Dating for two years...engagement?

filmraven · 05-14-2007, 02:45 PM

Hi guys,

I know this post belongs in the marriage forum but I can never seem to get it to work...

I have a question regarding my relationship with an awesome guy that I have been dating for the past two years and living with for a little over a year. We have talked about getting engaged since last December. We had a long talk about it and both agreed that we felt ready to take that "next step". Since my bf doesn't want to get married until after his sister does (she won't be until June 2000) he said why don't we get engaged. I was thrilled at this prospect bc I love my bf more than anything and it feels, like they say, REALLY right. So...months go by and we shop together for a ring. In early February we found a diamond which my bf purchases with the decision that we buy the setting separately that we want off the web.

A few months have gone by now and my bf has stopped talking about getting the setting. I figured at first this was bc he didn't want me to know but lately has been making no hints of buying it. When we got our tax returns back he said, "Well I might as well spend it on car repairs since there's nothing else I need to dish money out for..." I felt like coughing and saying "engagement ring" but I refrained. He looked at me funny when I hesitated and said, "What, it's not like their is anything else."

I guess what I'm trying to get to is: lately I'VE been taking initiative and looking for a setting that I like (bc I don't trust ordering over the web) and recently found someone who works out of her home making engagement rings. I have yet to bring it up with my bf but I feel like I should tell him that I've found a place to go get it. I guess what I'm worried of is bringing it up and sounding impatient. I don't want to be pushy but I don't feel like I can just say, "So..are you still thinking of buying a ring?" without sounding that way. I guess I'm just a little old-fashioned and feel like I'm taking the reigns when all I want is my bf to be excited about it and WANT to go look for a ring.

My bf is absent minded frequently but I still feel uneasy over why he's stopped doing anything about it. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to get engaged to me or is holding off for some unmentioned reason. Advice would be appreciated.

KrisAnn · 05-14-2007, 02:54 PM

I have a good friend who felt the same way until her fiance proposed! Funny part was - she actually got herself so convinced he was never going to do it, that when he got down on his knee on the beach in Maine, she thought he fell and was like "will you get up, this is embarrassing!" LOL! Sorry, I still find that funny

Anyway, just be patient. The diamond is purchased - he's made up his mind that he wants this. He could be just messing with you, knowing how badly you want this, or he really could just be being absent-minded about it. I would just wait it out a little longer. Sounds to me like you're as good as engaged

flower99 · 05-14-2007, 03:23 PM

If you're taking by the reigns & picking the setting or reminding him to do..it's not the same. You don't want to plan your engagment do you??

Be patient and trust your bf. You were present when he bought the diamond ..so he might still be trying to get an element of surprise, so he's throughing you off by acting like he's forgotten. He already bought the diamand.. I don't think that is something he'll forget about. So I personally am thinking he's taking time to find the right setting & surprise you with it when you least expect it.

Be patient...Trust him....He might be holding off for an unmentioned reason...but that reason could just be the right moment. Where he feels it is the perfect time and/or place to do it.
Let us know how it turns out... I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

filmraven · 05-14-2007, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower99

You don't want to plan your engagment do you??

No, I totally don't want to plan my own engagement and I think that was what I was trying to get at. How do I hint at it or bring it up with him without sounding impatient? Is it better just not to say anything? It may sound unreasonable but I can see him putting it off for the next year and I'll just end up getting fusterated.

Batya33 · 05-14-2007, 03:41 PM

Since you're living with him anyway, why not do the proposing? I don't quite understand the "can't get married until after my sister does" especially since you are living together, but if that is ok with you, that's great.

ghost69 · 05-14-2007, 03:50 PM

maybe he is letting it blow over to get your to forget about it so he can surprise you. women can do the proposing too you know.

filmraven · 05-14-2007, 04:11 PM

Yeah, I have heard of women proposing. I think it's awesome, and modern and I'd admire a fellow co-worker for doing it but I just really don't feel like it's me. Call me old-fashioned but I still love the idea of having my bf propose to me instead of me doing it instead.

I really hope he's trying to "make me forget" but in the same instance I know my bf really well and my instincts tell me that he's going to take his fine time while I get ansy waiting. More than anything I just want to mention it slightly but I don't know what to say to him.

flower99 · 05-14-2007, 04:17 PM

say....Oh wow, look at my finger...it's so Naked. (:
or ....'you know hun, I keep getting hit on...I wish I had some obviously symbol to prove that i'm taken" ha ha ha
That's the best I can to for slightly mentioning it (:
OH OH unless you get a friend of his or yours to casually mention something.

If he does take his fine time while you get antsy...Is there a problem with that??? Cause you will have to wait to get married either way. (when is his sister getting married..above it says June 2000 ???)

filmraven · 05-14-2007, 04:28 PM

Thanks for the helpful point flower99. Sorry for the typo-his sister isn't getting married until 2008 so in a year from now. I understand then that I shouldn't get ansy over it. I guess I've just had it in my head for a long time that after being together for over two years and knowing that you are with the right person you should get married. I guess getting engaged for me after two years is a way of compromising the fact that we can't get married until four years after dating due to his sisters impending nuptials. If I had it my way and it wouldn't interfer, I'd gladly get married a lot sooner (like this summer).

flower99 · 05-14-2007, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by filmraven

I guess I've just had it in my head for a long time that after being together for over two years and knowing that you are with the right person you should get married. I guess getting engaged for me after two years is a way of compromising the fact that we can't get married until four years after dating due to his sisters impending nuptials. If I had it my way and it wouldn't interfer, I'd gladly get married a lot sooner (like this summer).

