Help! My Brother is a Psychopath

prizmpyxis · 06-07-2007, 04:41 PM

Hi everyone,
I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I.

Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definately plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accomodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself.

I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age.

My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll · 06-07-2007, 04:50 PM

ohhhhhhh the old brother is a psycho thing............

i went thru this a while ago but i told him if he ever puts his hands on me again im going to hurt him anyways i'll get to the point

people like that need to be introduced to the real world.....
if he continues this he wont make it to see 30, cz what he does at home he feels he can get away with it, but other people outside the home will hurt him and wont think twice about it.......

im all for people like this and taking them to one of three locations

compton, california
Baltimore, Maryland
Detroit, Michigan

dump him off there and let him throw a temper fit or whatever he does and im sure by the end of the night the man will be reformed

other points are i think he may be clinically depressed.......it really sounds like it

or hes extreeamly introverted......those people u just have to let them be who they are

notsure2007 · 06-07-2007, 04:56 PM

maybe show him a movie like "The Butterfly Effect" and see how he responds seeing another family that's abused and the psychopath brother that's in it. If he realizes that he doesn't want to be like that, it may help.

flower99 · 06-07-2007, 05:06 PM

I think he's also depressed.
I also think he does need to be introduced to the real world....He's 23. he doesn't do anything for himself, he lives there for free & has a maid (your mom) why would he ever leave?? he can do what he wants & still have a great life, free food, free home, freedom to do nothing all day long, free mail service. Nothing is expected of him, so he will achieve nothing.
he gets away with almost murder (that drunk car accident) he needs help before he kills someone. this is serious.
I think your parents need to follow through with the threat, if he didn't get therepy he would be kicked out....well he obviously knew that wouldn't happen. so he didn't do anything. They need to follow through, tough love!!! i

Maybe your parents feel guilty for the past, and that's why they let it slide... which in that case, I understand, but you can't parent out of guilt. it's still not healthy as you can see from your brothers life. Therepy would be an excellent step for him, he hasn't healed yet. And there for hasn't moved on.
As for what you can do....that's hard, if you feel you can talk to your parents try...maybe a note to them, let them know how it's affecting you too.I wish you luck, this is a tough one. you & your family are in my prayers.

This Little Lady · 06-07-2007, 05:13 PM

Wow... you seriously just describe my brother to a tee!!! There are four of us as well. My brother is an alcoholic, verbally abusive to my entire family, he's tried to hit and shoot bother of my siblings and myself. I totally understand your fears and your concerns. My brother has been like this for about the same time. He is so hurtful to my mother and I couldn't ever stand to see him do it again. However there has been no history of abuse in my family. Which makes his a little harder to understand for our family.

Well... the best thing would probably be some kind of intervention. He needs help. I don't even know if anything you say right now will get through to him. I've tried that before with my brother and had been broken down so badly by what he says sometimes I wonder why I forgave him.

He needs to get help from people who can handle this. I agree with what one of the poster's said. Take him to an institute. Take him to a place that can help him. It is hard to know what to do, we've done everything we could in trying to help our brother. Everything thinkable. But nothing has helped. And we are planning on taking him someplace away from here as well. Some place where he can get better.

For us the alcohol in our town is a sickness. It plagues every family, it ruins so many lives. And no one ever seeks the right help for it because there is none here. You have to take him away from everything he can hurt, everything that hurts him. And sit him in a place where he can learn how to recover, where he can get healthier.

Keyser_Soze · 06-07-2007, 05:22 PM

Sounds very familar to me.. My ex wife's brother acted the EXACT same way 27 years old, still living with his parents refused to move out refused to get a job was angry at everyone pretty much all the time, (especially my father in law) had a serious drinking problem and refused to acknowledge it he spent the night in jail for beating up my sister in law he eventually commited suicide using my father in law's hunting rifle this was 15 years ago, my ex told me about his suicide note all the anger he had was directed at his father.

Your brother isn't a phychopath, from what I read he suffers from SEVERE depression. He needs help, an intervention or something Have you ever asked him why he is always so angry? is he happy behaving this way? chaces are he isn't happy at all. is there anyone? ANYONE AT ALL he listens to? or atleast doesn't scream or curse at I'm sorry this must be very hard for you..

Miss Firecracker · 06-07-2007, 05:39 PM

I think he should be committed to a hospital, but your mom and dad are in denial. There's nothing you can do about it except plead with them to get your brother the help he needs. They feel to blame most likely, and they would rather pretend everything is OK.

