Back to work after Maternity Leave and Struggling Immensely

Chickie7 · 03-15-2007, 05:32 PM

I feel in a desperate situation right now. I have been back to work for almost a month after being off on Maternity Leave for one year and already about to crack!

I'm really struggling with the demands of work and then coming home to face the demands of my child and I'm exhausted and feel like I'm going to snap!

The first couple of weeks were great. I had no trouble leaving my daughter, I felt refreshed to be back at work and most of all, I felt like I was on top of it all - no problem at all.

It's all caught up to me in the last two weeks and I'm experiencing headaches, extreme tension in my shoulders, dizziness and I find myself losing my temper ALOT! The pressure has increased at work (as I'm the only one who does what I do) and my child has been in and out of daycare for the last 2 weeks due to illness.

I can't seem to make the two work right now! My husband is helping but it's not helping me a whole lot.

How do women do it? Balance demanding careers and sick kids. Please tell me how?

-Overloaded

Scout · 03-15-2007, 05:42 PM

You poor thing. You need a hug, a cocktail, and a full day of pampering at a spa, for starters.

((HUGS))

I'm expecting a baby myself, and although I work from home, I'm already worried myself how I'm going to balance that with a child three feet away needing my constant attention.

Could you afford a nanny? That might be a bit more expensive than daycare, I know. But if your job brings in a significant portion of your family's income, and there's enough left over after your share of bills, etc. for one, it might be a better option than daycare while your child is still in the toddler stage where they seem to pick up so many bugs when around other children.

under_my_amberella · 03-15-2007, 06:15 PM

I'm not a mom yet, but it seems that your health should remain a priority. Does your insurance cover massages and chiropractic care?

**Hope75** · 03-15-2007, 08:53 PM

Hi Chickie,

Wow, it sounds like you've really had a tough couple of weeks. You mentioned that your baby has been sick, I wonder how much of this is exhaustion from working and caring for a sick child, then just the going back to work part? Sounds like you were enjoying the space and adult company before your baby got sick.

It's definitely a challange to balance motherhood with a career, and if you are finding that it's a bit overwhelming for you, maybe you could arrange to work part time and cut back on your hours at work so you have a little time to yourself as well.

Is that financially a possibility for you?

Batya33 · 03-15-2007, 08:57 PM

Why did you go back to work? (not meant as a judgment, just to get more information)

Hayles · 03-15-2007, 09:31 PM

This is probably the last thing you want to hear... but I'll be honest - Im a single mum (4 yo son), working 5 hours per day - and I still struggle with all the demands of daily life....
There are days when I wonder how my house could have been spotless just 2 days ago - how on earth did I manage to fit it in then and not now?
It can be hard, dishes, washing, cooking, cleaning, all the while trying to actually spend some time with your child - not leaving them sitting in front of a TV just to get your chores done...

It's normal to struggle - it really is - I remind myself I'm doing the work of two people... I have put a chore chart in place, if I stick with it, it works....
Like doing one load of washing in the morning before anything else, hanging it out before I leave for work - it's dry by the time I get home etc.

Maybe that will help?? You'll still feel flat for a while though - I usually fall asleep on my son's bed while reading him a book at night!!! hehe

Scout · 03-15-2007, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayles

This is probably the last thing you want to hear... but I'll be honest - Im a single mum (4 yo son), working 5 hours per day - and I still struggle with all the demands of daily life....
There are days when I wonder how my house could have been spotless just 2 days ago - how on earth did I manage to fit it in then and not now?
It can be hard, dishes, washing, cooking, cleaning, all the while trying to actually spend some time with your child - not leaving them sitting in front of a TV just to get your chores done...

It's normal to struggle - it really is - I remind myself I'm doing the work of two people... I have put a chore chart in place, if I stick with it, it works....
Like doing one load of washing in the morning before anything else, hanging it out before I leave for work - it's dry by the time I get home etc.

Maybe that will help?? You'll still feel flat for a while though - I usually fall asleep on my son's bed while reading him a book at night!!! hehe

Yeah, maybe there isn't really a "cure" for juggling motherhood and work, and it just takes time to get used to it, get your rhythym going, figure out where you can make adjustments, or at least take some shortcuts.

In that case, I guess I would advise (and I'll remind myself of this when the time comes!): Don't forget to laugh.

Gotta keep our humor when life gets stressful, that's for sure.

**melrich** · 03-15-2007, 09:54 PM

It's a big adjustment and you really have to give yourself and your baby time to adapt to the routine. I can say it does get easier but I'd also say, my partner and I, both work and two kids, are in bed asleep by 8.30pm most weeknights.

Hayles · 03-15-2007, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scout

Yeah, maybe there isn't really a "cure" for juggling motherhood and work, and it just takes time to get used to it, get your rhythym going, figure out where you can make adjustments, or at least take some shortcuts.

In that case, I guess I would advise (and I'll remind myself of this when the time comes!): Don't forget to laugh. Gotta keep our humor when life gets stressful, that's for sure.

