Jump to content

Why do men usually come back and not women??


celene

Recommended Posts

I am not sure if people agree with me on this. But let me tell you my story. When I was 20, I was madly in love with this guy. He broke up with me because he needed space, wanted to find himseld etc. It hit me hard since I was really into him. It took me nearly a year and a half to fully get over him but when I did, I was over him, completely. I heard from friends that he was "half seeing someone" and later he got himself a "proper" girlfriend and I also heard from common friends.( we have too many!!) that he broke up with her. This was two years ago and I havent seen him for nearly five years.

Anyways, he sends me an email a couple of months ago and I think why shouldnt I send him a reply after all its been five years, I am sure he just wants to say hi. So we start to communicate as friends or atleast that is what I thought it was till he told me how much he misses me and how much he wants to come and see me and see where this goes. My jaws dropped because I remember how much I cried and begged him to give us another chance and here he was five years later doing the same. Of course I said no and that I had truly moved on and I could see him only as a friend....but I am not the only case. A lot more guys tend to go back to past relationships than women. I think its becase We moan, we cry, we are in absolute misery but the day we move on we really move on. I dont think guys do that!! What do u think????

Link to comment
  • Replies 70
  • Created
  • Last Reply

According to some stats from a presentation I went to, Women get over men much faster than men get over women...... so ya, I believe it...

 

I personally have alot of trouble completely getting over girls that I've been with..... I mean, I dont constantly call them and check up on them, but I usually will think about them from time to time.. but never act on it~

Link to comment

oh ya, why do i think that... well I think it has alot to do with the fact that when a girl breaks up with a guy she has her mind made up, and its for VERY diffrent reasons (usually) when a guy breaks up with a girl...

 

I get the feeling that most girls break up with a guy because they truly are incompatible and its time to move on.. I get the feeling most guys break up with a girl because there is a better option.. (I know thats not always the case, but i think its more common)

Link to comment

I've never had a relationship with a woman, so I don't have much to compare to.

 

Every ex I've had where I was the one who ended the relationship has attempted to get back in touch with me post-break-up. Sometimes YEARS after we split. In once case it was long enough since our break-up and I had moved on to the point that I had met & was happily married to someone else.

 

One time, the only ex I keep in touch with was listening to me whine about some other ex who had contacted me outta nowhere...and he said (partially joking, partially seriously), "We're dogs. You said 'yes' to us before, you might say 'yes' again...."

 

That's always been in the back of my mind if I hear from an ex......

Link to comment

I think that guys do that also. Maybe girls tend to do it more but I know lots of guys who were dumped and then had their ex try to come back and they said no.

 

There seems to be a window of time where the person being dumped will take the dumper back regardless of gender and once that window closes it is closed for good. For me its only been six months and I am very confident that I would tell my ex to take a hike if she tried to come back.

Link to comment

hey yokeydokey harsh but true. Men know that once you said yes you might be open to saying it again. With woman I believe anyway that part of the healing is realizing it would never work and no point. Lol that's why woman are not dogs lol they know when to leave their vomit alone.

Link to comment

I am not sure if women DON'T come back to past relationships. I think some women do keep a flame burning, hoping that a past ex will come back into their lives. But then, I do agree with you, that when that flame truly and finally gets extinguished, the woman does move on.

 

I've moved on from my ex and I think if he did come back to me now and ask for me back, I would not go back. I've finally come to the acceptance that he and I are not compatible.

 

As for my best friend, of whom I am still very close to after 13 years of knowing each other, and then him being gay, if he came back to me and told me he loved me and wanted to date again, I COULD be open to that.

Link to comment

Yes, I also agree there is some truth to this. Once I am emotionally over and done with a man, I just can't go back, no matter what he says or does. Whereas, guys, well at least my exes have act in a completely different way. Even if they seem completely done, months or years later, they aren't quite so done anymore but by the time they come around or start flirting and complimenting again, I'm all out of energy for them.

