Biological Clock

brenda2555 · 06-21-2007, 02:44 AM

My aunt told me how my biological clock is ticking and how I should think about having children because I am getting close to turning 30. I am aware that women over 30 are at higher risk of complications, birth defects and infertility but what do you do if you want to get married first and you just can't find the right one ?!!
People should really get off my back I feel pressured !!!

RebeccaChow · 06-21-2007, 02:51 AM

The right one will come soon! Just meet more people, be open-minded and keep your options open.

Best of luck! Yeah.... it sucks being pressured by people.

xoxo

Daddy Bear · 06-21-2007, 02:52 AM

I agree with you, your aunt should get off your back. It's your life, and you have many years ahead of you in which to safely have children if you decide you want them. You should not feel pressured into entering motherhood OR marriage. I would just smile at her and say, "Yes, that's nice."

lilred · 06-21-2007, 03:23 AM

I know how you feel, but it's my own mother that tells me those things. She'll say, "when i was your age, I already had you and your brother" Whatever. I just brush it off, but deep inside it make me a bit panicky too. But I think to myself that these days people are living longer, women are getting more educated and many of them are putting off having kids, and successfully having them when the time is right!

So don't worry, A LOT of women are in the same boat as you are!! You should check out statics in singapore and germany were the government is BEGGING women to have children. We're in an entire different generation than our mothers and grandmothers.

WhiteForest · 06-21-2007, 03:38 AM

I'm sure your aunt has your best intentions in mind. Sometimes people can be quite annoying about these things. Just try and explain to her in a nice way that you understand the risks increase but there is really nothing you can do about as you aren't married and have no prospects. Asure her that you want marriage and children, it's just not an option right now. More than likely this still won't change her mind and it won't stop her from making the comments. Just try and take a deep breath, let it roll off of your shoulders when she does make the comments.

Understand that you cannot help your situation and she cannot help being concerned. She just loves you. Be patient. I know it's difficult, my best friend is turning 27 this year and she is in your same situation. It's hard for her sometimes because her main goal in life is to have a family of her own. She just keeps going and living her life daily to the fullest. That's all you can do...

Best wishes!

Trooper5 · 06-21-2007, 06:43 AM

Ok, I wasnt aware there was an increase for "birth defects". I believe the main complication is that it becomes harder to get pregnant, doesnt that just mean you have to have sex more? And the problem is?

ycmanvs · 06-21-2007, 09:45 AM

When I was 27, my relatives told me that I only had 3 years to find a husband. Well, it's now 10 years later and I am still not married. I would like to have kids soon, but I am not sure that it will happen.

Anyway, I've heard some studies that suggest that if you have your first child after 40, you get to live past 100. While it is true that the risk of birth defects after 35 increases and it is also harder to conceive and carry to full term as one gets older, it does happen often enough. There are many tests that doctors perform on women over 35 to determine if the child is ok, so chances are that you can have a healthy baby within the next 10 years.

RayKay · 06-21-2007, 09:47 AM

Honestly, the risk of complications is not that much higher after 30....it is more in 40's and up there may be more issues as the eggs are often not as healthy. Some things like Down's are more common after 35...but they now do testing for things like that too.

Also, if you take good care of yourself and are healthy, you are going to have a much better chance to have a healthy baby then someone 20 whom is in terrible shape, eats poorly, etc.

They do say it can be "harder" to conceive after 30 as you may have less viable eggs or ovulate less frequently, but really, it is rare that you suddenly won't be able to have them (unless there were pre-existing problems)

Today, it is extremely common for women to have their children in their 30's, and perfectly healthy ones at that! Of all my own friends, most of them waited until theire 30's. I think there are some advantages to that, including maybe being a bit more able to roll with the punches and life changes the kids can bring!

Tell your aunt to butt out, honestly. It is none of her business what you do with your body, and your future children.

Funny, as my mother had three kids by time she was my age, and she is one always telling me that it is better to wait!

She wants grandbabies, but would NEVER pressure any of us kids to have them, that is for sure!

brenda2555 · 06-21-2007, 07:29 PM

I agree with you guys! But you know sometimes things that people say start to affect you. I do want children but I want the best for my kids and that is to have mother and father around.

Cimmie · 06-21-2007, 07:37 PM

If yours is ticking, mine has tocked.

Every month, I say to myself, 'another one bites the dust.'

But what can you do? Sperm bank? Obliging male friend and turkey baster?

For me it has to do with the man whose child I want. If I love someone, having a child with him would be an expression or extension of that love. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.

06-21-2007, 02:44 AM	#1
brenda2555 Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 58	Biological Clock My aunt told me how my biological clock is ticking and how I should think about having children because I am getting close to turning 30. I am aware that women over 30 are at higher risk of complications, birth defects and infertility but what do you do if you want to get married first and you just can't find the right one ?!! People should really get off my back I feel pressured !!!

