How to fix this??

maasikus · 07-05-2007, 06:46 PM

I am in my mid 20s, married and I am saving for a down-payment for our first home. My husband is doing new business ventures, and we are solely dependent on my income.

My husband's mom wants me to do a very expensive course which is faith-based, and which will cost me over 5 grands. She has been talking about it to me for a while, and so finally I told her that it is not feasible
right now. She stopped being pushy about it after that, except for references about how great the course is, and how she wishes I could do it!

Today, my husband mentioned to me that I should do the course! I asked him if his mom mentioned it to him, and he replied "sort of". Apparantly, she told him that she will find more details about the next course start date and such. I told him that I m not comfortable with spending so much on it quite yet. He was disappointed.

I cant believe that she is bringing troubles in my family by doing this sort of a thing. Now, to make my husband happy, I need to shell out a lot of my down payment!!!

Oh, she is also pushy about children...She once gave me a couple of books about raising children! How inappropriate considering the fact that I was/am not even pregnant!!!

Am I being mean here or is she really over the top?

PocoDiablo · 07-05-2007, 06:52 PM

Um, yeah, sounds like a "helicopter parent" (is that the right term?) You need to make decisions in your own best interest. I don't know exactly what this course is, but a down payment is a HUGE step in the right direction for your future.

And the kids books? I would just accept them gracefully and then throw them away. There's no reason to create ill will, and being polite should resolve that.

**melrich** · 07-05-2007, 06:58 PM

This is a behaviour you need to nip in the bud right now. Do not allow this precedent to be set.

Don't confront your mother in law. Tell your husband how you feel about it, that you do not want to be in a partnership of three and get him to talk to his mother as politely and tactfully as possible, letting her know to butt out.

curbie · 07-05-2007, 06:58 PM

You need to do what is best for you and your husband and the situation you're both in. Not what is best for your mother in-law. She just needs to learn to respect your wishes and decision and leave it at that. Sheesh! Some people just don't know how to take the word "no thanks" and leave it alone.

curbie · 07-05-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melrich

This is a behaviour you need to nip in the bud right now. Do not allow this precedent to be set.

Don't confront your mother in law. Tell your husband how you feel about it, that you do not want to be in a partnership of three and get him to talk to his mother as politely and tactfully as possible, letting her know to butt out.

Or if he doesn't nip it in the bud.....if I were her....I would confront her myself. But I wouldn't be a total *censored* about it, either. I'd still confront her if he didn't.

CarnelianButterfly · 07-05-2007, 07:00 PM

Next time she mentions it, I would tell her if its that important to her that you go, then SHE should pay for it.

$5K is a big amount of money, if you want a house, save your money, maybe take the books to a pawn shop

**annie24** · 07-05-2007, 07:00 PM

sheesh! why is this woman all up in your business and why hasn't your hubby put his foot down? i don't know about what your faith is, but it sounds to me that the $5000 is better for a downpayment than for you to take this class that you don't sound so gung-ho about. I would worry about your house first, and then if you happen to have extra money, take the course. why does she want you to take it so badly? are you not of the same religion as your husband and his mom? and why can't you just study your religious book, and sign up for "bible study classes" or the equivalent? why does it have to be a $5 K course? yikes, that is a lot.

and yes, i am wondering why your husband is giving into this. doesn't he want a home also? $5K doesn't just grow on trees!

**annie24** · 07-05-2007, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarnelianButterfly

Next time she mentions it, I would tell her if its that important to her that you go, then SHE should pay for it.

good point! tell her you'll go if she wants to pay for it!

curbie · 07-05-2007, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annie24

sheesh! why is this woman all up in your business and why hasn't your hubby put his foot down? i don't know about what your faith is, but it sounds to me that the $5000 is better for a downpayment than for you to take this class that you don't sound so gung-ho about. I would worry about your house first, and then if you happen to have extra money, take the course. why does she want you to take it so badly? are you not of the same religion as your husband and his mom? and why can't you just study your religious book, and sign up for "bible study classes" or the equivalent? why does it have to be a $5 K course? yikes, that is a lot.

and yes, i am wondering why your husband is giving into this. doesn't he want a home also? $5K doesn't just grow on trees!

Word!!! I ditto this as well!

Master Sasori · 07-05-2007, 07:05 PM

Sounds like the mother in law is a religious nutcase, no offense but shovling a 5000 $ costing faith experience down your throuth isn't something God wouldn't require from you or ask you to do.

It doesn't matter how many times they try to shovle it down your throat, a bad idea remains a bad idea till the end of time, don't do it. Its like this, you have to be more firm.

Say something like, one more word about that *course* and i will leave you, or will never allow your mom into my house. You need to take firm measures to push the bad people/events out of your life, and reel the good people/events in. Seems the mother in law has this 'picture in her mind' of a good christian family , with you doing the household and you giving birth to 12 children so that God will be satisfied with you.

