I'm not sure how to go about this or what to do. I"m just looking for advice. My wife of 3.5 years filed for divorce on Tuesday (we have a 2 year old daughter). She told me that she loves me but isn't in love with me and that she's sure that she cannot get those feelings back.
A little background, my wife is an attorney, I'm a financial advisor. We have a very good combined income but she makes about twice what I do. Money has always been an issue but is more so over the past year since we bought a more expensive home. Our agreement financially has always been split all bills and expenses 50/50 and then we each have our own money to spend on stuff. That way there is no nitpicking on little things here or there. After we bought the new home, I had trouble keeping up through some bad months at work (commission only). She was having to cover me quite a bit and wasn't happy about it. It all came to a head last summer when she saw that I had accumulated about $10,000 in our home equity line of credit for just living expenses/to cover bills/etc. She found out about this after getting a statement one month and blew up feeling like I betrayed her. That's when she claims that this all started. From then on, her feelings for me changed. She still loves me but isn't in love with me. She has also said that over our 8 total years together, I've "worn her down". We've always gotten in little arguments here and there and some could get pretty heated. To the point of insults sometimes, from both sides. She claims that she still remembers some of them but really this summer and the money deal is when this all started. It devastated her to the point that she feels that I broke her trust and can't regain it.
What does that even mean, that she loves me but isn't in love with me? I still love her dearly and don't want to lose her. Since December when we initially discussed a seperation or divorce because of this, I promised her I would change. I have. I have paid off about $5000 of the debt and have straightened out my financial issues by building up a nice savings to cover these bad months. She even admits that our relationship has been as good as ever. She just doesn't feel any different about me and thinks that there is better things out there.
I have talked her into marriage counseling since in our state (NE) we have 60 days after the initial filing of a divorce until anything else legally can be done. We have our first counseling session on Tuesday. From other posts on this board, I'm hoping that counseling helps her realize that she is still in love with me but just needs to break down an internal barrier that she's put up to "protect" herself. She is not cheating on me, nor have either of us ever. She just thinks there is something better out there that could make her happy. I think that is just her "barrier" as I'm calling it to keep from possibly getting hurt again.
We still sleep in the same bed, still talk, still hug and kiss, etc. We have not slept together (sexually) yet this week but I don't know that either of us would even have a problem with that. It is just a very weird situtaion...Almost like we are dating again but live in the same home and have a child. I just don't know what to think or do. I hope the counselor can shed some light on the situation.
Any thoughts or suggestions???