So twisted on so many levels.....

Hamartia · 03-20-2007, 06:25 PM

This was/is a completely messed up situation on so many levels, so this will probably be a lot to read, but I would greatly appreciate it if you read it and gave me some unbiased advice.

I've been with my current boyfriend for five months- for me, that's a lifetime, since I always preferred solitude.

He had a thing for me since high school, and 3 years later we started dating and eventually entered a relationship.

However, my boyfriend is bipolar and, at the time, he was on misprescribed Lithium that he was allergic to. He was totally unhinged and losing his mind on that medicine due to the allergy, doing and saying things he would never normally do and being a terrible jerk to everybody in his life except me, so we took a break while he went about kicking the Lithium. He told me that I had been the perfect girl to him and that we would definitely get back together once he was better.

One person who saw great opportunity in this situation was a female friend of his who, in addition to having an unrequited crush on him as soon as they met, had conveniently just gotten fired from her job and was looking at homelessness since she could no longer afford her rent.

My boyfriend is the kind of guy who cares too much about people, so he agreed to take over her lease so she wouldn't be out on the streets.

However, every time this girl saw him, she kept buying him alcohol; he was never sober around her. That was DEFINITELY not a good combination with the Lithium and one night they were watching a movie, one thing led to another, and they wound up having sex.

We were on our break for less than a month, so soon enough he realized the mistake he made. He quickly decided that he was definitely not moving in with her and that what happened could never happen again and that I was the only girl for him.

I forgave him, but the events that followed STILL frustrate me to no end, some five months later.

Some things you need to know about this girl is that she is very unattractive physically, so she is extremely promiscuous due to self esteem issues. She is also a very manipulative and just all-around bad person. My boyfriend has said that she is the epitome of everything he despises.

Naturally, she didn't react well to his decision to be with me and one night she called him up talking all kinds of **** about me.

I am a fair-minded person, but after everything he told me about her, I wondered why he even remained friends with her since he never liked her in the first place.

Even worse was that every time I (nicely) asked him to cut off contact with her because I felt it was disrespectful to me for him to continue a friendship with her, he preached to me like I was a little kid and made me out to be this terrible, unforgiving *****.

He would say things like, "I'm not letting the two of you meet. She says she wants to meet you and that she'll be nice, but I can guarantee you that your personalities will clash and that within 30 minutes, one of you will tell me I have to choose and I would have to say **** you to both of you. I'm not choosing between a relationship and a friendship."

I'm sure you can imagine how worthless that made me feel, to hear that he wouldn't choose somebody who supposedly meant the world to him over some distant "friend" of his that he absolutely hated and who only called him when she needed something.

Even worse, his stupid male pride made it impossible for him to admit that he ****ed an ugly girl even under the twisted circumstances, so until I saw what she looked like for myself, he made her out to be extremely physically attractive (moreso than myself, and let's just say that I have never been called ugly, or even average looking, in my life), since she was lacking so much in the personality department.

As bad as her personality is, it still shines in comparison to her physical being. "Butterface" would be the understatement of the year (small, beady dark eyes, a hawk-like nose, lips so thin they look drawn on with pencil, and FRECKLES from head to toe; and not the cute kind of freckles either). Add to this the fact that she had a terrible haircut (one of those short, choppy "fashion mullets" with the mid-forehead bangs). Her body is decent, but not so good that it excuses the mess from the neck up, plus she doesn't have half the chest that I do, and I work on my fitness as well.

He has since admitted that it was "like ****ing a barnyard animal" and that he went limp as soon as he looked at her face during their encounter. Still, it really hurt the way he carelessly sent my self-image straight down the ****ter just because he was too proud to admit that the state he was in caused him to nail a real swamp dog. I can guarantee that if I had never laid eyes on her, he would still be making her out to be supermodel hot.

He has even said that he wished I had never seen her and that he would rather me go the rest of my life thinking he found me unattractive than have had to deal with all of the hell I gave him for doing what he did.

He cut her off long ago and hasn't spoken to her since, and I know that he never felt a thing for her- not even physical attraction. Contrary to what you might believe, he has been an absolutely amazing boyfriend to me, going far above and far beyond what's expected of him.

Still, though, I harbor so much hurt and frustration at the way he handled things after that happened: Not caring that I felt disrespected by his friendship with her, not caring that my once sterling perception of myself was in the gutter due to his stupid male pride. This frustration is furthered when he gets all huffy and doesn't listen to me talk about those feelings.

I know I should let go, but another part of me says that he has a piss poor attitude for somebody who got the second chance NOBODY thought he deserved, especially since he has stated numerous times that if the tables had been turned, he would not have forgiven me.

It's not a matter of whether or not to dump him; I enjoy our relationship most of the time and couldn't imagine life without him, nor could he imagine life without me. I just wish I knew how to get over it for good.

treefrogkate · 03-20-2007, 07:36 PM

... honestly? I don't even know what to say to this, except that I really hope you never see me someday, because I can't imagine what you'd have to say about my looks. I'm not trying to attack you personally, but this post comes across as ridiculously shallow and immature.

It sounds like you are willing to forgive the fact that he slept with this girl, but not able to forgive him for picking a "barnyard animal" to cheat on you with... I'll leave it at that; I'm hoping you can see how messed up that is.

I think it's time to reconsider whether this relationship is going anywhere. If you're not comfortable with her being his "friend" (I cringe using that word from how you say he talks about her behind her back), and he isn't willing to give up her "friendship" (although, really, it doesn't sound like I'd want to keep him as my friend if I knew he talked about me like that), then you need to decide whether you're willing to accept that she's there to stay or not.

Hamartia · 03-20-2007, 10:35 PM

There is nothing shallow or immature about me and the internet is no place to from opinions of people. I have a very broad range of what I consider attractive and if I find someone unattractive, I never say as much unless they push me into being rude.

Her looks have nothing to do with it. People make mistakes like that all the time. What I hate is the fact that he would say all these completely untrue things to send my self-image straight down the toilet just so I would be a better girlfriend to him than I would have been if I had known how unattractive she really was; that's his logic, anyway. I think that's extremely selfish and screwed up of him. The one thing I am against the most is dealing bruises to people's egos for your own personal benefit.

As for their "friendship," he ended that months ago. Maybe it wasn't very nice of him to talk about her behind her back, but maybe she shouldn't have done so many crappy things to push him to it. Good friends also don't call only when they need something, nor do they do everything within their power to try to sabotage their friends' relationships just because they want yet another f*ck buddy. If he were such a "bad friend," he wouldn't have considered helping her to not be homeless even though she was a grade-A B*TCH to him and me. Trust me, after all the infantile sh*t she pulled (especially for somebody some three years older than us), he was MORE than generous to her.

sddeaston · 03-21-2007, 11:50 AM

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