True love with a stranger

I'm in a brand new situation and not to sure how to deal with it. I would be really grateful if someone could give me there point of view.

Well about 4 months ago i met a guy on World of Warcraft. We were in the same guild and got on from the off. As time went on we would talk a lot in the game. Then we swapped MSN id's and began talking on there. It got to the point where we would both have messenger on at work all day and we would just chat and chat.

My feelings for him started to grow and just over 2 weeks ago i decided to get that off my chest and i told him. He was over the moon and told me he had wanted to tell me the same thing for a while. Now we have started an sort of online relationship. He has told me that he is in love with me and that it grows each day. I have told him i feel the same way, and i do.

Wheres the problem you wonder? Well i live in the UK and he lives in Romania. We have now agreed to meet up and we are doing so in Pisa, Italy. I cant wait to be able to see him. However this whole online relationship is very new to me and i am wondering if these feelings i have are actually real or am i just being carried away with it. They feel real but i am just affraid that this is going to break my heart.

I have also spoken to some of my real life friends about it and they are very anti-romania. They say he is probably just after my money. To which i have none so i dont understand that, and he has a good job as a game tester.

Is it possible to have these real feelings for someone you have never met? it all feels so insane, and really unlike me. I am just going round and round in my head.

Any thoughts, comments would really be wonderful.

I am so happy and so in love with him...... i dont think i could cope with it being fake.

Have you spoken to him on the phone and seen pics?? I know I have gotten on real well with some ppl online before and when i met them I was actually a little peeved as they sort of hid things about themselves from me which annoys the hell out of me because I want ppl to be open and honest with everything. Just be careful you avent set urself up for diasppointment. As for the love thing I dunno. It's never happened for me because I actually gotta meet the person and hang out with them for a while before I can even start thinking that. People are different though so maybe you do have a genuine love for the guy I'm not sure what else to say really but good luck

I think you should enjoy these in love feelings while accepting that it has little or nothing to do with whether the two of you will be compatible in a real life romantic relationship - including chemistry, friendship, all of that. It doesn't matter how much you type and talk before meeting (other than the longer you do it, the more you risk having unreasonable expectations), you will not learn essential information to what the two of you will be like in person including vibes, energy, dynamics, chemistry, his manners, his presense, how he interacts with others, what he's like in person in so many situations that by definition can never occur on line or on the phone. Of course there is also the issue of misrepresenting/lying but I am putting that aside for now - someone else posted about that.

I think you should keep your head in the clouds balanced by your feet firmly on the ground so that your expectations are when you meet that you will be meeting a complete stranger to see if there is potential for an in-person relationship. It's particularly important to have that perspective and mindset for safety reasons. For purposes of meeting in person, consider him to be a total stranger. Do not get in a car with him unless it is a taxi, be alone in a private room with him, etc. Meet him in a public place during the day for coffee or a walk in public. If you see each other a few times in person then perhaps you can think about being alone with him. Do as much background searching on the internet about him - make sure you have his real last name, his real home address, his real home telephone number. Make sure a few close friends or family know all the details of your meeting.

Another reason to keep this mindset is to lower the pressure you're putting on yourself and him. Pressure to feel a certain way in person can sabotage the relationship before it starts.

Again, I am not doubting that you feel what you feel, I am just commenting on the relevance of those feelings to an in-person romantic relationship. If you were talking about just a friendship I would have a different view.

Good luck and have fun! I have met over 100 men through on line dating sites in person and many of my friends have done so too. In a way it's a crap shoot but it is easy to screen someone "out" based on typing and talking -- deciding that someone is right for you for a long term romantic relationship in person is not possible to do until you meet and spend consistent time in person over at least a period of a few months.

I think you are toooooo into this guy for never have even met him. This is the thing about the internet. We can create whomever we want to portray to others and the person on the other end can form a false sense of who that perrson is. Over the internet we can't see gestures, mannerisms, or how they treat others. You can't see what he is really like. And him to say he loves you is a RED FLAG right there.

The trip to Pisa are you bringing anyone with you? This also can be a very dangerous venture. Here's a couple of things that could happen. You both get there and he is NOT who you thought he would be. Now what your stuck!! OR he could be someone with not the best intentions and you could end up in physical danger or even disappear for that matter.

There are red flags all over this one Im sorry to say. Your best bet is to stay local and just cut things back with this guy to just a gamer level.

