Bridesmaids

FrancisHouseman · 03-19-2007, 11:16 AM

thanks for advice

CarnelianButterfly · 03-19-2007, 11:25 AM

Are you going to be involved in other parts of the wedding, there are many things to be done even if you're not in the front row.

andyg · 03-19-2007, 11:25 AM

Francis, there are really only a couple of solutions here but I think the best one is quite obvious. You and Sarah should find out what Angela's dress is going to look like and then get the same dress then show up the day of the wedding and walk as you rightfully should have. Kate will be so happy and excited that you took the iniative to be a good friend that she won't know what to say. good luck

-Andy

Jetta · 03-19-2007, 11:29 AM

I'd be hurt too, there really isn't much you can do though. On the upside you don't have to spend your money on a gown you'll only wear for her wedding. Go out and buy a cute dress to wear as a guest. You are still invited to the wedding right? You can now get her a nicer present and try not to hold a grudge. Weird stuff happens in weddings, lots of pressures to meet certain traditions. Nieces are family and with flowers and stuff it does get more expensive with more bridesmaids (they say). I just bought jewlery and flowers for mine. Flowers are expensive and maybe having you as additional bridesmaides pushed the budget too much.

No idea why the 1 friend got chosen over the others but any of you would feel that way and maybe she even wonders herself. If she the maid of honor, that explains it. Maybe she considers the one girl her best friend in the group? Or maybe there's a completly different reason why she chose her. Proximity, money, looks, etc. Weddings bring out different sides of people. Still go, be her friend, and enjoy the day as a guest.

ItsYourChoice · 03-19-2007, 11:33 AM

I can understand you being hurt and picked over..but maybe this comes down to an issue of how many groomsman there are...

Maybe her to be husband only has one close adult friend who is in the wedding..could be an issue of asthetics (sp??)

I cant think of any other reason..i mean obviously you guys will be coming to the wedding so itll be the same monetary costs to them essentially save a couple bridesmaids gifts....

On the upside though..weddings are much more fun as guests then the wedding party....just go and party!

RayKay · 03-19-2007, 11:57 AM

Weddings are an odd creature all of their own.....they end up often being an issue of trying to balance the interests of all these different family members, with budget, time, and so on.

It may be they just wanted one friend for each, but she also HAD to have the nieces be part of it....

It is sucky, I agree, to find this out now, but try not to get too hurt about it. I would be gracious about it, and still offer to help.

And, by the way, when it is your turn, I would still ask her to be your bridesmaid if you want her to be. Don't get into a drama of not asking her, as she did not ask you, and so on.....

definitelynotme · 03-19-2007, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andyg

Francis, there are really only a couple of solutions here but I think the best one is quite obvious. You and Sarah should find out what Angela's dress is going to look like and then get the same dress then show up the day of the wedding and walk as you rightfully should have. Kate will be so happy and excited that you took the iniative to be a good friend that she won't know what to say. good luck

-Andy

Do it!!

chickidee23 · 03-20-2007, 11:00 AM

After just going through this experience myself, my advice is to let it go. Choosing bridesmaids is a very hard decision. It tears one apart to have to choose between family and friends. There are so many factors to consider! I had three bridesmaids and was not able to pick more because my fiance didn't want a huge wedding. Neither did I but I wanted to involve my close friends. I picked one friend for my maid of honor and the other two bridesmaids were family. Well, two of my close friends were so hurt that they refused to come to my wedding. I had even asked them to be involved in other ways but it was not good enough for them. I'm sad to say that we no longer talk because I felt their actions were selfish and they didn't even take the time to consider that I was limited, that I had other people's (the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with and our families!!) wants and needs to consider and it's not like you have a wedding every few years. It is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone and all in all, it's her wedding. If you are truly a good friend to her, you will take it with a grain of salt and not hold this against her. It's ok to be hurt but I can guarantee you she's not doing this to purposely hurt you. Try to think of it like this if you can- imagine what you're wedding will be like. What would make it the day you dream of, the most special day of your life? Now, imagine that you had to go days, weeks, months of arguing with your parents, your soon-to-be in-laws and the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with about all the tiny, little details. Also imagine trying to keep everyone's feelings in mind as this happens. Don't you think you'd get to a point where you just give in on a few of the details, where you realize if you consider EVERYONE'S feelings, it's not going to be the ONCE IN A LIFETIME day you've wanted? It's hard, it really is.

chickidee23 · 03-20-2007, 05:39 PM

It's completely understandable to feel hurt! We women are such emotional creatures and as much as we compete with each other, we are also so very loyal to those we love. We also expect loyalty in return and nothing hurts worse then when you feel someone betrays loyalty.

The one thing that has helped me when friendships disappoint me is something my always said to me growing up:

"Friends come and go- if you end up with one good friend the rest of your life, you are luckier than most but never forget that family are the people who will always be there for you, no matter what. And in reality, you are the only one you can always count on."

One of the saddest truths about life is that it's in human nature to disappoint.

Perhaps if you let her know that you are hurt but you understand her situation, it can better the problem. Also, offer and ask to help her out with other parts of her wedding and let her know you would still love to be a part of her wedding in any way that she needs you to be.

