how long??

haunted_by_your_death · 03-11-2007, 11:57 PM

long story short is this::

i was with my bf for years, about 5 years, he was killed....to this day i love him with all my heart but i dont wanna be alone anymore...he was killed a couple of years ago....is it too soon to see someone else?? i know he wouldnt want me to be lonely but i still feel guilty at the very thougth ive seeing someone else...what can i do?

Eva:Gina · 03-11-2007, 11:58 PM

You poor thing -hug-
You have no need to feel guilty, but only do what you feel comfortable with.

**annie24** · 03-12-2007, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by haunted_by_your_death

long story short is this::

i was with my bf for years, about 5 years, he was killed....to this day i love him with all my heart but i dont wanna be alone anymore...he was killed a couple of years ago....is it too soon to see someone else?? i know he wouldnt want me to be lonely but i still feel guilty at the very thougth ive seeing someone else...what can i do?

welcome to enotalone. I am sorry of the unfortunate circumstances that brought you here.

Have you sought therapy after your bf died? if not, I would recommend finding a grief counselor and talking with them, I think it would be well worth it. I would say that yes, after several years, I think it would be perfectly alright for you to start dating again. But please speak with a conselor first, so you can come to terms with everything and know in your heart that it is ok to start dating again. I agree, I think your bf would want you to be happy and not alone. I am sure that he would want you to find a very special man, one who would treat you very well, so don't settle for scraps. (((HUGS)))

**lady00** · 03-12-2007, 12:08 AM

I am so sorry to hear that. What you're going through is terrible. I don't know much about this but I would think it natural to feel some guilt even though you have nothing to feel guilty about. Like Eva said, do only what you're comfortable with. Take things slowly and go at a pace that you feel okay with.

Meow18 · 03-12-2007, 12:49 AM

It's ok to not want to be alone. You deserve to be happy and be loved.

What happened was unfortunate, but life goes on. It's ok to not want to be alone anymore. I'm sure he would only want happiness for you.

I would also suggest therapy. It's normal to grieve over someone, and you will probably never really get over him. And of course you will never forget him. But it might help you with being able to move on and get on with your life and start looking for someone else.

Stereohead · 03-12-2007, 02:18 AM

I’m sorry to hear that happened to you… I think you’d have to figure out what you’re ready for. If you want company, surround yourself with friends, unless you’re ready for a relationship and can “share” your heart with this new guy and he can understand that you still care for the other one as well.

Like Meow said, if it becomes too difficult to deal with the loss and moving on, then perhaps therapy is an option you should consider.

I hope you’ll be alright… <3

clawson44 · 03-19-2007, 02:24 PM

I am sure your bf would have wanted you to be happy. Do it for yourself though, because life goes on and you do have a future to think about. Grieving is normal and there is no time to stop grieving, but you have to continue living.

mccarleighp · 03-29-2007, 03:53 PM

you will know when the time is right sweetheart the fact that you are asking is it right might be a sign that you are not really ready yet and the bit where you say you still love him to this very day i dont think that you will ever stop and thats fine keep your head up

strongerthanever · 04-21-2007, 07:10 PM

you will know when the time is right. It could be that you just haven't met anyone yet to "wake" those feelings up. Don't try to rush it, take this time for yourself, but leave the door open.
Much love to you...

03-11-2007, 11:57 PM	#1
haunted_by_your_death Offline Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 2	how long?? long story short is this:: i was with my bf for years, about 5 years, he was killed....to this day i love him with all my heart but i dont wanna be alone anymore...he was killed a couple of years ago....is it too soon to see someone else?? i know he wouldnt want me to be lonely but i still feel guilty at the very thougth ive seeing someone else...what can i do?

03-11-2007, 11:58 PM	#2
Eva:Gina Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Aotearoa Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,472	You poor thing -hug- You have no need to feel guilty, but only do what you feel comfortable with. __________________ Dont let the self-rightous dictate your own mind to you...

03-12-2007, 12:08 AM	#4
lady00 Online Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	I am so sorry to hear that. What you're going through is terrible. I don't know much about this but I would think it natural to feel some guilt even though you have nothing to feel guilty about. Like Eva said, do only what you're comfortable with. Take things slowly and go at a pace that you feel okay with. __________________ "When I fall in love, I take my time." - Jason Mraz "Can't sing but I've got soul." - U2

03-12-2007, 12:49 AM	#5
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	It's ok to not want to be alone. You deserve to be happy and be loved. What happened was unfortunate, but life goes on. It's ok to not want to be alone anymore. I'm sure he would only want happiness for you. I would also suggest therapy. It's normal to grieve over someone, and you will probably never really get over him. And of course you will never forget him. But it might help you with being able to move on and get on with your life and start looking for someone else. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

03-19-2007, 02:24 PM	#7
clawson44 Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3	I am sure your bf would have wanted you to be happy. Do it for yourself though, because life goes on and you do have a future to think about. Grieving is normal and there is no time to stop grieving, but you have to continue living. __________________ Coping with grief is never easy especially when you have to go through it alone.

03-12-2007, 02:18 AM	#6
Stereohead Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Texas Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 225	I’m sorry to hear that happened to you… I think you’d have to figure out what you’re ready for. If you want company, surround yourself with friends, unless you’re ready for a relationship and can “share” your heart with this new guy and he can understand that you still care for the other one as well. Like Meow said, if it becomes too difficult to deal with the loss and moving on, then perhaps therapy is an option you should consider. I hope you’ll be alright… <3

03-29-2007, 03:53 PM	#8
mccarleighp Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Age: 24 Posts: 140	you will know when the time is right sweetheart the fact that you are asking is it right might be a sign that you are not really ready yet and the bit where you say you still love him to this very day i dont think that you will ever stop and thats fine keep your head up

04-21-2007, 07:10 PM	#9
strongerthanever Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: in transit somewhere in the south Gender: Female Posts: 112	you will know when the time is right. It could be that you just haven't met anyone yet to "wake" those feelings up. Don't try to rush it, take this time for yourself, but leave the door open. Much love to you...