In Laws

xtina123 · 06-12-2007, 08:33 PM

My husband and I were invited to his sister's wedding abroad. Since it was over 5000 miles away from home in a nice warm holiday location, we decided to go on a 2 week trip. We were invited to stay with them. But since they never cooked at home or wanted us to cook either, we were eating outside everyday(which was very expensive.)

Since I am a consultant, I had to go on loss of pay for 2 weeks, which was hard, especially because we are a single income family, completely dependent on my income. Besides, the flight tickets and all other wedding and travel related expenses were basically going over the roof (around $10,000).

We asked them if they have a wedding registry, to which they replied that they would appreciate a contribution towards their honeymoon. So we gave them a greeting card with a check for $500. We wanted to give them $1000, but since we were overwhelmed with all these expenses, we decided to go with $500. They did not open the card in front of us, but thanked us for the card.

2 weeks later, they visited our country after their honeymoon. They stayed with us for about 10 days, and we made them feel comfortable. We invited the bride's mother over, she lives about 500 miles away, and paid for her trip. We drove them around, cooked for them, took them shopping and spent time with them. I paid for the mother's(my MIL's) shopping expenses, since is a full time student and can't spend a lot of money. Her own daughter (the bride) made no offer for paying for her mom's stuff.

Casually, one day during their visit, the bride's new husband mentioned "Oh, by the way, thanks for the check." And she added "Oh yeah! Thanks". Thats it!! Do you think its okay? I cant help but feel unappreciated.

**melrich** · 06-12-2007, 08:38 PM

Well family are like that sometimes, they can take a lot for granted.

I can understand why you may feel a bit ticked off but I wouldn't be getting to upset about it. I am sure everything you have done was appreciated.

~Paradigm · 06-12-2007, 08:39 PM

Well... are they well off and accustomed to receiving such large amounts of money as gifts? If so, they may just brush it off as a normal gift. Given the amount of money, and all you do for them and their family, I would say that you have a right to feel a little unappreciated. There's a quick fix for that though. Stop doing it. Then they will notice.

If someone gave me 500 bucks, I would fall over, and be pretty thankful! That's my week's wages after taxes.

fragmint · 06-12-2007, 11:46 PM

yeah next time treat them the same way they treated you when and if they come back over. paradigm makes sort of a point - are they well off? my family (and extended family) is pretty well off and i remember my parents gave my uncle 5k for his wedding and my dad was even going to give more at first but didn't in the end. even if they were though - i can understand you feeling that way. they werent good hosts, didnt appreciate your gift, and when you were a good host to them they didnt appreciate that either. shame on them.

xtina123 · 06-13-2007, 02:47 PM

My SIL is just spoilt I think...not sure how she is like this, when my husband (her brother) is not bad. She bought a home and had her parents pay for the down payment and monthly mortgage until she got married!! Now her husband pays for it. Also, before she got married, when my MIL and I went shopping, a couple of times my MIL bought stuff for my SIL, and I had to pay for it!!! (My MIL assumes that I will pay for stuff whenever we shop together) And I never received a thank you from SIL ever! My MIL received some complaint about how the clothes were a little loose.

I cant understand this, because I work hard and am very self conscious to ask anyone for any favor. I am very financially independent, though I am younger than my SIL!

My MIL is also a little biased. She has some retirement pension coming in which she never uses for her living expenses. She goes to school fulltime, and works parttime. So for any of her unforeseen expenses, I pitch in generously(though she never asks) But I found that, instead of saving for a rainy day, she has offered to pay my SIL for some expensive course
from her pension. My biggest concern is that she is going to use up all her savings on my SIL, and then I will be in charge of any of her emergency and health expenses.

I dont mind spending on MIL, but I do feel that she is being unfair. Sorry for all the vent.

06-12-2007, 08:33 PM	#1
xtina123 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 4	In Laws My husband and I were invited to his sister's wedding abroad. Since it was over 5000 miles away from home in a nice warm holiday location, we decided to go on a 2 week trip. We were invited to stay with them. But since they never cooked at home or wanted us to cook either, we were eating outside everyday(which was very expensive.) Since I am a consultant, I had to go on loss of pay for 2 weeks, which was hard, especially because we are a single income family, completely dependent on my income. Besides, the flight tickets and all other wedding and travel related expenses were basically going over the roof (around $10,000). We asked them if they have a wedding registry, to which they replied that they would appreciate a contribution towards their honeymoon. So we gave them a greeting card with a check for $500. We wanted to give them $1000, but since we were overwhelmed with all these expenses, we decided to go with $500. They did not open the card in front of us, but thanked us for the card. 2 weeks later, they visited our country after their honeymoon. They stayed with us for about 10 days, and we made them feel comfortable. We invited the bride's mother over, she lives about 500 miles away, and paid for her trip. We drove them around, cooked for them, took them shopping and spent time with them. I paid for the mother's(my MIL's) shopping expenses, since is a full time student and can't spend a lot of money. Her own daughter (the bride) made no offer for paying for her mom's stuff. Casually, one day during their visit, the bride's new husband mentioned "Oh, by the way, thanks for the check." And she added "Oh yeah! Thanks". Thats it!! Do you think its okay? I cant help but feel unappreciated.

06-12-2007, 08:38 PM	#2
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,498	Well family are like that sometimes, they can take a lot for granted. I can understand why you may feel a bit ticked off but I wouldn't be getting to upset about it. I am sure everything you have done was appreciated.

06-12-2007, 08:39 PM	#3
~Paradigm Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 206	Well... are they well off and accustomed to receiving such large amounts of money as gifts? If so, they may just brush it off as a normal gift. Given the amount of money, and all you do for them and their family, I would say that you have a right to feel a little unappreciated. There's a quick fix for that though. Stop doing it. Then they will notice. If someone gave me 500 bucks, I would fall over, and be pretty thankful! That's my week's wages after taxes.

06-12-2007, 11:46 PM	#4
fragmint Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 628	yeah next time treat them the same way they treated you when and if they come back over. paradigm makes sort of a point - are they well off? my family (and extended family) is pretty well off and i remember my parents gave my uncle 5k for his wedding and my dad was even going to give more at first but didn't in the end. even if they were though - i can understand you feeling that way. they werent good hosts, didnt appreciate your gift, and when you were a good host to them they didnt appreciate that either. shame on them.

06-13-2007, 02:47 PM	#5
xtina123 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 4	My SIL is just spoilt I think...not sure how she is like this, when my husband (her brother) is not bad. She bought a home and had her parents pay for the down payment and monthly mortgage until she got married!! Now her husband pays for it. Also, before she got married, when my MIL and I went shopping, a couple of times my MIL bought stuff for my SIL, and I had to pay for it!!! (My MIL assumes that I will pay for stuff whenever we shop together) And I never received a thank you from SIL ever! My MIL received some complaint about how the clothes were a little loose. I cant understand this, because I work hard and am very self conscious to ask anyone for any favor. I am very financially independent, though I am younger than my SIL! My MIL is also a little biased. She has some retirement pension coming in which she never uses for her living expenses. She goes to school fulltime, and works parttime. So for any of her unforeseen expenses, I pitch in generously(though she never asks) But I found that, instead of saving for a rainy day, she has offered to pay my SIL for some expensive course from her pension. My biggest concern is that she is going to use up all her savings on my SIL, and then I will be in charge of any of her emergency and health expenses. I dont mind spending on MIL, but I do feel that she is being unfair. Sorry for all the vent.