03-19-2007, 11:16 AM	#1
FrancisHouseman Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 139	Bridesmaids thanks for advice Last edited by FrancisHouseman; 04-10-2007 at 04:12 AM.

03-19-2007, 11:29 AM	#4
Jetta Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minnesota Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 2,354	I'd be hurt too, there really isn't much you can do though. On the upside you don't have to spend your money on a gown you'll only wear for her wedding. Go out and buy a cute dress to wear as a guest. You are still invited to the wedding right? You can now get her a nicer present and try not to hold a grudge. Weird stuff happens in weddings, lots of pressures to meet certain traditions. Nieces are family and with flowers and stuff it does get more expensive with more bridesmaids (they say). I just bought jewlery and flowers for mine. Flowers are expensive and maybe having you as additional bridesmaides pushed the budget too much. No idea why the 1 friend got chosen over the others but any of you would feel that way and maybe she even wonders herself. If she the maid of honor, that explains it. Maybe she considers the one girl her best friend in the group? Or maybe there's a completly different reason why she chose her. Proximity, money, looks, etc. Weddings bring out different sides of people. Still go, be her friend, and enjoy the day as a guest. __________________ "Reality is what won't go away when you stop believing in it." -Phillip K* "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -Carl Jung

03-19-2007, 11:57 AM	#6
RayKay Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Middle of Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 13,270	Weddings are an odd creature all of their own.....they end up often being an issue of trying to balance the interests of all these different family members, with budget, time, and so on. It may be they just wanted one friend for each, but she also HAD to have the nieces be part of it.... It is sucky, I agree, to find this out now, but try not to get too hurt about it. I would be gracious about it, and still offer to help. And, by the way, when it is your turn, I would still ask her to be your bridesmaid if you want her to be. Don't get into a drama of not asking her, as she did not ask you, and so on..... __________________ [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT] [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

03-19-2007, 11:25 AM	#2
CarnelianButterfly Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Too far from home Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 4,473	Are you going to be involved in other parts of the wedding, there are many things to be done even if you're not in the front row.

03-19-2007, 11:25 AM	#3
andyg Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 135	Francis, there are really only a couple of solutions here but I think the best one is quite obvious. You and Sarah should find out what Angela's dress is going to look like and then get the same dress then show up the day of the wedding and walk as you rightfully should have. Kate will be so happy and excited that you took the iniative to be a good friend that she won't know what to say. good luck -Andy

03-19-2007, 11:33 AM	#5
ItsYourChoice Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 60	I can understand you being hurt and picked over..but maybe this comes down to an issue of how many groomsman there are... Maybe her to be husband only has one close adult friend who is in the wedding..could be an issue of asthetics (sp??) I cant think of any other reason..i mean obviously you guys will be coming to the wedding so itll be the same monetary costs to them essentially save a couple bridesmaids gifts.... On the upside though..weddings are much more fun as guests then the wedding party....just go and party!

03-20-2007, 11:00 AM	#8
chickidee23 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 317	After just going through this experience myself, my advice is to let it go. Choosing bridesmaids is a very hard decision. It tears one apart to have to choose between family and friends. There are so many factors to consider! I had three bridesmaids and was not able to pick more because my fiance didn't want a huge wedding. Neither did I but I wanted to involve my close friends. I picked one friend for my maid of honor and the other two bridesmaids were family. Well, two of my close friends were so hurt that they refused to come to my wedding. I had even asked them to be involved in other ways but it was not good enough for them. I'm sad to say that we no longer talk because I felt their actions were selfish and they didn't even take the time to consider that I was limited, that I had other people's (the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with and our families!!) wants and needs to consider and it's not like you have a wedding every few years. It is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone and all in all, it's her wedding. If you are truly a good friend to her, you will take it with a grain of salt and not hold this against her. It's ok to be hurt but I can guarantee you she's not doing this to purposely hurt you. Try to think of it like this if you can- imagine what you're wedding will be like. What would make it the day you dream of, the most special day of your life? Now, imagine that you had to go days, weeks, months of arguing with your parents, your soon-to-be in-laws and the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with about all the tiny, little details. Also imagine trying to keep everyone's feelings in mind as this happens. Don't you think you'd get to a point where you just give in on a few of the details, where you realize if you consider EVERYONE'S feelings, it's not going to be the ONCE IN A LIFETIME day you've wanted? It's hard, it really is.

03-20-2007, 05:39 PM	#9
chickidee23 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 317	It's completely understandable to feel hurt! We women are such emotional creatures and as much as we compete with each other, we are also so very loyal to those we love. We also expect loyalty in return and nothing hurts worse then when you feel someone betrays loyalty. The one thing that has helped me when friendships disappoint me is something my always said to me growing up: "Friends come and go- if you end up with one good friend the rest of your life, you are luckier than most but never forget that family are the people who will always be there for you, no matter what. And in reality, you are the only one you can always count on." One of the saddest truths about life is that it's in human nature to disappoint. Perhaps if you let her know that you are hurt but you understand her situation, it can better the problem. Also, offer and ask to help her out with other parts of her wedding and let her know you would still love to be a part of her wedding in any way that she needs you to be.