How do I get her out of our lives?

Hootz · 05-06-2007, 09:28 PM

Just over 3 years ago, my wife met a woman that I worked with, and they became friends. Over the years they have become quite close friends, but now they are too close!!

They either talk on the phone, or text, or go around to each others house, every day. It's driving me mad, it feels like she is my wifes significant other, instead of me!!

I have talked to my wife about how much time they spend together, and she keeps telling me not to be so stupid, and jealous. My wife can't say no to her! If she wants my wife to go around and do scrapbooking, or go around to watch a DVD, or take the kids somewhere, my wife never refuses.

My wifes friend has a husband that is a doormat, so he's never going to object, so tat makes me look even worse!

I need to do something, because this is affecting my marriage. I am the one that is supposed to be the one to turn to for emotional support, and guidance etc, not some friend that is on medication for depression!!!!

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Before I do something that might get me in deep trouble.....

Hootz

Eva:Gina · 05-06-2007, 09:33 PM

what would you do with her if she wasnt spending time with her freind?
you cant just say "stop it" you ahve to have a reason, you have to want to spend that time with her... quality time...

JadedStar · 05-06-2007, 09:46 PM

I agree with Eva. Start dating your wife again. Ask her out to the movies, to dinner......ask her to stay in and watch a new vid with you......

She apparently is enjoying the same interests as this friend. I might be old fashioned but I think a spouse can be someone's best friend. But if this girl is doing all the asking and you are not then you might can expect this a bit.

She apparently thinks this woman is very interesting and they share common interests.......try being that person too. Woo and court your wife again. IT can really strengthen your marriage too.

b2761 · 05-06-2007, 11:24 PM

better she has a close female friend than a male friend- you might get jealous even if there was nothing to be jealous about! I agree with the others- give her a reason to spend more time with you.

Hootz · 05-07-2007, 12:18 AM

I do want to spend "quality" time with my wife,but this "friend" keeps butting in. Example: I took the day off work for my wifes birthday, so that we could all go for a trip to a place she had mentioned that she would like to go, her friend texted 8 times during the day!, So we ended up spending the day with her as well, via text!!! I just rang home (I'm at work at the mo), just to see how her day was going, and she's looking after her friends kids. Her friend treats my house like it's hers, she treats any outings, parties etc, as she is invited, and makes a big event about everything.

I need some tools/advice to either get her out of our lives, or get my wife to make me her number 1 priority and put the friend in the back-ground, or some way to deal with this, so it doesn't mess with my head!

I keep having thoughts of ways to dispose of her, so I need to get something sorted, because this is not healthy....

Eva:Gina · 05-07-2007, 12:27 AM

ask her to turn her phone off, for one
but DONT ever ask for ANYTHING in a snarky tone, it will just put your wife on the defensive.

talk to your wife
get the freind to look after your kids for a weekend and have a lock-down.
turn off the cell-phones, pull the phones out of the wall, lock the doors, stock up on fantastic food, dvd's, books, sex toys (if your into that) bubble bath, etc etc... and enjoy her company

read to her in the bath
give her a massage
cook her favourite meals

and plan it witht he friend, becuase hten you are involving her and subtley tell ing her freind how much your wife means to you.

Hootz · 05-07-2007, 12:50 AM

HA HA HA
Nice ideas Gina!!!
Good to get another Kiwis ideas!
I don't know if she would be keen on something like that.... (although I'd be right into it!!! heh heh

) )
I just want to lead a normal life without having the constant intrusion of a false, manipulative, interferring mole....

Is that too much to ask...?

Eva:Gina · 05-07-2007, 12:56 AM

Your a kiwi?! awesome!

sometimes you arent going to like your partners freinds...
DONT make a big deal out of it.. im in the middle of a freind battle thing, and I hate it... my poor bf

just make the best of it... try to include the freind, but also make it clear you want ALONE time with your wife

Hootz · 05-07-2007, 01:29 AM

Cool, thanks mate!
I'm sitting at work surfing the net, just to avoid going home with the wrong mindset (and to give the friend more time to leave before I get home).

Will keep you updated.....

ghost69 · 05-07-2007, 01:01 PM

is she hot at least?