Spot on - it's just about getting used to it - I find I get by on autopilot - a week goes by and Saturday comes around and I think "I made it!" hehe,

I suppose the ikportant thing is - you have to make time to do things for yurself and for your relationship as a couple and as a family - the washing will still be there tomorrow - that much you can guarantee - hehe!
We schedule times for craft and just once a fortnight or there abouts I allow my little guy to stay up a little later on a Friday night and we have a PJ party, or we go get a chocolate Sundae or something and we go sit by the lagoon and feed the ducks... I even make myself take baths some nights, instead of showers, it seems like a struggle just to get the water run, but once the bubbles are in and the candles are lit and I'm in - I know it's worth the hassle... because it's 5 minutes for me...

Sometimes you just have to let the work go and do what you need to do to ensure you're relaxed and the time you are home with your family is peaceful and meaningful!

isisastaria · 03-16-2007, 09:49 PM

This is a perfect example (in my opinion) of how much women are expected to do these days. Mothering is a FULL time 24/7 job. So when you add a full time job to a full time job...you get a mother who is literally ready to go insane. I'm a single mom and with child support and part time work, I manage to pay my bills while going to school. VERY HARD.

Luckily, my ex is very supportive of me and I of him. Whew. Still hard, tho.
Is there a way you can get extra help around the house? How about a housecleaner? Have you figured your actual income after child care, traveling expenses, lunches, etc? Sometimes women find that after all that, they are stuck with hardly any money ahead and a really really big headache!

03-15-2007, 05:32 PM	#1
Chickie7 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 6	Back to work after Maternity Leave and Struggling Immensely I feel in a desperate situation right now. I have been back to work for almost a month after being off on Maternity Leave for one year and already about to crack! I'm really struggling with the demands of work and then coming home to face the demands of my child and I'm exhausted and feel like I'm going to snap! The first couple of weeks were great. I had no trouble leaving my daughter, I felt refreshed to be back at work and most of all, I felt like I was on top of it all - no problem at all. It's all caught up to me in the last two weeks and I'm experiencing headaches, extreme tension in my shoulders, dizziness and I find myself losing my temper ALOT! The pressure has increased at work (as I'm the only one who does what I do) and my child has been in and out of daycare for the last 2 weeks due to illness. I can't seem to make the two work right now! My husband is helping but it's not helping me a whole lot. How do women do it? Balance demanding careers and sick kids. Please tell me how? -Overloaded

03-15-2007, 05:42 PM	#2
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,288	You poor thing. You need a hug, a cocktail, and a full day of pampering at a spa, for starters. ((HUGS)) I'm expecting a baby myself, and although I work from home, I'm already worried myself how I'm going to balance that with a child three feet away needing my constant attention. Could you afford a nanny? That might be a bit more expensive than daycare, I know. But if your job brings in a significant portion of your family's income, and there's enough left over after your share of bills, etc. for one, it might be a better option than daycare while your child is still in the toddler stage where they seem to pick up so many bugs when around other children. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps

03-15-2007, 08:53 PM	#4
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,503	Hi Chickie, Wow, it sounds like you've really had a tough couple of weeks. You mentioned that your baby has been sick, I wonder how much of this is exhaustion from working and caring for a sick child, then just the going back to work part? Sounds like you were enjoying the space and adult company before your baby got sick. It's definitely a challange to balance motherhood with a career, and if you are finding that it's a bit overwhelming for you, maybe you could arrange to work part time and cut back on your hours at work so you have a little time to yourself as well. Is that financially a possibility for you? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

03-15-2007, 09:31 PM	#6
Hayles Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: NSW, Aust Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 344	This is probably the last thing you want to hear... but I'll be honest - Im a single mum (4 yo son), working 5 hours per day - and I still struggle with all the demands of daily life.... There are days when I wonder how my house could have been spotless just 2 days ago - how on earth did I manage to fit it in then and not now? It can be hard, dishes, washing, cooking, cleaning, all the while trying to actually spend some time with your child - not leaving them sitting in front of a TV just to get your chores done... It's normal to struggle - it really is - I remind myself I'm doing the work of two people... I have put a chore chart in place, if I stick with it, it works.... Like doing one load of washing in the morning before anything else, hanging it out before I leave for work - it's dry by the time I get home etc. Maybe that will help?? You'll still feel flat for a while though - I usually fall asleep on my son's bed while reading him a book at night!!! hehe __________________ Who do you run to when the shoulder you usually lean on is the one that broke your heart?

03-16-2007, 09:49 PM	#10
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	This is a perfect example (in my opinion) of how much women are expected to do these days. Mothering is a FULL time 24/7 job. So when you add a full time job to a full time job...you get a mother who is literally ready to go insane. I'm a single mom and with child support and part time work, I manage to pay my bills while going to school. VERY HARD. Luckily, my ex is very supportive of me and I of him. Whew. Still hard, tho. Is there a way you can get extra help around the house? How about a housecleaner? Have you figured your actual income after child care, traveling expenses, lunches, etc? Sometimes women find that after all that, they are stuck with hardly any money ahead and a really really big headache! __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-15-2007, 06:15 PM	#3
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,035	I'm not a mom yet, but it seems that your health should remain a priority. Does your insurance cover massages and chiropractic care?

03-15-2007, 08:57 PM	#5
Batya33 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,061	Why did you go back to work? (not meant as a judgment, just to get more information)

03-15-2007, 09:54 PM	#8
melrich Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Gender: Male Posts: 8,498	It's a big adjustment and you really have to give yourself and your baby time to adapt to the routine. I can say it does get easier but I'd also say, my partner and I, both work and two kids, are in bed asleep by 8.30pm most weeknights.