At a loss over toddler son's behavior

Kalika · 06-13-2007, 03:18 PM

I have a 3 1/2 year old son and lately, his behavior has been absolutely awful.

He is not in daycare, during the day my dad watches him, and he gets very little socialization other than my dad. Lately, every time we take him to a get together or out somewhere, he is about as badly behaved as he can possibly be.

We had a party at my parents' house a few weeks back, and at the party he was pushing people, kicking them, being really rough in general ... I honestly got to the point where I wanted to smack him but I didn't.

Earlier today, my dad picked him up, and then took him over to an impromptu lunch at a family friend's house. Two hours later, I get a call that my dad is bringing him over here to my place. He had left his friend's house because my son was at it again, acting completely antisocial.

I'm at a complete loss. I'm putting him in day care in September, but until then, what on earth should I do about this?? His behavior frustrates me so bad that I really want to slap him hard when he acts like this. It's gotten to the point where I wouldn't even care if I had to do that in front of other people.

Please help

kellbell · 06-13-2007, 03:25 PM

Hey there,

I do not know where the term "terrible two's" came from but my niece sailed through her two's and she really felt her oats at three. She is usually a great little girl but she really pushed the envelope at 3.

From observing my brother and sister in law, when she acted up in public, they left. If they were eating out and she was acting up, they got the food to-go and left. And when she did mind her manners, my brother and sister and law pointed it out and praised her for it. So, perhaps when your son is behaving, point it out and praise him.

I am not a parent so I do not have any extensive advice, only from what I have observed. Hope this helps a little.

flower99 · 06-13-2007, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalika

He is not in daycare, during the day my dad watches him, and he gets very little socialization other than my dad. Lately, every time we take him to a get together or out somewhere, he is about as badly behaved as he can possibly be.

We had a party at my parents' house a few weeks back, and at the party he was pushing people, kicking them, being really rough in general ... I honestly got to the point where I wanted to smack him but I didn't.

Can I ask, what do you do when he behaves this way?? how do you handle it?? what form of discipline are you currently using?
If we know this, we can give better advice as to what else to try.

flower99 · 06-13-2007, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kellbell

From observing my brother and sister in law, when she acted up in public, they left. If they were eating out and she was acting up, they got the food to-go and left. And when she did mind her manners, my brother and sister and law pointed it out and praised her for it. So, perhaps when your son is behaving, point it out and praise him.

that is excellent advice. definietly try use this when it is some place they enjoy being, like eating out, or a kids birthday...ect.

Only thing is that really works if it is some place they want to be. But sometimes they begin to piece it together and use it to thier advantage.

example. At boring grandmas house..they don't want to be there, so they act up & they get to leave.
So careful when using it & where you use it. because if used to often it avoids teaching them to behave. and can cause problems when you want to be some where they don't want to be.

PocoDiablo · 06-13-2007, 03:36 PM

Sounds like he is trying to get attention - albeit negative attention. My suggestion would be to (1) be sure your father does not reinforce the negative behaviors and (2) be sure you don't either. For example, if he is being good, give him attention. If he's being bad, remove him from the situation and then park him in a corner or another room, alone. You don't need to give him a long speech about things, just ignore him.

Reward the behavior you desire, ignore the bad behavior, and most folks will come around quickly - even adults!

flower99 · 06-13-2007, 03:41 PM

Yeah I agree with Poco, Time outs is what I use for my boy....No matter where i am, I find a spot to give him a time out if needed.
If he is kicking & hurting people, than give him a time out by himself on a chair or in a corner. And explain to him briefly if he wants to be around people, he has to be nice to people. That mom & dad will not let him be around people if he's hurting them. & have him apologize when he's done the time out. And praise him for making it right & encourage positive behavior. try not to give him more attention for negative behavior (even if it's negative attention, he's still getting attention)

If he refuses to make it right or treat people nice, keep him on a time out longer alone. He will realize that it's unacceptable....it may take a long time or a lot of crying...but it's something he has to learn, cause school & daycare won't accept it. He will soon see that he must treat people nice to be around people.
I don't know if you've already been using time outs or not...but I wish you luck with your little one (:

kellbell · 06-13-2007, 03:41 PM

"Reward the behavior you desire, ignore the bad behavior, and most folks will come around quickly - even adults!"

