Situational Depression

[inexorable]

My first love breakup was putting to much strain on me and i visited a Ph.D

I had been with this Ph.D before, when i first met my ex and was depressed at the time. We talked about how my ex pulled me out of where i was and i was dependant on having her to keep me out of the darkness. We grew closer and closer. Even tho it was young love the Ph.D compared to how i reacted with all the situations and how "civil" i was through the breakup and said that i was as devoted as a man who had been married about 30 years. Her oppinion i guess but a Ph.D oppinion as well along with the diagnosis of situational depression.

Out of all the people i've told my story too, just about everyone on forums/internet or have read the story in writing shes not coming back and well thats what im assuming. Just about everyone ive told the story too in person which almost exaclty matches my story in writing tells me the grass isnt always greener on the other side and they all tell me i shouldnt think of whether or not shes coming back but what do i do if she decides to come back. I dont understand what that means, its just an analysis of responses but it's almost like they are trying to tell me theres a good chance shes coming back or sumthin. are they trying to fill me up with false hope to raise my spirits like i was for about a month? or am i just interpereting everything as such because my heart wants it so bad.

and about this situational depression, my Ph.D wants me to focus on "finding" the missing peices of myself still attached to my ex. Your literally unable to give all of yourself to someone else if someone still has pieces of yourself. What exaclty does that mean, i mean how do i find myself? Just time? like doin what i normally do until it doesnt hurt no more?

[sneaker]

I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to "missing pieces." I think it means feeling confident in what you like, be it activities, people, hobbies, places, kinds of food. It's what people talk about in the NC threads - taking time to find yourself.

It's a hard process. I think different pieces get found by different routes. I've found some pieces of myself just by doing what I was doing before we broke up and reevaluating them for myself. Other pieces have been new things I've tried to see if they make me happy - I've always liked cooking but now I don't feel like I have to make something that my partner will also enjoy! I can bake brownies if I feel so inclined. What about the things I started doing as a result of the relationship? Do I enjoy them on my own? Some yes, some no, some undecided.

I've also been working on finding it in myself to deal with my emotions in a healthy way, which is really hard. For instance: is it really reasonable for me to be angry at her for ending the relationship the way she did? Sure. But does that give me license to be a jerk about seperating our things into "yours" and "mine"? No. Maybe impulse control is the phrase I'm looking for.

Sorry that this kind of turned into a reply about me. I really enjoy reading about what other people do to heal, so maybe you'll find some inspiration in what I've been going through.

[ZoeMatthews]

Basically, in order to find the missing pieces of yourself means that, that you have to do that FOR YOURSELF. Stop thinking about the ex or whether or not she is coming back, it doesn't matter.

Work on yourself...are you on medication for the depression? If you are, take your meds and take care of yourself. You are not her keeper.

Zoe

[doyathink]

You have to learn how to complete....YOU.
When the heartache and pain for your ex is gone...then move on. But until your 'healed' from this relationship....it's very difficult to start another one.
Put yourself first...and take care of your own needs...

I wish you luck...this isn't easy..