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Guys- what about the "Grand Gesture"?


JEAB

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In a female's attempt to maintain a relationship- she often considers the

"Grand Gesture". That fantasy moment in the movies when she does something completely bizarre/dramatic or unbelievable to make the point

that she has chosen you and wants no one else.

Guys- how does that concept sit with you? Are you impressed at all?

Flattered? Does it sway your perception of the female? Good or bad?

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I am not really sure what grand gesture you would be referring to...

 

For me, the grand gesture would be if my girlfriend runs up to me, hugs me, and starts making out with me in front of everyone else. LOL.

 

You ask what perception it would give ? I don't know...who cares about what other people think of you. If you love each other and are committed to each other, that is all that matters.

 

I remember I was staying in a hostel in Australia once, and there was this German couple there that were making out on the balcany for over three hours. Then they went down stairs into a "movie" room ( a tv with a dvd player near the entrance) and spent another 2 hours making out. LOL. But if you love each other, who cares what other people think...

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I'm not a guy, but I do understand what you're asking here... IMO it's always nicest when the GUY is the one fronting the "grand gesture" hehe. And I am a total sucker for it. I've never been the, uh, grand gesturER (at least not yet) but would hope that if my BF was on the receiving end of such a display he'd be flattered and smitten. Looking forward to more responses to this thread!

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What if you don't know if the other person loves you?

Grand gesture like:

Sleepless in Seattle (top of the Empire state building)

Say Anything (holding a boom box up in the rain)

My best friend's wedding (telling him you love him on his wedding day)

Wedding Crashers (professing your love in front of a crowd)

 

breaking into song in a crowded room

etc,

etc.

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those kind of things work quite well in movies (music swelling in the background, etc. etc.), but depending on what you do and how and in front of whom, the guy might not appreciate it, or think you are cracked...

 

a good relationship is built on lots and lots of small good (and great) moments, not just grand ones, and a bad relationship won't be saved by a grand moment, which in fact might push the person into recognizing the one making the grand gesture doesn't 'get' that the feelings not mutual...

 

so a grand gesture can be fun if everyone is on the same page (love all around), but mostly only succeeds in the movies when the relationship is rocky or non-existent when the gesture is made...

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Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between Grand Gestures and mental instability.

 

I'm not a guy, I'm a woman. lol. But I know what you are getting at.

 

My Grand Gestures have often actually been displays of slight instability and/or 'that last stab' to make something work.

 

I've had mixed success. Overall, I'd say they were tolerated when the person already loved me and we already had a good relationship.

Sometimes tolerated with a grin and thought 'charming' (a quirk of me, I suppose), other times tolerated with annoyance! and followed by a discussion of how I need to express myself more readily and practically.

 

80's movies!! The Highlight of Grand Gestures As Charming....and totally corny.

 

Are you thinking of executing a GG?

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I'm worried that my Grand Gesture may be viewed as Psycho chick.

I have a friend whom I have not heard from in 3 months.

Communication just stopped for no reason. I will be near where he lives

next weekend (its 9 hours from where I live). I know where he will be because I know his schedule.

How grand or psycho is it just to APPEAR out of nowhere?

I have developed feelings for him- I'm not sure he does or ever has felt the same. Certain failure? OR Wow I'm impressed you went to this extreme for me?

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To me, at least, the small things are the things I most remember.

They are grand because they are thought out gestures.

 

My man-we have 'net' friends in common and we were in a chat room once, and a friend of ours who is a DJ on a hard rock station was on that particular night. Unbeknownst to me our DJ friend comes on the air and dedicates a song to me from the man. (This particular DJ NEVER does doedications...he's too 'metal' LOL)

 

The fact that he went open about us, that he knew what song I love and he took initiative..that means tons to me.

The song, by the way...Damn, I Wish I Was You Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins (how metal!! LOL)

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Two points

 

(1) It's not just women that make grand gestures; men do too, including me.

 

(2) A grand gesture is only appropriate for someone who likes receiving them, which certainly isn't everyone. In addition, you really need to carefully select what type of gesture. If I arranged a romantic picnic for two in a hot air balloon for my gf, she would be delighted. If I professed love in a public place in some way, such as via song, she would simply be embarrassed. It's all about knowing the person.

 

Which bring me nicely to your last post: you're not sure he has feelings for you? And you're planning on turning up near where he lives, without warning? And being in a particular place because you know his schedule? Well, you know him, so you'll know whether he should like it or not, but I can tell you most guys I know would opt for the psycho chick interpretation.

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Oh, ok, thanks for giving some details.

 

That is super risky. Especially with the communication stopping for seemingly no reason.

 

Could you dip your toes and connect with him first to get a sense of where he is at? Maybe mention that you will be in the area, and see what sort of reaction you get?

 

Karvala was so spot on. It IS about knowing the other person. What they like, what is too much for them, what is embarrassing. Their taste, as well.

 

It could be hard for you too to do a sudden drop-in like that. Who knows what you will find when you get there.

It'll sure put him on the spot and could be rather shocking. He might not appreciate that or respond how he would otherwise under those conditions.

 

My vote goes for a more subtle approach, this time.

 

I hope it works out for you, some way, though.

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If you're talking about this guy, yes, I think you'll really freak him out, rather than impress him, if you suddenly appear in his town: ]

 

Good investigating- yes.

