Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope

**kamurj** · 06-24-2007, 10:20 AM

Hello everyone, Vanessa Vega, the author of newly published Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope will be our guest author this week. We will be talking about her new books and cutting, self -injury in general.

I want to thank Vanessa for accepting my invitation to host this discussion and for all her dedicated work to raise awareness of self-injury and cutting.

An excerpt from Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is available here.

Please feel free to post your questions for Vanessa, she will start answering them tomorrow and the discussion will close on Wednesday.

About the Author

Vanessa Leigh Vega, M.S., is a high school English teacher and motivational speaker. She is a contributing author to the award-winning Taste Berries for Teens #4. She has been nationally recognized for excellence in teaching by being named to the Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, and 2006. She has a degree in English/secondary education from Texas Tech University and a degree in health education and promotion from the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston. She resides in Irving, Texas, where she is working on her next book. Vanessa speaks about cutting at conferences, schools, and special events.

Website: Vanessa-Vega.com

About the Book

When Vanessa Vega would feel the darkness begin to come over her, she would do anything, hoping to escape it. Take a hot bath. Read a book. Watch TV. Talk to a friend. But then, finally, unable to fight it any longer, she would give in, head into the bathroom... and cut.

Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is a disturbing yet ultimately redemptive and inspiring memoir of a young woman compelled to injure herself in an attempt to cope with her overwhelming feelings of anxiety in the only way she knew how. Though still unknown to many, this disorder affects an estimated one percent of the population... and is on the rise, especially among teens.

This affecting, heart-wrenching book follows author Vanessa Vega's progress as she climbs her way back to emotional health and rebuilds her life. Readers will go inside the mind of a "cutter," taking the journey with her as she struggles against her exhausting and shameful secret ritual.

As Vega faces the anger and insecurity that lead to each encounter - while working with a therapist to understand the real motivating factors behind her behavior - Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light reveals what brings many to this disorder... and what can lead them out. With stunning insight, Vega has written a moving first-person account of self-injury, struggle, and redemption.

melrich · 06-25-2007, 02:27 AM

Hi Vanessa,

I guess I will ask the obvious question non-cutters ask...why do people cut?

CarnelianButterfly · 06-25-2007, 09:43 AM

I'm a recovering cutter/self mutilator. I've not cut or hurt myself in about 9 months.

When I read the excerpt from you book it was a mirror of my own struggles and emotional turmoil. The feeling of there being almost 2 people inside my head, the one that hates me and the one that is cold logic. I've had those awful ciruclar convesations with myself, where the only answer is the one that you hate to chose. I don't know how many times I've felt like each cut was a scream that I didn't have the voice to make.

I have cut for a lot of reasons, cutting gave me as much release as pain. I was in control, it was me giving pain and with each cut I could feel myself relax, the blood, the tears, it was nothing because of how much better I felt after each slice. I was ashamed of my scars, I'm still ashamed of them.

I found a reason to stop though, my boyfriend, he's the only person I've ever told. His understanding and concern floored me, I never expected someone to tell me they understood, I expected judgmental disgust or over bearing attempts to manage my problem. He said it was not something to be ashamed of, that I needed help and support. He has given me so much of both. I promised him I'd never do it again, he didn't ask me to do that, but I love him so much that I knew if I made the promise I would try my hardest keep it.

Since I made that promise, I catch myself doing the little things I would do to hurt myself. I make a mental note of it and make sure I don't do it again. My worst relapse (for lack of a better word) was with a candle 9 months ago, I was burning myself with wax, I didn't even realize what I was doing until my fingers were blistered and I knew I had to stop. I was so upset because I had broken my promise, I was so ashamed, but my boyfriend talked me out of my stupor. He knew I was hurting and missing him (he's 2000 miles away).