Have you spoken to him on the phone and seen pics?? I know I have gotten on real well with some ppl online before and when i met them I was actually a little peeved as they sort of hid things about themselves from me which annoys the hell out of me because I want ppl to be open and honest with everything. Just be careful you avent set urself up for diasppointment. As for the love thing I dunno. It's never happened for me because I actually gotta meet the person and hang out with them for a while before I can even start thinking that. People are different though so maybe you do have a genuine love for the guy I'm not sure what else to say really but good luck

 

Yes we have exchanged photos and spoke on skype. Also i became friends with his friend and flatmate at the sametime and we are still friends.

Thank you for your comments, this helped alot

have you seen recent pictures of him?

Right now it's just a "fantasy" the feelings will come out when you actually meet in person. I do a lot of online dating and I've come accross some bad apples and I've come accross some good people.

I'd just chat with him for now and see if you can arrange to meet sometime, if money and time permits

This trip to Pisa is so we are in a nutreal place. We are booked into different hotels and we have agreed not to share that information with each other so if there is a problem we can just leave and not be found. I have also told some people i am going.

I agree about the comment of being toooo into him, and this is not something that has happened through choice. I am not a very emtional person and i dont fall in love easy. this is why i am so confused. but thank you very much for your comments.

This trip to Pisa is so we are in a nutreal place. We are booked into different hotels and we have agreed not to share that information with each other so if there is a problem we can just leave and not be found. I have also told some people i am going.

 

I agree about the comment of being toooo into him, and this is not something that has happened through choice. I am not a very emtional person and i dont fall in love easy. this is why i am so confused. but thank you very much for your comments.

I think you should tell more that some people. Especially someone who can call you to make sure all is well. Also no one walks out the door thinking "hmmm today I am gonna fall in love." So just because you talk to someone for 4 months via the internet doesn't make a love match. Sorry to be the cynic of the group I have been there done that and.....well you can figure out how it went for me:splat:

I think you should tell more that some people. Especially someone who can call you to make sure all is well. Also no one walks out the door thinking "hmmm today I am gonna fall in love." So just because you talk to someone for 4 months via the internet doesn't make a love match. Sorry to be the cynic of the group I have been there done that and.....well you can figure out how it went for me

 

I am fully prepared for this to go * * * * up and kind of expect it but he could be just like me. I have been nothing but myself and open with him, surely there is a chance he is doing the same?

 

I will be taking safety measures in this trip, we are not meeting until August.

If you see each other a few times in person then perhaps you can think about being alone with him. Do as much background searching on the internet about him - make sure you have his real last name, his real home address, his real home telephone number. Make sure a few close friends or family know all the details of your meeting.

I agree with this advice. It sounds like despite your strong feelings you are keeping a fairly level head. I'd certainly continue to be circumspect and careful on your trip, try not to let yourself get carried away. Good luck with the meeting.

Well, when I met my internet bf it was very exciting to see the real guy and also a little bit awkward at first. But I have good news...he was 99% the same guy on the internet and real life.

I felt as if I fell in love with someone via the internet. It was the most intense feeling I'd ever experienced. He felt the same way for me and we both wanted very much to be together. Neither of us planned it and both of us tried to prevent it because I'm married.

I read a lot of posts here, spoke with a professional and came to the conclusion that what I was feeling wasn't real. The problem is that there is so much missing from not having that human interaction that we tend to fill in the blanks with our own fantasies.

I'm not saying this won't work out. Just heed the advice these wonderful people have given you to stay safe, and stay open to the idea that he may not end up being the person you think you know.

I really hope it works out for you. I can say that if I wasn't married, I would have met with my on-line friend. I can honestly say that I doubt it would have worked out, because after two years of getting to know him, I realize that I let my intense feelings for him make excuses for his inadequacies.

I think it was easy for me to feel for him because when you write to someone, you get to say what you want without being interrupted. You listen better than in person. You don't get caught up in their aura and all the little things that define a person because you can't see it. You can't hear their tone. You are missing so many things that you can focus on the things that make you feel best. It's not that you are not yourself, it's that you are the best of yourself and so is he.

I think that it is a combination of loving what he lets you see and loving the you that you let him see. You fall in love with him and yourself at once. Pretty powerful!

I'd go through with this with your eyes open. You have a good chance that you'll find the love of your life. As the great Gretsky once said, "You miss 100 % of the shots you don't take."

