I'm a Christian...how do I deal with the death of a non-Christian??

CMJG · 04-30-2007, 02:44 PM

Let me start off by saying right now that I don't want this to become any sort of discussion or argument thread. If you have a problem with what is being said, just hit your back button and move on. Thanks.

Anyways...

I lost a dear friend who was in an accident a little over 5 months ago now. I'm a pretty faithful Christian...I feel that God has helped me get through this rough time quite nicely. I never once even thought about being 'angry' at God, like I know that some people do in situations like this.

I do have a slight problem, and would like a little more conclusion to this...

I know for a fact that my friend was not a Christian..and, according to my beliefs, this means that she did not go to heaven. This is a TERRIBLE thought for me to have..it will always be with me. I just need someone to tell me something... how do I deal with that?

...again..I don't want arguments here, as I know many of you would probably like to do.

If you have any more questions...feel free to ask me and I'll try to explain more.

Thanks all...

needadvise · 04-30-2007, 02:50 PM

I dont know Im not Christian, but I believe if you were a good person in life and had a good heart then you will go to heaven regardless of what you believe religously.

RayKay · 04-30-2007, 02:50 PM

I am not sure how you deal with that...I am not Christian myself (I was baptized, but am not a practicing Christian, nor do I believe in religion itself but I am however very spiritual in believing in human kindness, respect, and the world is much bigger than we imagine) but have no doubt that if there is an afterlife, that I will be judged based on my actions and how I lived my life and treated and loved others, and not whether I believed in God/Christianity or not. And honestly, if I was simply told to stay out of heaven as I did not go to Church and believe in one God, than I am okay with that too...as I know in my own heart I have lived a full, good, caring and honest life to myself and others.

This is not a knock on you in anyway, as I don't know you....but I also know many people whom claim to be Christian whom live lives far from the values and principles of it....and if they get into "heaven" just because they put on the show and don't live it, rather than I whom does not put on the show and lives it....so be it. If people are left out of somewhere better even though they are genuine, loving people...it is no place I want to be a part of.

Maybe you can deal with it by knowing that Christian's are meant to also believe in forgiveness, and that if people can learn to forgive, and God taught to forgive - that God would ultimately be able to give the greatest forgiveness of all and accept those he created and loved into his heaven whether they spent their life believing in him or not?

I lost my late boyfriend a few years ago, and I know he was agnostic....that does not lead me to believe in anyway though that if there is a better place that he is not there...because he was a true embodiment of what it meant to be kind and loving to others and he lived a full, caring life.

needadvise · 04-30-2007, 02:50 PM

and Im sorry for the loss of your friend

JadedStar · 04-30-2007, 02:53 PM

I am not quite sure I know what you are asking here. how does his/her religious stance affect you? Are you asking if you should attend the funeral?

We are only responsible for ourselves. If you truly believe this person is going to hell, what can you do? You either believe he/she is going to hell, or you don't.

I think if that were me in your shoes, and if I really thought that this person was a good person and didn't deserve to go to
he11, i'd start doing some soul searching and digging into my religion of choice to try to get some better answers. I dont knock anyone's religion, but if my religion (i am agnostic tho) made me terrified that people I loved were going to he11 on the basis of their not being christian then I'd have to totally rethink my belief system.

I will leave it at that because you are right, this topic can really get heated and I'd rather not state anything further than that.

boomvang · 04-30-2007, 02:54 PM

Well, WWJD? (Didn't he hang around with criminals and prostitutes?)

Think about this scripture: "Greater love has no man than he who would lay down his life for that of a friend."

In that sentence, does the word "friend" have any qualifiers in front of it? That "friend" could have been the world's biggest heathen. What's important to God is how YOU live YOUR life. Your friend's relationship with God was her business and responsibility. You demonstrated your convictions with your life, and I'm betting you at least tried to share your beliefs with her. What she did with that is only between her and God. You've done all you could.

Leonhart · 04-30-2007, 02:56 PM

That's rough. Sorry for your loss.

Let me ask you: Are you 100% positive that this person did not accept God, even in their last moments? Not trying to drudge up old memories, but it's important to know. I'm not asking for specific details, but are you certain that they could not have known God beforehand? Even people on their deathbeds can find God. It's kind of last minute... but still better late than never at all.

*sigh*

If that person, you are certain, did not know God... then you are going to have to deal with death as the world (or an atheist) would. It's going to be a very painful and hurtful thing for you to do. I won't say much else, unless you ask... I'm not trying to add insult to injury, just answering your question from a legitimate, Christian-based perspective.

I've lost loved ones, but they were all saved. I've never lost someone I loved who did not know God. I can't imagine the grief that must accompany that.

Sounds awful. When you lose a loved one in the Lord, you know you'll see them in a few years, so you can cope easily. You miss them, but you move on. But in this situation... It must be awful.

