Struggling with psychological impotency

Doctor Smurf · 07-11-2007, 02:38 PM

Hi all. As you may know, I saw my doctor months ago about not being able to get hard for sex, or to stay hard through blow-jobs - he told me it was psychological impotency.

He gave me the usual advice I've seen on the websites, about performance anxiety, unease with being naked and trying to clear my mind before trying to have sex, but I've had no joy.

It's really depressing me, my girlfriend and I won't be seeing each other for three weeks and on the phone she was being very graphic and describing the sex she'd like to have with me when she comes back. That's natural, but I know in my heart, and because its a self-fulfilling prophecy that I won't be able to perform for her. Performance anxiety? Probably.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to disappoint her, and I want to be able to enjoy sex too. I just feel in despair about where to turn now, I could return to the doctors and suggest a Viagra prescription, but I don't think he would approve at my age.

*argh*

Somebody please make it stop.... I don't want to go on living this way.

ElektraHere · 07-11-2007, 02:49 PM

Ok you are stressing about your things and hence your having E.D. Are you going through alot of stressful events in your life right now? You are very young to have to resort to Viagra. Have you tried to meditate? Is it all the time you can't get hard or just when your g/f is around?

Doctor Smurf · 07-11-2007, 02:56 PM

I've been through far worse times, but I admit now isn't completely without stress, but I don't think life ever should be.

I haven't tried any formal meditation, but on many occasions I have sat down alone to think about it, but I've never been able to see what's holding me back.

Alone, I can get hard although sometimes not without a struggle, the main problem is in her company.

Thank you ElektraHere

Dako · 07-11-2007, 03:10 PM

Have you discussed it with your gf? If she's patient and understanding, it goes a long way toward easing the stage fright.

If you fear being naked with her, I suspect she's the source of your anxiety.

ElektraHere · 07-11-2007, 03:10 PM

Try and go to the library or look online for some great meditation techniques. As for the initmacy issues that again is something that people here can advise you on but perhaps a counselor or your doctor can help you in that arena. Open up the communication with your g/f. She will more than likely be understanding and then just take it slow. Perhaps, once you are in a safe place with her your problem might not be so prevelant.

Doctor Smurf · 07-11-2007, 03:19 PM

My GF and I have spoken many times long and hard about it, and I am perfectly comfortable with her, clothed or not.

I always look forwards to the sexual times, and I can fantasise about it all day, but when she's there, and I have that chance, its like a switch in my head will turn off any chance of me being hard.

I'll look into that meditation Elektra - Thanks.

Red Fox · 07-11-2007, 05:30 PM

Do you think along the lines of "oh wouldn't it be bad if it didn't happen" and "oh it's not working" even if just for a fleeting moment? Any of these things are bad.

Maybe trying things without attempting sex may help. If you do things knowing there will be no need or expectation for an erection it could well take the pressure off. Just lots of foreplay and then stop maybe. Try this out time after time and see if this changes things. There are plenty of fun things that can be done that don't involve penetration, what would your girlfriend think of trying these out?

Day_Walker · 07-12-2007, 01:38 AM

It is hard to address an issue like this but generally you have to find what works for you. What i would suggest is for the three weeks that your gf is gone abstain from any kind of sex and save it up all for your gf. If the problem is psychological then there is a way it can be defeated and it is going to be using your mind.

pesh · 07-12-2007, 02:40 AM

I have no idea if this would work, but this is what popped into my head...
Next time you are with her, forget about your own pleasure and only concentrate on pleasing her. That doesn't mean that she can't use her hands and such on you, but don't have it where you lay back and enjoy what she does to you. What i'm thinking would happen is that you seeing her getting all hot and bothered, and moaning with pleasure might drive you wild and maybe get you hard....? Or even just get your mind off the idea that you have to perform, and let yourself get hard solely by touch. Forget that you have a penis and that it wants attention, and go all out on her.

byates5637 · 07-15-2007, 02:38 PM

I started taking viagra when i was 19 for the same reason. It works fantastic, although i hate to think about potential long term effects that have not been discovered yet.

Maybe give it a try, I dont regret taking it.

