fantastic relationship broke up purely due to different religion.

Karhu · 04-14-2007, 10:00 AM

My girlfriend just broke up with me last night. purely because of me being a different religion from her.

My girlfriend just broke up with me last night. Simply due to me being in a different religion. Everything else was so perfect between us, a STRONG spark, matching personalities, a strong feeling of love and connection, matching hobbies, matching outlook on life, good communication,

It would be easy if there was some personal problem but the only issue is the different religion. I’m a Baha’i, and she’s a Christian. I’d understand and easily accept breaking up if we didn’t like each other for some reason, had fights, had incompatible personalities etc. but simply in the name of religion and nothing more seems harder to grasp.

I am happy and comfortable with her being a Christian, I believe in progressive revelation, that all religions come from one god that is educating mankind over time.

Bahia’s believe in the oneness of mankind and the oneness of religion all coming from the same source. “Be a lover of light no matter which lamp it shines from” the essences are all the same with the same underlying eternal teaching, and only differences in social teachings for the age they are revealed in.

I see the spirit of god is vibrant within both of us. The same spirit of god directs our lives and brings positive energy into our lives. And so can accept her as a dedicated Christian and embrace the positive aspect of her life that comes through it. I don’t have any urge to change her beliefs, I don’t believe anyone has the right to change another beliefs, and am

If the problem in the relationship was some bad habit etc it can be addressed and solved with good communication. Bad habits can be easily changed, but different religions is not that straight forward.

It feels like it is just not fair, everything else in our relationship seems so matching, and full of love. Even spirituality on the surface seems similar, both praying and connecting with god. And according to the Bahia belief they are from the same essence. But they just have a different name. breaking up with someone because they call themselves a different religion seems like a silly reason when everything else is so perfect.

Somehow I wish there was a way to get over this religion obstacle. In my mind it shouldn’t even be an obstacle as Bahaullah teaches the oneness of religion in a message of unity to unite the world. So by following the Baha’i teachings there wouldn’t be any conflict between religions.

Maybe in the mean time we can also have a bit more religious dialogue and hopefully some more understanding could somehow help to work through it

I think it’s ok if people have different beliefs as long as they respect each others beliefs. Isn’t there some possible way around this obstacle of different religions in an otherwise perfect relationship?

I am also in an interesting situation where we have organized a big hike in the forest on Sunday, and also booked a couple of tickets to Dublin from may 1st till 6th. We’ve paid for the flight tickets, so I guess we should go on the holiday as just friends.

I feel like I’ve just been shot in the hart. I know I have a lot of strong feelings for her, and it’s going to be almost impossible to get her out of my mind. Maybe I’ll leave the purging from my mind till after the Dublin trip.

I know how to deal with relationship problems where there is some conflict, and if that was the case I’d work hard to try and make this nearly perfect relationship work. But when it comes to “sorry, you’re the wrong religion” it seems like there’s nothing I can do about that.

Any ideas on how to open her eyes to becoming more accepting for a inter-religion relationship?

Thanks a lot for your help everyone

Batya33 · 04-14-2007, 10:17 AM

Why did she date you in the first place if she knew about this religious issue for her? I don't think you should try to convince her -- I don't date outside my religion and if someone who wasn't of my religion tried to "convince" me to date him I might be put off or even a bit offended. There are very important reasons for my beliefs none of which have to do with not accepting other religions - I do, I just wouldn't marry or have a family with a person of a different religion.

I think you need to respect - even if you don't agree with - her religious views and views on interfaith relationships.

How about instead going to her and telling her you want to convert to her religion if this is so important to you? I don't advise it, but since you are comfortable asking her to go against her religious beliefs, maybe you could be ready to offer the same deal to her.

I am sorry this didn't work out and sorry she went down this path if she knew how she felt on this issue.

itsallgrand · 04-14-2007, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karhu

Any ideas on how to open her eyes to becoming more accepting for a inter-religion relationship?

Not to make light of the hurt you are experiencing, but that made me chuckle.

I'm sorry. If she did indeed break up with you for this reason, there is nothing you can do.

And would you really want to? Really? To be with someone whose number one priority in a partner is that they believe exactly the same things they do?

Jvc21 · 04-14-2007, 10:30 AM

Hey man, sorry for your loss. I'm going through tough times myself, but i'll do the best i can to help ease your pain.

Religion is important. My ex g/f and i were both catholic and we'd go to church together whenever we could. It helps to find someone within your own religious denomination.

I'm not saying you won't be able to have a good relationship without being in the same religion. But its that extra layer of support and spiritual guidance that brings couples even closer.

Does that help at all?

