Friends who have friends that are just messed up or are alcoholics

SexySadie7 · 03-26-2007, 01:06 PM

I've got a dilemma. I have a good male friend who's FWB is an alcoholic.
They were sort of dating, but then, my male friend got tired of her tamtrums and crazy mood swings and decided they should just be friends. I think they still sleep together sometimes. I don't really care about that, as we are just platonic friends, but I've seen her hitting him!
This happened in public at a jam. The guys are in a band and at the end of the night she came up to him and hit him in the back as hard as she could! I was standing right there and saw it all. He looked shocked, then told her, to not hit him again! 20 minutes later, she confronts me, won't let me leave the club, blocking my way, and screaming at me at the top of her lungs like inches from my face.

Then when I'm trying to leave, and go outside, she does the same thing again. Mind you, it's now 2 am.. i'm dead tired, have driven into town twice and all i want to do is go home and go to sleep. Not deal with some wacked out violent drunk! This time I managed to get away from and went running to their bandmate, yelling, "she's crazy." He also knows she is a waste case. They were all invited to a party. The bandmate is a newlywed and just married his wife this past summer. The crazy drunk girl came up to the bandmate when he was standing next to his wife at a party and starts coming on to him, and had her hands all over him, with his wife standing right next to him!
Like I say, she's just a horrible person, as far as i'm concerned. She's always been pushy and difficult to deal with. Why my friend wants her around is anyone's guess, but to make matters worse, he helps her find work and works with her everyday but has told her lately.. he doesn't really want her around on the weekends.
However, two weekends in a row, she's stopped by their house unexpectedly and without any invitation.
Usually I just leave when she shows up cuz I think she's bad news.
Yesterday though I was at his house and she shows up again out of the blue. She's already gotten a DUI and shouldn't be driving drunk.
She hung out at their house for hours, getting drunk. She even brought this new guy over, who is supposedly her new "boy" friend, but when he asked her for a ride home, she refused, saying she wanted to stay there and keep drinking!
So.. finally my friend got fed up and wanted to get out of there. When she's drunk she's rude, belligerent and likes to start arguments ALL the time with my friend.
His roommate finally kicked her out of the house last summer when he couldn't stand her drama anymore.
So.. me and my friend go and take off and go for a drive. When we get back there, several hours later, she is STILL there! I, against my better judgement, decide to come into the house cuz i needed to talk to his roommate about something.
Well, i'm there about 10-15 minutes at the most and decided i needed to go home and get some stuff done. I go to take off, and she comes running up to me.. the drunk girl.. and insists I give her a hug!
I'm like.. "no way" and just walked out the door! I don't want this girl coming anywhere near me! I think she's nothing but trouble. I don't like her, and don't trust her for beans after she threatened me.
I sure as heck don't want to be hugging her.
How would you handle this situation? RayKay.. if you are reading this I wouldn't mind your opinion. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders.

This girl has been an alchie for years. She's not going to stop drinking. My friend on the other hand, although her drinking really disturbs him, won't get rid of her!
I guess he's got a reliable work partner cuz supposedly when she's sober, she's "normal" and efficient. However, I've had ENOUGH of her drama sessions.
I couldn't care less why she's an alcoholic. Supposedly it's cause she had a troubled past was mistreated as a child, blah, blah blah..
However that was over 20 years ago! When doe one take responsibility for one's actions?
I don't want to stop hanging out with my friend and going to visit them, but obviously, it's not safe to do so, with her coming over there unexpectedly. The guy who owns the house, my friend's roomie, supposedly told her she's not welcome anymore at their house. At least that's what he told me! He's gone back on his word before with me... but that's another issue...
My friend who kicked her out, won't tell her to leave and lets her stay there all nite, getting drunk.
I don't get it.. but i cannot go on like this..
I don't need friends who have such hostile friends to me.
What do you think?
Thanks for the responses btw.
I know he's got a vested interest in her, but seriously, this is ridiculous! He's told me he cannot deal with her and her drinking. He cannot even go home without worrying about her imposing herself on him......
I agree.. i shouldn't go over there anymore. I not really sure how to tell him why i'm not going to be coming over to his house anymore.

Iceman26 · 03-26-2007, 01:22 PM

Sadie, I think your best bet is to not go over there anymore. Your friend is going to keep allowing her over there, and you can't change that. You can change what you do though, and I would tell your friend that you will still hang out with him, but that you don't want to be around her for those obvious reasons.