Cimmie · 06-07-2007, 05:44 PM

Psychopaths don't have emotions, so your brother isn't one. As other posters here have said, he sounds depressed, and as if he has a withdrawal disorder of some kind. He needs help badly and your parents need to give him an ultimatum to that effect.

He sounds like a western example of what are called in Japan, hikikomori, or young men who withdraw from the world and live in their bedrooms. Unfortunately your parents are abetting his behaviour and they shouldn't continue to do this.

It sounds like a period of hospitalization might be of great benefit.

prizmpyxis · 06-08-2007, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cimmie

It sounds like a period of hospitalization might be of great benefit.

I definately agree with you. The problem is that my parents won't do it. I have talked with my mother about this several times, and my father...they simply tell me that it's "none of my business" and that I shouldn't say anything. I know that they are definately in denial, because it seems like whenever my brother causes trouble again...they make all these threats and never follow through. I have told my mother that my brother is an alcoholic, and she tells me that he isn't and to stop. However, she knows that he is. My Dad is a little more realistic about the situation. He knows that my brother has problems, but he works extremely hard and is never home to really deal with them. He leads a very stressful life so when he comes home, I think that a part of him just doesn't want to be bothered. I also think that a bigger part of him doesn't know what to do. I think that both my parents would be extremely hurt if they had to put my brother in a hospital, and that is why they won't do it. They're really just waiting for him to screw up again though, and he always does at least a few times a year.

Miss Firecracker · 06-08-2007, 12:32 PM

I just read your first post again. I had missed that your brother has a degree in psychology. It's amazing that he has learned this much about the subject and refuses medication and counseling. If he could only get his act together he could help thousands of people in his lifetime.

My son's first therapist had anxiety so bad that she holed up in her room for an entire year at one point. I think people who have experienced mental illness can really be of help to other people. It sounds like your brother could have potential, but if this keeps on he will only end up in a car crash killing himself and possibly others. This is too sad.

I have a brother who is in the very same shape, but sadly he is 39 and my parents didn't get him help in time. There's not much left of the poor guy. We don't know how on earth he has lived this long. One good thing is he gave up driving years ago. Actually he hardly ever did drive, and it's a good thing because he would have killed himself long ago. He is living in an old run down house my dad owns now, and he won't even pay his power bills. Our father does all that for him. And a few weeks ago my dad said brother had gone to a loan shark and borrowed a few bucks and put a nice gas heater up for collateral. My dad had to take the heater and hide it. Lifestyles of the poor and ignorant.

Maybe you should copy this thread and make your parents read it. There could be hope. Pride is more important than life to most people, isn't it?

06-07-2007, 04:41 PM	#1
prizmpyxis Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New York Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 215	Help! My Brother is a Psychopath Hi everyone, I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I. Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definately plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accomodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself. I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age. My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.

06-07-2007, 05:06 PM	#4
flower99 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,950	I think he's also depressed. I also think he does need to be introduced to the real world....He's 23. he doesn't do anything for himself, he lives there for free & has a maid (your mom) why would he ever leave?? he can do what he wants & still have a great life, free food, free home, freedom to do nothing all day long, free mail service. Nothing is expected of him, so he will achieve nothing. he gets away with almost murder (that drunk car accident) he needs help before he kills someone. this is serious. I think your parents need to follow through with the threat, if he didn't get therepy he would be kicked out....well he obviously knew that wouldn't happen. so he didn't do anything. They need to follow through, tough love!!! i Maybe your parents feel guilty for the past, and that's why they let it slide... which in that case, I understand, but you can't parent out of guilt. it's still not healthy as you can see from your brothers life. Therepy would be an excellent step for him, he hasn't healed yet. And there for hasn't moved on. As for what you can do....that's hard, if you feel you can talk to your parents try...maybe a note to them, let them know how it's affecting you too.I wish you luck, this is a tough one. you & your family are in my prayers. __________________ ~Love is not gazing into each other's eyes; it is looking together in the same direction.~ ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~ Last edited by flower99; 06-07-2007 at 05:10 PM.

06-07-2007, 05:13 PM	#5
This Little Lady Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 323	Wow... you seriously just describe my brother to a tee!!! There are four of us as well. My brother is an alcoholic, verbally abusive to my entire family, he's tried to hit and shoot bother of my siblings and myself. I totally understand your fears and your concerns. My brother has been like this for about the same time. He is so hurtful to my mother and I couldn't ever stand to see him do it again. However there has been no history of abuse in my family. Which makes his a little harder to understand for our family. Well... the best thing would probably be some kind of intervention. He needs help. I don't even know if anything you say right now will get through to him. I've tried that before with my brother and had been broken down so badly by what he says sometimes I wonder why I forgave him. He needs to get help from people who can handle this. I agree with what one of the poster's said. Take him to an institute. Take him to a place that can help him. It is hard to know what to do, we've done everything we could in trying to help our brother. Everything thinkable. But nothing has helped. And we are planning on taking him someplace away from here as well. Some place where he can get better. For us the alcohol in our town is a sickness. It plagues every family, it ruins so many lives. And no one ever seeks the right help for it because there is none here. You have to take him away from everything he can hurt, everything that hurts him. And sit him in a place where he can learn how to recover, where he can get healthier. __________________ Once I wanted to be the greatest Two fists of solid rock With brains that could explain Any feeling...

