True love with a stranger

[volkim]

I'm in a brand new situation and not to sure how to deal with it. I would be really grateful if someone could give me there point of view.

Well about 4 months ago i met a guy on World of Warcraft. We were in the same guild and got on from the off. As time went on we would talk a lot in the game. Then we swapped MSN id's and began talking on there. It got to the point where we would both have messenger on at work all day and we would just chat and chat.

My feelings for him started to grow and just over 2 weeks ago i decided to get that off my chest and i told him. He was over the moon and told me he had wanted to tell me the same thing for a while. Now we have started an sort of online relationship. He has told me that he is in love with me and that it grows each day. I have told him i feel the same way, and i do.

Wheres the problem you wonder? Well i live in the UK and he lives in Romania. We have now agreed to meet up and we are doing so in Pisa, Italy. I cant wait to be able to see him. However this whole online relationship is very new to me and i am wondering if these feelings i have are actually real or am i just being carried away with it. They feel real but i am just affraid that this is going to break my heart.

I have also spoken to some of my real life friends about it and they are very anti-romania. They say he is probably just after my money. To which i have none so i dont understand that, and he has a good job as a game tester.

Is it possible to have these real feelings for someone you have never met? it all feels so insane, and really unlike me. I am just going round and round in my head.

Any thoughts, comments would really be wonderful.

I am so happy and so in love with him...... i dont think i could cope with it being fake.

[AusTrist]

Have you spoken to him on the phone and seen pics?? I know I have gotten on real well with some ppl online before and when i met them I was actually a little peeved as they sort of hid things about themselves from me which annoys the hell out of me because I want ppl to be open and honest with everything. Just be careful you avent set urself up for diasppointment. As for the love thing I dunno. It's never happened for me because I actually gotta meet the person and hang out with them for a while before I can even start thinking that. People are different though so maybe you do have a genuine love for the guy I'm not sure what else to say really but good luck

[Batya33]

I think you should enjoy these in love feelings while accepting that it has little or nothing to do with whether the two of you will be compatible in a real life romantic relationship - including chemistry, friendship, all of that. It doesn't matter how much you type and talk before meeting (other than the longer you do it, the more you risk having unreasonable expectations), you will not learn essential information to what the two of you will be like in person including vibes, energy, dynamics, chemistry, his manners, his presence, how he interacts with others, what he's like in person in so many situations that by definition can never occur on line or on the phone. Of course there is also the issue of misrepresenting/lying but I am putting that aside for now - someone else posted about that.

I think you should keep your head in the clouds balanced by your feet firmly on the ground so that your expectations are when you meet that you will be meeting a complete stranger to see if there is potential for an in-person relationship. It's particularly important to have that perspective and mindset for safety reasons. For purposes of meeting in person, consider him to be a total stranger. Do not get in a car with him unless it is a taxi, be alone in a private room with him, etc. Meet him in a public place during the day for coffee or a walk in public. If you see each other a few times in person then perhaps you can think about being alone with him. Do as much background searching on the internet about him - make sure you have his real last name, his real home address, his real home telephone number. Make sure a few close friends or family know all the details of your meeting.

Another reason to keep this mindset is to lower the pressure you're putting on yourself and him. Pressure to feel a certain way in person can sabotage the relationship before it starts.

Again, I am not doubting that you feel what you feel, I am just commenting on the relevance of those feelings to an in-person romantic relationship. If you were talking about just a friendship I would have a different view.

Good luck and have fun! I have met over 100 men through on line dating sites in person and many of my friends have done so too. In a way it's a crap shoot but it is easy to screen someone "out" based on typing and talking -- deciding that someone is right for you for a long term romantic relationship in person is not possible to do until you meet and spend consistent time in person over at least a period of a few months.

[ElektraHere]

Originally Posted by volkim

I'm in a brand new situation and not to sure how to deal with it. I would be really grateful if someone could give me there point of view.

Well about 4 months ago i met a guy on World of Warcraft. We were in the same guild and got on from the off. As time went on we would talk a lot in the game. Then we swapped MSN id's and began talking on there. It got to the point where we would both have messenger on at work all day and we would just chat and chat.

My feelings for him started to grow and just over 2 weeks ago i decided to get that off my chest and i told him. He was over the moon and told me he had wanted to tell me the same thing for a while. Now we have started an sort of online relationship. He has told me that he is in love with me and that it grows each day. I have told him i feel the same way, and i do.

Wheres the problem you wonder? Well i live in the UK and he lives in Romania. We have now agreed to meet up and we are doing so in Pisa, Italy. I cant wait to be able to see him. However this whole online relationship is very new to me and i am wondering if these feelings i have are actually real or am i just being carried away with it. They feel real but i am just affraid that this is going to break my heart.

I have also spoken to some of my real life friends about it and they are very anti-romania. They say he is probably just after my money. To which i have none so i dont understand that, and he has a good job as a game tester.

Is it possible to have these real feelings for someone you have never met? it all feels so insane, and really unlike me. I am just going round and round in my head.

Any thoughts, comments would really be wonderful.

I am so happy and so in love with him...... i dont think i could cope with it being fake.

I think you are toooooo into this guy for never have even met him. This is the thing about the internet. We can create whomever we want to portray to others and the person on the other end can form a false sense of who that perrson is. Over the internet we can't see gestures, mannerisms, or how they treat others. You can't see what he is really like. And him to say he loves you is a RED FLAG right there.

