boyfriend/popularity part three

emma34 · 03-03-2007, 12:28 PM

www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1761914

we were supposed to go to a friends social out of town tonight and it appears i may be going on my own...he hasn't called. i thought for sure he would. i'm really dissapointed he's not willing to work on this. i don't want to go on my own, and i don't want to break up. i have enough dignity to know i am not being treated the way i want. he went out drinking with his buddies last night and i stayed at home and got some work done.

I know I shouldn't call him. I have no reason to. I'm not going to apologize...last night I said to him 'I've been really clear...if after our conversation you still want to go out, I can't stop you' and that's exactly what he did. Also last night he texted me saying 'I hope your not serious about me not going to the social' (because on the phone I mentioned since we weren't getting along it would be a good idea - hoping that would give him incentive to start getting along) I replied to the text saying 'the way we are getting along right now I can't see it being a good idea can you?' in which he replied 'it would be worse if i didn't go'.

i'm so confused. i really wish he would call

Batya33 · 03-03-2007, 12:30 PM

The problem here is that you see this as something to "work on" - it's far simpler than that - all he needs to do is to prioritize time with you and I am sorry but he is not choosing to. Making this into some big "we have to work on this" makes it seem as if it is more complicated than a simple choice. Is it an easy choice? Well, no but it is far easier to choose if the person is motivated to be in a relationship.

I would go to the social and have a blast and call him only if you need to make absolutely sure that he understands that you believe you deserve to be more of a priority to him as far as spending time together. My guess is you already made that clear.

He is doing you such a big favor because now you can shift your focus to someone who wants to make you a priority!

shes2smart · 03-03-2007, 12:58 PM

I've read your other two threads.

Sounds to me like the relationship is not a priority for him...plain and simple. You cannot make him change his priorities. Only thing you have control over is whether you're gonna put up with being that far down his list by continuing to stick around or if you're gonna take your toys and find someone who'll put you first.

It's truly amazing how people will MAKE the time to do what's important to them. I've seen it over and over. People can say just about anything, but where the rubber hits the road, what they choose to do and how they choose to spend their time speaks volumes.

I've been in a relationship where I was not even in the guy's top 5 priorities. I'm married to a guy who has never made me doubt I am his #1 priority.

Trust me, being #1 with your significant other -- and having their actions prove it on a daily basis -- beats being further down the chain six ways to Sunday.

03-03-2007, 12:58 PM	#3
shes2smart Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,142	I've read your other two threads. Sounds to me like the relationship is not a priority for him...plain and simple. You cannot make him change his priorities. Only thing you have control over is whether you're gonna put up with being that far down his list by continuing to stick around or if you're gonna take your toys and find someone who'll put you first. It's truly amazing how people will MAKE the time to do what's important to them. I've seen it over and over. People can say just about anything, but where the rubber hits the road, what they choose to do and how they choose to spend their time speaks volumes. I've been in a relationship where I was not even in the guy's top 5 priorities. I'm married to a guy who has never made me doubt I am his #1 priority. Trust me, being #1 with your significant other -- and having their actions prove it on a daily basis -- beats being further down the chain six ways to Sunday. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

03-03-2007, 12:28 PM	#1
emma34 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 645	boyfriend/popularity part three www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1761914 we were supposed to go to a friends social out of town tonight and it appears i may be going on my own...he hasn't called. i thought for sure he would. i'm really dissapointed he's not willing to work on this. i don't want to go on my own, and i don't want to break up. i have enough dignity to know i am not being treated the way i want. he went out drinking with his buddies last night and i stayed at home and got some work done. I know I shouldn't call him. I have no reason to. I'm not going to apologize...last night I said to him 'I've been really clear...if after our conversation you still want to go out, I can't stop you' and that's exactly what he did. Also last night he texted me saying 'I hope your not serious about me not going to the social' (because on the phone I mentioned since we weren't getting along it would be a good idea - hoping that would give him incentive to start getting along) I replied to the text saying 'the way we are getting along right now I can't see it being a good idea can you?' in which he replied 'it would be worse if i didn't go'. i'm so confused. i really wish he would call

03-03-2007, 12:30 PM	#2
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,074	The problem here is that you see this as something to "work on" - it's far simpler than that - all he needs to do is to prioritize time with you and I am sorry but he is not choosing to. Making this into some big "we have to work on this" makes it seem as if it is more complicated than a simple choice. Is it an easy choice? Well, no but it is far easier to choose if the person is motivated to be in a relationship. I would go to the social and have a blast and call him only if you need to make absolutely sure that he understands that you believe you deserve to be more of a priority to him as far as spending time together. My guess is you already made that clear. He is doing you such a big favor because now you can shift your focus to someone who wants to make you a priority!