I called it! I had an epiphany today

mr me · 07-02-2007, 03:52 PM

I actually had two right after the other so that was a pleasant surprise. My first one was that i couldnt expect all the pain or sorrow to go away overnight because it didnt happen overnight. My next one was that i couldnt depend on my therapist or anyone or anything for that matter if i was gonna get out of what i was going thru. I had to depend on myself and knew i could because now i had the knowledge and the opportunity to make things better now. I feel in love, true love and i felt like i could do anything and even found my soulmate online but it just wasnt meant to be. i tried all the time to meet her and i couldnt and just felt like i was being punished. Then she basically moved on because i feel like she found someone closer to her that could have the same type of connection we had but im not sure because she wouldnt tell me but i feel like her actions spoke louder than her words.

You can read all my post if u really want the whole story but it would probably take u a week. All i know is that now im happier than ever and dont need anyone to be happy eventho i do appreciate everyone that has been here for me. I was a loner my whole life but going thru this made me have something in common that alot of people have in common and thats a broken heart. I feel like i got over this in 2 months because i had to because i had a huge headache from the stress or tension. I also had alot of medical problems like infections that lasted me a month and never really went away. I know alot of stuff was in my head but i was depressed and had anxiety. I feel just as good if not better than what i did before because i feel like being in a bad relationship is the worst feeling u can have because it drags u down and even if u break up its still gonna take alot of time to get over it. I feel like i almost died or could have died and was suffering from major exhaustion today to where i couldnt even walk or talk. I dont know if it was self induced but either way im happy at least for now which is a really good sign. I didnt want this to ruin my life or my future because all my life i wanted to find the right girl for me and make it work out so i could have a good life. I guess once that didnt work out i felt lost because my whole life changed and i had no idea how to fix it.

I dont think there is a worse feeling than being young and not knowing how to make things better in ur life. I guess i used to go to my fantasy world but once i got older i saw that my fantasy would never happen and i needed to deal with reality which just made me lose all hope. I now have a inner place where i can be happy because im just happy being me. i dont know how u could deal with life without having a safe place u can go to when u need time away from everything. I dont depend on anything for my happiness but myself so i dont need anything else besides myself. I had to learn alot the hard way and feel like my life was over but all i could do is do my best and deal with how my life was meant to be. I really feel like things only happen the way they are supposed to happen. I know u have some control over ur life but u cant control alot in this world. You could be mad at the world but after u get mad and vent all u can do is make the best out of it. I feel like all of this was just me doing the best i could following the path that im supposed to follow in my life. I dont know what happens now but at least ill know when i get there.

CharLit · 07-02-2007, 04:16 PM

I'm happy for you * hug*

mr me · 07-02-2007, 05:03 PM

well im doing good actually and finally feel like im in control of my life and my future. I guess im tryin not to read to many other posts because idk how but it made me have my ex in my head again. I wouldnt even want to be with her but somehow i still care about her which i guess is normal i just confused that with still having strong love feelings. I guess its kinda scary to reflect on the past now because i still think she is a great person and do like that about her but anything more than that would be bad. I guess im also thinking about when our relationship wasnt so bad in the beginning and if it would ever go back to that. I guess i just read about other people and their ex's and it kinda made me rethink things like wow some people are so messed up i hope i never go out with someone like that. I guess it made me go back to the comfort of being in a relationship but now i have better ways of dealing with that then to go running back to her.

07-02-2007, 03:52 PM	#1
mr me Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 851	I called it! I had an epiphany today I actually had two right after the other so that was a pleasant surprise. My first one was that i couldnt expect all the pain or sorrow to go away overnight because it didnt happen overnight. My next one was that i couldnt depend on my therapist or anyone or anything for that matter if i was gonna get out of what i was going thru. I had to depend on myself and knew i could because now i had the knowledge and the opportunity to make things better now. I feel in love, true love and i felt like i could do anything and even found my soulmate online but it just wasnt meant to be. i tried all the time to meet her and i couldnt and just felt like i was being punished. Then she basically moved on because i feel like she found someone closer to her that could have the same type of connection we had but im not sure because she wouldnt tell me but i feel like her actions spoke louder than her words. You can read all my post if u really want the whole story but it would probably take u a week. All i know is that now im happier than ever and dont need anyone to be happy eventho i do appreciate everyone that has been here for me. I was a loner my whole life but going thru this made me have something in common that alot of people have in common and thats a broken heart. I feel like i got over this in 2 months because i had to because i had a huge headache from the stress or tension. I also had alot of medical problems like infections that lasted me a month and never really went away. I know alot of stuff was in my head but i was depressed and had anxiety. I feel just as good if not better than what i did before because i feel like being in a bad relationship is the worst feeling u can have because it drags u down and even if u break up its still gonna take alot of time to get over it. I feel like i almost died or could have died and was suffering from major exhaustion today to where i couldnt even walk or talk. I dont know if it was self induced but either way im happy at least for now which is a really good sign. I didnt want this to ruin my life or my future because all my life i wanted to find the right girl for me and make it work out so i could have a good life. I guess once that didnt work out i felt lost because my whole life changed and i had no idea how to fix it. I dont think there is a worse feeling than being young and not knowing how to make things better in ur life. I guess i used to go to my fantasy world but once i got older i saw that my fantasy would never happen and i needed to deal with reality which just made me lose all hope. I now have a inner place where i can be happy because im just happy being me. i dont know how u could deal with life without having a safe place u can go to when u need time away from everything. I dont depend on anything for my happiness but myself so i dont need anything else besides myself. I had to learn alot the hard way and feel like my life was over but all i could do is do my best and deal with how my life was meant to be. I really feel like things only happen the way they are supposed to happen. I know u have some control over ur life but u cant control alot in this world. You could be mad at the world but after u get mad and vent all u can do is make the best out of it. I feel like all of this was just me doing the best i could following the path that im supposed to follow in my life. I dont know what happens now but at least ill know when i get there.

07-02-2007, 04:16 PM	#2
CharLit Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Europe Gender: Female Posts: 518	I'm happy for you * hug*

07-02-2007, 05:03 PM	#3
mr me Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 851	well im doing good actually and finally feel like im in control of my life and my future. I guess im tryin not to read to many other posts because idk how but it made me have my ex in my head again. I wouldnt even want to be with her but somehow i still care about her which i guess is normal i just confused that with still having strong love feelings. I guess its kinda scary to reflect on the past now because i still think she is a great person and do like that about her but anything more than that would be bad. I guess im also thinking about when our relationship wasnt so bad in the beginning and if it would ever go back to that. I guess i just read about other people and their ex's and it kinda made me rethink things like wow some people are so messed up i hope i never go out with someone like that. I guess it made me go back to the comfort of being in a relationship but now i have better ways of dealing with that then to go running back to her.