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How long should you wait before sleeping with someone?


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Do you have any sort of rule that you follow?

I realize it's different for everyone, but do you have a minimum time before you have sex or do you just do it when it feels right?

 

I've been with guys, but I've only slept with one guy that I was actually in relationship with... Now I'm dating again, and I actually like him, so even though I wouldn't mind having sex with him now I feel like I should wait for awhile because I don't want to seem easy or anything... I'm just not sure how long.

 

....

 

Also, this is off topic but I wasn't sure where it would go. Has anyone used the depo shot? If so, how did it work for you? I don't really want to go back on the pill and I like the idea of the shot if the side effects aren't too intense.

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I think it would be wise to wait at least a month or two before sleeping with someone. Also, it is also wise to wait till you are in a relationship before sleeping with someone, because I've learned, if you give it up too early, guys tend to not respect you and consider you to be "relationship" material.

 

It's a double standard, but its out there.

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I agree with RW... the reason why I've never had sex before was because I actually haven't been in many relationships...like maybe 1 serious, and he left for a different country before we got too serious, then broke up soon after (long distance didn't work), and since then....just dated guys who i soon broke up with. There might have been sexual/physical chemistry but I knew it wouldn't last as a relationship. Should I still have had sex? Some people (many people) would have...after a few dates, would feel comfortable having it. It's a personal decision. I didn't because I wanted to be in a relationship, esp. since it's my first time....

 

If it weren't my first time, I would probably have one-night stands... I know that sounds easy, but for me it's either "one night stand" or "relationship", dating doesn't so much work for me because after only a few (maybe 2 dates) I know it won't work (or it will, which is rare.) So either I'll have it based on pure sexual chemistry alone for just that, or I will wait until I'm in a steady relationship and it feels right (prob. at least a month as RW said.)

 

If I just know the guy and things are 'alright', comfortable but not hot, I won't have it. This is prob. why i'm still a virgin.....so many guys fit in this category.. i just can't find any guys who are relationship material i'll prob. end up just giving it to a one-night stand when i get fed up at around 24.

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I've been on depo for 4 years, off and on because it depletes bone mass so you can't be on for too long at a time. I love it because you only go every 3 months, I don't have a period, and I've never had any problems with it. But I've heard other people say that instead of not bleeding for 3 months, they would continually bleed until the shot wore off. It really just depends on the person so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

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I've learned through some past experiences as well as watching friends, that the best way to protect your heart and emotions is to WAIT before you sleep with someone and also be in a relationship before you sleep with someone, because no matter how much guys want to deny it, they do have a double standard for women and if you give it up too quickly and too soon to a guy, they WON'T see you as relationship material.

 

Trust me.

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I've been on depo for 4 years, off and on because it depletes bone mass so you can't be on for too long at a time. I love it because you only go every 3 months, I don't have a period, and I've never had any problems with it. But I've heard other people say that instead of not bleeding for 3 months, they would continually bleed until the shot wore off. It really just depends on the person so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

 

mine was fine for 2 years... then went haywire -sigh-

PLUS the nz health board didnt release the bone density thing for AGGGGES, which sucked for me becase I have to be carefull with that

 

it is GREAT when it works, but if it doesnt go well then you ahve to wait so long!! plus, a lot of people gain a lot of weight on it.

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I've learned through some past experiences as well as watching friends, that the best way to protect your heart and emotions is to WAIT before you sleep with someone and also be in a relationship before you sleep with someone, because no matter how much guys want to deny it, they do have a double standard for women and if you give it up too quickly and too soon to a guy, they WON'T see you as relationship material.

 

Trust me.

 

except if you're not looking for a relationship. If you just want a one-night stand, then go right ahead. depends what you're looking for.

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My boyfriend and I waited 1 1/2 years.

 

I think it's wise to wait at least a few months. You never know who the "real" person you are dating might be, which I don't believe you really know in the first couple of months, but it's still better than only waiting a week.

 

But having sex has too many consequences to just be doing it a person that you don't really know yet. At least in my opinion.

 

I have a friend who's girlfriend got pregnant after 3 months of being together. Let's just say, she isn't the person he thought he knew and lied to him throughout the whole pregnancy, and now lies in court.. and now he only gets to see his baby once a week for 2 hours due to visitation rights because she refuses to let him see his child any other time.. and that kills him.

 

And building good communication before sex is important too in my opinion because you want to be able to be open and honest about it.

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It really doesn't matter to me. The question for me is how long till you STOP waiting...

 

That may sound immature when you think about it, but in my opinion, sex plays an important role in my relationships. It's just another way to please one another just like buying flowers, going to movies, out to dinner, ect. Just because you have sex right away doesn't mean you are going to have a rocky relationship. My girlfriend and I had sex for a week before we ever had an intellegent conversation. Now we've been together for three months, and have yet to experience any argument, disputes, ect.

 

It's all depends on how well people click together AFTER they have sex.

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My girlfriend and I had sex for a week before we ever had an intellegent conversation. Now we've been together for three months, and have yet to experience any argument, disputes, ect.

 

I wouldent exactly call 3 months a long-term relationship (even flings can last for 3 months). hopefully it also goes well with you guys for many more years

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I don't think you can generalise about this. There are couples who have sex immediately and go on to have many happy years together, and there are couples who wait for years and still have the relationship crash soon after... and vice versa of course.

 

The best you can do is what feels right for you and hope it works out I'm afraid....

