single mothers

freedom lover · 04-17-2007, 06:51 AM

Id like to comment about being a single woman and how people think that
just because you are single and are not attached, there must be something going on, i.e you must be a lesbian, or u hate men, or you have baggage, or you are depressed. Even if you were all of those things, so what, so does everyone else have issues, its just that because you are a single mother you become more illuminating to people.

I have been single for about 3 years since i left my husband and have not
even really bothered about entering a relationship or friendship or flirted with guys because im still healing from my very long emotionally negectful marriage which of course has eroded self confidence.

Since ive left my husband and entered the real world after staying at home and looking after my family, the comments I get from random males and females and (friends)about me being single just make me so annoyed. I guess when I do decide to go out and mingle, when i feel happy about it, then I will. Honestly single mothers do have so much crap to put up with, sometimes it does not surprise me why they are still single. This is just my rant for now, does not mean that I'm unhappy at all, just stating the very plain ugly obvious reality.

Momene · 04-17-2007, 07:08 AM

I guess you're in the USA, as most posters are, but it's just the same in the UK. I know full well that the term "single mother" lumps all mothers who are not living with the father of the baby into a single category, which is completely unfair. I do know 3 "single fathers", one widowed and the other 2 had custody of the children after divorce.

"Sinlge mothers" can't win here. If they work, they're relying on someone else to look after their children. If they don't, they're also wrong because they are a "burden on the taxpayer".

When my first marriage broke up (no kids), I was damned for being "old (30!!) and single", yet also damned when I dated anyone and they only shut up when I remarried.

I think any sort of stereotyping is really irritating and people need to look at individuals before making judgements. I wish you luck.

brando · 04-17-2007, 07:08 AM

I think it is wonderful that you realize you do not feel ready yet for dating. I have been divorced now for almost four years, and I still have not met a woman I am interested in persuing a Long term relationship with, and that is ok.

I look at friends, co- workers and sometimes I see that they aren't particularly happy in their relationships, not all of them a few of them. And I can't help but smile or laugh to myself when they tell me I need to find someone to be with.

Or society places a heavy emphasis of being involved with someone, and not enough of being involved with ones self. Sad but true.

You will get there when you are ready.

Thanks for sharing.

be well,
brando.

southerngirl · 04-17-2007, 07:22 AM

I was a single mom for five years before I met married my current husband. I can relate to some of what you said here in your post. Another steriotype that I encountered was that anyone I dated, I was looking for a new dad for my child. That just was not the case.

anya · 04-17-2007, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freedom lover

Id like to comment about being a single woman and how people think that
just because you are single and are not attached, there must be something going on, i.e you must be a lesbian, or u hate men, or you have baggage, or you are depressed. Even if you were all of those things, so what, so does everyone else have issues, its just that because you are a single mother you become more illuminating to people.

I have been single for about 3 years since i left my husband and have not
even really bothered about entering a relationship or friendship or flirted with guys because im still healing from my very long emotionally negectful marriage which of course has eroded self confidence.

Since ive left my husband and entered the real world after staying at home and looking after my family, the comments I get from random males and females and (friends)about me being single just make me so annoyed. I guess when I do decide to go out and mingle, when i feel happy about it, then I will. Honestly single mothers do have so much crap to put up with, sometimes it does not surprise me why they are still single. This is just my rant for now, does not mean that I'm unhappy at all, just stating the very plain ugly obvious reality.

I'm not saying you don't have a point, but I have to say, I have never encountered any negative comments from being a single parent/single person. maybe others simply think it or say it behind my back, but I have honestly never felt inferior for not having a partner around. (I've often not wanted to particiapte in certain events due to everyone being in couples, but that's my choice and not what others are making me feel) then again, I'm sure I'm a committment-phobe, so maybe you should take that with a pinch of salt lol

Batya33 · 04-17-2007, 08:21 AM

Someone I know is a single mother by choice who is not dating but has tried to date since her son was born. She invited me to her son's birthday party. I am single, no children. She had just met my boyfriend and said to me in front of him and not quietly "Don't you feel left out without a baby?" I suppose I could have asked her if her son would feel left out without a daddy. But I didn't. She also had no idea whether I was able to have children.