Dako · 03-26-2007, 01:27 PM

You can't choose your friend's friends.
Your friend gets sex from this woman, so he has a vested interest in her as entertainment.
I'd tell him you care for him but can't take the drama this woman doles out, and distance yourself from them both. Someday he may join you in getting sick of her.

Do you feel a bit jealous of her closeness to him?

Siriana · 03-26-2007, 01:38 PM

Oh, yes I know we're not best friends

but here is my advice:
As Dako mentioned and you suspect he is into FWB arrangment with her. So apparently he sees no reason to stop that friendship.
I personally don't like his attitude but thats my opinion only...
And you are right, she's not the person you want around.

So you have two possible solutions:
- see your friend only in situations where you can't meet her
- distance yourself from your friend if his actions are against your values and you can't tolerate that.

SexySadie7 · 03-26-2007, 08:36 PM

Dako.. no.. sorry, you are wrong when you say this, "Do you feel a bit jealous of her closeness to him?"
The only thing that aggravates me is that I've been poundin the pavement for months and have found nothing, while this waste case of a drunk, has work daily for the last year cuz my friend always give her work. I have been to college and graduated, so I find that annoying, but other than that, if she was a sweet girl and was nice to him, I wouldn't care at all.
No.. not at all! Like i say, we are platonic friends only and that's all i want to be. He's a good guy most of the time and has LOTS of female friends, also platonic, and this girl has harassed them TOO!!! Some of his female friends, who are a bit friendly to me, were telling me, how she was accusing them of messing around with her bf! It's such a joke, he's the perfect gentleman. I mean, she's crazy, she's accused more female friends of his that they are fooling around with him, when they are NOT!
I just cannot take it anymore, honestly......

But she's manipulative and insists on her way all the time. She makes hiim feel like she's some kind of victim and that he has to help her all the time. When she got arrested for her DUI, he went out and found her a lawyer. He's done her more favours, but he's kind of a sweet-natured guy, so I feel like she's taking advantage of him. He's also said that he doesn't really want to have a physical relationship with her anymore but she keeps insisting on being with him. Gosh.. does the song, "50 ways to lose your lover" come to mind?? lol

However, there's no way i'm about to put up with her baloney anymore. She's gone past my bad side. I despise this girl honestly. Alot of people don't like her and think she's a weirdo.
Like I say, I just don't trust her. I've seen her in action, if she's going to hit her own bf, or FWB, what's to stop her from being violent with someone else?
The night she confronted me, although, I just wanted to tell her off, and to go jump in a lake, however, I had the sense that if i said one thing to set her off, she's start swinging at me also!
She drives around drunk now, in the middle of the day yet. Great.... maybe I should just get her license plate and report her to the police!
And another thing is alot of their friends are very rude and disrespectful to me. It doesn't seem to matter that many of their friends stop by there house and we spending hours hanging out. If i happen to see one of their friends again in town or somewhere, it's like they don't even want to say hello!!!
I'm really quite tired of this.... this is only the tip of the iceberg really.
I like my friend, he's good company and I don't have many friends around here anyway, cuz people are so cliquey in this area.
But.. this is really stressing me out. I know it stresses my male friend out, cuz he doesn't even want to stay at his OWN HOUSE when she comes around!!
I don't want to invite him over either for fear he'll tell her where I live, even accidentally.
He's also quite inquisitive about my whereabouts and lots of personal things and it's a shame, though, I'd like to tell him more personal things about myself, I don't dare cuz so many of his friends are so either downright unfriendly or just outright hostile to me!
I was going to try to help their band too, get some gigs, but i'm afraid if i did so, and the drunk girl showed up and threatened someone else, i'd end up being blamed for it!
I hate to be in this situation just cuz of some loser alcoholic who only seems to care about herself.

Eva:Gina · 03-26-2007, 09:28 PM

what do you have to be tired of? you dont have to have anything to do with her... if you know she is driving drunk, call and report her, it has nothing to do with how you may feel about her, but she could mow down a child!!

I dont see what the problem is, or how you can be angry about him letting someone into his own house.
fair enough to get angry about him wanting to come over to yours when she is there, but apart from that, you really have no say in the matter, you have told him how you feel and seeing as he has no obligation towards you, there isnt anything more you can do.