- Jvc21

Batya33 · 04-14-2007, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsallgrand

Not to make light of the hurt you are experiencing, but that made me chuckle.

I'm sorry. If she did indeed break up with you for this reason, there is nothing you can do.

And would you really want to? Really? To be with someone whose number one priority in a partner is that they believe exactly the same things they do?

I have to respectfully disagree that people who prefer to be with a partner who is of the same faith are not always looking for someone with "exactly the same beliefs" just like two people who are both Christian might not have "exactly the same beliefs." To judge those people as rigid without knowing why the particular person has that preference is a bit unfair in my humble opinion. Certain religions, for example, forbid interfaith marriage so for people who are of that religion to interfaith marry would be a sin. That's just one example.

itsallgrand · 04-14-2007, 10:41 AM

I'd prefer not to turn the OP's thread into a discussion about religion in general.

I do think it is fair to say that if this woman did indeed break up with him due to religious differences, trying to push the issue further will not be productive.

It is best to move on.

Batya33 · 04-14-2007, 10:43 AM

Sounds good - was just responding to your general presumption about people who have religious preferences in dating.

Jvc21 · 04-14-2007, 10:45 AM

It seems moving on is your best possible solution.

We're here to help you, stay tough. Even the strongest relationship can crumble without warning; I know...

- Jvc21

Leonhart · 04-14-2007, 12:46 PM

Honestly, you're better off having it end now than later, after you had even more time to grow even more attached. Ultimately, interfaith relationships are trouble, particularly when one (or both) parties are devout.

Jinx · 04-14-2007, 12:54 PM

Unfortunately, in most cases it seems when religion becomes more important than the partner, it will take a lot of effort and perhaps be fruitless in the end. So many people are concerned about what others believe about them before thinking of their own well being. I just don't know how many people I've came across who would say things like

"I thought we were soulmates, but religious differences made me end it,"

"I loved her but my parents would never allow this,"

"We got married after all but have no family support, they disowned us,"

So needless to say, it is a controversy, I'd like to think that some could budge on the issue and take on a stance that - If you're happy and I'm happy then the world still turns - and that a difference in religious viewpoints does not make the world stop turning, I just view it as another negotiation point of the relationship.

Like my girlfriend and I, I am an Atheist she on the other hand is Wiccan. There are people that look at me like I'm insane and ask how it works. Simple respect is the first key, and not regulating each other. I don't tell her what to believe, she doesn't tell me. Everyone is happy.

I think I'd seriously have to ask this woman if she must be within her religion, or if she could bring herself to respect your religion and hers and work together on it. I personally would never kill a great relationship because of religion unless my partner was trying to constantly convert me and then I'd say enough but otherwise? No.

I'm just absolutely confused though, if this was such a major issue why didn't she bring this up in the first place before feelings got hurt? Seems rather callous and unthoughtful method, to me.

04-14-2007, 10:00 AM	#1
Karhu Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Age: 29 Posts: 270	fantastic relationship broke up purely due to different religion. My girlfriend just broke up with me last night. purely because of me being a different religion from her. My girlfriend just broke up with me last night. Simply due to me being in a different religion. Everything else was so perfect between us, a STRONG spark, matching personalities, a strong feeling of love and connection, matching hobbies, matching outlook on life, good communication, It would be easy if there was some personal problem but the only issue is the different religion. I’m a Baha’i, and she’s a Christian. I’d understand and easily accept breaking up if we didn’t like each other for some reason, had fights, had incompatible personalities etc. but simply in the name of religion and nothing more seems harder to grasp. I am happy and comfortable with her being a Christian, I believe in progressive revelation, that all religions come from one god that is educating mankind over time. Bahia’s believe in the oneness of mankind and the oneness of religion all coming from the same source. “Be a lover of light no matter which lamp it shines from” the essences are all the same with the same underlying eternal teaching, and only differences in social teachings for the age they are revealed in. I see the spirit of god is vibrant within both of us. The same spirit of god directs our lives and brings positive energy into our lives. And so can accept her as a dedicated Christian and embrace the positive aspect of her life that comes through it. I don’t have any urge to change her beliefs, I don’t believe anyone has the right to change another beliefs, and am If the problem in the relationship was some bad habit etc it can be addressed and solved with good communication. Bad habits can be easily changed, but different religions is not that straight forward. It feels like it is just not fair, everything else in our relationship seems so matching, and full of love. Even spirituality on the surface seems similar, both praying and connecting with god. And according to the Bahia belief they are from the same essence. But they just have a different name. breaking up with someone because they call themselves a different religion seems like a silly reason when everything else is so perfect. Somehow I wish there was a way to get over this religion obstacle. In my mind it shouldn’t even be an obstacle as Bahaullah teaches the oneness of religion in a message of unity to unite the world. So by following the Baha’i teachings there wouldn’t be any conflict between religions. Maybe in the mean time we can also have a bit more religious dialogue and hopefully some more understanding could somehow help to work through it I think it’s ok if people have different beliefs as long as they respect each others beliefs. Isn’t there some possible way around this obstacle of different religions in an otherwise perfect relationship? I am also in an interesting situation where we have organized a big hike in the forest on Sunday, and also booked a couple of tickets to Dublin from may 1st till 6th. We’ve paid for the flight tickets, so I guess we should go on the holiday as just friends. I feel like I’ve just been shot in the hart. I know I have a lot of strong feelings for her, and it’s going to be almost impossible to get her out of my mind. Maybe I’ll leave the purging from my mind till after the Dublin trip. I know how to deal with relationship problems where there is some conflict, and if that was the case I’d work hard to try and make this nearly perfect relationship work. But when it comes to “sorry, you’re the wrong religion” it seems like there’s nothing I can do about that. Any ideas on how to open her eyes to becoming more accepting for a inter-religion relationship? Thanks a lot for your help everyone Last edited by Karhu; 04-24-2007 at 09:28 AM.