You can also fight fire with fire, tell the woman you had a dream in which God told you not to follow the course, and never to have children. Just wake up one day and say you had an amazing dream in which God told you to (lol insert above) not to do the things the mother in law asked you to do. If she tells you, you had a dream given by the devil tell her no, God told me that you are the devil.

Your husband is a puppet steered by his mom on this matter, she told him to convince you to do the course. Stop BOTH of them immediatly!

07-05-2007, 06:46 PM	#1
maasikus Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Gender: None Specified Posts: 146	How to fix this?? I am in my mid 20s, married and I am saving for a down-payment for our first home. My husband is doing new business ventures, and we are solely dependent on my income. My husband's mom wants me to do a very expensive course which is faith-based, and which will cost me over 5 grands. She has been talking about it to me for a while, and so finally I told her that it is not feasible right now. She stopped being pushy about it after that, except for references about how great the course is, and how she wishes I could do it! Today, my husband mentioned to me that I should do the course! I asked him if his mom mentioned it to him, and he replied "sort of". Apparantly, she told him that she will find more details about the next course start date and such. I told him that I m not comfortable with spending so much on it quite yet. He was disappointed. I cant believe that she is bringing troubles in my family by doing this sort of a thing. Now, to make my husband happy, I need to shell out a lot of my down payment!!! Oh, she is also pushy about children...She once gave me a couple of books about raising children! How inappropriate considering the fact that I was/am not even pregnant!!! Am I being mean here or is she really over the top?

07-05-2007, 06:52 PM	#2
PocoDiablo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Springfield, VA Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 2,423	Um, yeah, sounds like a "helicopter parent" (is that the right term?) You need to make decisions in your own best interest. I don't know exactly what this course is, but a down payment is a HUGE step in the right direction for your future. And the kids books? I would just accept them gracefully and then throw them away. There's no reason to create ill will, and being polite should resolve that. __________________ Advice given is only as good as the details you provide, and even then it's just an opinion. No one knows the situation as well as you do, so trust your gut.

07-05-2007, 06:58 PM	#4
curbie Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: United States, Ohio Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 516	You need to do what is best for you and your husband and the situation you're both in. Not what is best for your mother in-law. She just needs to learn to respect your wishes and decision and leave it at that. Sheesh! Some people just don't know how to take the word "no thanks" and leave it alone. __________________ I don't water down what I say...I just call it how I see it. Jeremy

07-05-2007, 06:58 PM	#3
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,501	This is a behaviour you need to nip in the bud right now. Do not allow this precedent to be set. Don't confront your mother in law. Tell your husband how you feel about it, that you do not want to be in a partnership of three and get him to talk to his mother as politely and tactfully as possible, letting her know to butt out.

07-05-2007, 07:00 PM	#6
CarnelianButterfly Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Too far from home Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 4,473	Next time she mentions it, I would tell her if its that important to her that you go, then SHE should pay for it. $5K is a big amount of money, if you want a house, save your money, maybe take the books to a pawn shop

07-05-2007, 07:00 PM	#7
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,832	sheesh! why is this woman all up in your business and why hasn't your hubby put his foot down? i don't know about what your faith is, but it sounds to me that the $5000 is better for a downpayment than for you to take this class that you don't sound so gung-ho about. I would worry about your house first, and then if you happen to have extra money, take the course. why does she want you to take it so badly? are you not of the same religion as your husband and his mom? and why can't you just study your religious book, and sign up for "bible study classes" or the equivalent? why does it have to be a $5 K course? yikes, that is a lot. and yes, i am wondering why your husband is giving into this. doesn't he want a home also? $5K doesn't just grow on trees!

07-05-2007, 07:05 PM	#10
Master Sasori Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 243	Sounds like the mother in law is a religious nutcase, no offense but shovling a 5000 $ costing faith experience down your throuth isn't something God wouldn't require from you or ask you to do. It doesn't matter how many times they try to shovle it down your throat, a bad idea remains a bad idea till the end of time, don't do it. Its like this, you have to be more firm. Say something like, one more word about that course and i will leave you, or will never allow your mom into my house. You need to take firm measures to push the bad people/events out of your life, and reel the good people/events in. Seems the mother in law has this 'picture in her mind' of a good christian family , with you doing the household and you giving birth to 12 children so that God will be satisfied with you. You can also fight fire with fire, tell the woman you had a dream in which God told you not to follow the course, and never to have children. Just wake up one day and say you had an amazing dream in which God told you to (lol insert above) not to do the things the mother in law asked you to do. If she tells you, you had a dream given by the devil tell her no, God told me that you are the devil. Your husband is a puppet steered by his mom on this matter, she told him to convince you to do the course. Stop BOTH of them immediatly!