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  1. #1

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    Sex Advice - How to Do a Virgin. Is Being a Virgin really a bad thing? READ THIS.

    I found this lovely article and would like all virgins (esp. female virgins) to read it! Also to note, Tina Fey the talented and beautiful celebrity, lost her virginity at 24 and was proud of it. After reading this article, I felt like I could relate to the girl who asked the question so much (hey, she's even a law student I found her reasoning followed VERY closely with mine and I'm sure many virgins in their 20s as well for why they waited if it was not due to religious reasons... so hope this helps you deal with it! My opinion after reading as to whether I want to wait or not, to have sex, is personal, but it did help reconcile my feelings about my virginity up until now.


    -----

    How to Do A Virgin
    posted and copyrighted December 5, 2004
    Article from: (http://www.adviceweekly.com/how-to-do-a-virgin.htm)

    Dear Nina and Rita,

    I am a 24 year old female law student. I was a chubby adolescent who was picked on in elementary and middle school by boys who teased me about my early development and braces. For high school I was sent to an all-girls high school, which obviously did not help my awkwardness with the opposite sex.

    In college I lost the weight and the braces and became much more confident with myself and my body. I dated and “fooled around” with a few boys, but stopped short of sex. This was largely due to residual body anxiety from being a previously overweight kid. Another reason was because, although I do not feel I must abstain until marriage, I wanted my first experience to be with someone that cared about me and one that I wouldn't regret. It didn't even need to be someoneI loved, just someone I felt comfortable with. The boys I dated in college didn't give me the feeling that I could be intimate with them.
    I am now dating a great guy. We have been physical but the time is coming for us to move to the next level. I care about him and do feel comfortable, but I think my decision to have sex is more about being tired of being the last one to be “in on the joke.” I now realize that few people have “amazing” and “memorable” first times and that I never should have built up the first time to be like that.

    Here is my question: I feel like a bit of an anomaly being a 24 year old virgin and I am not sure how my future partner will take it. I could explain until I'm blue in the face my reasoning for waiting, but I still feel that I will be looked upon as some sort of religious, prudish freak, which I am not. How can I bring this up to him? Should I bring it up or can I get through my first time without telling him I'm a virgin and chalk up the bad performance to being unskilled and nervous?
    My friends who know I am a virgin are surprised when I tell them. Apparently I give off the impression of being experienced. Do you think that many men would run the other way from an old virgin like myself?

    Signed,
    Your Faithful Reader

    Dear Faithful Reader

    We couldn’t help but notice that you construct your virginity narrative to create a cause and effect story about your entire life: it’s as if being chubby and wearing braces in fifth grade shaped your entire adolescence and it’s still affecting your identity today. We won’t argue because it’s probably be true. But we want to remind you that numerous child psychologists and Tina Fey, of Saturday Night Live, proved that adolescence sucks for all girls, no matter how shiny their hair or straight their teeth. (see Mean Girls)

    For example, if you were sexually active in middle school, your bad girl reputation haunted you throughout high school. In Rita’s high school, this girl’s name was Beatrice, but everyone called her Be-mattress. If you waited until high school to become sexually active, then you dealt with the indefatigable stress of kissing for hours and pushing your boyfriend away when he tries to touch your boobs, three months until you finally let him touch your boobs, now he wants to touch your coochie, another five months of pushing him away until you finally let him touch your coochie, now he begs you to touch his thing, another eight months of pushing him away until graduation night because that’s a such a special night, then you go to different colleges and quickly lose touch. Doesn’t sound so bad, but it will scar you forever. You’ll always hold back, and men will grow tired of hearing you whine, “We shouldn’t. It feels so good, but we shouldn’t.”
    We prefer to see it this way: being a voluptuous metal-mouth protected you from losing your virginity to a jerk who couldn’t possibly appreciate you.

    Our point being, Faithful Reader, that you should make peace with your inner voluptuous metal-mouth, and thank her for paving the way for you to become a smart, emotionally savvy, good-looking, confident woman, with great communication skills. You've always had good intuition, and you’ve used that intuition to decide when the time is right. You had a reason to wait, and it’s a perfectly legitimate reason. In fact, an informal poll conducted in our apartment building found nobody shocked to hear about a 24-year-old virgin. There are plenty of 24-year-old virgins out there, and in our building, too.

    If you choose to reveal your secret, some guys will not want to deflower you. These guys have enough self-knowledge to recognize that they won’t be able to provide emotional support or participate in an ongoing relationship. Don’t get too angry at these guys, just be thankful they have the guts to be honest. Fortunately, many guys will be happy to assist. Some really like the idea of being your first because you won’t make comparisons. Some guys, more than they admit, use sex to express emotional connections, and so they appreciate that you two will grow closer as a result of your disclosure. Sure, some guys see you as a conquest, but they will try hard to give you a memorable experience. This is one significant way that feminism has trickled down to the masses: the majority of guys are eager to please you in bed.

    You can definitely get through this without telling the man you're dating. You are not obligated to tell him. The encounter might be awkward, but the first time two people have sex is frequently awkward, no matter how experienced they are. It gets better as you get more comfortable with each other’s bodies. If you really want to seem quite experienced, don’t lie there: take the lead, and move around a bit. However, we admit that we didn’t figure out how to take the lead and move properly until we became quite experienced. That’s a paradox.