SexySadie7 · 03-27-2007, 12:31 AM

Well.. Gina.. you really need to read the posts that were written. You obviously didn't read it too well.
I am NOT mad at my friend. I never said that at ALL in my post. I'm disgusted that his roomie, who owns the house, cannot put his foot down, but the girl comes over uninvited, unexpected. And neither of them, my friend, nor the roomie are happy she's there. If you had actually read the post, you would see that. Obviously you didn't. Not being rude here, just stating facts.
Since you don't bother reading the posts, but just seem to skim through them, so you can take potshots, I'm afraid I have no choice but to put you on ignore from now on.
I've got too many serious things on my plate right now to argue with someone over the internet. you'll have to excuse me.
I also find your post pretty disrespectful.. and it sure seems to me like you are flaming me, which is against the rules here.
I have a very serious situation here. It's not like if i don't go over to their house anymore, I can completely avoid this girl. She comes into our town, harasses me, my friend's other female friends. No one is safe from this girl.
I also cannot afford to drive to the large city every time I go out, and it's unfair that I must be forced to.. I have barely enough money to make ends meet, let alone spend $10 just to drive to the city to go out and try to have some fun.
My friend doesn't want her over there......but if he stand up to her, she'll start pitching a fit, and become violent, oftentimes.
I have already written that I've seen her hitting him as hard as she could in front of my eyes. I guess you forgot to read that also.... hmmm.. whatever....
I don't understand why you always want to pick a fight with me, or take potshots, when it's obviously against the rules Eva:Gina.
I don't even know her license tag.. I didn't even know what her last name was until a few weeks ago! .. when I asked my friend's roomie what is was.
he said he didn't know! That's strange.. seeing as how she lived with them for months.... Finally i saw that she was getting mail delivered to her house and i saw her name on it. So... his roomie lied to me.
That's part of the reason I'm disgusted at the roomie, not my friend! The roomie has also lied to me, when he said, that she wasn't welcome over there anymore!
I am angry the roomie doesn't say something, cuz he's a very large guy.. and is very intimidating when he wants to be. He's also got a rude mouth on him at times... so i'm sure he could set the alchie girl in her place, if he really wanted to.. However.. he chooses not to....
However.. i do appreciate the other people's comments.. You've obviously taken the time to really read the post and try to help me out.
I've taken enough guff from this girl....I think I deserve to be angry at her... She's rude and a pain in the neck and she's got no right to treat me like garbage. I'm not obligated to take some drunk's nonsense!!

Eva:Gina · 03-27-2007, 12:46 AM

Okay, I am not trying to flame you, I understand you are sensitive over this situation, but I see nothing in your posts that allows you to be angry at anyone but her. And there is nothing you can do about that but avoid seeing her. Your freinds are in NO WAY obligated to choose you over her.

The flatmate/owner of the house is not obligated to kick her out, your freind should do that if he doesnt want to see her.

I think you are expecting too much from your freind. I dont see why he should have to tell her to leave so that you are more comfortable and you dont really have the right to ask for that.

I understand that you dont want to drive to town to have fun, so why not try and meet more people in your area instead of bothering with the crazy girl? Your freind is totally within his rights to have an alchie at his house, if he hated her THAT much he would do something about it... He probably just wants to keep her around for the sex, so if/when he finds someone else he will probably tell her to vamoose.

If she is finding you and harrassing you and your freinds, then it is actaully very serious. You say she turns up all the time, get her license plate number and report her!! She is driving drunk and apparently STALKING you!!! There is no reason to feel like you are going over the top or anything if you get the police involved, drunk drivers are very, very dangerous!

I tried to read your posts in their entirety, if I missed things it is because text walls are very, very hard to read. I AM NOT trying to flame you, I dont even know who you are (I dont tend to remember people without avatars... Im TERRIBLE with names) so accusations of "picking fights" and "taking potshots" are completely baseless... I have nothing personal against you. If you want to talk about that, then PM me, ok?

RayKay · 03-27-2007, 02:46 PM

While you can certainly have boundaries for yourself, you cannot really put expectations on whom your friend(s) choose to be around or associate with.

My advice is that when she is around you avoid her or leave honestly if her behaviour bothers you. I think you can let your friend know you are not comfortable being around here, but make it very clear too you are NOT telling him to choose either; just that you choose to not be around her. Sometimes people have circles of friends that don't blend well!

Maybe also; while I know this is hard as you do not like her; try and also not judge her in your attitude towards her, with her or your friend. I am not saying you are mean to her, but I think that the judgmental aspect may show through in your dealings with her and make the situation worse....yes, she has to take responsibility for her actions - but she also has a serious problem. Not one YOU need to fix, but it is a serious issue nonetheless for her.

