Any Africans out there? Need some advice..

under_my_amberella · 07-19-2007, 03:49 AM

My in-laws are staying with us for 5 weeks. My MIL is so sweet and I just love her. Before they came, my 3 month old daughter came everywhere I did. There wasn't anyone I trusted to babysit her and her father didn't like to be left alone with her. Since they've come, I have freedom. When I go to the store or the doctor's office, I don't have to drag her along. I'm so grateful to them.

But I also miss my daughter. I'm only able to feed her, and then she's taken away from me again. My MIL even comes into our bedroom and takes the baby from my side in bed. She's really nice, she's not bossy or critical. And I know she has the best of intentions. I've been told this is the way things work in African culture - the grandmother takes care of the children while the mom concentrates on her career and other activities. But I only have 1 year off work to be with the baby, and I don't want to lose a month of that. I want and need to spend this time with my daughter.

How can I get her to give me more time with my kid, without offending her? She is sensitive and very intellegent, so she can read between the lines..

Daddy Bear · 07-19-2007, 04:05 AM

Come on, HA, she only gets five weeks to visit with her grandchild. Cut the lady a break and bite the bullet.

barbielovesmac · 07-19-2007, 04:07 AM

What's five weeks opposed to your entire lifetime? I agree with somebloke, it's her grandchild and she only gets five weeks, let her have her time to visit.

southerngirl · 07-19-2007, 09:28 AM

I must agree here. Let her have her visit.. Then shes going back wayyyyyyy on the other side of the world to her home n youll have the baby all to yourself again.

under_my_amberella · 07-19-2007, 10:08 AM

ok thanks guys. at least i know my little girl is happy and in good hands!

BornToResist · 07-19-2007, 10:10 AM

While I agree that you should let her have her visit with her, I would feel a little uncomfortable with that situation too. Seriously, taking the baby from your bed? I see what you mean.

I would just voice my opinion in a friendly way...when she comes to take her, just say something like "oh thanks, but I need some more baby time" or just thank her immensely for helping out, but you have it handled at that point in time.

Other than that, I don't know what else to say. You're lucky to have great inlaws but of course there will be things you don't agree on...it's all how you handle it.

under_my_amberella · 07-19-2007, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellie2006

Well, why can't all three of you hang out together?

Like go to the park together or play with the baby together at your home, etc etc?
This way you can spend some more time with your mother in law before she goes back home and maybe she can pass on some child-rearing tips.

We do hang out alot. She's teaching me how to cook and she's a shopaholic like me. I just don't get to hold my daughter. But alot of what I was feeling was guilt - feeling like I should be more attached to my baby and shouldn't allow her to be taken from me. The responses on here have reassured me that I'm not a bad mom if I let her have her grandma time.

Miss Firecracker · 07-19-2007, 01:54 PM

I can imagine all the women reading this thread and saying, "Gosh, if I could only be so lucky!"

**avman** · 07-19-2007, 02:00 PM

Quote:

The responses on here have reassured me that I'm not a bad mom if I let her have her grandma time.

Oh absolutely you are not a bad mom. Enjoy this break you are getting! Babies can bond with other people as well and you'll have that baby by your side full time in a few weeks. If grandma wants to do all the work I say more power to her.

Maybe now is a good opportunity to get some time with your friends and your husband.

Batya33 · 07-19-2007, 02:05 PM

Maybe this is showing you that you might want to stay home more than a year if that is at all possible?

It sounds like you are handling the situation well.

07-19-2007, 03:49 AM	#1
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	Any Africans out there? Need some advice.. My in-laws are staying with us for 5 weeks. My MIL is so sweet and I just love her. Before they came, my 3 month old daughter came everywhere I did. There wasn't anyone I trusted to babysit her and her father didn't like to be left alone with her. Since they've come, I have freedom. When I go to the store or the doctor's office, I don't have to drag her along. I'm so grateful to them. But I also miss my daughter. I'm only able to feed her, and then she's taken away from me again. My MIL even comes into our bedroom and takes the baby from my side in bed. She's really nice, she's not bossy or critical. And I know she has the best of intentions. I've been told this is the way things work in African culture - the grandmother takes care of the children while the mom concentrates on her career and other activities. But I only have 1 year off work to be with the baby, and I don't want to lose a month of that. I want and need to spend this time with my daughter. How can I get her to give me more time with my kid, without offending her? She is sensitive and very intellegent, so she can read between the lines..

07-19-2007, 09:28 AM	#4
southerngirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NW Georgia Gender: Female Posts: 3,032	I must agree here. Let her have her visit.. Then shes going back wayyyyyyy on the other side of the world to her home n youll have the baby all to yourself again. __________________ A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own. Latin Proverb

07-19-2007, 10:10 AM	#6
BornToResist Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,846	While I agree that you should let her have her visit with her, I would feel a little uncomfortable with that situation too. Seriously, taking the baby from your bed? I see what you mean. I would just voice my opinion in a friendly way...when she comes to take her, just say something like "oh thanks, but I need some more baby time" or just thank her immensely for helping out, but you have it handled at that point in time. Other than that, I don't know what else to say. You're lucky to have great inlaws but of course there will be things you don't agree on...it's all how you handle it. __________________ “Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” - Robert Gary Lee

07-19-2007, 04:05 AM	#2
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	Come on, HA, she only gets five weeks to visit with her grandchild. Cut the lady a break and bite the bullet.

07-19-2007, 04:07 AM	#3
barbielovesmac Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 2,803	What's five weeks opposed to your entire lifetime? I agree with somebloke, it's her grandchild and she only gets five weeks, let her have her time to visit.

07-19-2007, 10:08 AM	#5
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	ok thanks guys. at least i know my little girl is happy and in good hands!

07-19-2007, 01:54 PM	#8
Miss Firecracker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 4,142	I can imagine all the women reading this thread and saying, "Gosh, if I could only be so lucky!"

07-19-2007, 02:05 PM	#10
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,073	Maybe this is showing you that you might want to stay home more than a year if that is at all possible? It sounds like you are handling the situation well.