How to handle midlife boredom?

BBhogan · 05-24-2007, 02:12 PM

I have been feeling bored with life for about two years now. However, I really don't know why.

I am a middle aged women who has a history of depression and is currently on anti-depressants but, I feel so bored with life. It is like I have lived my life and I know what the rest of my life will be like and I don't really look forward to the same old, same old. I feel like I am always waiting for life to happen.

I have gone to lots of therapists in the past and I feel like they just tell me the same old thing - "have your doctor change medication" (did that), "involve yourself with what interests you" (I do), "write in a journal" (I do). Things things help but, doesn't cure the contant thinking that this is how my life will be for the rest of my life.

The worst thing is lately I have been doing drugs to get me out of my boredom and I know that is not a good thing.

Does anybody go this boredom thing? Am I just not appreciating all the good things I have? Any suggestions?

Mr. Mysterious · 05-24-2007, 02:22 PM

I have also been really bored myself. And I have also done drugs to try and get out of boredom. The big question you need to ask yourself, is "What do I want to do?". Imagine if it was just you, and no husband, kids, etc. What do YOU want to do?

Dako · 05-24-2007, 02:29 PM

Change is exciting.
I'm having a midlife reorganization, and in some ways it's helped my depression to find new things to do. Being in a rut makes everything so dull. Taking classes, meeting new people and mixing it up can help.

It's like being tired, not exercising, and therefore getting more tired.
Breaking the pattern is the only cure.

Daddy Bear · 05-24-2007, 03:35 PM

I spent my thirties smacked out of my head, and didn't do a blessed thing. It was quitting drugs that liberated me from stagnant routine. In the last month or so I've been to a world-class art museum and the La Brea tar pits, hunted for sand dollars on the beach, drunk soju at a Korean bbq restaurant, attended a Dodgers-G**nts game (sorry, I don't say that team's name), taken a girl to the movies, taken another out for Italian, a third for Thai and a fourth for pizza, gone on walks through two lush parks, and so on... and the next month is going to be the same way. None of these things put a huge dent in my wallet, and I'm having a blast.

"There's a million things to do," Cat Stevens once said, and there's absolutely no reason not to do them. I live my life now by the old saying, If you're bored, you're boring.

Life isn't going to come knocking; you have to go out and meet it where it happens. So, what's stopping you?

BBhogan · 05-24-2007, 04:07 PM

What do I want? I want a job working with rescuing animals. I want a newer home on a couple of acres. I want to live in a state that offers mountains to hike in.
Problem w/getting this?
1) Can't leave my job of 20 years for a non-profit organization. Too much financial impact.
2) Housing market in Michigan s**ks! Even if we could sell our house, a new house would most likely lose value for the next few years at least.
3) There are no mountains in Michigan.

Thanks for the advise though. You are right and I do think of this every day.

chai714 · 05-24-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dako

Change is exciting.
I'm having a midlife reorganization, and in some ways it's helped my depression to find new things to do. Being in a rut makes everything so dull. Taking classes, meeting new people and mixing it up can help.

It's like being tired, not exercising, and therefore getting more tired.
Breaking the pattern is the only cure.

I think Dako summed it up well. His key phrase was, "Breaking the pattern is the only cure." You're talking about changing but the whole "taking action" part is required. The drugs will end up lowering your self-esteem in the end and make you feel worse about yourself, thus increasing your susceptibility to becoming depressed again.

If you want to change, you can. Afterall, it is a choice.

Mr. Mysterious · 05-24-2007, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBhogan

What do I want? I want a job working with rescuing animals. I want a newer home on a couple of acres. I want to live in a state that offers mountains to hike in.
Problem w/getting this?
1) Can't leave my job of 20 years for a non-profit organization. Too much financial impact.
2) Housing market in Michigan s**ks! Even if we could sell our house, a new house would most likely lose value for the next few years at least.
3) There are no mountains in Michigan.

Thanks for the advise though. You are right and I do think of this every day.

It's good that you KNOW this then. That's the biggest step really.
My advice would be to:
1.) Determine a way to leave your job without causing a massive financial impact. If it's the company you are worried about impacting, then you must remember YOU are the most important thing here. YOU can never put anyone or anything in front of you, or you and that person or thing WILL suffer.
If the financial problem will be with your income, do something to change that. Start learning a new skill, take a class, do something productive so that you will be in charge of YOUR OWN future.
2.) Do you really have to stay in Michigan? Keep an open mind and start looking at real-estate near mountains. Even if your not ready yet, make some kind of a PLAN that you can hold dear to you.
3.) Set a date. Maybe 1 year, 6 months or 2 years. Some kind of date that you MUST keep in order to keep your health & sanity. You need this change and you KNOW it.
4.) Remind yourself each day by saying "I CONTROL MY OWN DESTINY". It may seem silly, but you know it's true and a simple daily affirmation such as this can help your conscious mind calm your subconscious mind which in turn will make you feel more "at ease" when you are ready to make that transition.

Good luck. You have no idea how many people just like you will NEVER be happy because they live their lives day-in and day-out the same way and never realize they have the POWER to make their own dreams come true.

Dako · 05-24-2007, 09:29 PM

Forgive this self-indulgent blather.