05-06-2007, 09:28 PM	#1
Hootz Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hurtsville Gender: Male Age: 37 Posts: 140	How do I get her out of our lives? Just over 3 years ago, my wife met a woman that I worked with, and they became friends. Over the years they have become quite close friends, but now they are too close!! They either talk on the phone, or text, or go around to each others house, every day. It's driving me mad, it feels like she is my wifes significant other, instead of me!! I have talked to my wife about how much time they spend together, and she keeps telling me not to be so stupid, and jealous. My wife can't say no to her! If she wants my wife to go around and do scrapbooking, or go around to watch a DVD, or take the kids somewhere, my wife never refuses. My wifes friend has a husband that is a doormat, so he's never going to object, so tat makes me look even worse! I need to do something, because this is affecting my marriage. I am the one that is supposed to be the one to turn to for emotional support, and guidance etc, not some friend that is on medication for depression!!!! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Before I do something that might get me in deep trouble..... Hootz

05-06-2007, 09:33 PM	#2
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,472	what would you do with her if she wasnt spending time with her freind? you cant just say "stop it" you ahve to have a reason, you have to want to spend that time with her... quality time... __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

05-07-2007, 12:27 AM	#6
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,472	ask her to turn her phone off, for one but DONT ever ask for ANYTHING in a snarky tone, it will just put your wife on the defensive. talk to your wife get the freind to look after your kids for a weekend and have a lock-down. turn off the cell-phones, pull the phones out of the wall, lock the doors, stock up on fantastic food, dvd's, books, sex toys (if your into that) bubble bath, etc etc... and enjoy her company read to her in the bath give her a massage cook her favourite meals and plan it witht he friend, becuase hten you are involving her and subtley tell ing her freind how much your wife means to you. __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

05-07-2007, 12:56 AM	#8
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,472	Your a kiwi?! awesome! sometimes you arent going to like your partners freinds... DONT make a big deal out of it.. im in the middle of a freind battle thing, and I hate it... my poor bf just make the best of it... try to include the freind, but also make it clear you want ALONE time with your wife __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

05-07-2007, 01:01 PM	#10
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,424	is she hot at least? __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

05-06-2007, 09:46 PM	#3
JadedStar Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: On a star far, far away... Posts: 16,339	I agree with Eva. Start dating your wife again. Ask her out to the movies, to dinner......ask her to stay in and watch a new vid with you...... She apparently is enjoying the same interests as this friend. I might be old fashioned but I think a spouse can be someone's best friend. But if this girl is doing all the asking and you are not then you might can expect this a bit. She apparently thinks this woman is very interesting and they share common interests.......try being that person too. Woo and court your wife again. IT can really strengthen your marriage too.

05-06-2007, 11:24 PM	#4
b2761 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 285	better she has a close female friend than a male friend- you might get jealous even if there was nothing to be jealous about! I agree with the others- give her a reason to spend more time with you.

05-07-2007, 12:18 AM	#5
Hootz Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hurtsville Gender: Male Age: 37 Posts: 140	I do want to spend "quality" time with my wife,but this "friend" keeps butting in. Example: I took the day off work for my wifes birthday, so that we could all go for a trip to a place she had mentioned that she would like to go, her friend texted 8 times during the day!, So we ended up spending the day with her as well, via text!!! I just rang home (I'm at work at the mo), just to see how her day was going, and she's looking after her friends kids. Her friend treats my house like it's hers, she treats any outings, parties etc, as she is invited, and makes a big event about everything. I need some tools/advice to either get her out of our lives, or get my wife to make me her number 1 priority and put the friend in the back-ground, or some way to deal with this, so it doesn't mess with my head! I keep having thoughts of ways to dispose of her, so I need to get something sorted, because this is not healthy....

05-07-2007, 12:50 AM	#7
Hootz Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hurtsville Gender: Male Age: 37 Posts: 140	HA HA HA Nice ideas Gina!!! Good to get another Kiwis ideas! I don't know if she would be keen on something like that.... (although I'd be right into it!!! heh heh ) ) I just want to lead a normal life without having the constant intrusion of a false, manipulative, interferring mole.... Is that too much to ask...?

05-07-2007, 01:29 AM	#9
Hootz Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hurtsville Gender: Male Age: 37 Posts: 140	Cool, thanks mate! I'm sitting at work surfing the net, just to avoid going home with the wrong mindset (and to give the friend more time to leave before I get home). Will keep you updated.....