I've been asked by complete strangers at parties why I haven't been "snapped up" yet, etc. I am sorry, OP that you too have been subjected to rude comments about your status as a single mother - I just wanted to add that single women in general are sometimes a target.

One of my closest friends is a single mother of three children going through a divorce. Her strength and grace and having to completely change her life seemingly overnight is such an inspiration to me. She has no interest in dating until her youngest goes off to college. Others do "pressure" her with good intentions but she knows her own mind. Also an inspiration.

Where I live there doesn't seem to be a stigma and again I am sorry if you have to put up with that situation - hopefully you can just ignore and know you're doing more than the best that you can.

Shadows Light · 04-17-2007, 09:43 AM

I'm a single mom of 2.. also out 3 years. And yes... I've seen the stigma. I've had friends tell me.. ."Not all guys are the same" when i tell them that I 'LIKE" being by myself. Don't get me wrong... I've dated.... I like the dating stuff... someone to laugh with.. spend time with etc... but I just want to "LIVE" alone at this time.... is that so wrong????

I get.."I'm not like the other guy... I'm different" and thats great and wonderful. And yes.. very true. But all I want to do is live alone...

and when I tell my GF's... that I want to live alone.. they look at me like I've grown two heads. Why is it so hard to comprehend?

LOL.... ya know what gets me is filling out important paperwork... such as medical forms. The little box you have to check that asks your status....
MARRIED..... SINGLE..... DIVORCED.....

Hmmmmm this one cracks me up. Cause I was married.. and I went through a "PROCESS" called divorce and I am now SINGLE.... so, which box do I check???? whats the difference between SINGLE and DIVORCED?????? why should there be a difference???

WhiteForest · 04-17-2007, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadows Light

Hmmmmm this one cracks me up. Cause I was married.. and I went through a "PROCESS" called divorce and I am now SINGLE.... so, which box do I check???? whats the difference between SINGLE and DIVORCED?????? why should there be a difference???

HaHa! This is very true and hilarious at the same time.

I'm married now but I was a single mom for 6 years. I actually had a man tell me once that I had to realize most men aren't interested in me because I had "baggage". JERK!!! I was completely ok with not dating. It's a personal decision. I'm so lucky to have found my husband though...he's wonderful. By the way my hubby has no previous children and has never been married...wasn't baggage to him.

Shadows Light · 04-17-2007, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteForest

HaHa! This is very true and hilarious at the same time.

I actually had a man tell me once that I had to realize most men aren't interested in me because I had "baggage". JERK!!!

How many people don't have "baggage" in some way shape or form? We are "ALL" a product of our experiences after all. Some of us just carry our "STUFF" a little more gracefully than others.

WhiteForest · 04-17-2007, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadows Light

How many people don't have "baggage" in some way shape or form? We are "ALL" a product of our experiences after all. Some of us just carry our "STUFF" a little more gracefully than others.

Well put!

04-17-2007, 06:51 AM	#1
freedom lover Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 10	single mothers Id like to comment about being a single woman and how people think that just because you are single and are not attached, there must be something going on, i.e you must be a lesbian, or u hate men, or you have baggage, or you are depressed. Even if you were all of those things, so what, so does everyone else have issues, its just that because you are a single mother you become more illuminating to people. I have been single for about 3 years since i left my husband and have not even really bothered about entering a relationship or friendship or flirted with guys because im still healing from my very long emotionally negectful marriage which of course has eroded self confidence. Since ive left my husband and entered the real world after staying at home and looking after my family, the comments I get from random males and females and (friends)about me being single just make me so annoyed. I guess when I do decide to go out and mingle, when i feel happy about it, then I will. Honestly single mothers do have so much crap to put up with, sometimes it does not surprise me why they are still single. This is just my rant for now, does not mean that I'm unhappy at all, just stating the very plain ugly obvious reality.