04-14-2007, 10:17 AM	#2
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,074	Why did she date you in the first place if she knew about this religious issue for her? I don't think you should try to convince her -- I don't date outside my religion and if someone who wasn't of my religion tried to "convince" me to date him I might be put off or even a bit offended. There are very important reasons for my beliefs none of which have to do with not accepting other religions - I do, I just wouldn't marry or have a family with a person of a different religion. I think you need to respect - even if you don't agree with - her religious views and views on interfaith relationships. How about instead going to her and telling her you want to convert to her religion if this is so important to you? I don't advise it, but since you are comfortable asking her to go against her religious beliefs, maybe you could be ready to offer the same deal to her. I am sorry this didn't work out and sorry she went down this path if she knew how she felt on this issue. Last edited by Batya33; 04-14-2007 at 10:19 AM.

04-14-2007, 10:30 AM	#4
Jvc21 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 178	Hey man, sorry for your loss. I'm going through tough times myself, but i'll do the best i can to help ease your pain. Religion is important. My ex g/f and i were both catholic and we'd go to church together whenever we could. It helps to find someone within your own religious denomination. I'm not saying you won't be able to have a good relationship without being in the same religion. But its that extra layer of support and spiritual guidance that brings couples even closer. Does that help at all? - Jvc21

04-14-2007, 10:41 AM	#6
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,798	I'd prefer not to turn the OP's thread into a discussion about religion in general. I do think it is fair to say that if this woman did indeed break up with him due to religious differences, trying to push the issue further will not be productive. It is best to move on.

04-14-2007, 10:43 AM	#7
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,074	Sounds good - was just responding to your general presumption about people who have religious preferences in dating.

04-14-2007, 10:45 AM	#8
Jvc21 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 178	It seems moving on is your best possible solution. We're here to help you, stay tough. Even the strongest relationship can crumble without warning; I know... - Jvc21

04-14-2007, 12:46 PM	#9
Leonhart Offline Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,411	Honestly, you're better off having it end now than later, after you had even more time to grow even more attached. Ultimately, interfaith relationships are trouble, particularly when one (or both) parties are devout.

04-14-2007, 12:54 PM	#10
Jinx Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: (Soon-to-be) Wyoming Gender: Female Posts: 649	Unfortunately, in most cases it seems when religion becomes more important than the partner, it will take a lot of effort and perhaps be fruitless in the end. So many people are concerned about what others believe about them before thinking of their own well being. I just don't know how many people I've came across who would say things like "I thought we were soulmates, but religious differences made me end it," "I loved her but my parents would never allow this," "We got married after all but have no family support, they disowned us," So needless to say, it is a controversy, I'd like to think that some could budge on the issue and take on a stance that - If you're happy and I'm happy then the world still turns - and that a difference in religious viewpoints does not make the world stop turning, I just view it as another negotiation point of the relationship. Like my girlfriend and I, I am an Atheist she on the other hand is Wiccan. There are people that look at me like I'm insane and ask how it works. Simple respect is the first key, and not regulating each other. I don't tell her what to believe, she doesn't tell me. Everyone is happy. I think I'd seriously have to ask this woman if she must be within her religion, or if she could bring herself to respect your religion and hers and work together on it. I personally would never kill a great relationship because of religion unless my partner was trying to constantly convert me and then I'd say enough but otherwise? No. I'm just absolutely confused though, if this was such a major issue why didn't she bring this up in the first place before feelings got hurt? Seems rather callous and unthoughtful method, to me.