When he tells you you're the only one he's ever had a problem with

Anotherday · 03-21-2007, 12:53 AM

and that he has NEVER had a communication gap with anyone like you and that all his other relationships have been "normal," is it possible he is telling the truth and it's just me who is the problem?

He says I bring out the worst in him and that no one has ever done this. He tells me he is only the way he is with me because I am the way with him I am and if I would only be "good" I could have everything I want from him and more.

Well, tonight I wasn't good. He called me cheap and vicious and then forced himself on me (a lick of his tongue on my mouth as I tried to push him away) with germs I'd been trying to avoid (after just having gotten over a lung infection and I'm asthmatic) and that's what really makes me take notice. When someone threatens my physical health they cross a line.

Anyway, I am just venting in the last paragraph because I'm getting used to it and I keep saying it's the end but for some reason I haven't been able to let go once and for all - but I am very close and maybe this time is the time.

I am really curious though...does anyone know of someone saying that the other person is the ONLY one who's ever been such a problem and all his other relationships are normal?

Thank you.

Anotherday · 03-21-2007, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScreenagerX

Honestly, you relationship doesn't sound healthy. Its sounds controlling.

Any sort of "force" does not relate to a well-balanced relationship. This is not something you should be getting used to.

No, it's sure not healthy, and thank you for saying the word "controlling."

I should not be getting used to it but it does happen over time. The first time you're just shocked when they call you names, etc. After a while, it's just standard operating procedure. I am not being sarcastic or facetious and it is very sad. Nor do I minimize it and realize it's pathetic I let myself get into something so psycho. But I'll be out soon enough. I am seeing a therapist so that helps.

TallyM · 03-21-2007, 01:24 AM

I was told that all the time. That he only had problems with me.

He would always turn everything back on me. He told me i abused him.

Relationship Coach · 03-21-2007, 01:27 AM

Unless he has been dating mannequins prior to you I can't imagine him getting along with anyone. His behavior is crude and overly aggressive. It's time to cut him loose and find someone who will respect you. Listen to your therapist, no professional would condone this type of behavior. His manipulative ways are a huge red flag and just a small glimpse of things to come if you stay with him.

RC

Anotherday · 03-21-2007, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TallyM

I was told that all the time. That he only had problems with me.

He would always turn everything back on me. He told me i abused him.

That's interesting, in a bad way. This person has also used the "A" word with me and said that I abuse him. I have never once been able to use the A word with him. I just haven't wanted to go there, maybe because I haven't wanted to even believe he is "one of them." They rarely change and I mean rarely. Only when they see their part can they change, maybe can. It's sad. If I finally say he is an abuser then he will have to go and I won't be able to think...maybe he'll change. He's just a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and I never know which I'll get but usually it's the bad one (is that Jekyl or Hyde?) It's rare I get the nice one. Oh, and I want to emphasize REALLY rare. Things have to be at the end before he is nice and it lasts one night. Then he's back to his usual self. Well, not as bad as tonight. I don't want to make it seem like I am just a glutton for punishment. I mean, he can be nice at times and I guess I was talking more about coming across with compassion and kindness and love at the point things are going to end. Then once he feels like crisis is over he forgets about that and it's back to business as usual. I sound like I am explaining this too much and justifying or rationalizing which is not appropriate and I know it.

Eva:Gina · 03-21-2007, 02:04 AM

no
when people say that you are hte "only one <something negative>" in a nasty, hurtfull way, they are normally LYING!!!

run... run run run as fast as you can

Aleadragonhawk · 03-21-2007, 03:00 AM

Saying that you are the only one who has made him be abusive and claiming that you are abusing him are hallmarks of a manipulative abuser, really.

TallyM · 03-21-2007, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aleadragonhawk

Saying that you are the only one who has made him be abusive and claiming that you are abusing him are hallmarks of a manipulative abuser, really.

Because they never accept responsibility for their actions or take the consequences of whatever is it they cause. Thats all that they know... to put it back on other people.

Beyondthesea · 03-21-2007, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anotherday

and that he has NEVER had a communication gap with anyone like you and that all his other relationships have been "normal," is it possible he is telling the truth and it's just me who is the problem?

He says I bring out the worst in him and that no one has ever done this. He tells me he is only the way he is with me because I am the way with him I am and if I would only be "good" I could have everything I want from him and more.

I am really curious though...does anyone know of someone saying that the other person is the ONLY one who's ever been such a problem and all his other relationships are normal?

Thank you.