Link to comment
I am not sure if women DON'T come back to past relationships. I think some women do keep a flame burning, hoping that a past ex will come back into their lives. But then, I do agree with you, that when that flame truly and finally gets extinguished, the woman does move on.

 

It seems to be that this idea of a window of opportunity is really prevalent, especially for women. You get dumped, you're sad, you might try to win the guy back but then at some point (and it's almost hard to know when it is unless the guy tries to come back and test it out), you shut the door for good and it seems like no amount of change or appearing attractive can open it again. In my case, once I meet someone who I find more attractive or more compatible with me, then I've definitely shut the door.

Link to comment

I don't agree with this. I had 2 women dump me, and both came back. My first girlfriend came back twice. My currrent ex broke up with me twice, she came back onec, but I am not sure if she will come back again. I am not banking on it, and not sure if I want her to.

 

I guess it depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Both cases the women took me for granted, lost the feelings they had etc. They months later they call me back wanting to get back.

 

It has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with how you were treated. If you were dumped, treated your ex well, and didn't beg or plead when they dumped you, there is decent chance they will come back to you.

Link to comment
oh ya, why do i think that... well I think it has alot to do with the fact that when a girl breaks up with a guy she has her mind made up, and its for VERY diffrent reasons (usually) when a guy breaks up with a girl...

 

I would agree with that (generally speaking, of course) when a couple has a REAL connection, the guys suffer worse than the girls when its over.

 

There is this guy who came into the cafe where I used to work... he was a regular, and after his wife died he used to order what they always ordered together... and eat both meals

Link to comment

It has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with how you were treated. If you were dumped, treated your ex well, and didn't beg or plead when they dumped you, there is decent chance they will come back to you.

Mmm..but what if the dumper treated the ex like crap, so the ex cuts off all contact? People can't accept they have been broken up, and they push and push till the ex just gets nasty. At that point (it happened to me) the dumpee cuts off all contact. Why bother getting hurt again? But I do wonder if its different for a man than a woman? ie: do guys really regret more than women?

Link to comment
Mmm..but what if the dumper treated the ex like crap, so the ex cuts off all contact? People can't accept they have been broken up, and they push and push till the ex just gets nasty. At that point (it happened to me) the dumpee cuts off all contact. Why bother getting hurt again? But I do wonder if its different for a man than a woman? ie: do guys really regret more than women?

 

I read some article that claimed that years later men are more likely to look back at a relationship with regret than women are. But then, that doesn't really tell us much I guess, but it is an interesting tidbit if there is actually any trut to it. Who knows but that's what the article argued. I suppose they used survey data.

Link to comment

I think a lot of this has do with how the relationship ended. If there was abuse or cheating involved in the break-up then whoever was treated badly usually can move on far more quickly. I was cheated on and that really motivated me to move on and I think if we had just broke up for other reasons I probably would have held on much longer.

Link to comment
Every time a relationship ends for me no matter how serious, the guy always comes back to me. I think women cry and talk and get over it and guys just hold everything in.

 

i think just the opposite is happening right now... my ex has some communication problems and doesnt exaclty open herslf up to people. she dumped me about 2 weeks ago and i can bet 100 dollars shes holding it in. why? she never told me that there was quality she didnt like within me and never gave me a chance to change. also shes always happy with her friends everytime i see her. noone can turn their emotions off like that. i think shes holding it in. I myself expressed myself to everyone i know asking for advice and whatnot. 2 weeks is a short time... but if she had decided she made a mistake idk if i would take her back, if she couldnt tell me she didnt liek something about me and not give me a second chance what would stop her from doing that in the future.. who wants a relatioship with someone who connot fully talk to you.

Link to comment
One thing I read though is that when one person doesn't want to be with the other they start breaking down any feelings they had for that person even months before breaking up with someon? think this is valid?.

 

Very true, they have been thinking about it for a while before they actually do it.

Link to comment

but what about when one person makes the other do it? I mean this goes along with this thread because we always talk about the dumper and the dumpee. Now what happens when the dumpee was really trying to get the other to dump them. Do they come back? (The guy is the dumpee)

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...