Good luck and be careful out there.

Thank you for your comments.

I would like to ask you if you had any regrets about never meeting him and not knowing for real? I have to admit the reason i am meeting him is because i have to know if what i am feeling is real. This meeting isnt about being together and i am not expecting romance. I just need to stand infront of him and feel the same as i do when i see his name and hear his voice.

Thank you to everyones comments, you have helped to keep me grounded. I am loving this feeling and experiance but yes i must keep a level head and allow my self presivation to work. Thank you xx

I never had regrets about not meeting where I felt there were red flags or where the resulting relationship would have been long distance from the beginning. I also never let myself get romantically attached to typing and talking because I knew that wasn't healthy for me and it might distract me from meeting people in real life.

If I wasn't married, I absolutely would have met him. You obviously understand that he may not be what you hope him to be. The fact is, maybe he is all that and more.

Good luck!

Keep us updated about your relationship; I'm going through something EXTREMELY similar!

I also met someone on WoW and we've started to like each other, but we're both doing our best to be realistic about "internet relationships". Even if it is just the internet (and JUST a game), I am real person, he's real person, and our feelings are definitely real... whether they're embedded in fact or fiction doesn't change the fact that we still have these feelings.

I'm just like you as well; internet relationship use to be the joke of the day. My friends and I joke about how stupid it is... but now that I'm wearing these shoes -- well, I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.

I know the easiest thing to do is just ignore it and accept that it's never going to work, but what if it could work? He could be "the one"... egah... I know how stupid this sounds...

so just keep us updated...

but what if it could work? He could be "the one"... egah... I know how stupid this sounds...

It doesn't sound stupid, you will never know until you try, meaning that you go and meet the guy if you can find time or have the opportunity. I'm in the same situation right now and have decided to meet up to hang out and have fun with no expectations and also to see if he's the same in person as he is online. If you never take a chance, it will always be there in the back of your mind, "what if?"

At least that's how I feel, some people may be able not to care so much about it, but I believe it's worth taking a chance sometimes when you have strong feelings about the situation. It's possible that you may just have an image of what you want the person to be like in your mind and he isn't anything like that at all, or he can be exactly like that image.

If you never take a chance, it will always be there in the back of your mind, "what if?"

That's one thing I can completely agree with you on. Nothing is worse than having that, "What if?" feeling.

I'm not sure when I'm going to meet him yet, but I'll keep you guys updated. LOL This is exciting to know that there are others out there that's going through the same things as I am

Personally I think world of warcraft is EVIL My wife left me after 13 years with some influence from a guy she met on wow. Dont let the fantasies take control of your life. I'm still waiting to see how things will pan out between her and I. She is finally meeting him in person this weekend. She has yet to ever even see a pic of him.

Hello Volkim!

I personally have never had a "cyber" relationship, but I am sure some of the feelings you are having are more than likely valid. I also believe the true test will come when the two of you actually do meet, he may be a totally different person than what he portrays himself to be(which may be a good or a bad thing.) My best suggestion would be to not rush into anything at this current moment until you have met and can tell how you feel about what he shows you in person.

my evil roommate met her fiance on WoW.

I personally am a bit skeptical of their relationship.

She has spent time with him, two weeks here and two weeks in canada. But she is a selfish selfish person and he couldn't possibly know that from chatting.

And they are getting married!!

But I still think you should meet your guy if you want to and have the circumstances in which you can!!

Quick update - We met. He was very much the person I thought he was. Of course there were things I saw that I couldn't have possibly known over the net. But I must confess nothing I have learnt about him is bad at all. And there were feelings between us. It was a very nice comfortable experiance. I am glad I took the time to find out. We both want to see each other again and see what happens. You can't decide anything major after 3 days. But so far so good. He still gives me butterflies. But thanks to everyone for the advice it really helped.

I'm glad he turned out to be the guy you though he was Maybe not all online romances are bad. After all all my non online romances suck! lol

so how are things going now?? I responded to your thread awhile back about how I'm currently in a very similar situation as you! i've known him since the beginning of January and we didn't official start "talking talking" until maybe early July. We've decided to meet for the first time at the beginning of next month... November 1st... I'm so nervous.

So, I was just wondering if things were still going well for you and if it changed things in a bad way when you guys met. I hope all is well though!