04-17-2007, 07:08 AM	#3
brando Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: South Of No North Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 1,623	I think it is wonderful that you realize you do not feel ready yet for dating. I have been divorced now for almost four years, and I still have not met a woman I am interested in persuing a Long term relationship with, and that is ok. I look at friends, co- workers and sometimes I see that they aren't particularly happy in their relationships, not all of them a few of them. And I can't help but smile or laugh to myself when they tell me I need to find someone to be with. Or society places a heavy emphasis of being involved with someone, and not enough of being involved with ones self. Sad but true. You will get there when you are ready. Thanks for sharing. be well, brando. __________________ Forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who tresspass against us. - The Lord's Prayer

04-17-2007, 07:22 AM	#4
southerngirl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NW Georgia Gender: Female Posts: 3,030	I was a single mom for five years before I met married my current husband. I can relate to some of what you said here in your post. Another steriotype that I encountered was that anyone I dated, I was looking for a new dad for my child. That just was not the case. __________________ A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own. Latin Proverb

04-17-2007, 08:21 AM	#6
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,059	Someone I know is a single mother by choice who is not dating but has tried to date since her son was born. She invited me to her son's birthday party. I am single, no children. She had just met my boyfriend and said to me in front of him and not quietly "Don't you feel left out without a baby?" I suppose I could have asked her if her son would feel left out without a daddy. But I didn't. She also had no idea whether I was able to have children. I've been asked by complete strangers at parties why I haven't been "snapped up" yet, etc. I am sorry, OP that you too have been subjected to rude comments about your status as a single mother - I just wanted to add that single women in general are sometimes a target. One of my closest friends is a single mother of three children going through a divorce. Her strength and grace and having to completely change her life seemingly overnight is such an inspiration to me. She has no interest in dating until her youngest goes off to college. Others do "pressure" her with good intentions but she knows her own mind. Also an inspiration. Where I live there doesn't seem to be a stigma and again I am sorry if you have to put up with that situation - hopefully you can just ignore and know you're doing more than the best that you can. Last edited by Batya33; 04-17-2007 at 08:24 AM.

04-17-2007, 09:43 AM	#7
Shadows Light Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 2,560	I'm a single mom of 2.. also out 3 years. And yes... I've seen the stigma. I've had friends tell me.. ."Not all guys are the same" when i tell them that I 'LIKE" being by myself. Don't get me wrong... I've dated.... I like the dating stuff... someone to laugh with.. spend time with etc... but I just want to "LIVE" alone at this time.... is that so wrong???? I get.."I'm not like the other guy... I'm different" and thats great and wonderful. And yes.. very true. But all I want to do is live alone... and when I tell my GF's... that I want to live alone.. they look at me like I've grown two heads. Why is it so hard to comprehend? LOL.... ya know what gets me is filling out important paperwork... such as medical forms. The little box you have to check that asks your status.... MARRIED..... SINGLE..... DIVORCED..... Hmmmmm this one cracks me up. Cause I was married.. and I went through a "PROCESS" called divorce and I am now SINGLE.... so, which box do I check???? whats the difference between SINGLE and DIVORCED?????? why should there be a difference??? __________________ "Sit vis vobiscum." "nemo me impune lacessit" "Libera Te Ex Inferis" "Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum"

04-17-2007, 07:08 AM	#2
Momene Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Wiltshire Gender: Male Posts: 3,498	I guess you're in the USA, as most posters are, but it's just the same in the UK. I know full well that the term "single mother" lumps all mothers who are not living with the father of the baby into a single category, which is completely unfair. I do know 3 "single fathers", one widowed and the other 2 had custody of the children after divorce. "Sinlge mothers" can't win here. If they work, they're relying on someone else to look after their children. If they don't, they're also wrong because they are a "burden on the taxpayer". When my first marriage broke up (no kids), I was damned for being "old (30!!) and single", yet also damned when I dated anyone and they only shut up when I remarried. I think any sort of stereotyping is really irritating and people need to look at individuals before making judgements. I wish you luck.