Feel like I'm falling back into depression!

[deelove2010]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to know if anybody out there who was going through the healing process fell back into DEPRESSION again a mth or so later?

I thought I passed this stage in the early stages of my breakup, I've been through the anger stage and I thought I was going through the acceptance stage but lately especially in the last coupleof weeks I feel really depressed!

I'm finding going to sleep and the most important getting up for work a real struggle, I've missed the last 2days of work as I couldn't face going in and feeling SAD!!!

I just wish I could feel myself again, I didn't realise how much this breakup has effected my health and I really hate my EX for it!

Pls if anybody out there that has felt the same give me some advice on how to deal with this cos I feel like I'm going insane!!!!!

[zippitt]

Sorry for your pain.

The thing you must focus on though is your thinking or thought process. When you feel depressed find out exactly what it is that is causing these emotions. When people are feeling hopeless or down we tend to make up things that are not entirely true, things like, "everyone hates me". In this situation you should be thinking of the people who love you. Granted this type of thinking doesn't rid the problem right away. It's the consistant positive thinking that will eventually pull you out of depression.

In some cases you depression should be first treated with therapy and then possibly medication in extreme cases. But to me this sounds like something you can pull yourself out of. Thinking positively doesn't happen naturally for a lot of us, you must work at it. If you want out of the depression you will get there.

If you need more help trying to reverse the negative thoughts, list them out and I can show you how to look at them in a different light.

[Dako]

Recovering from a breakup puts you on a cycle of recovery and despair, often called a rollercoaster. You may wake up without a care for your losses, and as the day wears on, drift into sadness. You may have two weeks of wonderful times, then drop into grinding despair for a week. Depression, elation, ennui or confusion can hit at any time.
When you feel up, make the best of it.

Eventually this ride comes to a halt, and you'll be back to your wonderful, healthy old self.

[deelove2010]

Thanks Zippit

Here is my list on what gets me down

1. I feel lonely, I'm scared I'm going to end up alone

2. I putting pressure on myself to get a new JOB, I have a job, they have been great with me especially over the last few mths, they have understood what I was going through, but I still want a job which will pay me more MONEY because I can't handle the fact my EX has got a new job, her uncle got it for her by the way in the CITY which is paying her more than me! I know it sounds petty and childish but I want to prove to myself I can get a better job and I do have an interview on thursday in the city for a job

3. Feels like everybody around me is so much happier with there lives, I feel SAD! These are the things that get me down

P.S I did lose my dad a little over a year ago from a major stroke and 3 mths later me and the EX got together and I feel it was the wrong time to do that, I just keep thinking I wish we got together after I sorted out my emotional baggage!

[thelonelydoll]

dee -

1) we all fear ending up alone, but eventually, you will get to a place where being alone doesn't make you feel "lonely"
2) If you want to get a new job and earn more money, that's all well and good, but maybe you shouldn't be putting "pressure" on yourself right now - be kind to yourself
3) It might feel like everybody around you is happier, but I wouldn't bet on it. Everyone has got their own sh*t, but you're choosing to think they're so much happier.

p.s. the fact that you put this in a "p.s." says so much. This is a huge reason to feel down - you went through a major loss, and perhaps you never really processed that properly, instead you started a new relationship and that became the focus. Which is human and normal. Now you feel it was the wrong time to get involved, looking back. None of us can turn back the clock - but maybe we can stop looking back with such regret. Regret that only hurts us, at the end of the day.

[deelove2010]

Lonelydoll

Thank you again for your great ADVICE!!!!

I feel so much better reading what you had to say!!!

I know i'm putting PRESSURE on myself in many ways, and I should PUMP on the breaks a little!

I know I put my Dad sudden death as a P.S because I don't want to use my Farther's death for the failure of my relantionship, I have to remember it takes 2 to make a relantionship work but sadly It takes one to END it!!!

Thanks Lonelydoll

[zippitt]

1. First take things one step at a time. The new job can wait until you get your head cleared. A new job will just add even more stress to your current situation. Remember that you do have a job, and they treat you well, there is no reason to think low of yourself because of this. It has got you this far, let it get you just a little bit further until you can think straight. Don’t be jealous your ex makes more, she doesn’t think anything of it, because she is just thinking over herself, she is making herself be happy. You shouldn’t want to make more because you are attempting to make your ex jealous. You should want it because that is what you always wanted, that is what was going to make you happy. And you still can do this, but not until you emotions have cleared up some, this will give you better focus on making YOURSELF happy.

2. The most important thing you must do is to become happy with yourself, obsessing about your ex is not the way to do this. Obviously your loneliness is contributing to your unhappiness. Being happy is all about the way you think, you could have far less than you do now but yet still achieve greater happiness. We are all alone, but when you are happy with yourself you can stave off loneliness. Being alone and suffering from loneliness are not the same thing. I also assume with your dads passing you feel a little empty? Depending on how severe the loss of your father was you may want to seek therapy for it. What things normally make you happy that you used to do alone? Are there things you have always wanted to try on your own do but where too scared?

Without specific examples of negative thoughts it’s hard for me to give the proper positive thought you should have in its place. Check out this link though, I found it very helpful. Please read the whole thing, you may not agree with it all, but generally speaking it’s pretty sound. If you can think of more specific examples of what goes through your head when you are missing her, like you are jealous of the money she makes, I can try to help you think of it in a different light.

http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/c-rejct.htm#WHAT%20IS%20FEAR%20OF%20REJECTION%20AND% 20FEAR%20OF%20BEING%20ALONE

[Dubb]

Dee,

I know how you feel. I lost my brother when my ex and I were just talking as friends. She was there for me a lot during that time. We got together a few weeks after and things took off so fast. 6 months later it was over and I was crushed. This happen over the holidays so it made things much worse. She would not let go of me either. She made me feel like she was coming back one day. Looking back I now know how much worse this made it. We jsut finally cut contact last week by her not responding to my IM. The girl filled voids I didn't realize she filled. I know this will be over eventually. I also realize if I can get through these last 10 months I can get through anything. Keep your head up. It does get better.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Small joys, there all around, music, art, a walk, some thing now to eat, seeing children play, letting the wind blow over your face, dogs barking far away, going to see the sea. Small joys, take one 3 times a day and see me in to weeks.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I became depressed a year into the pain..and had to be stabilized because it was clinical. Now I'm fine...maybe a short term prescription for some anti depressants. I didn't like the idea of mood controllers, but it is temporary...it eases that pain. If your really down and out like I was. I must add though, I held back tears...which is very detrimental to the healing process. I won't ever do that again.