It is called Operant Conditioning and it is a true phenomenon. LOL Psychology rules its ugly head!

flower99 · 06-13-2007, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kellbell

"Reward the behavior you desire, ignore the bad behavior, and most folks will come around quickly - even adults!"

It is called Operant Conditioning and it is a true phenomenon. LOL Psychology rules its ugly head!

lol so true.... your funny

Kalika · 06-13-2007, 03:47 PM

Hey everyone
thanks for the advice
I'm so upset right now that I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out..

My dad brought him here. He opened the door, basically just tossed my son on the ground, threw his shoes on the floor, and walked out. My son was crying hysterically and he just threw him away and walked out the door, but not before he told me in front of him that he doesn't want to see him again for the rest of the day. I tried to get him to stay and tell me exactly what my son did, but he just walked away. Immediately after I tried calling him on the cell phone. He just kept answering the phone but hanging up on me.

There's more to the story than I said in the original post. My dad is very, very controlling. I want so badly to move away and get away from him. He doesn't listen to anything I say regarding my son. When my son acts out, he coddles him, whereas I put my foot down and will put him in time out if he's acting badly. My son does not ever behave badly, except in some situations (like when we take him out) but when he's with my dad he's like a totally different kid.. shrieking, fussy, always yelling to get his way, etc..

If my dad doesn't want to hear what I have to say, he'll just put his hand in the air and wont discuss it. Everything has to be his way or no way at all.

I am feeling so fed up and frustrated with everything right now. I can't find a job here and want to leave. The only reason I'm staying in this city is to allow my son to have his grandpa, but I can't stand him any more. He is the most stubborn and controlling person I've ever known in my life by far. I just want to get away from him so badly sometimes, and I don't know what to do any more.

kellbell · 06-13-2007, 03:53 PM

Hey there,

Is there someone else whom can watch him during the day? It seems your dad's influence on your son is not good.

06-13-2007, 03:18 PM	#1
Kalika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,343	At a loss over toddler son's behavior I have a 3 1/2 year old son and lately, his behavior has been absolutely awful. He is not in daycare, during the day my dad watches him, and he gets very little socialization other than my dad. Lately, every time we take him to a get together or out somewhere, he is about as badly behaved as he can possibly be. We had a party at my parents' house a few weeks back, and at the party he was pushing people, kicking them, being really rough in general ... I honestly got to the point where I wanted to smack him but I didn't. Earlier today, my dad picked him up, and then took him over to an impromptu lunch at a family friend's house. Two hours later, I get a call that my dad is bringing him over here to my place. He had left his friend's house because my son was at it again, acting completely antisocial. I'm at a complete loss. I'm putting him in day care in September, but until then, what on earth should I do about this?? His behavior frustrates me so bad that I really want to slap him hard when he acts like this. It's gotten to the point where I wouldn't even care if I had to do that in front of other people. Please help

06-13-2007, 03:25 PM	#2
kellbell Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 4,333	Hey there, I do not know where the term "terrible two's" came from but my niece sailed through her two's and she really felt her oats at three. She is usually a great little girl but she really pushed the envelope at 3. From observing my brother and sister in law, when she acted up in public, they left. If they were eating out and she was acting up, they got the food to-go and left. And when she did mind her manners, my brother and sister and law pointed it out and praised her for it. So, perhaps when your son is behaving, point it out and praise him. I am not a parent so I do not have any extensive advice, only from what I have observed. Hope this helps a little. __________________ "Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, it will guide you well." Sting <---- me and my mom :) "Get busy living or get busy dyin', damn right..." Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption.