No problem...I know their a little cheesy, but its a fun way to casually mention it.

Yeah, I totally understand. I'm certain I'd feel the same way.
So question...is it his sister that has asked that you two not do it till she's has? or is it your bf that feels you two shouldn't? and why? are you okay with it??

05-14-2007, 02:45 PM	#1
filmraven Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 61	Dating for two years...engagement? Hi guys, I know this post belongs in the marriage forum but I can never seem to get it to work... I have a question regarding my relationship with an awesome guy that I have been dating for the past two years and living with for a little over a year. We have talked about getting engaged since last December. We had a long talk about it and both agreed that we felt ready to take that "next step". Since my bf doesn't want to get married until after his sister does (she won't be until June 2000) he said why don't we get engaged. I was thrilled at this prospect bc I love my bf more than anything and it feels, like they say, REALLY right. So...months go by and we shop together for a ring. In early February we found a diamond which my bf purchases with the decision that we buy the setting separately that we want off the web. A few months have gone by now and my bf has stopped talking about getting the setting. I figured at first this was bc he didn't want me to know but lately has been making no hints of buying it. When we got our tax returns back he said, "Well I might as well spend it on car repairs since there's nothing else I need to dish money out for..." I felt like coughing and saying "engagement ring" but I refrained. He looked at me funny when I hesitated and said, "What, it's not like their is anything else." I guess what I'm trying to get to is: lately I'VE been taking initiative and looking for a setting that I like (bc I don't trust ordering over the web) and recently found someone who works out of her home making engagement rings. I have yet to bring it up with my bf but I feel like I should tell him that I've found a place to go get it. I guess what I'm worried of is bringing it up and sounding impatient. I don't want to be pushy but I don't feel like I can just say, "So..are you still thinking of buying a ring?" without sounding that way. I guess I'm just a little old-fashioned and feel like I'm taking the reigns when all I want is my bf to be excited about it and WANT to go look for a ring. My bf is absent minded frequently but I still feel uneasy over why he's stopped doing anything about it. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to get engaged to me or is holding off for some unmentioned reason. Advice would be appreciated.

05-14-2007, 03:23 PM	#3
flower99 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,948	If you're taking by the reigns & picking the setting or reminding him to do..it's not the same. You don't want to plan your engagment do you?? Be patient and trust your bf. You were present when he bought the diamond ..so he might still be trying to get an element of surprise, so he's throughing you off by acting like he's forgotten. He already bought the diamand.. I don't think that is something he'll forget about. So I personally am thinking he's taking time to find the right setting & surprise you with it when you least expect it. Be patient...Trust him....He might be holding off for an unmentioned reason...but that reason could just be the right moment. Where he feels it is the perfect time and/or place to do it. Let us know how it turns out... I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. __________________ ~Love is not gazing into each other's eyes; it is looking together in the same direction.~ ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~ Last edited by flower99; 05-14-2007 at 03:35 PM.

05-14-2007, 03:50 PM	#6
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,424	maybe he is letting it blow over to get your to forget about it so he can surprise you. women can do the proposing too you know. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

05-14-2007, 04:17 PM	#8
flower99 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 1,948	say....Oh wow, look at my finger...it's so Naked. (: or ....'you know hun, I keep getting hit on...I wish I had some obviously symbol to prove that i'm taken" ha ha ha That's the best I can to for slightly mentioning it (: OH OH unless you get a friend of his or yours to casually mention something. If he does take his fine time while you get antsy...Is there a problem with that??? Cause you will have to wait to get married either way. (when is his sister getting married..above it says June 2000 ???) __________________ ~Love is not gazing into each other's eyes; it is looking together in the same direction.~ ~ There are a lot of changes in life, how we react to them that matters, it's what makes us who we are. ~ Last edited by flower99; 05-14-2007 at 04:22 PM.

05-14-2007, 02:54 PM	#2
KrisAnn Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: MA Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 257	I have a good friend who felt the same way until her fiance proposed! Funny part was - she actually got herself so convinced he was never going to do it, that when he got down on his knee on the beach in Maine, she thought he fell and was like "will you get up, this is embarrassing!" LOL! Sorry, I still find that funny Anyway, just be patient. The diamond is purchased - he's made up his mind that he wants this. He could be just messing with you, knowing how badly you want this, or he really could just be being absent-minded about it. I would just wait it out a little longer. Sounds to me like you're as good as engaged

05-14-2007, 03:41 PM	#5
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,059	Since you're living with him anyway, why not do the proposing? I don't quite understand the "can't get married until after my sister does" especially since you are living together, but if that is ok with you, that's great.

05-14-2007, 04:11 PM	#7
filmraven Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 61	Yeah, I have heard of women proposing. I think it's awesome, and modern and I'd admire a fellow co-worker for doing it but I just really don't feel like it's me. Call me old-fashioned but I still love the idea of having my bf propose to me instead of me doing it instead. I really hope he's trying to "make me forget" but in the same instance I know my bf really well and my instincts tell me that he's going to take his fine time while I get ansy waiting. More than anything I just want to mention it slightly but I don't know what to say to him.

05-14-2007, 04:28 PM	#9
filmraven Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Canada Age: 26 Posts: 61	Thanks for the helpful point flower99. Sorry for the typo-his sister isn't getting married until 2008 so in a year from now. I understand then that I shouldn't get ansy over it. I guess I've just had it in my head for a long time that after being together for over two years and knowing that you are with the right person you should get married. I guess getting engaged for me after two years is a way of compromising the fact that we can't get married until four years after dating due to his sisters impending nuptials. If I had it my way and it wouldn't interfer, I'd gladly get married a lot sooner (like this summer).