After a terrible night's sleep, I needed to write some of the thoughts on my mind and put it out there. I don't know of many friends in my life who I can talk to about this, because on the surface of it, it may all sound like silly ..
After a traumatic break-up last year, and giving myself several months to catch my breath and heal, I started to try to find a new person using online dating websites. It has been 6 months and during that I have been in contact with a whole bunch of women, but had dates with two. With some of these women, after initial contact and some emails, they decided it wouldn't go ahead; in some cases, it was me who decided they weren't the right women for me. My analysis of where I stand in the dating scene includes two important factors: firstly, I'm from an ethnic minority living in the UK (hence non-white), and secondly, I live in a city that is remote from the all the other major (ethnically diverse) cities in the country.
Without making it too much of a sob story, I want to tell you guys that the two factors above have conspired to make things extremely difficult for me, and it is hard not to get worn down by them. I am caught between a rock (women of my own ethnic background live too far away, and often refuse to travel) and a hard place (women in my city, who are white, judge me because of race and religion).
What really had me troubled last night is the influence my parents have over my future. They behaved in a racist way towards my ex-girlfriend who was white, which was a contributing factor to the break-up. I have distanced myself from my family since then, because I find it morally impossible to forgive their behaviour. I come from a religious community where the old way was of "arranged marriages" or, in the modern day, arranged introductions. The thing is, my parents have never once lifted a finger to introduce me to anyone or vice versa, BUT they are quick to criticise any new person I am with, and they effectively sabotaged my relationship that my ex and I had built ourselves. Not only am I angry with them for their racism, I am dealing with the knowledge that the only thing they do is find fault and criticise -- no girl I am ever with, white or otherwise, will ever be enough for them.
I do live away from home, and my life is my own, but guys whenever I contemplate a relationship with someone new, whenever I try to look past the pain of the break-up, I am confronted with how my parents will react if and when I am with that new person. I am tired of their BS. At the back of my mind though I fear that they will sabotage me again if they have the chance. They will use every trick in the book (their poor health etc) to manipulate me - my dad has even been dropping hints that because they've got high blood pressure, I should do as they say, the subtext being otherwise they'll have heart attacks and drop dead.
Is there anyone else who has dealt with difficult family relationships like this?