07-11-2007, 02:38 PM	#1
Doctor Smurf Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wales, UK Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 209	Struggling with psychological impotency Hi all. As you may know, I saw my doctor months ago about not being able to get hard for sex, or to stay hard through blow-jobs - he told me it was psychological impotency. He gave me the usual advice I've seen on the websites, about performance anxiety, unease with being naked and trying to clear my mind before trying to have sex, but I've had no joy. It's really depressing me, my girlfriend and I won't be seeing each other for three weeks and on the phone she was being very graphic and describing the sex she'd like to have with me when she comes back. That's natural, but I know in my heart, and because its a self-fulfilling prophecy that I won't be able to perform for her. Performance anxiety? Probably. I don't know what to do! I don't want to disappoint her, and I want to be able to enjoy sex too. I just feel in despair about where to turn now, I could return to the doctors and suggest a Viagra prescription, but I don't think he would approve at my age. argh Somebody please make it stop.... I don't want to go on living this way. __________________ An eye for an eye, and soon the whole world is blind - Mahatma Gandhi

07-11-2007, 02:56 PM	#3
Doctor Smurf Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wales, UK Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 209	I've been through far worse times, but I admit now isn't completely without stress, but I don't think life ever should be. I haven't tried any formal meditation, but on many occasions I have sat down alone to think about it, but I've never been able to see what's holding me back. Alone, I can get hard although sometimes not without a struggle, the main problem is in her company. Thank you ElektraHere __________________ An eye for an eye, and soon the whole world is blind - Mahatma Gandhi

07-11-2007, 03:19 PM	#6
Doctor Smurf Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wales, UK Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 209	My GF and I have spoken many times long and hard about it, and I am perfectly comfortable with her, clothed or not. I always look forwards to the sexual times, and I can fantasise about it all day, but when she's there, and I have that chance, its like a switch in my head will turn off any chance of me being hard. I'll look into that meditation Elektra - Thanks. __________________ An eye for an eye, and soon the whole world is blind - Mahatma Gandhi

07-11-2007, 05:30 PM	#7
Red Fox Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Posts: 239	Do you think along the lines of "oh wouldn't it be bad if it didn't happen" and "oh it's not working" even if just for a fleeting moment? Any of these things are bad. Maybe trying things without attempting sex may help. If you do things knowing there will be no need or expectation for an erection it could well take the pressure off. Just lots of foreplay and then stop maybe. Try this out time after time and see if this changes things. There are plenty of fun things that can be done that don't involve penetration, what would your girlfriend think of trying these out? __________________ Who Dares Wins

07-12-2007, 01:38 AM	#8
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,884	It is hard to address an issue like this but generally you have to find what works for you. What i would suggest is for the three weeks that your gf is gone abstain from any kind of sex and save it up all for your gf. If the problem is psychological then there is a way it can be defeated and it is going to be using your mind. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

07-11-2007, 02:49 PM	#2
ElektraHere Offline Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: West Coast Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,379	Ok you are stressing about your things and hence your having E.D. Are you going through alot of stressful events in your life right now? You are very young to have to resort to Viagra. Have you tried to meditate? Is it all the time you can't get hard or just when your g/f is around?

07-11-2007, 03:10 PM	#4
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	Have you discussed it with your gf? If she's patient and understanding, it goes a long way toward easing the stage fright. If you fear being naked with her, I suspect she's the source of your anxiety.

07-12-2007, 02:40 AM	#9
pesh Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: US Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 136	I have no idea if this would work, but this is what popped into my head... Next time you are with her, forget about your own pleasure and only concentrate on pleasing her. That doesn't mean that she can't use her hands and such on you, but don't have it where you lay back and enjoy what she does to you. What i'm thinking would happen is that you seeing her getting all hot and bothered, and moaning with pleasure might drive you wild and maybe get you hard....? Or even just get your mind off the idea that you have to perform, and let yourself get hard solely by touch. Forget that you have a penis and that it wants attention, and go all out on her.

07-15-2007, 02:38 PM	#10
byates5637 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 25 Posts: 452	I started taking viagra when i was 19 for the same reason. It works fantastic, although i hate to think about potential long term effects that have not been discovered yet. Maybe give it a try, I dont regret taking it.