The only thing I can add is that they are THEIR OWN PERSON... and they are responsible for their own decisions. We all have the ability to choose what we believe in. God respects our choices, even if He does not agree with them.

You're more than welcome to PM me if you'd like an ear to listen to you or some further advice on this from a fellow Christian. If not, just stick close to God and He'll get you through. Might be tough as hell, but you'll make it.

**BellaDonna** · 04-30-2007, 02:59 PM

Interesting webpage about this whole issue, one person's opinion:

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

I think some of this perspective is dependent on which branch of Christianity you belong to.

I too am sorry for the loss of your friend.

Dako · 04-30-2007, 03:03 PM

This must be a dilemma for you.
Do you believe your friend went to a fiery place?
If not, what to make of your beliefs?

Seems like a test, doesn't it?

I'm sorry for your loss.

Luke Skywalker · 04-30-2007, 03:12 PM

Yup, the devil makes people think they can procrastinate and put off choosing Jesus and live their life first - party, drinking, women, etc.... moments of pleasure - then later in life, when you get old think about Jesus Christ. That's the lie of the enemy. Then the evil lion just pulls the rug out of them when they dont expect it. You live for the world then payback time comes and the devil wants your soul. This is a very serious matter. Your friend made a choice to put it off and this is what happens. It happened with people my mother knew back in Trinidad, and I'm scared when someone refused or procrastinates to accept Jesus what could happen to them could happen here.

Your guilt is determined on to what extent you are a true friend by warning your friend about hell and showing that Jesus Christ saves.
If you failed to pray or witness to your friend, then blood will be on your hands for all eternity as it says in the book of Ezekiel and you'll have to deal with it. However, if you did do everything possible to reach your friend for Christ then you may be spared from his blood for eternity as it is yoru friend's choice. After all - you did everything you can - so it's not your fault - if it is, then make sure it doesn't happen again to another friend - or you'll have no company in heaven of people you know here - you dont want that to happen, do you?

Read the links on yahoo about hell. Good people, bad people, religious people, immoral people, all go to hell apart from Christ, except children below the age of 7 years old.

So, how do you deal with this. Just look after your soul - you are saved, that's what counts - and try to reach other people out there as possible, hopefully this will motivate you to win the world for Christ - go and share the Gospel with everyone you know and prevent another person from going to hell. I'm sorry about your loss.

04-30-2007, 02:44 PM	#1
CMJG Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 29	I'm a Christian...how do I deal with the death of a non-Christian?? Let me start off by saying right now that I don't want this to become any sort of discussion or argument thread. If you have a problem with what is being said, just hit your back button and move on. Thanks. Anyways... I lost a dear friend who was in an accident a little over 5 months ago now. I'm a pretty faithful Christian...I feel that God has helped me get through this rough time quite nicely. I never once even thought about being 'angry' at God, like I know that some people do in situations like this. I do have a slight problem, and would like a little more conclusion to this... I know for a fact that my friend was not a Christian..and, according to my beliefs, this means that she did not go to heaven. This is a TERRIBLE thought for me to have..it will always be with me. I just need someone to tell me something... how do I deal with that? ...again..I don't want arguments here, as I know many of you would probably like to do. If you have any more questions...feel free to ask me and I'll try to explain more. Thanks all...

04-30-2007, 02:50 PM	#3
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	I am not sure how you deal with that...I am not Christian myself (I was baptized, but am not a practicing Christian, nor do I believe in religion itself but I am however very spiritual in believing in human kindness, respect, and the world is much bigger than we imagine) but have no doubt that if there is an afterlife, that I will be judged based on my actions and how I lived my life and treated and loved others, and not whether I believed in God/Christianity or not. And honestly, if I was simply told to stay out of heaven as I did not go to Church and believe in one God, than I am okay with that too...as I know in my own heart I have lived a full, good, caring and honest life to myself and others. This is not a knock on you in anyway, as I don't know you....but I also know many people whom claim to be Christian whom live lives far from the values and principles of it....and if they get into "heaven" just because they put on the show and don't live it, rather than I whom does not put on the show and lives it....so be it. If people are left out of somewhere better even though they are genuine, loving people...it is no place I want to be a part of. Maybe you can deal with it by knowing that Christian's are meant to also believe in forgiveness, and that if people can learn to forgive, and God taught to forgive - that God would ultimately be able to give the greatest forgiveness of all and accept those he created and loved into his heaven whether they spent their life believing in him or not? I lost my late boyfriend a few years ago, and I know he was agnostic....that does not lead me to believe in anyway though that if there is a better place that he is not there...because he was a true embodiment of what it meant to be kind and loving to others and he lived a full, caring life. __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I] Last edited by RayKay; 04-30-2007 at 02:56 PM.