While your friend has semi-communicated he does not want her there, he is not sending a clear message when he continues to sleep with her as well, etc. Until he takes that strong stance, this will continue and I think you getting in middle will make things worse.

I really would be quite clear to your friend that it is really making you uncomfortable to be around them when she is there, and that you will leave when she is, but it is not personal against him - take time to set up times to see him/friends seperately (ie for lunch when she won't just show up!).

SexySadie7 · 03-28-2007, 11:34 AM

Well.. that's the whole problem. She NEVER calls first before she just shows up! She just comes over his house out of the blue!
I'm not going to keep taking abuse from some drunk girl. Look, I've got lots of friends who are alcoholics, I do. But they always behave themselves, and don't go around assaulting people or threatening them when they are drunk.
I don't think i'm getting my message across. I don't feel comfortable being around here because I'm afraid of her. She's got a trigger temper. You never know when she's goign to snap. My friend has said this over and over.
One minute he's over visiting her at her home and everything is fine. Then all of a sudden, she's in a violent rage over nothing!
I cannot stand the stress of being around someone like this. It's certain my proragative to judge someone like this when they are not only putting my friends in danger, but putting me in danger also.
Also.. I cannot tell them whom to hang out with. About this point in time, I think they are complete idiots to let this behavior continue.... but maybe it's time I just cut ties with them also.
If their judgement is so poor as to allow someone in their lives and homes continuously who makes all their friends ill at ease, it's stupid for me to keep hanging around with them too.
My friend has not even called me since I left their house on Sunday. You might think he would call to see if I was alright. That's another thing that bugs me about my friend & his roommate. They can unbelievably inconsiderate.
Several times I've been invited to their house recently, and when I show up at their door, they cannot even bother coming to the door to let me in!
They just yell from the back part of their house and I'm not sure what they are saying....Finally after about 3 minutes of me standing there, they finally come to the door and let me in! I mean, really, it's like dealing with Beavis & Butthead sometimes with these two!

03-26-2007, 01:06 PM	#1
SexySadie7 Offline Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 634	Friends who have friends that are just messed up or are alcoholics I've got a dilemma. I have a good male friend who's FWB is an alcoholic. They were sort of dating, but then, my male friend got tired of her tamtrums and crazy mood swings and decided they should just be friends. I think they still sleep together sometimes. I don't really care about that, as we are just platonic friends, but I've seen her hitting him! This happened in public at a jam. The guys are in a band and at the end of the night she came up to him and hit him in the back as hard as she could! I was standing right there and saw it all. He looked shocked, then told her, to not hit him again! 20 minutes later, she confronts me, won't let me leave the club, blocking my way, and screaming at me at the top of her lungs like inches from my face. Then when I'm trying to leave, and go outside, she does the same thing again. Mind you, it's now 2 am.. i'm dead tired, have driven into town twice and all i want to do is go home and go to sleep. Not deal with some wacked out violent drunk! This time I managed to get away from and went running to their bandmate, yelling, "she's crazy." He also knows she is a waste case. They were all invited to a party. The bandmate is a newlywed and just married his wife this past summer. The crazy drunk girl came up to the bandmate when he was standing next to his wife at a party and starts coming on to him, and had her hands all over him, with his wife standing right next to him! Like I say, she's just a horrible person, as far as i'm concerned. She's always been pushy and difficult to deal with. Why my friend wants her around is anyone's guess, but to make matters worse, he helps her find work and works with her everyday but has told her lately.. he doesn't really want her around on the weekends. However, two weekends in a row, she's stopped by their house unexpectedly and without any invitation. Usually I just leave when she shows up cuz I think she's bad news. Yesterday though I was at his house and she shows up again out of the blue. She's already gotten a DUI and shouldn't be driving drunk. She hung out at their house for hours, getting drunk. She even brought this new guy over, who is supposedly her new "boy" friend, but when he asked her for a ride home, she refused, saying she wanted to stay there and keep drinking! So.. finally my friend got fed up and wanted to get out of there. When she's drunk she's rude, belligerent and likes to start arguments ALL the time with my friend. His roommate finally kicked her out of the house last summer when he couldn't stand her drama anymore. So.. me and my friend go and take off and go for a drive. When we get back there, several hours later, she is STILL there! I, against my better judgement, decide to come into the house cuz i needed to talk to his roommate about something. Well, i'm there about 10-15 minutes at the most and decided i needed to go home and get some stuff done. I go to take off, and she comes running up to me.. the drunk girl.. and insists I give her a hug! I'm like.. "no way" and just walked out the door! I don't want this girl coming anywhere near me! I think she's nothing but trouble. I don't like her, and don't trust her for beans after she threatened me. I sure as heck don't want to be hugging her. How would you handle this situation? RayKay.. if you are reading this I wouldn't mind your opinion. You have a pretty good head on your shoulders. This girl has been an alchie for years. She's not going to stop drinking. My friend on the other hand, although her drinking really disturbs him, won't get rid of her! I guess he's got a reliable work partner cuz supposedly when she's sober, she's "normal" and efficient. However, I've had ENOUGH of her drama sessions. I couldn't care less why she's an alcoholic. Supposedly it's cause she had a troubled past was mistreated as a child, blah, blah blah.. However that was over 20 years ago! When doe one take responsibility for one's actions? I don't want to stop hanging out with my friend and going to visit them, but obviously, it's not safe to do so, with her coming over there unexpectedly. The guy who owns the house, my friend's roomie, supposedly told her she's not welcome anymore at their house. At least that's what he told me! He's gone back on his word before with me... but that's another issue... My friend who kicked her out, won't tell her to leave and lets her stay there all nite, getting drunk. I don't get it.. but i cannot go on like this.. I don't need friends who have such hostile friends to me. What do you think? Thanks for the responses btw. I know he's got a vested interest in her, but seriously, this is ridiculous! He's told me he cannot deal with her and her drinking. He cannot even go home without worrying about her imposing herself on him...... I agree.. i shouldn't go over there anymore. I not really sure how to tell him why i'm not going to be coming over to his house anymore. Last edited by SexySadie7; 03-26-2007 at 09:03 PM.