06-21-2007, 02:51 AM	#2
RebeccaChow Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Singapore! Gender: Female Posts: 616	The right one will come soon! Just meet more people, be open-minded and keep your options open. Best of luck! Yeah.... it sucks being pressured by people. xoxo __________________ Amo tutto di te e non faccio altro che pensare a te.

06-21-2007, 06:43 AM	#6
Trooper5 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 220	Ok, I wasnt aware there was an increase for "birth defects". I believe the main complication is that it becomes harder to get pregnant, doesnt that just mean you have to have sex more? And the problem is? __________________ Only the dead have seen the end of war - Plato The difference between combat and sport fighting is that in combat you bury the guy who comes in second - Unkown Navy Seal

06-21-2007, 09:47 AM	#8
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	Honestly, the risk of complications is not that much higher after 30....it is more in 40's and up there may be more issues as the eggs are often not as healthy. Some things like Down's are more common after 35...but they now do testing for things like that too. Also, if you take good care of yourself and are healthy, you are going to have a much better chance to have a healthy baby then someone 20 whom is in terrible shape, eats poorly, etc. They do say it can be "harder" to conceive after 30 as you may have less viable eggs or ovulate less frequently, but really, it is rare that you suddenly won't be able to have them (unless there were pre-existing problems) Today, it is extremely common for women to have their children in their 30's, and perfectly healthy ones at that! Of all my own friends, most of them waited until theire 30's. I think there are some advantages to that, including maybe being a bit more able to roll with the punches and life changes the kids can bring! Tell your aunt to butt out, honestly. It is none of her business what you do with your body, and your future children. Funny, as my mother had three kids by time she was my age, and she is one always telling me that it is better to wait! She wants grandbabies, but would NEVER pressure any of us kids to have them, that is for sure! __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

06-21-2007, 07:37 PM	#10
Cimmie Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Margins Gender: None Specified Posts: 1,713	If yours is ticking, mine has tocked. Every month, I say to myself, 'another one bites the dust.' But what can you do? Sperm bank? Obliging male friend and turkey baster? For me it has to do with the man whose child I want. If I love someone, having a child with him would be an expression or extension of that love. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. __________________ The paradox of love is that it liberates the spirit by binding it.

06-21-2007, 02:52 AM	#3
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	I agree with you, your aunt should get off your back. It's your life, and you have many years ahead of you in which to safely have children if you decide you want them. You should not feel pressured into entering motherhood OR marriage. I would just smile at her and say, "Yes, that's nice."

06-21-2007, 03:23 AM	#4
lilred Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 30 Posts: 152	I know how you feel, but it's my own mother that tells me those things. She'll say, "when i was your age, I already had you and your brother" Whatever. I just brush it off, but deep inside it make me a bit panicky too. But I think to myself that these days people are living longer, women are getting more educated and many of them are putting off having kids, and successfully having them when the time is right! So don't worry, A LOT of women are in the same boat as you are!! You should check out statics in singapore and germany were the government is BEGGING women to have children. We're in an entire different generation than our mothers and grandmothers.

06-21-2007, 03:38 AM	#5
WhiteForest Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Hollow Tree Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 372	I'm sure your aunt has your best intentions in mind. Sometimes people can be quite annoying about these things. Just try and explain to her in a nice way that you understand the risks increase but there is really nothing you can do about as you aren't married and have no prospects. Asure her that you want marriage and children, it's just not an option right now. More than likely this still won't change her mind and it won't stop her from making the comments. Just try and take a deep breath, let it roll off of your shoulders when she does make the comments. Understand that you cannot help your situation and she cannot help being concerned. She just loves you. Be patient. I know it's difficult, my best friend is turning 27 this year and she is in your same situation. It's hard for her sometimes because her main goal in life is to have a family of her own. She just keeps going and living her life daily to the fullest. That's all you can do... Best wishes!

06-21-2007, 09:45 AM	#7
ycmanvs Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: New England Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,836	When I was 27, my relatives told me that I only had 3 years to find a husband. Well, it's now 10 years later and I am still not married. I would like to have kids soon, but I am not sure that it will happen. Anyway, I've heard some studies that suggest that if you have your first child after 40, you get to live past 100. While it is true that the risk of birth defects after 35 increases and it is also harder to conceive and carry to full term as one gets older, it does happen often enough. There are many tests that doctors perform on women over 35 to determine if the child is ok, so chances are that you can have a healthy baby within the next 10 years.

06-21-2007, 07:29 PM	#9
brenda2555 Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 58	I agree with you guys! But you know sometimes things that people say start to affect you. I do want children but I want the best for my kids and that is to have mother and father around.