04-30-2007, 02:54 PM	#6
boomvang Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: mid-south US Gender: Male Posts: 122	Well, WWJD? (Didn't he hang around with criminals and prostitutes?) Think about this scripture: "Greater love has no man than he who would lay down his life for that of a friend." In that sentence, does the word "friend" have any qualifiers in front of it? That "friend" could have been the world's biggest heathen. What's important to God is how YOU live YOUR life. Your friend's relationship with God was her business and responsibility. You demonstrated your convictions with your life, and I'm betting you at least tried to share your beliefs with her. What she did with that is only between her and God. You've done all you could. __________________ "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

04-30-2007, 02:56 PM	#7
Leonhart Offline Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,411	That's rough. Sorry for your loss. Let me ask you: Are you 100% positive that this person did not accept God, even in their last moments? Not trying to drudge up old memories, but it's important to know. I'm not asking for specific details, but are you certain that they could not have known God beforehand? Even people on their deathbeds can find God. It's kind of last minute... but still better late than never at all. sigh If that person, you are certain, did not know God... then you are going to have to deal with death as the world (or an atheist) would. It's going to be a very painful and hurtful thing for you to do. I won't say much else, unless you ask... I'm not trying to add insult to injury, just answering your question from a legitimate, Christian-based perspective. I've lost loved ones, but they were all saved. I've never lost someone I loved who did not know God. I can't imagine the grief that must accompany that. Sounds awful. When you lose a loved one in the Lord, you know you'll see them in a few years, so you can cope easily. You miss them, but you move on. But in this situation... It must be awful. The only thing I can add is that they are THEIR OWN PERSON... and they are responsible for their own decisions. We all have the ability to choose what we believe in. God respects our choices, even if He does not agree with them. You're more than welcome to PM me if you'd like an ear to listen to you or some further advice on this from a fellow Christian. If not, just stick close to God and He'll get you through. Might be tough as hell, but you'll make it. Last edited by Leonhart; 04-30-2007 at 03:11 PM. Reason: grammar is king

04-30-2007, 02:59 PM	#8
BellaDonna Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: U.S. Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 6,586	Interesting webpage about this whole issue, one person's opinion: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] I think some of this perspective is dependent on which branch of Christianity you belong to. I too am sorry for the loss of your friend. __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history." "Friendship should be a refuge, not an ordeal." Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Last edited by BellaDonna; 04-30-2007 at 03:01 PM.

04-30-2007, 02:50 PM	#2
needadvise Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3	I dont know Im not Christian, but I believe if you were a good person in life and had a good heart then you will go to heaven regardless of what you believe religously.

04-30-2007, 02:53 PM	#5
JadedStar Offline Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: On a star far, far away... Posts: 16,347	I am not quite sure I know what you are asking here. how does his/her religious stance affect you? Are you asking if you should attend the funeral? We are only responsible for ourselves. If you truly believe this person is going to hell, what can you do? You either believe he/she is going to hell, or you don't. I think if that were me in your shoes, and if I really thought that this person was a good person and didn't deserve to go to he11, i'd start doing some soul searching and digging into my religion of choice to try to get some better answers. I dont knock anyone's religion, but if my religion (i am agnostic tho) made me terrified that people I loved were going to he11 on the basis of their not being christian then I'd have to totally rethink my belief system. I will leave it at that because you are right, this topic can really get heated and I'd rather not state anything further than that.

04-30-2007, 03:03 PM	#9
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	This must be a dilemma for you. Do you believe your friend went to a fiery place? If not, what to make of your beliefs? Seems like a test, doesn't it? I'm sorry for your loss.

04-30-2007, 03:12 PM	#10
Luke Skywalker Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,471	Yup, the devil makes people think they can procrastinate and put off choosing Jesus and live their life first - party, drinking, women, etc.... moments of pleasure - then later in life, when you get old think about Jesus Christ. That's the lie of the enemy. Then the evil lion just pulls the rug out of them when they dont expect it. You live for the world then payback time comes and the devil wants your soul. This is a very serious matter. Your friend made a choice to put it off and this is what happens. It happened with people my mother knew back in Trinidad, and I'm scared when someone refused or procrastinates to accept Jesus what could happen to them could happen here. Your guilt is determined on to what extent you are a true friend by warning your friend about hell and showing that Jesus Christ saves. If you failed to pray or witness to your friend, then blood will be on your hands for all eternity as it says in the book of Ezekiel and you'll have to deal with it. However, if you did do everything possible to reach your friend for Christ then you may be spared from his blood for eternity as it is yoru friend's choice. After all - you did everything you can - so it's not your fault - if it is, then make sure it doesn't happen again to another friend - or you'll have no company in heaven of people you know here - you dont want that to happen, do you? Read the links on yahoo about hell. Good people, bad people, religious people, immoral people, all go to hell apart from Christ, except children below the age of 7 years old. So, how do you deal with this. Just look after your soul - you are saved, that's what counts - and try to reach other people out there as possible, hopefully this will motivate you to win the world for Christ - go and share the Gospel with everyone you know and prevent another person from going to hell. I'm sorry about your loss. Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 04-30-2007 at 03:15 PM.