2 Year Slump.

Mr.Mister · 07-18-2007, 07:01 PM

My girlfriend and I have been together for around 2 years now. We used to be very much in love with each other, but lately haven't been feeling passionately in love with each other like we did in the beginning of the relationship. Does anyone have any (non-sexual) ideas to makes us feel crazy in love like we first were? I want to bring back the passion we felt before.

Zackinlaw · 07-18-2007, 07:15 PM

Do anything non-routine!!! Remember the things you did when you first got together and do some of them again. Greet her at the door with a dozen roses. Make love in the kitchen. Have a picnic by the lake and just hold hands. Sure, it's not as spontaneous as it was at first, but she'll probably pick up on the vibes and add stuff of her own. All the extra effort will generate its own excitement!!!

Good luck.

Zack.

barbielovesmac · 07-18-2007, 07:22 PM

Hi Mister

So you've hit the two year slump eh? Just because your relationship is starting to lose its passion doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. As long as you two still love eachother then there isn't any reason you can't get the passion back.

Why don't you take a shower or a bath together! It doesn't have to be sexual. Bathing each other is a very sensual activity. Try it ; )

As far as simple things go, take some time to notice little things and compliment her on how she looks. Tell her how much you appreciate it when she does that is normally taken for granted. Tell her to get dressed up and take her out for night on the town. Go on a romantic getaway, even if it's just for the weekend, heck even for the night.

Things won't be as they were when you two first got together. But there is no reason for it to be boring. You can bring it back! Good luck!

chai714 · 07-18-2007, 07:30 PM

Mr. Mister,

This will go against intuition but withdraw from her at times. Start seeing her less, spending less time with her. When you're conversing with her, listen passively but don't engage her in any kind of stimulating, meaningful conversation. Become less physically close and let your body language toward her be standoffish. Maybe a kiss on the cheek before you leave. The combination of these effects over a SHORT period of time will create tension.

That tension will then be released when you give her what she needs - emotionally and physically. This is a behavioral act that can be repeated throughout your entire relationship. Few people can successfully execute this kind of behavioral tactic but there will be periods where she becomes anxious and excited about seeing you and vice versa.

Good luck.

jul-els · 07-18-2007, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chai714

Mr. Mister,

This will go against intuition but withdraw from her at times. Start seeing her less, spending less time with her. When you're conversing with her, listen passively but don't engage her in any kind of stimulating, meaningful conversation. Become less physically close and let your body language toward her be standoffish. Maybe a kiss on the cheek before you leave. The combination of these effects over a SHORT period of time will create tension.

That tension will then be released when you give her what she needs - emotionally and physically. This is a behavioral act that can be repeated throughout your entire relationship. Few people can successfully execute this kind of behavioral tactic but there will be periods where she becomes anxious and excited about seeing you and vice versa.

Good luck.

Nothing personal, but I have to say that sounds kind of manipulative in the context of a monagmous relationship. Not very honest or loving now, is it? It's an artificial tactic to get the reaction you desire. Cold and calculating. She's a person after all, not a puppy in need of house training.

chai714 · 07-18-2007, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jul-els

Nothing personal, but I have to say that sounds kind of manipulative in the context of a monagmous relationship. Not very honest or loving now, is it? It's an artificial tactic to get the reaction you desire. Cold and calculating. She's a person after all, not a puppy in need of house training.

This is a term called "loving manipulation." It's used with good intentions and both parties will benefit. There is no person getting any kind of unfair advantage or upper hand.

I respect your opinion and can appreciate the difference.

jul-els · 07-18-2007, 08:01 PM

To each his own, but I know I could never respect myself for taking such a tact. I would feel like a giant heel.

I think if things start to get dull or stagnant and you want to get out of it you need to buckle down and do some work to get the fires rekindled.

Discuss finding new passions together, things you never considered before but would like to discover together. Same for in the bedroom, discuss and try out fantasies, positions, toys, and scenarios that neither one of you have ever shared before.

Also a huge one for me and very important is make sure to find ways to make each other laugh.

Set a goal for yourself to make your SO laugh at least once a day. It really is the best medicine.

Zackinlaw · 07-18-2007, 08:23 PM

Quote:

This is a term called "loving manipulation." It's used with good intentions and both parties will benefit. There is no person getting any kind of unfair advantage or upper hand.

I disagree ... with the relationship already stagnant, feigning disinterest is like playing with a loaded gun. What happens if she doesn't respond as expected? What happens if she just takes it as a sign of further deterioration? What if they both decide to do "loving manipulation" at the same time (there's the fallacy)??? There is the risk that an easily salvagable relationship problem could be pushed into a breakup that neither side wants.

Work on the problem, don't play with it!!!

Zack.

poohkins · 07-18-2007, 08:28 PM

Check out the book, "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. It talks about the initial passion lasting about two years, but that you can develop a deeper love by giving them emotional fulfillment through their particular "love" language. Good read.

Mr.Mister · 07-18-2007, 10:05 PM

Thanks to everyone that responded. Here's what I think about the suggestions:

Quote: