Philosophical question about "The One"

panchala23 · 07-03-2007, 12:45 PM

I was wondering what everyone thought about the concept of "the one" and fate and all of these things. My ex believed in knowing someone was the one almost immediately, which I personally thought as idealistic and simplistic. Of course, it is impossible to try and convince someone of this once they think it. I feel like it is a self fulfilling prophecy almost. If you go about life thinking you are going to know someone is the one the second you meet them, you will almost always think everyone is not the one. Also, you will get into your mid thirties and start flipping out about your biological clock and the first person you meet will be the one. Anyways, I was just wondering what people thought about this!

RayKay · 07-03-2007, 12:52 PM

I think "the one" is the person you choose to be the one. I also believe soulmates are created, rather than thrown upon us.

I also believe that only time will show whether you and your partner have what it needed from both of you to be one anothers "one". In other words, I don't think you know "instantly". If you do know "instantly", I would also say this is based more on hope and expectations, than true knowledge and reality of the other person.

I think to expect that you meet someone, and expect them to fulfill your every need for the rest of your life and be exactly as they are....is indeed simplistic and idealistic. Also bound to lead to disappointment when you realize that is not what a true partner and relationship is about. True love in my opinion is created, nourished and born of mutual respect, compassion and friendship.

mushmouth · 07-03-2007, 01:04 PM

The one is the one I fall in love with and who falls in love with me. Unfortunatley, the timing for me meeting my "one" has been off and thus I am still single and trying to be flexible about what kind of person I should pre-select to fall in love with.

renaissancewoman101 · 07-03-2007, 01:07 PM

I don't think there really is the "One" (aka a preselected guy for us). Sometimes who we think is the "One" usually turns out NOT to be that.

So far, I don't think I've found the one yet. Have gone looking but nothing looks promising. Have found a few that I thought would turn out to be the one, but didn't

.

Sometimes I think finding the "one" is an elusive pipe dream.

Batya33 · 07-03-2007, 01:17 PM

I agree with Raykay. I also think that people who fear commitment use the "not knowing immediately' as an excuse to avoid dating/getting involved. I also know many people who know immediately and then know three months later that their analysis was not based on reality.

HealingHandsWarmHeart · 07-03-2007, 01:25 PM

my personal opinion is that thinking that there is a "one" for us ..limits us to other possibilities... if you don't find or don't have a "one" ...it makes you feel as though you are lacking something...which isn't the case.

I have had many LTR and each and every single one of them brought something to my life..and as a result of those relationships i have grown immensely as an individual....but they all ended for very good reasons.

If i had thought that i had a "one" i may have mistaken one of these men as being the "one" and would have convinced myself to stay in the relationship because he could be the "one".

I think having the notion that there is "one" person for us ...is an unhealthy way of looking at relationships and dating. IMO.

chai714 · 07-03-2007, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RayKay

I think "the one" is the person you choose to be the one. I also believe soulmates are created, rather than thrown upon us.

I agree with RayKay.

Otherwise, why would people get married multiple times if each person were really, "the one?"

Coyote9 · 07-03-2007, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RayKay

I think "the one" is the person you choose to be the one. I also believe soulmates are created, rather than thrown upon us.

I also believe that only time will show whether you and your partner have what it needed from both of you to be one anothers "one".
I True love in my opinion is created, nourished and born of mutual respect, compassion and friendship.

Great thread. I love what RayKay has written here. I think, unfortunately, we who are here tend to be the ones who are more idealistic in our relationships (why else would be come on here and attempt to understand our feelings and our relationships so consciously)? Our culture contributes to our disappointments also, or rather sets us up as we are told everywhere that there is no higher ideal than romantic love and that it is something that just happens, like catching a cold or a change in the weather.

Those of us who have worked so hard and committed so much to relationships that failed and partners who often gave up on us or left us for others understand that true love, while ignited by passion and that ellusive chemistry that we all seem to be searching for but rarely find, is built on a mutual interest level and nourished, as you said RayKay, by a lot of other qualities that both must see in the other.

We who are dumpees have a hard time understand how, someone who we felt was "the one" for us could feel otherwise towards us. In fact, that fact is the greatest source of our denial I believe. When we accept that the other person didn't feel that way for us, then we can move on because we know that if that desire is not mutual, no relationship can succeed.

panchala23 · 07-03-2007, 02:32 PM

I agree with everything here. I think it is interesting that no one is on the side of there being a "the one". Perhaps because most people on here are on the other side of the equation?

I personally think believing that there is a "one" is immature. That may sound harsh, and it probably is, but I just think it is kinda silly. I think you are all right when you say that true love takes work. I think my ex will realize that eventually, but I think it can only be understood through other relationships. It's funny because she is three years older than me and is always talking about how mature and old she is, but in reality I think she is naive about certain things.

If anything, I think relationships are completely complicated. There is no one answer and there is no right or wrong way. I don't think it is coincidence that most people find who they want to marry within a certain age window, I think when someone is ready to be with someone for the long haul there are a ton of people who can fit that bill.