06-13-2007, 03:36 PM	#5
PocoDiablo Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Springfield, VA Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 2,423	Sounds like he is trying to get attention - albeit negative attention. My suggestion would be to (1) be sure your father does not reinforce the negative behaviors and (2) be sure you don't either. For example, if he is being good, give him attention. If he's being bad, remove him from the situation and then park him in a corner or another room, alone. You don't need to give him a long speech about things, just ignore him. Reward the behavior you desire, ignore the bad behavior, and most folks will come around quickly - even adults! __________________ Advice given is only as good as the details you provide, and even then it's just an opinion. No one knows the situation as well as you do, so trust your gut.

06-13-2007, 03:41 PM	#6
flower99 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,948	Yeah I agree with Poco, Time outs is what I use for my boy....No matter where i am, I find a spot to give him a time out if needed. If he is kicking & hurting people, than give him a time out by himself on a chair or in a corner. And explain to him briefly if he wants to be around people, he has to be nice to people. That mom & dad will not let him be around people if he's hurting them. & have him apologize when he's done the time out. And praise him for making it right & encourage positive behavior. try not to give him more attention for negative behavior (even if it's negative attention, he's still getting attention) If he refuses to make it right or treat people nice, keep him on a time out longer alone. He will realize that it's unacceptable....it may take a long time or a lot of crying...but it's something he has to learn, cause school & daycare won't accept it. He will soon see that he must treat people nice to be around people. I don't know if you've already been using time outs or not...but I wish you luck with your little one (: __________________ ~Love is not gazing into each other's eyes; it is looking together in the same direction.~ ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~ Last edited by flower99; 06-13-2007 at 03:47 PM.

06-13-2007, 03:41 PM	#7
kellbell Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 4,333	"Reward the behavior you desire, ignore the bad behavior, and most folks will come around quickly - even adults!" It is called Operant Conditioning and it is a true phenomenon. LOL Psychology rules its ugly head! __________________ "Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, it will guide you well." Sting <---- me and my mom :) "Get busy living or get busy dyin', damn right..." Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption.

06-13-2007, 03:47 PM	#9
Kalika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,343	Hey everyone thanks for the advice I'm so upset right now that I'm just sitting here crying my eyes out.. My dad brought him here. He opened the door, basically just tossed my son on the ground, threw his shoes on the floor, and walked out. My son was crying hysterically and he just threw him away and walked out the door, but not before he told me in front of him that he doesn't want to see him again for the rest of the day. I tried to get him to stay and tell me exactly what my son did, but he just walked away. Immediately after I tried calling him on the cell phone. He just kept answering the phone but hanging up on me. There's more to the story than I said in the original post. My dad is very, very controlling. I want so badly to move away and get away from him. He doesn't listen to anything I say regarding my son. When my son acts out, he coddles him, whereas I put my foot down and will put him in time out if he's acting badly. My son does not ever behave badly, except in some situations (like when we take him out) but when he's with my dad he's like a totally different kid.. shrieking, fussy, always yelling to get his way, etc.. If my dad doesn't want to hear what I have to say, he'll just put his hand in the air and wont discuss it. Everything has to be his way or no way at all. I am feeling so fed up and frustrated with everything right now. I can't find a job here and want to leave. The only reason I'm staying in this city is to allow my son to have his grandpa, but I can't stand him any more. He is the most stubborn and controlling person I've ever known in my life by far. I just want to get away from him so badly sometimes, and I don't know what to do any more. Last edited by Kalika; 06-13-2007 at 03:51 PM.

06-13-2007, 03:53 PM	#10
kellbell Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 4,333	Hey there, Is there someone else whom can watch him during the day? It seems your dad's influence on your son is not good. __________________ "Let your soul be your pilot, let your soul guide you, it will guide you well." Sting <---- me and my mom :) "Get busy living or get busy dyin', damn right..." Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption.