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She says no Chemistry..should i call?


niceguycols

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This is a follow up to my post a few days ago..So I met this girl and had a great first date..we ended up back in my apartment and made out for 2-3 hours..lots of kissing and physical intimacy..She called a week later and said that she doesn't feel the chemistry is there and wants to stay friends..i was reading in mens health today that this might be a sign that her physical signal s betrayed her so now she is trying to make up by pulling back a bit...Do you think I should call her and still try to hang out? Or should i let it go unless she calls or contacts me? Female opinion will be especially appreciated

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Ok, I don't know where men's health is getting their info, but if I personally were to say "there's no chemistry, can we be friends", I imagine I would mean the no chemistry part and have said "let's be friends" just as a way to soften the blow, so my vote is no call.

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sorry, male here. but i'll try my best anyhow.

 

what do you mean by physical intimacy? did you make love? oral? feeling up? that's a broad term that could be a key to all of this. she could have been very surprised on how far she went and wants to tone it down. maybe she figured that guys who moved this fast are going to end up like one of those short-term relationships full of lust and no love?

 

my advice is that wait a few days before she calls. then call her if nothing arises. if anything, you can develop a friendship without the romance. I know that's not what your looking for, but its better than having nothing at all...IMO.

 

 

~Jvc21

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Hey there,

 

"mens health today that this might be a sign that her physical signals betrayed her so now she is trying to make up by pulling back a bit."

 

Sorry but that is most ridiculous thing I have ever read. I am not even sure I understand this fully.

 

Anyhow, when a woman comes out and says there is nothing there and to be friends only, please believe her. Many women sometimes have a hard time straightshooting and getting to the point so they sometimes give the runaround, give excuses, try to soften the blow and sometimes they do not even call back. But this woman did not, she called, she was honest. Consider this a blessing. This did not work out, keep your options open. I strongly suggest you do not pursue this girl romantically anymore. Sorry it did not work out.

 

Good luck!

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Ok, I don't know where men's health is getting their info, but if I personally were to say "there's no chemistry, can we be friends", I imagine I would mean the no chemistry part and have said "let's be friends" just as a way to soften the blow, so my vote is no call.

 

Yikes, i have never said that to a guy I liked. I agree with sophie, I think you should let this one go. If you do ask her out again, know that it will be as just friends, unless she gives you clear signals otherwise..... I think she may actually be telling the truth here....

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What the hell are the people over at Men's Health smoking these days??? lol

 

If she said there is no chemistry to you then just move on. Why waste any time on her if she said that. I wouldnt say that to a girl I had even the slightest bit of interest in.

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go with these posters. there are plenty of other girls with similar traits that you can relate with and have good relationships with.

 

Yes, it's not gonna be her, but you'd be surprised when some girl pops up and blows her out of the park.

 

Believe.

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what did the men's health article say exactly? was it talking about a woman being a little "distant" the day after - because, yes, that does happen, there can be some awkwardness, so that isn't anything to be SO concerned about but "I feel no chemistry" is certainly slamming on the breaks....

 

like kellbell said, if you were lucky enough that this woman is a straight-shooter, take her at her word! Many other (men and women) would just give you the run around, by being "too busy" to plan a date, or "not be sure" if they will be in town that weekend or not....

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i think she is being pretty clear... she doesn't want to date you... could also mean she is dating someone else where she has stronger chemistry with him, and has decided to go with him instead of you...

 

so you could try to stay friends, but if you want more, i think it will only lead to you feeling more rejected and stop you from pursuing other women who WILL have that chemistry with you. if you're not too invested in her you could stay friends, but it sounds like you will just end up being disappointed if she is being this clear that she doesn't feel a spark strong enough to date you.

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You are lucky that she was up front with you, and I would take her at her word.

 

As for the "let's be friends" part ... assuming that you have a romantic attraction toward her ... trying to be a non-romantic friend under those circumstances is a recipe for disaster for you. Don't ever imagine that her feelings will change ... it doesn't work that way, and you don't want to be six months down the road hoping she will be with you while she cries on your shoulder about her latest boyfriend problems!!! That's just pain for you, and awkwardness for her because she will know you are hurting and there is nothing she can do about it.

 

Good luck.

 

Zack.

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It's a nice way of saying she is not into you for dating purposes. If she changes her mind she will let you know. I would be somewhat offended - and find it creepy - if some guy I dated only a few times called me to convince me that either I did feel chemistry or that it didn't matter, or any other analyzing of my clear message that I wasn't interested.

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She gave you the respect of honesty, and that is a kind gift. So take her words seriously, and not personally. She just doesn't feel the chemistry, and that's okay, it's not her "betraying herself" because the FACT is, she said what she meant, so it's important for you to now respect her words. If you can be "friends' with her without expectations of something more, then go ahead and call her, thank her for her honesty and enjoy a friendship.

 

but if you are secretly hoping she was "mistaken" about her feelings, then be careful about allowing your "feelings" to ignore the "fact"... because it's very clear that she has made the respectful choice of being straightforward and kind enough to tell you that she'd rather be "buddies", and not start a "relationship". Respect her honesty.

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Err... you two had physical imtimacy and she said there was no chemestry. LMAO. Oh u poor guy you. I have trouble gettin girls to that stage after 2 or 3 dates.

 

What happened, was you slept with her after the first date. You rushed into things and are trying to expect a relationship out of it. Well that is about as unlikley as England getting 17 hurricanes in the next 17 days. say to her "hey would you like to go (wherever, a cup of coffee or something small) and say, if nothing else, it sounds like you might make a nice friend". Think about it like this, how can she see u as a friend if u spelt with her

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This is a follow up to my post a few days ago..So I met this girl and had a great first date..we ended up back in my apartment and made out for 2-3 hours..lots of kissing and physical intimacy..She called a week later and said that she doesn't feel the chemistry is there and wants to stay friends..i was reading in mens health today that this might be a sign that her physical signal s betrayed her so now she is trying to make up by pulling back a bit...Do you think I should call her and still try to hang out? Or should i let it go unless she calls or contacts me? Female opinion will be especially appreciated

 

A girl who is interested in you romantically would not tell you there was no chemsitry for the risk of you leaving all together. Men's Health needs to hire someone intelligent if they are publishing that crap. I'm not a professional and I knew this much for years.

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can someone explain why girls would get physical, kiss smooch make out on 3 dates and then come up with some lame ass excuse like this

 

chemistry btw .. aka .. buying temperature .. can be manipulated i think .. if you're willing to play the indirect/just friends game for a while

 

btw, i read in some scientific study that familiarity can make one seem more attractive .. hence so many "just friends" ultimately hook up at one point or the other

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can someone explain why girls would get physical, kiss smooch make out on 3 dates and then come up with some lame ass excuse like this

 

She came up with that excuse because she had a low interest level in you.

 

Now your real question is why would she do things that show a high interest level if she really had a low one?

 

The answer could be a ton of things, but I think it would be safe to assume that initially she had a high interest level and something caused it to decrease during the three dates. It could be ANYTHING ranging from bad breath, to another guy coming into (or back into) her life.

 

The point would be to get back in the saddle and try again.

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Well I have become physically (kissing and a bit of fooling around) with a man I thought I was very into but then after I got to know him a bit better ... a few more dates, I changed my mind and thought we were not compatible and I let him know.

 

That's the point of dating ... It just a time to see if there is something there for the future. Sometimes there is and a lot of times there isn't!

Some are lucky to get to know there 'soulmate' early on - some need some more practise and/ or unlucky times to find the right person.

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i have no idea why some people get so stuck on one person. once you get the signals that it isn't going to work out move on. haven't you even gone to a new restaurant, tried something you have never have or sounds interesting? then you didn't like it, so you won't order it again? you try something else right. after a few visits if all the dishes you tried stink, you will probably never come back.

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