Need input: porn case turned real bad

isisastaria · 03-02-2007, 01:23 PM

Im the one who posted the thread about the fiancee who was looking at porn, and I didn't know how to get over it. Well, everything was okay in that arena (althought I can't seem to get past the dating site- we were ENGAGED!!!), but he's starting arguements over NOTHING and he is leaving for 7 months in 4 weeks for training in his career. I would be visiting him, but I am going to be honest. I'm not sure I should marry him. I've given back the ring twice (including today). He has lied a lot and I don't know if I can trust him.

Last night I simply text messaged him that some girls at work were asking why we don't get married before he goes to get training. We were planning to do it after his training in a 10 day period at the same time we would have to relocate to a new city before he starts work. He acted like I was the one who said didn't want to get married before he left . Last MONTH I asked him why we don't just get married now before he goes...and he said it's because he will be in debt and doesn't want to get married in debt. I thought that was fine. Then last night he tells me there are other reasons. I have been treating him well...we've been having fun and bonding...nothing seemed too bad. Then he just gets so mad and I'm not even sure what's going on. To make a long story short, he has now called me a B, made fun of me...told me he was looking for women with really big breasts when he was looking at porn (I'm average lg B to small C cup). So I got really angry and told him that I had a guy who liked me (and why doesn't my fiance like the way I look?) I told him I want HIM. But he doesn't like me? I was trying to make him jealous. Well, turns out the guy is a friend of mine who is very gay...and I cleared that all up with my fiancee. I admitted I was just trying to make him jealous because I was jealous. (not smart, I know).

This morning I was talking to him about last night and how I felt he started an arguement when I was just asking a simple question. (Even his MOM is on my case about marrying before he leaves!) I thought everyone was seeing something we weren't.

He told me he will talk to me about it later. I get no sleep last night, I'm an emotional mess, and he calls me this morning with this generic apology. I could tell he was just saying it so he didn't have to talk about the issues at hand. So i asked him why he would start an arguement over something innocent (trying to figure out why he was SO mad!)

And he hangs up on me and text messages me to leave him alone. THis morning he made fun of my voice when I was upset and hung up on me over and over.

I feel like I should do the NC thing now. Am I overreacting? It just doesn't seems like he cares about how I feel! So I don't write a novel, ASK ME QUESTIONS IF YOU NEED MORE OF THE STORY!!!

Zaphod · 03-02-2007, 01:24 PM

Erm.... you were thinking of MARRYING this guy?

isisastaria · 03-02-2007, 01:25 PM

Yeah, think i'm crazy?

Zaphod · 03-02-2007, 01:26 PM

Ermmmm..... well from your first post..... erm..... yeah a little bit if you want the honest truth. There are plenty of good guys out there who won't treat you like that. You deserve better IMHO.

Dako · 03-02-2007, 01:31 PM

I don't think marriage is what you need. You need a healthy relationship.
If you're both having this much trouble, I can't see the point of adding marriage to a mix that includes taunts, games, threats and insults.

You don't seem to respect each other.

If you do marry, the opinions of friends and family should be ignored.
Marriage is between two people, unless kids are involved.

isisastaria · 03-02-2007, 01:33 PM

You're very insightful Dako. Thanks for your honest opinion Zaphod

need2bme · 03-02-2007, 01:35 PM

I agree with Dako. Not even worrying about the porn, but the fact that he belittles you and doesn't seem to give a crap about your feelings, would stop my engagement cold.

Also, and I know I am going to get flames on this, but where in the world do all these crappy girls/guys get guys/girls from? I see friends and people on here all the time, talking about ghastly things that thier SOs do.

It just blows my mind how people treat other people.