    Instead of worrying about your performance, try Nina and Rita’s Zen Approach to Losing Your Virginity(TM). Close your eyes and take note of what it feels like to have him inside you. Don’t worry about whether it feels amazing or hot. Instead, observe the sensation. If it hurts, tell him to be gentle. Open your eyes and look at the way he moves and the expression on his face. Listen to his breathing. What does he taste like? Smell his fingers after they have been inside you. What happens if you shift your left leg up a bit? What happens if you run your hands all over his ass? Don’t feel like you have to write up a report and send it to us.

    After it’s over, pretend you’re princess who was raised as a commoner, and now that your identity has been revealed, you’re at your first royal banquet and you must figure out which of the ten forks to use for the endive salad. In other words, follow his lead. If you’re lucky, he’ll fall asleep. If he asks for a critique of his performance, be enthusiastic and tell him it felt great.


    All our love and more,
    Nina and Rita


  2. #2
    Member TatteredButterfly's Avatar
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    That was quite interesting and I found it very informative, even for someone who lost their virginity

    But it is true, most people don't want their first to be of any importance, I'm glad I wasn't one of those.

  3. #3
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    I love this. I am 27. I haven't had sex. Maybe there are tons of reasons why. The main one being, i want to have it with the right person. I don't care what the world, society, tv, magazines portray as the popular or right ways or proper timelines to go about things. This is my life, i haven't found the right person yet. I've read things before about how strange it is to not have "lost it" yet. I don't care, I don't worry about it anymore. I'm great, successful, amazing, attractive, and most of my friends think i am really experienced as well. I let em think what they want, i am waiting for the right guy. I mean, i hardly ever think about the fact that i am a virgin...its not really a big deal to me, and i am not buildng it up in my head that my first time will be this romance novel perfect experience (although it may be...who knows). I mean life is life. Different for everyone. When things are right, I'll get around to it...but until then, i've got so much other stuff to do.

  4. #4
    Silver Member WhiteForest's Avatar
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    My best friend is in her mid 20's and is still a virgin. She is very religious and maintains she will not have sex until marriage. She is very comfortable with her decision and I support her 100%. Being a virgin is definitely not a bad thing.

  5. #5
    Gold Member IronLion85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteForest View Post
    Being a virgin is definitely not a bad thing.
    Unless you don't want to be.
    "Whenever I meet a beauty, I escape or hide in a corner. Not that I think they are intimidating, but they attract horrible people. Some guys really do their utmost to make these beautiful women believe how good they are..." - Thom Yorke

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by WhiteForest View Post
    My best friend is in her mid 20's and is still a virgin. She is very religious and maintains she will not have sex until marriage. She is very comfortable with her decision and I support her 100%. Being a virgin is definitely not a bad thing.
    yeah I don't think it's a bad thing at all. It's just rare to find virgins in their mid-late 20s who are still virgins by choice, NOT for religious reasons, and this was one case example of a confident young girl who decided to wait... for non-religious reasons. I found it empowering, along with the previous poster's message as well!! Wrappedaroundhim, hun... check your PMs

  7. #7
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    Wow.. Im 19 and i have a hard time convincing girls that im still a virgin. up til 2 months ago i have only kissed a girl. now i can say ive done everything but have sex, but thats cuz of the situation and the person otherwise it might of happend. i never placed anything on my virginity, and i dont care when i lose it either. im glad to atleast have some experience now, although she was a new friend and i just asked her to 'open me up a little bit and make me comfortable' i dont regret any of it though, i trusted her, and she is a very sexual person also so that might be why it happend.

    how bad does it sound that my first sexual activities, technically were as fu*k buddies? (without the f-ing ofcourse) wow i dont like saying that at all. i just want to say i got very open and comfortable with a very nice person, and im glad to of, it helped me build confidence and i know ill be better down the road


    oh and in regards to virgins, she told me that we wouldnt lead to sex.. she was raped at like age 8 or so, so she really hates taking it from virgins. she thinks she is not good enough for anyone to give their virginity to her, since she wasnt able to give hers to anyone. she said it could happen down the road, i am now trying to build a relationship with her now though, but i know it wont happen unless we both truly love eachother, then there wont be any regret
    Last edited by 88cookie; 06-09-2007 at 03:05 AM.

  8. #8

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    This article more applied to virgins who are in their mid to late twenties. To be an 18 or 19 y/o virgin is really not a big deal.

  9. #9

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    I'm really glad to hear Tiny Fey is a 24 y/o virgin... the movie Mean Girls makes so much more sense now.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Eva:Gina's Avatar
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    All I can think here, is who cares?
    If you love someone, they are good to you, treat you with respect, and all the rest, what does it matter how many people (or not) they have slept with in the past?

    What the person who wrote the letter is to me, is another product of over-romanticism and sexual guilt that so many people are saddled with. She wanted a perfect first time, she felt bad about her appearance as a teenager...

    I desperately hope there are HUGE shifts in society before I have children... I would hate my kids to have that kind of pressure on them
    Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

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