I was in the same field for almost 30 years, did a fine job, was successful, made good minola and at 53, lost my job. Most new opportunities required me to brush up on more popular software and do more of one task I liked the least.

Somewhat recently, a number of friends died, my wife dumped me, and some other unpalatable things, so I figured why not start with a new canvas and build a life from scratch.

I researched new careers and found one that uses soft skills I've developed over the years and never got to use. I found a training program and met new people. I feel like a kid, soaking up info like a sponge, and look forward to a new sort of workday when I complete this program. Every day I find somethig in me that seldom sees the light of day.
Pay sucks, but I'm frugal, yet it's a rush to take a chance and learn there's still life in the old boy. I've been dealing with depression most of my life, but this is really helping me get out of a few ruts I once thought permanent.

Sure, I may someday hate this line of work, but at least I tried.

I know people with far more problems than I have, and in some way, I feel compelled to use the gifts I have.

That's my take on my ongoing midlife whatever-it-is.

BBhogan · 05-25-2007, 09:11 AM

Thanks to all for the GREAT advice. I will take it to heart. I do know that if things are to change, it starts with me.

I guess sometimes I want everything now and I don't like the planning and waiting part!

Thanks again!!

05-24-2007, 02:12 PM	#1
BBhogan Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Posts: 11	How to handle midlife boredom? I have been feeling bored with life for about two years now. However, I really don't know why. I am a middle aged women who has a history of depression and is currently on anti-depressants but, I feel so bored with life. It is like I have lived my life and I know what the rest of my life will be like and I don't really look forward to the same old, same old. I feel like I am always waiting for life to happen. I have gone to lots of therapists in the past and I feel like they just tell me the same old thing - "have your doctor change medication" (did that), "involve yourself with what interests you" (I do), "write in a journal" (I do). Things things help but, doesn't cure the contant thinking that this is how my life will be for the rest of my life. The worst thing is lately I have been doing drugs to get me out of my boredom and I know that is not a good thing. Does anybody go this boredom thing? Am I just not appreciating all the good things I have? Any suggestions?

05-24-2007, 02:22 PM	#2
Mr. Mysterious Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Tacoma, WA Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 90	I have also been really bored myself. And I have also done drugs to try and get out of boredom. The big question you need to ask yourself, is "What do I want to do?". Imagine if it was just you, and no husband, kids, etc. What do YOU want to do?

05-24-2007, 02:29 PM	#3
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,113	Change is exciting. I'm having a midlife reorganization, and in some ways it's helped my depression to find new things to do. Being in a rut makes everything so dull. Taking classes, meeting new people and mixing it up can help. It's like being tired, not exercising, and therefore getting more tired. Breaking the pattern is the only cure.

05-24-2007, 03:35 PM	#4
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	I spent my thirties smacked out of my head, and didn't do a blessed thing. It was quitting drugs that liberated me from stagnant routine. In the last month or so I've been to a world-class art museum and the La Brea tar pits, hunted for sand dollars on the beach, drunk soju at a Korean bbq restaurant, attended a Dodgers-G*nts game (sorry, I don't say that* team's name), taken a girl to the movies, taken another out for Italian, a third for Thai and a fourth for pizza, gone on walks through two lush parks, and so on... and the next month is going to be the same way. None of these things put a huge dent in my wallet, and I'm having a blast. "There's a million things to do," Cat Stevens once said, and there's absolutely no reason not to do them. I live my life now by the old saying, If you're bored, you're boring. Life isn't going to come knocking; you have to go out and meet it where it happens. So, what's stopping you?

05-24-2007, 04:07 PM	#5
BBhogan Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Posts: 11	What do I want? I want a job working with rescuing animals. I want a newer home on a couple of acres. I want to live in a state that offers mountains to hike in. Problem w/getting this? 1) Can't leave my job of 20 years for a non-profit organization. Too much financial impact. 2) Housing market in Michigan s**ks! Even if we could sell our house, a new house would most likely lose value for the next few years at least. 3) There are no mountains in Michigan. Thanks for the advise though. You are right and I do think of this every day.

05-24-2007, 09:29 PM	#8
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,113	Forgive this self-indulgent blather. I was in the same field for almost 30 years, did a fine job, was successful, made good minola and at 53, lost my job. Most new opportunities required me to brush up on more popular software and do more of one task I liked the least. Somewhat recently, a number of friends died, my wife dumped me, and some other unpalatable things, so I figured why not start with a new canvas and build a life from scratch. I researched new careers and found one that uses soft skills I've developed over the years and never got to use. I found a training program and met new people. I feel like a kid, soaking up info like a sponge, and look forward to a new sort of workday when I complete this program. Every day I find somethig in me that seldom sees the light of day. Pay sucks, but I'm frugal, yet it's a rush to take a chance and learn there's still life in the old boy. I've been dealing with depression most of my life, but this is really helping me get out of a few ruts I once thought permanent. Sure, I may someday hate this line of work, but at least I tried. I know people with far more problems than I have, and in some way, I feel compelled to use the gifts I have. That's my take on my ongoing midlife whatever-it-is.

05-25-2007, 09:11 AM	#9
BBhogan Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Posts: 11	Thanks to all for the GREAT advice. I will take it to heart. I do know that if things are to change, it starts with me. I guess sometimes I want everything now and I don't like the planning and waiting part! Thanks again!!