Zaphod · 03-02-2007, 01:36 PM

You must bear in mind though that my opinion is based on your POST - I don't know your partner and I only have your post to go on. If you are only telling one side of the story, then only you know that.

isisastaria · 03-02-2007, 01:37 PM

Wow. I think i've been in denail about this and how bad it's become. Where are all the loving guys? Why don't I find them?

isisastaria · 03-02-2007, 01:38 PM

that was denial. Yes, I know...I've considered that Zaphod

03-02-2007, 01:23 PM	#1
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	Need input: porn case turned real bad Im the one who posted the thread about the fiancee who was looking at porn, and I didn't know how to get over it. Well, everything was okay in that arena (althought I can't seem to get past the dating site- we were ENGAGED!!!), but he's starting arguements over NOTHING and he is leaving for 7 months in 4 weeks for training in his career. I would be visiting him, but I am going to be honest. I'm not sure I should marry him. I've given back the ring twice (including today). He has lied a lot and I don't know if I can trust him. Last night I simply text messaged him that some girls at work were asking why we don't get married before he goes to get training. We were planning to do it after his training in a 10 day period at the same time we would have to relocate to a new city before he starts work. He acted like I was the one who said didn't want to get married before he left . Last MONTH I asked him why we don't just get married now before he goes...and he said it's because he will be in debt and doesn't want to get married in debt. I thought that was fine. Then last night he tells me there are other reasons. I have been treating him well...we've been having fun and bonding...nothing seemed too bad. Then he just gets so mad and I'm not even sure what's going on. To make a long story short, he has now called me a B, made fun of me...told me he was looking for women with really big breasts when he was looking at porn (I'm average lg B to small C cup). So I got really angry and told him that I had a guy who liked me (and why doesn't my fiance like the way I look?) I told him I want HIM. But he doesn't like me? I was trying to make him jealous. Well, turns out the guy is a friend of mine who is very gay...and I cleared that all up with my fiancee. I admitted I was just trying to make him jealous because I was jealous. (not smart, I know). This morning I was talking to him about last night and how I felt he started an arguement when I was just asking a simple question. (Even his MOM is on my case about marrying before he leaves!) I thought everyone was seeing something we weren't. He told me he will talk to me about it later. I get no sleep last night, I'm an emotional mess, and he calls me this morning with this generic apology. I could tell he was just saying it so he didn't have to talk about the issues at hand. So i asked him why he would start an arguement over something innocent (trying to figure out why he was SO mad!) And he hangs up on me and text messages me to leave him alone. THis morning he made fun of my voice when I was upset and hung up on me over and over. I feel like I should do the NC thing now. Am I overreacting? It just doesn't seems like he cares about how I feel! So I don't write a novel, ASK ME QUESTIONS IF YOU NEED MORE OF THE STORY!!! __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-02-2007, 01:25 PM	#3
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	Yeah, think i'm crazy? __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-02-2007, 01:33 PM	#6
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	You're very insightful Dako. Thanks for your honest opinion Zaphod __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-02-2007, 01:37 PM	#9
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	Wow. I think i've been in denail about this and how bad it's become. Where are all the loving guys? Why don't I find them? __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-02-2007, 01:38 PM	#10
isisastaria Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 441	that was denial. Yes, I know...I've considered that Zaphod __________________ I love people too much to hide what I truly see.

03-02-2007, 01:24 PM	#2
Zaphod Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 246	Erm.... you were thinking of MARRYING this guy?

03-02-2007, 01:26 PM	#4
Zaphod Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 246	Ermmmm..... well from your first post..... erm..... yeah a little bit if you want the honest truth. There are plenty of good guys out there who won't treat you like that. You deserve better IMHO.

03-02-2007, 01:31 PM	#5
Dako Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 9,115	I don't think marriage is what you need. You need a healthy relationship. If you're both having this much trouble, I can't see the point of adding marriage to a mix that includes taunts, games, threats and insults. You don't seem to respect each other. If you do marry, the opinions of friends and family should be ignored. Marriage is between two people, unless kids are involved.

03-02-2007, 01:35 PM	#7
need2bme Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 1,810	I agree with Dako. Not even worrying about the porn, but the fact that he belittles you and doesn't seem to give a crap about your feelings, would stop my engagement cold. Also, and I know I am going to get flames on this, but where in the world do all these crappy girls/guys get guys/girls from? I see friends and people on here all the time, talking about ghastly things that thier SOs do. It just blows my mind how people treat other people.

03-02-2007, 01:36 PM	#8
Zaphod Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 246	You must bear in mind though that my opinion is based on your POST - I don't know your partner and I only have your post to go on. If you are only telling one side of the story, then only you know that.