People who have had Eating Disorders

[fillenewyorkaise]

Well, firstly, I am suffering from a relapse of anorexia and bulimia and am about to go inpatient for the two. I am older now, so I am really using this as an opportunity to sort out myself and try and FINALLY be happy with who I am.

I am 23, I have only had one boyfriend and am not terribly sexually experienced. I have bemoaned my singleness for ages, wondering what it is about me, why everyone says I'm so pretty (some guy on an airplane stopped me to tell me I was gorgeous ), so accomplished, intelligent and funny and I can find a friend EVERYWHERE i go, yet I have rarely been able to find a boyfriend. I have guys interested in me a lot, but a lot of times I reject them because I find out they are really weird, or gay or just looking for some action. I always wonder why its so easy for everyone and so difficult for me.

Then, when I was in a group for women with eating disorders, I noticed a pattern. All of the older women were married or had been. All of the younger ones (early 20s) had either been badly hurt by an ex-boyfriend or never had a boyfriend. I was amazed because all of these young ladies are gorgeous, funny, bright, etc. We all just had one thing in common: low-self-esteem.

I read a book, Gaining: The Truth About Life After Eating Disorders, that offered a bleak picture for us after recovery. We were either going to stay single forever or become involved with someone who gives us the illusion that we are in control, when really they have the upper hand. I HOPE this isn't true!! I don't want either! I want to find my Prince Charming one day!

Of course, I get told to lower my standards, but I found happiness with one person once (although he hurt me very badly, but we were happy for a while), so why can't I find someone else who will fit my standards?

If you have had an eating disorder, know someone who has or has dated someone, what do you think of this question? This goes for men OR women who have suffered from anorexia or bulimia. I don't think this study is the same for people with Compulsive Overeating or Binge Eating Disorders, although I may be wrong.

[Siriana]

Originally Posted by fillenewyorkaise

I always wonder why its so easy for everyone and so difficult for me.

I can't help you with your original question.. since I don't have eating disorder experience.

I noticed this line I quoted.
Don't worry..it's equaly crappy/hard/easy/cheerfull/annoying/...for everyone.
It's all about what you choose to put your attention on.

If it's raining you can say it's an awfull day or you can say oh, good it's not going to be too hot and I'll be able to watch tv or reading my fav. book without going out all afternoon.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Well although i have never had an eating disorder, i have always had issues with food and refuse to eat in public and so forth. But i happen to think that Syrix is right. Is just as hard for some men or women who have never experienced an eating disorder. My 27 year old ex model sister, whom is absolutely beautiful, blonde, blue eyes and slim is finding it incrediably hard to meet Mr Right. She would love nothing more then to settle down and have children and she has a fantastic fun loving personality yet she finds it incrediably hard to find someone. So i guess although it seems easy many people have trouble with it.

So don't worry you are not alone at not being able to find that one person.

But also don't think the worst. You may end up with the man of your dreams. Its a hard process and i guess it depends on your life and how you live it.

[Cardinal]

I have had a binge eating disorder (am over it as far as I can tell). I know I wanted to have control over my body, specifically my body composition. I can only relate my disorder to the rest of my life through this notion of control.

But I am not putting all the pieces together in your situation. What fundamentally drives your anorexia/bulimia? Is it just low self esteem or can you elaborate much more fully? For sure there must be some emotional aspect.

I am just not connecting how your rejection of men who are attracted to you is connected directly to your disorder?

As a general note though, most men you meet in a dating context will probably want to have sex with you and will express that desire. Why not do what most women do and just date the men and wait until you determine that he cares about you and you have feelings for him before you go further? What is keeping that from happening? And what keeps you from asking some of your very many friends to be more than friends? I am sure a lot of the guys, maybe some you don't know as well, would love to be romantically involved with you. Just look for the right signs.

From what you say it seems you struggle with control issues also. And you attract wierd guys, gays and players? Something just doesn't sound right here. If you don't like who you are attracting, pick who you want to be with and talk with them. Use your friend making abilities and maybe even flirt a little. If they don't ask you out fast enough, be more direct?!

[sagittarius78]

It ain't easy for anyone.. And it has nothing to do with eating disorder..
It's about being hard to find someone who truly loves us in general.. Maybe at first, we have to deal with bad relationships, unsuitable people and loneliness so we could appreciate the real thing when it comes along.. You are so young and great years are in front of you.. Take care of your health in future, enjoy your life and time will bring a great guy on your way..