03-26-2007, 01:22 PM	#2
Iceman26 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Houston Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 2,904	Sadie, I think your best bet is to not go over there anymore. Your friend is going to keep allowing her over there, and you can't change that. You can change what you do though, and I would tell your friend that you will still hang out with him, but that you don't want to be around her for those obvious reasons. __________________ "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." "Pride only hurts. It never helps."

03-26-2007, 01:38 PM	#4
Siriana Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Europe Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 3,769	Oh, yes I know we're not best friends but here is my advice: As Dako mentioned and you suspect he is into FWB arrangment with her. So apparently he sees no reason to stop that friendship. I personally don't like his attitude but thats my opinion only... And you are right, she's not the person you want around. So you have two possible solutions: - see your friend only in situations where you can't meet her - distance yourself from your friend if his actions are against your values and you can't tolerate that. __________________ Quid pro quo "Don't have any children or get married until you can support and love yourself first."

03-26-2007, 09:28 PM	#6
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,473	what do you have to be tired of? you dont have to have anything to do with her... if you know she is driving drunk, call and report her, it has nothing to do with how you may feel about her, but she could mow down a child!! I dont see what the problem is, or how you can be angry about him letting someone into his own house. fair enough to get angry about him wanting to come over to yours when she is there, but apart from that, you really have no say in the matter, you have told him how you feel and seeing as he has no obligation towards you, there isnt anything more you can do. __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

03-27-2007, 12:46 AM	#8
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,473	Okay, I am not trying to flame you, I understand you are sensitive over this situation, but I see nothing in your posts that allows you to be angry at anyone but her. And there is nothing you can do about that but avoid seeing her. Your freinds are in NO WAY obligated to choose you over her. The flatmate/owner of the house is not obligated to kick her out, your freind should do that if he doesnt want to see her. I think you are expecting too much from your freind. I dont see why he should have to tell her to leave so that you are more comfortable and you dont really have the right to ask for that. I understand that you dont want to drive to town to have fun, so why not try and meet more people in your area instead of bothering with the crazy girl? Your freind is totally within his rights to have an alchie at his house, if he hated her THAT much he would do something about it... He probably just wants to keep her around for the sex, so if/when he finds someone else he will probably tell her to vamoose. If she is finding you and harrassing you and your freinds, then it is actaully very serious. You say she turns up all the time, get her license plate number and report her!! She is driving drunk and apparently STALKING you!!! There is no reason to feel like you are going over the top or anything if you get the police involved, drunk drivers are very, very dangerous! I tried to read your posts in their entirety, if I missed things it is because text walls are very, very hard to read. I AM NOT trying to flame you, I dont even know who you are (I dont tend to remember people without avatars... Im TERRIBLE with names) so accusations of "picking fights" and "taking potshots" are completely baseless... I have nothing personal against you. If you want to talk about that, then PM me, ok? __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