Aurian · 07-03-2007, 03:06 PM

I think there is a continuum of how compatible someone would be with us. There may only be a couple who are 100% compatible, more who are 90% compatible, thousands who are only 50% compatible, etc.

When you find someone you are very compatible with, then it feels like a "one". But I find the idea of a "one" depressing. What if you never meet? What if you find the one and they die? Does that mean you are doomed to be alone?

I`ve also thought I found my one, but then after I got married, I got burned badly by abuse and divorce. I don`t believe in a one anymore. I believe in finding someone who is compatible with you enough that you are happy and feel fulfilled with that someone.

07-03-2007, 12:45 PM	#1
panchala23 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 25 Posts: 280	Philosophical question about "The One" I was wondering what everyone thought about the concept of "the one" and fate and all of these things. My ex believed in knowing someone was the one almost immediately, which I personally thought as idealistic and simplistic. Of course, it is impossible to try and convince someone of this once they think it. I feel like it is a self fulfilling prophecy almost. If you go about life thinking you are going to know someone is the one the second you meet them, you will almost always think everyone is not the one. Also, you will get into your mid thirties and start flipping out about your biological clock and the first person you meet will be the one. Anyways, I was just wondering what people thought about this!

07-03-2007, 12:52 PM	#2
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	I think "the one" is the person you choose to be the one. I also believe soulmates are created, rather than thrown upon us. I also believe that only time will show whether you and your partner have what it needed from both of you to be one anothers "one". In other words, I don't think you know "instantly". If you do know "instantly", I would also say this is based more on hope and expectations, than true knowledge and reality of the other person. I think to expect that you meet someone, and expect them to fulfill your every need for the rest of your life and be exactly as they are....is indeed simplistic and idealistic. Also bound to lead to disappointment when you realize that is not what a true partner and relationship is about. True love in my opinion is created, nourished and born of mutual respect, compassion and friendship. __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

07-03-2007, 01:07 PM	#4
renaissancewoman101 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the land by the sea Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 8,565	I don't think there really is the "One" (aka a preselected guy for us). Sometimes who we think is the "One" usually turns out NOT to be that. So far, I don't think I've found the one yet. Have gone looking but nothing looks promising. Have found a few that I thought would turn out to be the one, but didn't. Sometimes I think finding the "one" is an elusive pipe dream.

07-03-2007, 01:25 PM	#6
HealingHandsWarmHeart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 2,605	my personal opinion is that thinking that there is a "one" for us ..limits us to other possibilities... if you don't find or don't have a "one" ...it makes you feel as though you are lacking something...which isn't the case. I have had many LTR and each and every single one of them brought something to my life..and as a result of those relationships i have grown immensely as an individual....but they all ended for very good reasons. If i had thought that i had a "one" i may have mistaken one of these men as being the "one" and would have convinced myself to stay in the relationship because he could be the "one". I think having the notion that there is "one" person for us ...is an unhealthy way of looking at relationships and dating. IMO. __________________ “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ Ghandi

07-03-2007, 03:06 PM	#10
Aurian Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Vancouver, Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 2,364	I think there is a continuum of how compatible someone would be with us. There may only be a couple who are 100% compatible, more who are 90% compatible, thousands who are only 50% compatible, etc. When you find someone you are very compatible with, then it feels like a "one". But I find the idea of a "one" depressing. What if you never meet? What if you find the one and they die? Does that mean you are doomed to be alone? I`ve also thought I found my one, but then after I got married, I got burned badly by abuse and divorce. I don`t believe in a one anymore. I believe in finding someone who is compatible with you enough that you are happy and feel fulfilled with that someone. __________________ How to spot a loser and understanding the abused victim: http://www.drjoecarver.com/3/miscellaneous2.htm Excellent articles!

07-03-2007, 01:04 PM	#3
mushmouth Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 208	The one is the one I fall in love with and who falls in love with me. Unfortunatley, the timing for me meeting my "one" has been off and thus I am still single and trying to be flexible about what kind of person I should pre-select to fall in love with.

07-03-2007, 01:17 PM	#5
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,074	I agree with Raykay. I also think that people who fear commitment use the "not knowing immediately' as an excuse to avoid dating/getting involved. I also know many people who know immediately and then know three months later that their analysis was not based on reality.

07-03-2007, 02:32 PM	#9
panchala23 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 25 Posts: 280	I agree with everything here. I think it is interesting that no one is on the side of there being a "the one". Perhaps because most people on here are on the other side of the equation? I personally think believing that there is a "one" is immature. That may sound harsh, and it probably is, but I just think it is kinda silly. I think you are all right when you say that true love takes work. I think my ex will realize that eventually, but I think it can only be understood through other relationships. It's funny because she is three years older than me and is always talking about how mature and old she is, but in reality I think she is naive about certain things. If anything, I think relationships are completely complicated. There is no one answer and there is no right or wrong way. I don't think it is coincidence that most people find who they want to marry within a certain age window, I think when someone is ready to be with someone for the long haul there are a ton of people who can fit that bill.