I loved him. I never said and didn't mean it. I never lied to him. And, he replied 'I never lied to you'. What does that mean. I said 'if you don't love, set me free'. He replied with silence. Then asked for two months off. Was he just to afraid of hurting me to say I faked it the whole time or I loved and lost it or simiply it is over??????????????????????? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! How does one go from a great weekend, celebrating 6 months of happiness, finalizing plans to meet his family, snuggling countless hours to the following weekend of admitting to extreme doubts in us? Doesn't a realtionship take a leap of faith? Aren't you suppose to work through the doubts and cold feet? He even said there is no good reason for us not be together. But, then............. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last edited by trying hard to understand : Yesterday at 08:01 PM.

07-19-2007, 08:44 AM	#2
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Offline Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ...Super Bowl 43... Gender: Male Posts: 3,075	ohh well the thing here is he was probaly planning on leaving you anyways.......plain and simple, it was just this bad weekend that sped up his plan too leave you. thats all.

07-19-2007, 09:11 AM	#3
darkpumpkin Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: In a little office, slowly going crazy Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 1,967	Well I will have to say from what I had read is that for the first few months you both felt the anticipation and excitment of finding someone you clicked with. The more you spent together face to face the more he may have realized that it may not work. Think of it this way. If you had lived across the street from him and after a few dates do you think the same thing would have happened?

07-19-2007, 09:32 AM	#4
beauty21 Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 960	Trying hard to understand, I am SO sorry. Sounds to me like he's listening to his friends on this one. As I read, it seems like everything changed when you were trying to fit in with his friends. You did what you do best, and you were being yourself, what more can he ask for. Socializing comes from the soul, some peopke are born with the gift to socialize and some were not. I am not a social person either. I'm a shy person. So I understand where you are coming from. You don't need him to admit a damn thing. If he wants to go, then let him go. There will be people throughout your whole life that will walk in, and walk out but you gotta know which ones are worth keeping around and who's not. Long distance relationships are a big challenge. And I think between the two of you, there wasn't enough time spent together, to determine if there was time worth spending apart to be together. Do Not Contact Him. Move on with your life, and find someone that lives driving distance or walking distance from you. Someone whom you can see everyday, and someone who likes your unsocialness. Cause trust me, there are guys out there that appreciate it. Hang in there babes.

07-19-2007, 10:08 AM	#5
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,073	How much time did you spend in person during this six months? Often in person relationships end after two-three months - after the initial excitement fades - so if you only saw him a few times in person it's analogous to going out with someone a few times who you discover you're not compatible with. Of course that's my perspective - that the typing and talking - particularly before you met and dated in person - is mostly fantasy and not really indicative of or relevant to in person compatibility.

07-22-2007, 01:59 PM	#6
trying hard to understand Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	I have gone 7 days with no contact. I realize now that he never felt the connection to me that I did for him. What blinded me is that he set the pace of us and pushed into my family, to meet his friends, to talk on the phone with his parents, to start searching for a job in his town -- to me all these actions meant he had to be in love with me and feel that I was special. I hate the men (I am sure women can do it to) just say one thing, do one thing, and without truely meaning it. I got a letter from him on Friday. I thought at least he had the courtisy to explain things, to tell me I am not a horrible person, that maybe we have hope for each other, but no. It was just a note on legal a piece of legal pad paper that said 'I am so sorry. It is me. - Enclosed is cash for your airplane ticketj.' This was the ticket he asked I purcash to meet his family. The letter was so cold. It made it easy to through out all the past love letters, messages, and emails. It gave me closure but not what I wanted. I am just empty now. Lost and sad and lonely. I am trying to pick up and pursue a better life for myself, but, but it is hard to breath. I tried to find solice with my friends but. But, I still end every thought with but...

07-22-2007, 02:04 PM	#7
trying hard to understand Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 18	FYI: Over the 6 months together, we saw each other almost every weekend. With a recent stretch of 3 weeks off because we were exhausted from all the travel. Our lifes didn't match - but I thought love would conquer all. But, it appearently wasn't love. Now, I know I when I was making love to him, he was simiply sleeping with me. Leading me on. I feel like a failure for not being able to connect with me the way he wanted. I think there are a million things I could of done differently. But, I was so tried from the distance and exhausted from the whirlwind rollercoaster. I never expected him to come into my life, but now that he is gone, it hurts more than I can explain. For that, I feel stupid.

07-23-2007, 01:32 PM	#8
darkpumpkin Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: In a little office, slowly going crazy Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 1,967	DON'T YOU FEEL STUPID- it happens with life. You fall in love connect with someone just to find out they didn't connect with you. You think that everything is going how it should, you get tired from trying to make sure it does just to have the other person say. Sorry we just don't fit. Not your fault. Best part of all is that if he's not meant for you it means someone out there is and you have to find him. Won't be easy but it can be fun. People leave their mark on our hearts and at times it feels like that mark will never fade, but it does. Everything fades. But remember the longer you stay staring at that mark on your heart you lose time and chances to find the one who will treat your heart with care.