03-26-2007, 01:27 PM	#3
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,114	You can't choose your friend's friends. Your friend gets sex from this woman, so he has a vested interest in her as entertainment. I'd tell him you care for him but can't take the drama this woman doles out, and distance yourself from them both. Someday he may join you in getting sick of her. Do you feel a bit jealous of her closeness to him?

03-26-2007, 08:36 PM	#5
SexySadie7 Offline Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 634	Dako.. no.. sorry, you are wrong when you say this, "Do you feel a bit jealous of her closeness to him?" The only thing that aggravates me is that I've been poundin the pavement for months and have found nothing, while this waste case of a drunk, has work daily for the last year cuz my friend always give her work. I have been to college and graduated, so I find that annoying, but other than that, if she was a sweet girl and was nice to him, I wouldn't care at all. No.. not at all! Like i say, we are platonic friends only and that's all i want to be. He's a good guy most of the time and has LOTS of female friends, also platonic, and this girl has harassed them TOO!!! Some of his female friends, who are a bit friendly to me, were telling me, how she was accusing them of messing around with her bf! It's such a joke, he's the perfect gentleman. I mean, she's crazy, she's accused more female friends of his that they are fooling around with him, when they are NOT! I just cannot take it anymore, honestly...... But she's manipulative and insists on her way all the time. She makes hiim feel like she's some kind of victim and that he has to help her all the time. When she got arrested for her DUI, he went out and found her a lawyer. He's done her more favours, but he's kind of a sweet-natured guy, so I feel like she's taking advantage of him. He's also said that he doesn't really want to have a physical relationship with her anymore but she keeps insisting on being with him. Gosh.. does the song, "50 ways to lose your lover" come to mind?? lol However, there's no way i'm about to put up with her baloney anymore. She's gone past my bad side. I despise this girl honestly. Alot of people don't like her and think she's a weirdo. Like I say, I just don't trust her. I've seen her in action, if she's going to hit her own bf, or FWB, what's to stop her from being violent with someone else? The night she confronted me, although, I just wanted to tell her off, and to go jump in a lake, however, I had the sense that if i said one thing to set her off, she's start swinging at me also! She drives around drunk now, in the middle of the day yet. Great.... maybe I should just get her license plate and report her to the police! And another thing is alot of their friends are very rude and disrespectful to me. It doesn't seem to matter that many of their friends stop by there house and we spending hours hanging out. If i happen to see one of their friends again in town or somewhere, it's like they don't even want to say hello!!! I'm really quite tired of this.... this is only the tip of the iceberg really. I like my friend, he's good company and I don't have many friends around here anyway, cuz people are so cliquey in this area. But.. this is really stressing me out. I know it stresses my male friend out, cuz he doesn't even want to stay at his OWN HOUSE when she comes around!! I don't want to invite him over either for fear he'll tell her where I live, even accidentally. He's also quite inquisitive about my whereabouts and lots of personal things and it's a shame, though, I'd like to tell him more personal things about myself, I don't dare cuz so many of his friends are so either downright unfriendly or just outright hostile to me! I was going to try to help their band too, get some gigs, but i'm afraid if i did so, and the drunk girl showed up and threatened someone else, i'd end up being blamed for it! I hate to be in this situation just cuz of some loser alcoholic who only seems to care about herself.