06-07-2007, 05:22 PM	#6
Keyser_Soze Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 42	Sounds very familar to me.. My ex wife's brother acted the EXACT same way 27 years old, still living with his parents refused to move out refused to get a job was angry at everyone pretty much all the time, (especially my father in law) had a serious drinking problem and refused to acknowledge it he spent the night in jail for beating up my sister in law he eventually commited suicide using my father in law's hunting rifle this was 15 years ago, my ex told me about his suicide note all the anger he had was directed at his father. Your brother isn't a phychopath, from what I read he suffers from SEVERE depression. He needs help, an intervention or something Have you ever asked him why he is always so angry? is he happy behaving this way? chaces are he isn't happy at all. is there anyone? ANYONE AT ALL he listens to? or atleast doesn't scream or curse at I'm sorry this must be very hard for you.. Last edited by Keyser_Soze; 06-07-2007 at 05:33 PM.

06-07-2007, 05:44 PM	#8
Cimmie Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Margins Gender: None Specified Posts: 1,714	Psychopaths don't have emotions, so your brother isn't one. As other posters here have said, he sounds depressed, and as if he has a withdrawal disorder of some kind. He needs help badly and your parents need to give him an ultimatum to that effect. He sounds like a western example of what are called in Japan, hikikomori, or young men who withdraw from the world and live in their bedrooms. Unfortunately your parents are abetting his behaviour and they shouldn't continue to do this. It sounds like a period of hospitalization might be of great benefit. __________________ The paradox of love is that it liberates the spirit by binding it.

06-07-2007, 04:50 PM	#2
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Offline Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ...Super Bowl 43... Gender: Male Posts: 3,075	ohhhhhhh the old brother is a psycho thing............ i went thru this a while ago but i told him if he ever puts his hands on me again im going to hurt him anyways i'll get to the point people like that need to be introduced to the real world..... if he continues this he wont make it to see 30, cz what he does at home he feels he can get away with it, but other people outside the home will hurt him and wont think twice about it....... im all for people like this and taking them to one of three locations compton, california Baltimore, Maryland Detroit, Michigan dump him off there and let him throw a temper fit or whatever he does and im sure by the end of the night the man will be reformed other points are i think he may be clinically depressed.......it really sounds like it or hes extreeamly introverted......those people u just have to let them be who they are

06-07-2007, 04:56 PM	#3
notsure2007 Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 23	maybe show him a movie like "The Butterfly Effect" and see how he responds seeing another family that's abused and the psychopath brother that's in it. If he realizes that he doesn't want to be like that, it may help.

06-07-2007, 05:39 PM	#7
Miss Firecracker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 4,156	I think he should be committed to a hospital, but your mom and dad are in denial. There's nothing you can do about it except plead with them to get your brother the help he needs. They feel to blame most likely, and they would rather pretend everything is OK.

06-08-2007, 12:32 PM	#10
Miss Firecracker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 4,156	I just read your first post again. I had missed that your brother has a degree in psychology. It's amazing that he has learned this much about the subject and refuses medication and counseling. If he could only get his act together he could help thousands of people in his lifetime. My son's first therapist had anxiety so bad that she holed up in her room for an entire year at one point. I think people who have experienced mental illness can really be of help to other people. It sounds like your brother could have potential, but if this keeps on he will only end up in a car crash killing himself and possibly others. This is too sad. I have a brother who is in the very same shape, but sadly he is 39 and my parents didn't get him help in time. There's not much left of the poor guy. We don't know how on earth he has lived this long. One good thing is he gave up driving years ago. Actually he hardly ever did drive, and it's a good thing because he would have killed himself long ago. He is living in an old run down house my dad owns now, and he won't even pay his power bills. Our father does all that for him. And a few weeks ago my dad said brother had gone to a loan shark and borrowed a few bucks and put a nice gas heater up for collateral. My dad had to take the heater and hide it. Lifestyles of the poor and ignorant. Maybe you should copy this thread and make your parents read it. There could be hope. Pride is more important than life to most people, isn't it?