My ex fed me the same lines, and sadly I believed it too. It's just another way to make you feel helpless, controlled and that the relationship problems are your fault.

My ex also mentioned that if only I would be good (whatever that meant, it changed all the time!) then he would be good to me.

Point blank: He's lying to you. If he really had no problems in other relationships, why isn't he married to them and living happily ever after? If it was perfect and no problems, he wouldn't have been in the dating pool.

Abusive behavior should never be tolerated. Trust me, I was there for 6 years and it was like living in h&ll. No one who hasn't been through it will ever know the stress of having nowhere to relax, not even in your own mind.

Cut the ties and wait and see...the fresh air is amazing, and the scenery is breathtaking.

blender · 03-21-2007, 11:56 PM

I'm sorry you are caught up in the cloud of the bad habit this relationship has become in your life. It's time to re-gain your self respect, and your perspective on all this, this guy is NOT emotionally healthy, and he's not respectful or seemingly mature.. you're not to blame for his having the "bad come out in him" that is HIS issue, and it was in place LONG BEFORE you came into his life. He's most likely made the same "because of you" speech in all of his relationships.

Go to [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] and read about the "pattern" this guy is in, so you know not to "believe what he says" and more importantly to not take what he says as the "truth" or too personally, he's most likely "projecting" what he doesn't like about himself onto you..

you can now CHOOSE to gather up your courage and get out of this emotionally destructive relationship.. you deserve so much better than this,and it's up to you to "want more" and to get away from him and find yourself a respectful, giving, kind, loving, mature, emotionally healthy man.

03-21-2007, 12:53 AM	#1
Anotherday Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 790	When he tells you you're the only one he's ever had a problem with and that he has NEVER had a communication gap with anyone like you and that all his other relationships have been "normal," is it possible he is telling the truth and it's just me who is the problem? He says I bring out the worst in him and that no one has ever done this. He tells me he is only the way he is with me because I am the way with him I am and if I would only be "good" I could have everything I want from him and more. Well, tonight I wasn't good. He called me cheap and vicious and then forced himself on me (a lick of his tongue on my mouth as I tried to push him away) with germs I'd been trying to avoid (after just having gotten over a lung infection and I'm asthmatic) and that's what really makes me take notice. When someone threatens my physical health they cross a line. Anyway, I am just venting in the last paragraph because I'm getting used to it and I keep saying it's the end but for some reason I haven't been able to let go once and for all - but I am very close and maybe this time is the time. I am really curious though...does anyone know of someone saying that the other person is the ONLY one who's ever been such a problem and all his other relationships are normal? Thank you.

03-21-2007, 01:27 AM	#4
Relationship Coach Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Las Vegas, NV Gender: Male Age: 46 Posts: 1,953	Unless he has been dating mannequins prior to you I can't imagine him getting along with anyone. His behavior is crude and overly aggressive. It's time to cut him loose and find someone who will respect you. Listen to your therapist, no professional would condone this type of behavior. His manipulative ways are a huge red flag and just a small glimpse of things to come if you stay with him. RC __________________ The slightest impact can make the greatest change.

03-21-2007, 02:04 AM	#6
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,473	no when people say that you are hte "only one <something negative>" in a nasty, hurtfull way, they are normally LYING!!! run... run run run as fast as you can __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

03-21-2007, 01:24 AM	#3
TallyM Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 33	I was told that all the time. That he only had problems with me. He would always turn everything back on me. He told me i abused him.

03-21-2007, 03:00 AM	#7
Aleadragonhawk Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,424	Saying that you are the only one who has made him be abusive and claiming that you are abusing him are hallmarks of a manipulative abuser, really.

03-21-2007, 11:56 PM	#10
blender Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,605	I'm sorry you are caught up in the cloud of the bad habit this relationship has become in your life. It's time to re-gain your self respect, and your perspective on all this, this guy is NOT emotionally healthy, and he's not respectful or seemingly mature.. you're not to blame for his having the "bad come out in him" that is HIS issue, and it was in place LONG BEFORE you came into his life. He's most likely made the same "because of you" speech in all of his relationships. Go to [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] and read about the "pattern" this guy is in, so you know not to "believe what he says" and more importantly to not take what he says as the "truth" or too personally, he's most likely "projecting" what he doesn't like about himself onto you.. you can now CHOOSE to gather up your courage and get out of this emotionally destructive relationship.. you deserve so much better than this,and it's up to you to "want more" and to get away from him and find yourself a respectful, giving, kind, loving, mature, emotionally healthy man.