The more I've been mulling over things the more freaky it sounds.

Although our last date was a "grand gesture".

I kidnapped him and took him to a dinosaur exhibit- he still loves dinos.

We had an awesome time- that was the last time I saw him.

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Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between Grand Gestures and mental instability.

 

 

 

 

 

Hehe....

I someone make a "GRAND GESTURE" to me I would be freaked out by that.

 

In your case do not even think about doing it!

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my ex was full of 'grand gestures' ...

 

i live overlooking a river,and we were going through crap as usual... and he asked me to look accross to a certain point on the far side.... well he also told my friend the whole 'plan' and he asked her to pray for the water to be calm,as he was gunna swim the bredth of it and climb out and shout up to me 'marry me'..........

 

well i think we both know this was just a crock of sh*t and mused about the likely hood of him being not a strong swimmer,drowning,all the family blame me and how pathetic and dramatic it all was instead of just being a decent boyfriend and not verbally abusing me or lying to me or pulling sick stunts to scare me (so id know how it would feel if i lost him)....just being an everyday loving bf means more than meaningless empty grand gestures - i think it depends on the person but when the partner is doing it as a way to make up for dispicable behaviour then its kinda psycho and it gets pretty tiresome and predictable!

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If you show up out of the blue to do a GG for a guy who hasn't spoken to you intentionally since January, prepare to be labeled an absolute crazy. He probably was just trying to gradually let it end, hoping you'd forget about him but he didn't say it to spare your feelings. I can't see how you randomly showing up for a Uni guy with two kids and a marriage goes over well.

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I would be cautious about executing any sort of "grand gestures" in general, particularly if you aren't 100% sure that someone might be receptive; in your case, I would definitely say don't do it. You mentioned that you and he stopped communicating rather abruptly, and it sounds from your recent post (correct me if I've read wrong) that this cessation of communication occurred shortly after your last "grand gesture." A few things to consider:

 

1) Though he may have seemed happy at the time of the last "grand gestu re" (i.e. he loves dinosaurs, as you said), it may have freaked him out a little, at least after the fact; he may have realized you have feelings for him that he doesn't return or that maybe he can't deal with right now;

 

2) There is probably a specific reason you haven't heard from him in three months. It could be any number of things -- from him having found a girlfriend to him being tremendously preoccupied with work or school to him simply not having *those* feelings for you and perceiving that you DO have them for him and not wanting to lead you on. (If it's the last one, I applaud him for NOT leading you on. In my experience, there is nothing more disappointing/frustrating than someone KNOWING you have feelings for them and them dropping *crumbs* that make you think they return your feelings when, in fact, they don't.)

 

3) The "element of surprise (or the "pop-in" as Jerry Seinfeld calls it) doesn't go over well with a lot of people. Personally, I'm not comfortable with ANYONE -- even my friends -- just showing up at my door unannounced -- I prefer a phone call first to tell me that they're coming or better yet, asking if it's OK for them to come over. When you couple the "element of surprise" with a "grand gesture," in my opinion, it's a recipe for disaster unless you are absolutely certain the person is up for it -- i.e. it's your best friend and you KNOW she's spontaneous and would love to be kidnapped and taken to Vegas for her birthday or it's a guy you KNOW has strong feelings for you and you KNOW he loves surprises.

 

If you really want to talk to him again, you might just drop him an e-mail saying "Hey, so-and-so, I'm really sorry that we've lost contact recently, and I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you." If you're feeling REALLY brave, you might add "I'm going to be in your area on and I was wondering if you might want to get together to catch up." Be prepared, though, for either no response or a response you might not like. If you can contact him without expecting the desired response, then I'd say go for it. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but...I also think you need to be realistic. You never know, though, he might be happy to hear from you.

 

Good luck. Let us know what you decide to do.

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Does "grand" have to mean "expensive"? Please be honest.

 

The purchasing power of movie characters incomes is nowhere near that of real life in most cases. The bouquet of exotic flowers, rental of horse drawn carriage and limo, fancy clothes, gifts, and expensive dinner at a restaurant with a stay over a fancy hotel could easily eat up well over a months pay for someone making the US median income of mid $40k/year.

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Sometimes yes but only if you are really not creative at all. Something really sweet is soo much better then expensive. Pay attention to her. Don't get a crazy expensive bouquet of flowers, just get her favorite ones. Like in that movie Stanger Then Fiction. The guy have her flours (she was a baker). He just walked up to her and he's like I got you flours. If I was a baker or something I'd take the flours over a nice hotel. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture just little things.

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Personally, if I have to GIVE a grand gesture like in the movies, then I better be rewarded the same way the guys are rewarded in the movies: with passionate kisses and bed-busting sex.

 

I don't think that giving an expensive gift indicates a lack of creativity. I think it all depends on the expectation in the woman's head. A guy could be sublimely creative, but if it isn't "just right" then she'll be devastated inside. At least expensive is usually "safe".

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No expensive gifts definatly don't indicate a lack of creativity. I don't understand why and woman would be devastated. Unless she actually told him what to do I don't think theres any reason to be. it's kind of hard to read someones mind. I think as long as they try it doesn't really matter. Sure everygirl would like a huge romantic gesture like in the movies but thats just not reality. I would take a guy who just does little things all the time then one huge romantic gesture.

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