My boyfriend has been such a pillar in my life, I am so thankful I found a guy like him. I honestly don't know how I would have made it this far without him. We've been working together on stress relief. He's a good example for me, his calmness and ease are soothing. I have been working hard at finding ways to calm myself, I have started doing a lot of photography and have been painting again. I make a point to open my eyes to all the beauty I pass every day. I let myself laugh at the squirrels and watch the birds. I make a point of looking at myself in the mirror and saying at least one thing good about myself, every day. I know I'm not totally out of the woods, but I'm so much happier with life.

What are good ways to keep myself on track? I'm graduating soon and will hopefully be through the most stress soon. I'm worried about my anxiety issues that have cropped up more than ever since I stopped cutting. I have medication, but to me that's a quick fix and not an absolute solution. I know my boyfriend is good support, but I don't want to rely on him too much, its not fair for him to be burdened with my stress.

indigo_scar · 06-25-2007, 10:42 AM

Hey Vanessa! I recognise your name from somewhere, not really sure where. Anyway, I just wanted to ask (maybe the answer to my question is somewhere here, but I couldn't see it), if you managed to stop cutting in the end, how did you do it?

Indigo_Scar x

musicguy · 06-25-2007, 01:39 PM

I'm a cutter and I've been doing it since I was 13. How do I get out of the mindset of cutting myself? I seem to only get cut when I'm heartbroken or a girl hurts me

Vanessa Vega, M.S. · 06-25-2007, 02:21 PM

Melrich:
Self-injury is a coping mechanism. For many, physical pain is much easier to deal with than emotional pain. There are many reasons for this. In most instances, people who self-injure were raised in an emotionally repressive environment, and so they learned to express their feelings or deal with emotionally charged situations in a non-verbal way.

musicguy · 06-25-2007, 02:22 PM

Is there a way to stop cutting if you don't want to talk to a professional?

Vanessa Vega, M.S. · 06-25-2007, 02:26 PM

Silent Eyes:
I can only speak for myself. Even if I were emotionally out of control, I injured methodically. I did not want my cuts or bruises to seem haphazard and so I created them very purposefully. Even in times of incredible rage and hysteria, I was able to keep enough control of myself to injure "the right way". In my book, I speak about feeling out of my body during these episodes. Rarely did I feel myself actively injuring. Instead, it was almost like I was out of my body, watching myself from a distance. This disassociation is very common among self-injurers. Being detached from the behavior was a way of maintaining some control even during times of emotional anarchy.

Vanessa Vega, M.S. · 06-25-2007, 02:28 PM

Music Guy:
In all fairness, I don't think so. I believe part of a person's ability to change their behavior comes from understanding where the behavior is coming from. It was only through being guided by a professional that I was able to go deep enough into the emotional hurts of my past to get some of the answers I needed. Without that outside encouragement, I would have never been strong enough to push myself to re-visit some of those past abuses that directly contributed to my self-injury.

musicguy · 06-25-2007, 02:35 PM

Do you feel that nowadays people just cut to "be cool"? because it seems like the outsiders who don't understand cutters seem to think that they do it just for attention and don't fully understand what the person is really going through

06-24-2007, 10:20 AM	#1
kamurj Offline Administrator Join Date: Jul 2001 Gender: Male Posts: 516	Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope Hello everyone, Vanessa Vega, the author of newly published Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope will be our guest author this week. We will be talking about her new books and cutting, self -injury in general. I want to thank Vanessa for accepting my invitation to host this discussion and for all her dedicated work to raise awareness of self-injury and cutting. An excerpt from Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is available here. Please feel free to post your questions for Vanessa, she will start answering them tomorrow and the discussion will close on Wednesday. About the Author Vanessa Leigh Vega, M.S., is a high school English teacher and motivational speaker. She is a contributing author to the award-winning Taste Berries for Teens #4. She has been nationally recognized for excellence in teaching by being named to the Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, and 2006. She has a degree in English/secondary education from Texas Tech University and a degree in health education and promotion from the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston. She resides in Irving, Texas, where she is working on her next book. Vanessa speaks about cutting at conferences, schools, and special events. Website: Vanessa-Vega.com About the Book When Vanessa Vega would feel the darkness begin to come over her, she would do anything, hoping to escape it. Take a hot bath. Read a book. Watch TV. Talk to a friend. But then, finally, unable to fight it any longer, she would give in, head into the bathroom... and cut. Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is a disturbing yet ultimately redemptive and inspiring memoir of a young woman compelled to injure herself in an attempt to cope with her overwhelming feelings of anxiety in the only way she knew how. Though still unknown to many, this disorder affects an estimated one percent of the population... and is on the rise, especially among teens. This affecting, heart-wrenching book follows author Vanessa Vega's progress as she climbs her way back to emotional health and rebuilds her life. Readers will go inside the mind of a "cutter," taking the journey with her as she struggles against her exhausting and shameful secret ritual. As Vega faces the anger and insecurity that lead to each encounter - while working with a therapist to understand the real motivating factors behind her behavior - Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light reveals what brings many to this disorder... and what can lead them out. With stunning insight, Vega has written a moving first-person account of self-injury, struggle, and redemption. Last edited by kamurj; 06-24-2007 at 11:07 AM.