03-27-2007, 12:31 AM	#7
SexySadie7 Offline Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 634	Well.. Gina.. you really need to read the posts that were written. You obviously didn't read it too well. I am NOT mad at my friend. I never said that at ALL in my post. I'm disgusted that his roomie, who owns the house, cannot put his foot down, but the girl comes over uninvited, unexpected. And neither of them, my friend, nor the roomie are happy she's there. If you had actually read the post, you would see that. Obviously you didn't. Not being rude here, just stating facts. Since you don't bother reading the posts, but just seem to skim through them, so you can take potshots, I'm afraid I have no choice but to put you on ignore from now on. I've got too many serious things on my plate right now to argue with someone over the internet. you'll have to excuse me. I also find your post pretty disrespectful.. and it sure seems to me like you are flaming me, which is against the rules here. I have a very serious situation here. It's not like if i don't go over to their house anymore, I can completely avoid this girl. She comes into our town, harasses me, my friend's other female friends. No one is safe from this girl. I also cannot afford to drive to the large city every time I go out, and it's unfair that I must be forced to.. I have barely enough money to make ends meet, let alone spend $10 just to drive to the city to go out and try to have some fun. My friend doesn't want her over there......but if he stand up to her, she'll start pitching a fit, and become violent, oftentimes. I have already written that I've seen her hitting him as hard as she could in front of my eyes. I guess you forgot to read that also.... hmmm.. whatever.... I don't understand why you always want to pick a fight with me, or take potshots, when it's obviously against the rules Eva:Gina. I don't even know her license tag.. I didn't even know what her last name was until a few weeks ago! .. when I asked my friend's roomie what is was. he said he didn't know! That's strange.. seeing as how she lived with them for months.... Finally i saw that she was getting mail delivered to her house and i saw her name on it. So... his roomie lied to me. That's part of the reason I'm disgusted at the roomie, not my friend! The roomie has also lied to me, when he said, that she wasn't welcome over there anymore! I am angry the roomie doesn't say something, cuz he's a very large guy.. and is very intimidating when he wants to be. He's also got a rude mouth on him at times... so i'm sure he could set the alchie girl in her place, if he really wanted to.. However.. he chooses not to.... However.. i do appreciate the other people's comments.. You've obviously taken the time to really read the post and try to help me out. I've taken enough guff from this girl....I think I deserve to be angry at her... She's rude and a pain in the neck and she's got no right to treat me like garbage. I'm not obligated to take some drunk's nonsense!!

03-27-2007, 02:46 PM	#9
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	While you can certainly have boundaries for yourself, you cannot really put expectations on whom your friend(s) choose to be around or associate with. My advice is that when she is around you avoid her or leave honestly if her behaviour bothers you. I think you can let your friend know you are not comfortable being around here, but make it very clear too you are NOT telling him to choose either; just that you choose to not be around her. Sometimes people have circles of friends that don't blend well! Maybe also; while I know this is hard as you do not like her; try and also not judge her in your attitude towards her, with her or your friend. I am not saying you are mean to her, but I think that the judgmental aspect may show through in your dealings with her and make the situation worse....yes, she has to take responsibility for her actions - but she also has a serious problem. Not one YOU need to fix, but it is a serious issue nonetheless for her. While your friend has semi-communicated he does not want her there, he is not sending a clear message when he continues to sleep with her as well, etc. Until he takes that strong stance, this will continue and I think you getting in middle will make things worse. I really would be quite clear to your friend that it is really making you uncomfortable to be around them when she is there, and that you will leave when she is, but it is not personal against him - take time to set up times to see him/friends seperately (ie for lunch when she won't just show up!). __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

03-28-2007, 11:34 AM	#10
SexySadie7 Offline Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 634	Well.. that's the whole problem. She NEVER calls first before she just shows up! She just comes over his house out of the blue! I'm not going to keep taking abuse from some drunk girl. Look, I've got lots of friends who are alcoholics, I do. But they always behave themselves, and don't go around assaulting people or threatening them when they are drunk. I don't think i'm getting my message across. I don't feel comfortable being around here because I'm afraid of her. She's got a trigger temper. You never know when she's goign to snap. My friend has said this over and over. One minute he's over visiting her at her home and everything is fine. Then all of a sudden, she's in a violent rage over nothing! I cannot stand the stress of being around someone like this. It's certain my proragative to judge someone like this when they are not only putting my friends in danger, but putting me in danger also. Also.. I cannot tell them whom to hang out with. About this point in time, I think they are complete idiots to let this behavior continue.... but maybe it's time I just cut ties with them also. If their judgement is so poor as to allow someone in their lives and homes continuously who makes all their friends ill at ease, it's stupid for me to keep hanging around with them too. My friend has not even called me since I left their house on Sunday. You might think he would call to see if I was alright. That's another thing that bugs me about my friend & his roommate. They can unbelievably inconsiderate. Several times I've been invited to their house recently, and when I show up at their door, they cannot even bother coming to the door to let me in! They just yell from the back part of their house and I'm not sure what they are saying....Finally after about 3 minutes of me standing there, they finally come to the door and let me in! I mean, really, it's like dealing with Beavis & Butthead sometimes with these two!