The trip to Pisa are you bringing anyone with you? This also can be a very dangerous venture. Here's a couple of things that could happen. You both get there and he is NOT who you thought he would be. Now what your stuck!! OR he could be someone with not the best intentions and you could end up in physical danger or even disappear for that matter.

There are red flags all over this one Im sorry to say. Your best bet is to stay local and just cut things back with this guy to just a gamer level.

[volkim]

Originally Posted by AusTrist

Have you spoken to him on the phone and seen pics?? I know I have gotten on real well with some ppl online before and when i met them I was actually a little peeved as they sort of hid things about themselves from me which annoys the hell out of me because I want ppl to be open and honest with everything. Just be careful you avent set urself up for diasppointment. As for the love thing I dunno. It's never happened for me because I actually gotta meet the person and hang out with them for a while before I can even start thinking that. People are different though so maybe you do have a genuine love for the guy I'm not sure what else to say really but good luck

Yes we have exchanged photos and spoke on skype. Also i became friends with his friend and flatmate at the sametime and we are still friends.

[volkim]

Originally Posted by Batya33

I think you should enjoy these in love feelings while accepting that it has little or nothing to do with whether the two of you will be compatible in a real life romantic relationship - including chemistry, friendship, all of that. It doesn't matter how much you type and talk before meeting (other than the longer you do it, the more you risk having unreasonable expectations), you will not learn essential information to what the two of you will be like in person including vibes, energy, dynamics, chemistry, his manners, his presence, how he interacts with others, what he's like in person in so many situations that by definition can never occur on line or on the phone. Of course there is also the issue of misrepresenting/lying but I am putting that aside for now - someone else posted about that.

I think you should keep your head in the clouds balanced by your feet firmly on the ground so that your expectations are when you meet that you will be meeting a complete stranger to see if there is potential for an in-person relationship. It's particularly important to have that perspective and mindset for safety reasons. For purposes of meeting in person, consider him to be a total stranger. Do not get in a car with him unless it is a taxi, be alone in a private room with him, etc. Meet him in a public place during the day for coffee or a walk in public. If you see each other a few times in person then perhaps you can think about being alone with him. Do as much background searching on the internet about him - make sure you have his real last name, his real home address, his real home telephone number. Make sure a few close friends or family know all the details of your meeting.

Another reason to keep this mindset is to lower the pressure you're putting on yourself and him. Pressure to feel a certain way in person can sabotage the relationship before it starts.

Again, I am not doubting that you feel what you feel, I am just commenting on the relevance of those feelings to an in-person romantic relationship. If you were talking about just a friendship I would have a different view.

Good luck and have fun! I have met over 100 men through on line dating sites in person and many of my friends have done so too. In a way it's a crap shoot but it is easy to screen someone "out" based on typing and talking -- deciding that someone is right for you for a long term romantic relationship in person is not possible to do until you meet and spend consistent time in person over at least a period of a few months.

Thank you for your comments, this helped alot

[musicguy]

have you seen recent pictures of him?

Right now it's just a "fantasy" the feelings will come out when you actually meet in person. I do a lot of online dating and I've come across some bad apples and I've come across some good people.

I'd just chat with him for now and see if you can arrange to meet sometime, if money and time permits

[volkim]

Originally Posted by ElektraHere

I think you are toooooo into this guy for never have even met him. This is the thing about the internet. We can create whomever we want to portray to others and the person on the other end can form a false sense of who that perrson is. Over the internet we can't see gestures, mannerisms, or how they treat others. You can't see what he is really like. And him to say he loves you is a RED FLAG right there.

The trip to Pisa are you bringing anyone with you? This also can be a very dangerous venture. Here's a couple of things that could happen. You both get there and he is NOT who you thought he would be. Now what your stuck!! OR he could be someone with not the best intentions and you could end up in physical danger or even disappear for that matter.

There are red flags all over this one Im sorry to say. Your best bet is to stay local and just cut things back with this guy to just a gamer level.

This trip to Pisa is so we are in a nutreal place. We are booked into different hotels and we have agreed not to share that information with each other so if there is a problem we can just leave and not be found. I have also told some people i am going.

I agree about the comment of being toooo into him, and this is not something that has happened through choice. I am not a very emtional person and i dont fall in love easy. this is why i am so confused. but thank you very much for your comments.

[ElektraHere]

Originally Posted by volkim

This trip to Pisa is so we are in a nutreal place. We are booked into different hotels and we have agreed not to share that information with each other so if there is a problem we can just leave and not be found. I have also told some people i am going.

I agree about the comment of being toooo into him, and this is not something that has happened through choice. I am not a very emtional person and i dont fall in love easy. this is why i am so confused. but thank you very much for your comments.

I think you should tell more that some people. Especially someone who can call you to make sure all is well. Also no one walks out the door thinking "hmmm today I am gonna fall in love." So just because you talk to someone for 4 months via the internet doesn't make a love match. Sorry to be the cynic of the group I have been there done that and.....well you can figure out how it went for me

[volkim]

Originally Posted by ElektraHere

I think you should tell more that some people. Especially someone who can call you to make sure all is well. Also no one walks out the door thinking "hmmm today I am gonna fall in love." So just because you talk to someone for 4 months via the internet doesn't make a love match. Sorry to be the cynic of the group I have been there done that and.....well you can figure out how it went for me

I am fully prepared for this to go **** up and kind of expect it but he could be just like me. I have been nothing but myself and open with him, surely there is a chance he is doing the same?

I will be taking safety measures in this trip, we are not meeting until August.