06-25-2007, 09:43 AM	#3
CarnelianButterfly Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Too far from home Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 4,624	I'm a recovering cutter/self mutilator. I've not cut or hurt myself in about 9 months. When I read the excerpt from you book it was a mirror of my own struggles and emotional turmoil. The feeling of there being almost 2 people inside my head, the one that hates me and the one that is cold logic. I've had those awful ciruclar convesations with myself, where the only answer is the one that you hate to chose. I don't know how many times I've felt like each cut was a scream that I didn't have the voice to make. I have cut for a lot of reasons, cutting gave me as much release as pain. I was in control, it was me giving pain and with each cut I could feel myself relax, the blood, the tears, it was nothing because of how much better I felt after each slice. I was ashamed of my scars, I'm still ashamed of them. I found a reason to stop though, my boyfriend, he's the only person I've ever told. His understanding and concern floored me, I never expected someone to tell me they understood, I expected judgmental disgust or over bearing attempts to manage my problem. He said it was not something to be ashamed of, that I needed help and support. He has given me so much of both. I promised him I'd never do it again, he didn't ask me to do that, but I love him so much that I knew if I made the promise I would try my hardest keep it. Since I made that promise, I catch myself doing the little things I would do to hurt myself. I make a mental note of it and make sure I don't do it again. My worst relapse (for lack of a better word) was with a candle 9 months ago, I was burning myself with wax, I didn't even realize what I was doing until my fingers were blistered and I knew I had to stop. I was so upset because I had broken my promise, I was so ashamed, but my boyfriend talked me out of my stupor. He knew I was hurting and missing him (he's 2000 miles away). My boyfriend has been such a pillar in my life, I am so thankful I found a guy like him. I honestly don't know how I would have made it this far without him. We've been working together on stress relief. He's a good example for me, his calmness and ease are soothing. I have been working hard at finding ways to calm myself, I have started doing a lot of photography and have been painting again. I make a point to open my eyes to all the beauty I pass every day. I let myself laugh at the squirrels and watch the birds. I make a point of looking at myself in the mirror and saying at least one thing good about myself, every day. I know I'm not totally out of the woods, but I'm so much happier with life. What are good ways to keep myself on track? I'm graduating soon and will hopefully be through the most stress soon. I'm worried about my anxiety issues that have cropped up more than ever since I stopped cutting. I have medication, but to me that's a quick fix and not an absolute solution. I know my boyfriend is good support, but I don't want to rely on him too much, its not fair for him to be burdened with my stress. Last edited by CarnelianButterfly; 06-25-2007 at 02:02 PM.

06-25-2007, 01:39 PM	#5
musicguy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Heroic Ink Tattoos and Piercings Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 3,758	I'm a cutter and I've been doing it since I was 13. How do I get out of the mindset of cutting myself? I seem to only get cut when I'm heartbroken or a girl hurts me Last edited by musicguy; 06-25-2007 at 02:19 PM.