 

For myself, as I'm a very long-term relationship type gal, I've only slept with 2 guys. With the first, I waited about three months: I wanted to make as sure as I could that we had something lasting going - which I guess we did, we were together for five years, but eventually we both just developed in different directions.

 

With my current man, well, the only reason we waited the week we did was because I was on my period when we got together However, we'd been madly in love with each other for half a year and just hadn't realised it was mutual until then That was over four years ago, and it's still a constant source of wonder to me how happy we are together, how much joy there is in repetition, how the same joke can be funny a thousand times, and how the same endearment can still hold all the meaning now that it did years ago...

 

Ahem... I digress... I'm having a soppy day

 

BC: haven't had experience of the depo shot, and from what I've heard from others, it's one of those ones where you're just going to have to try it and find out whether it works for you... You could go to a family planning-type clinic and have them talk you through all the options and their pros and cons - and short of sterilisation, none of the options are irreversible: if something doesn't work out you ca always just stop.

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I don't have any rules. It really depends on the circumstances. I slept with my current boyfriend on the first night we ever hung out. Other guys I casually dated for a year or more without ever getting intimate. There was one guy who I dated for a while and wanted to sleep with, but I was playing into this whole bs that you should wait if you want to guy to respect you. (I'm sorry, but I really think that's bs.) He ended up not calling me back at some point and I was so angry at myself for not sleeping with him while I had the chance.

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I completely disagree that what matters is how you click "after" you have sex. I wait at least a few months - and have waited longer - for my first, over a year, for two others, 5 months each - and waited until we were exclusive and only if there was real potential for marriage (I have a very short list because of these values and standards, but have dated many men and had short term relationships with many men I didn't sleep with and one longer one where we didn't have s_x and got engaged - but then broke up - nothing to do with sex.

 

Sex enhances a solid relationship - it is another way to show love and to be close. It does not bring you closer together emotionally or inspire or strengthen commitment on its own. What does bring you closer together and inspire commitment is when both people are honest with themselves and each other about their boundaries, including boundaries with respect to waiting to have sex (or not waiting).

 

I have seen too many women (typically, women) pretend that they were ok with casual sex, or pretend that they weren't ok with it just to test the man's interest level/commitment etc and that can really play havoc with intimacy and closeness.

 

I know of happily married couples who had sex on the first date, and those who waited till the wedding night and everything in between - as long as there is honesty, self-honesty and true self-awareness it's whatever makes you comfortable. I do think there is a higher risk of a man thinking a woman is easy and not relationship material if she has sex too soon - based on my experiences - but that risk might be worth it to take.

 

I've never had a man who was worthy of dating me reject me because I wouldn't have sex early on. Not just because they pressured me for sex but because of other qualities including those related to the type of person who would behave in that way.

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I also think it depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes sex early works....sometimes it doesn't.

sometimes you wait for "x amout of time" and it works...sometimes it doesn't.

 

Just remember ANYONE can have sex...

that's the easy part...

It's the way you click afterwards that is clearly the key to longevity...

 

Not sure about the BC question, cause I don't use it.

But, i've seen SOOOOOO many new things out on the market now.

I think if i was going to need it, i'd go for one of the ones where

you only get your period a few times a year....

probably best to talk to your doc.

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I have one thing to say, NEVER mate with anyone (i can't say f word so I say mate)!! You could get like A.I.D.S or mad cow!! I would never ever do it with someone! Or at least until your married is what I've heard.

 

 

Lol... I'm hoping this was a shot at sarcasm... a missed shot, but a shot nonetheless

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Lol, I was about to say that, too. After three months both people are still in the infatuation stage

 

I don't believe in "stages". The amount of time it takes for people to become emotionally connected depends mostly of how well their personalities fit together. How well they get along with each other, and how well they communicate.

 

Stages aren't for me so please refrain from telling me that I'm only infatuated with my significant other.

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I don't believe in "stages". The amount of time it takes for people to become emotionally connected depends mostly of how well their personalities fit together. How well they get along with each other, and how well they communicate.

 

Stages aren't for me so please refrain from telling me that I'm only infatuated with my significant other.

 

Obviously it's not a bright line rule but it takes time to know someone and know whether you are compatible for the long term - it is only over a period of time that you get to see the other person when he/she is sick, gets a promotion at work, gets fired, has issues with parents or siblings, etc - after only a few months you most likely haven't been through any or many significant life issues with the other person so you can't know whether you are compatible with the person for the long term.

 

How well you fit together and communicate also depends on how much time you've been with each other - many people can get along and communicate for a short period of time particularly if there are no external issues or obstacles or stress - but over time you get to see if you can get along once the initial butterflies have faded and when real life situations intercede.

 

Often having sex early on can cloud judgment and not allow you to see your partner objectively or evaluate whether the closeness is based on personalities meshing or just on bodies meshing.

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I agree with Batya... there may not be delienated 'stages' per se, i.e. after 3 months you're in "x" stage, and "long-term" can be anywhere from 6 months to x number of years being committed together, but I think how long you've been intimate with someone matters. Intimate meaning really gotten to know them... you can't really know a person that well after only being with them for a number of weeks... even if there is an "amazing" connection, as was mentioned, there are things you learn about a person through experience. In the beginning everything is sorta tinted in pink shades....you think the other person is 'amazing', see their good side... but soon enough you learn more about them (and may see them as even more amazing) or start to learn their quirks, weaknesses, etc. and learn how to deal with them...

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