Cleaning Up

heyadrian · 03-27-2007, 03:52 PM

Hey Guys,

I dunno if a few of you saw a few of my previous posts, but well in shirt I drank like a fish and I absolutely botched life up and my relationship.

Anyway, its day NINE now (YAY), no smoking and drinking and well. I know I should be doing this for myself and I am. But is it wrong to feel happy that my girlfriend (ex?) is noticing this somehow and is growing trust again.

I think that she is talking to my dad and finding out how I'm doing. My dad n her used to talk a few times about me. Anyway.

I dont want this to sound wrong, but I feel finally that I'm really doing something. On the main part because I can think clearly and now that I'm not smoking, its something cool that I've achieved! I didnt thing I'd stop smoking again. lol.

But the problem was the drink. I turned into a right wally when i drank and was nasty to her n that. Can someone tell me how I can reassure her that I'm actually doing it? I dont want ot tell her outright that I've stopped drinking and that things will be fine. All my other promises are empty. This is the one time that I've managed to pull my finger out n do something.

I miss her, I miss my daughter and heck i miss walking my daughter to school and bringing cups of tea up to my girlfriend every morning.

its weird, all the things that annoyed me when I was drunk and with her are the things that I miss now that I dont have them...

Can someone help me out here? I dont know if I'm doing the right thing (in the way Im feeling) or not.

Help

Adrian

Ferion · 03-27-2007, 04:10 PM

hey heyadrian

You quit? Nice job man, it takes some real willpower to stop like that. You should be proud of yourself. And at the same time try to stop drinking too. Nice job man

From what I've read, things are going pretty smoothly so far, I don't think you need to do much besides stop 100%. If your girlfriend already notices this then there is no reason she won't keep on noticing. Just keep on doing what you're doing....she'll notice one day.

heyadrian · 03-27-2007, 04:14 PM

I think she is just on what i say and what she hears from my dad. I dunno. I am proud. It feels really cool that I've stopped smoking and drinking too. I didnt realise I could do this, but nothing like a kick up the backside to wake you up.

THe only thing that worries me is what I did and how empty I left her feeling. When we met she was feeling pretty empty due to what ex's did and I did my best to repair it, only to break it down again.

Now I realise what's happened, all I can do is clean up. I just need a way to show her that I'm actually working the system like I should. What is the best way to show her without blatently waving the sober flag in her face (which is the worst thing I can do at the moment).

- Adrian

chickidee23 · 03-27-2007, 05:21 PM

heyadrian-

I think that you've got the situation under control! Congratulations for deciding to take control of your life and actually doing it!!! That is very admirable.

I also want to congratulate you on realizing that you need to do this for you and there is nothing wrong with hoping your ex will notice.

You are on the right track, in the right mind frame and are correct- it will take time to show her you are better for her and for yourself. Keep up the amazing work and keep us updated!!

Best wishes!

heyadrian · 03-28-2007, 12:12 AM

Nope I still dont have it under control. I have only a few days left and the craving feelings go. Thats why I'm glad I'm stuck out in the countryside lol so i ahve no choice but to clean up and even if temptation stared me in the face I couldnt do anything about it.

But I'm beyond that now. I spoke to her earlier and by the sounds of things she isnt quite ready to have me back home. Which means she is repairing and that I do have a chance of getting my life back.

This is why I can't afford to blow this only chance I have.

Anyway, its 5 am, I need to get some sleep.

Cheerio

Adrian

heyadrian · 03-28-2007, 05:12 AM

This whole master plan I had of clearing myself up and proving to her in the end that I can clean up on my own has just gone belly up

The people I am staying with in Scotland are totally broke and want me out because they can't afford me around. I'm not working as I just got here so can't assist and now things are getting nasty because they are literally bankrupt and the anger was vented in my direction this morning.

I just spoke to my ex and aske her if I could come back as i had no other option. She wasnt sure about it as she still needs space. I reassured her that I'm not expecting to go back to old ways and walk into open arms. All I need is a place to stay to recover. Hopefully her seeing me will help her heal too.

She then asked 'what if I want to bring someone back with me and you're there' so my heart sank into its boots.

Cleaning yourself up isnt easy at all, is it?

All I want to do is show her that I can do this, gain her trust back and love her like I should have. Not like a drunk.

Any ideas or suggestions?

Adrian

heyadrian · 03-29-2007, 07:27 AM

I've got some hope that I can save what I broke now

I told her that I know that she doesnt love me nor care me because of what I did and that I have to work hard n earn it all back.

she'll at least wait and see if I can stick to my word. Now I have that final boost of confidence that I needed. I was lost for a moment. I was stuck in this world where I knew I wanted sobriety, but didnt know what to do with my life after that.

Well now I know... stay sober and prove to her I can be that man she wanted in order to get her back!

yoyo: havent seen ya online in a while. drop me a msn when ur online next.. I'm usually in away mode.

Cheers

A

heyadrian · 03-29-2007, 01:40 PM

hay guys,

I wont be around for a while. I gotta go to dubline lol of all places to the hospital. I spoke to the doc this afternoon and what is happening I'm off to get an implant.

aparently it makes me violently ill at the slightest ingestion of alchohol of the next 6 monts or there abouts.....

this is my only guarantee tha ti will clean up...

im scared.

please PM me, I'll send you my mobile number, I'll need some friends in this one!

A

mintblossom · 03-30-2007, 02:49 AM

hey wow,
i just read your posts and im impressed! you seem to be making a real effort to help yourself, to stay off drinking, and to find support. those are some really good steps you've taken to help yourself. i commend you.

try and get a lot of medical help and advice and learn from people who have gotten sober before. it can be a tough road but just keep trying no matter what.

cheers to you! hope you do well!