06-25-2007, 02:21 PM	#6
Vanessa Vega, M.S. Offline Professional Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 18	Melrich: Self-injury is a coping mechanism. For many, physical pain is much easier to deal with than emotional pain. There are many reasons for this. In most instances, people who self-injure were raised in an emotionally repressive environment, and so they learned to express their feelings or deal with emotionally charged situations in a non-verbal way. __________________ Vanessa Leigh Vega, M.S. is the author of Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope , a high school English teacher and motivational speaker. She is a contributing author to the award-winning Taste Berries for Teens, Volume IV. She has been nationally recognized for excellence in teaching by being named to the Who's Who Among America's Teachers in 2002-2007. She resides in Irving, Texas, where she is working on her next book. Vanessa speaks about cutting at conferences, schools, and special events. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Last edited by Vanessa Vega, M.S.; 06-25-2007 at 03:32 PM.

06-25-2007, 02:26 PM	#8
Vanessa Vega, M.S. Offline Professional Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 18	Silent Eyes: I can only speak for myself. Even if I were emotionally out of control, I injured methodically. I did not want my cuts or bruises to seem haphazard and so I created them very purposefully. Even in times of incredible rage and hysteria, I was able to keep enough control of myself to injure "the right way". In my book, I speak about feeling out of my body during these episodes. Rarely did I feel myself actively injuring. Instead, it was almost like I was out of my body, watching myself from a distance. This disassociation is very common among self-injurers. Being detached from the behavior was a way of maintaining some control even during times of emotional anarchy. __________________ Vanessa Leigh Vega, M.S. is the author of Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope , a high school English teacher and motivational speaker. She is a contributing author to the award-winning Taste Berries for Teens, Volume IV. She has been nationally recognized for excellence in teaching by being named to the Who's Who Among America's Teachers in 2002-2007. She resides in Irving, Texas, where she is working on her next book. Vanessa speaks about cutting at conferences, schools, and special events. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Last edited by Vanessa Vega, M.S.; 06-25-2007 at 03:33 PM.

06-25-2007, 02:27 AM	#2
melrich Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,547	Hi Vanessa, I guess I will ask the obvious question non-cutters ask...why do people cut?

06-25-2007, 10:42 AM	#4
indigo_scar Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 156	Hey Vanessa! I recognise your name from somewhere, not really sure where. Anyway, I just wanted to ask (maybe the answer to my question is somewhere here, but I couldn't see it), if you managed to stop cutting in the end, how did you do it? Indigo_Scar x __________________ If you don't have a destination, where can you go?

06-25-2007, 02:22 PM	#7
musicguy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Heroic Ink Tattoos and Piercings Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 3,758	Is there a way to stop cutting if you don't want to talk to a professional?

06-25-2007, 02:28 PM	#9
Vanessa Vega, M.S. Offline Professional Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 18	Music Guy: In all fairness, I don't think so. I believe part of a person's ability to change their behavior comes from understanding where the behavior is coming from. It was only through being guided by a professional that I was able to go deep enough into the emotional hurts of my past to get some of the answers I needed. Without that outside encouragement, I would have never been strong enough to push myself to re-visit some of those past abuses that directly contributed to my self-injury. __________________ Vanessa Leigh Vega, M.S. is the author of Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light: A Memoir of Cutting, Healing, and Hope , a high school English teacher and motivational speaker. She is a contributing author to the award-winning Taste Berries for Teens, Volume IV. She has been nationally recognized for excellence in teaching by being named to the Who's Who Among America's Teachers in 2002-2007. She resides in Irving, Texas, where she is working on her next book. Vanessa speaks about cutting at conferences, schools, and special events. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] Last edited by Vanessa Vega, M.S.; 06-25-2007 at 03:33 PM.

06-25-2007, 02:35 PM	#10
musicguy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Heroic Ink Tattoos and Piercings Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 3,758	Do you feel that nowadays people just cut to "be cool"? because it seems like the outsiders who don't understand cutters seem to think that they do it just for attention and don't fully understand what the person is really going through Last edited by musicguy; 06-25-2007 at 03:03 PM.