03-27-2007, 03:52 PM	#1
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	Cleaning Up Hey Guys, I dunno if a few of you saw a few of my previous posts, but well in shirt I drank like a fish and I absolutely botched life up and my relationship. Anyway, its day NINE now (YAY), no smoking and drinking and well. I know I should be doing this for myself and I am. But is it wrong to feel happy that my girlfriend (ex?) is noticing this somehow and is growing trust again. I think that she is talking to my dad and finding out how I'm doing. My dad n her used to talk a few times about me. Anyway. I dont want this to sound wrong, but I feel finally that I'm really doing something. On the main part because I can think clearly and now that I'm not smoking, its something cool that I've achieved! I didnt thing I'd stop smoking again. lol. But the problem was the drink. I turned into a right wally when i drank and was nasty to her n that. Can someone tell me how I can reassure her that I'm actually doing it? I dont want ot tell her outright that I've stopped drinking and that things will be fine. All my other promises are empty. This is the one time that I've managed to pull my finger out n do something. I miss her, I miss my daughter and heck i miss walking my daughter to school and bringing cups of tea up to my girlfriend every morning. its weird, all the things that annoyed me when I was drunk and with her are the things that I miss now that I dont have them... Can someone help me out here? I dont know if I'm doing the right thing (in the way Im feeling) or not. Help Adrian

03-27-2007, 04:10 PM	#2
Ferion Offline Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 95	hey heyadrian You quit? Nice job man, it takes some real willpower to stop like that. You should be proud of yourself. And at the same time try to stop drinking too. Nice job man From what I've read, things are going pretty smoothly so far, I don't think you need to do much besides stop 100%. If your girlfriend already notices this then there is no reason she won't keep on noticing. Just keep on doing what you're doing....she'll notice one day.

03-27-2007, 04:14 PM	#3
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	I think she is just on what i say and what she hears from my dad. I dunno. I am proud. It feels really cool that I've stopped smoking and drinking too. I didnt realise I could do this, but nothing like a kick up the backside to wake you up. THe only thing that worries me is what I did and how empty I left her feeling. When we met she was feeling pretty empty due to what ex's did and I did my best to repair it, only to break it down again. Now I realise what's happened, all I can do is clean up. I just need a way to show her that I'm actually working the system like I should. What is the best way to show her without blatently waving the sober flag in her face (which is the worst thing I can do at the moment). - Adrian

03-27-2007, 05:21 PM	#4
chickidee23 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 317	heyadrian- I think that you've got the situation under control! Congratulations for deciding to take control of your life and actually doing it!!! That is very admirable. I also want to congratulate you on realizing that you need to do this for you and there is nothing wrong with hoping your ex will notice. You are on the right track, in the right mind frame and are correct- it will take time to show her you are better for her and for yourself. Keep up the amazing work and keep us updated!! Best wishes!

03-28-2007, 12:12 AM	#5
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	Nope I still dont have it under control. I have only a few days left and the craving feelings go. Thats why I'm glad I'm stuck out in the countryside lol so i ahve no choice but to clean up and even if temptation stared me in the face I couldnt do anything about it. But I'm beyond that now. I spoke to her earlier and by the sounds of things she isnt quite ready to have me back home. Which means she is repairing and that I do have a chance of getting my life back. This is why I can't afford to blow this only chance I have. Anyway, its 5 am, I need to get some sleep. Cheerio Adrian

03-28-2007, 05:12 AM	#6
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	This whole master plan I had of clearing myself up and proving to her in the end that I can clean up on my own has just gone belly up The people I am staying with in Scotland are totally broke and want me out because they can't afford me around. I'm not working as I just got here so can't assist and now things are getting nasty because they are literally bankrupt and the anger was vented in my direction this morning. I just spoke to my ex and aske her if I could come back as i had no other option. She wasnt sure about it as she still needs space. I reassured her that I'm not expecting to go back to old ways and walk into open arms. All I need is a place to stay to recover. Hopefully her seeing me will help her heal too. She then asked 'what if I want to bring someone back with me and you're there' so my heart sank into its boots. Cleaning yourself up isnt easy at all, is it? All I want to do is show her that I can do this, gain her trust back and love her like I should have. Not like a drunk. Any ideas or suggestions? Adrian

03-29-2007, 07:27 AM	#7
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	I've got some hope that I can save what I broke now I told her that I know that she doesnt love me nor care me because of what I did and that I have to work hard n earn it all back. she'll at least wait and see if I can stick to my word. Now I have that final boost of confidence that I needed. I was lost for a moment. I was stuck in this world where I knew I wanted sobriety, but didnt know what to do with my life after that. Well now I know... stay sober and prove to her I can be that man she wanted in order to get her back! yoyo: havent seen ya online in a while. drop me a msn when ur online next.. I'm usually in away mode. Cheers A

03-29-2007, 01:40 PM	#8
heyadrian Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Penicuik, Scotland Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 42	hay guys, I wont be around for a while. I gotta go to dubline lol of all places to the hospital. I spoke to the doc this afternoon and what is happening I'm off to get an implant. aparently it makes me violently ill at the slightest ingestion of alchohol of the next 6 monts or there abouts..... this is my only guarantee tha ti will clean up... im scared. please PM me, I'll send you my mobile number, I'll need some friends in this one! A

03-30-2007, 02:49 AM	#9
mintblossom Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 914	hey wow, i just read your posts and im impressed! you seem to be making a real effort to help yourself, to stay off drinking, and to find support. those are some really good steps you've taken to help yourself. i commend you. try and get a lot of medical help and advice and learn from people who have gotten sober before. it can be a tough road but just keep trying no matter what. cheers to you! hope you do well!