Marriage- what does society really expect?

chickidee23 · 03-01-2007, 04:51 PM

I am getting married in less than two weeks. I am so excited for it! However, I have noticed a sort of trend lately from people when I tell them what I think is fabulous news- the general remark is, "what are you thinking??????????" Why is it that society puts such pressure on us to get married but at the same time makes it seem like it's the biggest mistake everyone makes? Why has marriage become so casual to people instead of being the sacred unity it really is?

I just want to note that society's veiw of marriage does not affect how I feel about getting married- I just want to hear other people's takes on the concept of marriage and why the views on it have changed so drastically in the past 30-40 years.

JoeWho · 03-01-2007, 04:57 PM

Congratulations!!!

renaissancewoman101 · 03-01-2007, 05:02 PM

I think nowadays people have such a casual outlook on marriage because divorce is so easily obtained and doesn't have the same stigma as in the years past. So now people dont seem to be as motivated to work through problems in a marriage as they once did before. Now, if things get too tough in a marriage, divorce seems to be the answer.

Leonhart · 03-01-2007, 05:22 PM

Congratulations!

Wish you guys all the best!!

Society is anti-marriage, in some respects because of the ever-high divorce rate. 50% of marriages end in failure in the U.S. That's crazy! Some people are anti-marriage because of anti-religious views, some because of the traditional gender roles, some simply because they are bitter because they can't find anyone.

Don't listen to them, and have a great life with your new husband!

Good luck and best wishes.

AwdreeHpburn · 03-01-2007, 05:30 PM

I think it depends on which society you are referring to. i've read recently-I'll have to find it - that Americans are negative, over all. So if you're talking about American society, then in -line with that thing I read, it makes sense that negative things would be said......

When I was tellling people that I was getting married, I remember one guy asking me, "so...you're done having sex then?"

Sorry you're getting negative responses and comments. Just do your thing.

Best of luck to you bad CONGRATS!!

shes2smart · 03-01-2007, 07:28 PM

I think some of it depends on your age (if you're under, say 23 or 24, the perception would be you might be a bit too young) and some of it depends on what they've observed about your relationship (if, for example, a couple that argues in public a lot announces they're getting married, people they know might be a little less than optimistic about their chances.)

People's views are also clouded by their own experiences -- if they've lived through a nasty divorce (theirs or, say, their parents) they might have a more negative view of marriage than someone who is happily married.

If you are doing what you believe is right for you, then screw the naysayers. They're entitled to their opinions -- even on things that are none of their business -- and you are entitled to ignore them.

**caro33** · 03-01-2007, 07:46 PM

I'm not sure that society as a whole is anti-marriage. I agree with shes2smart - it may well come down to those specific people's perceptions of your young age, or jealousy or bitterness. Maybe you're just surrounded by the wrong people for this type of news, which is a shame.

Quite frankly I am surprised. I got married in October last year and everyone was all over me with excitement and it actually freaked me out

. (Actually I did have one friend whose marriage had ended 18 months or so beforehand, and me telling her I was engaged actually ended the friendship - she wanted nothing more to do with me. Some people just have issues.)

Congratulations! I hope you both have a very happy day and a wonderful life together.

**annie24** · 03-01-2007, 08:05 PM

why are people giving you the negative remarks? are you very young?

It's funny how people don't make the "what are you thinking!?!?" comment when referring to a bad fashion choice or ordering some strange dish at a restaurant, but when you make major life decisions, everyone has an opinion.....

sophie274 · 03-01-2007, 08:10 PM

I agree with caro and shes2smart. I assume from your name you're 23 (maybe I'm wrong)? Maybe it makes others nervous that you are getting married relatively young, and they are just projecting their own fears onto you. Don't listen to them.

I think it's usual (though not good) for people to project their feelings into situations. This guy at my college recently got married - he is in the sophomore class but is 21 - and he got married to a girl he had been dating for only 6 months. I have to admit: I was speechless and could not stop talking about it with some of my friends and about how much it freaked me out! I think marriage nowadays is a both a big deal and risky, so when people see someone take the plunge it brings out their own fears about marriage.

Congratulations! I hope you have both a wonderful wedding and a wonderful marriage!

ghost69 · 03-02-2007, 10:19 AM

marriage is a joke to people these days. they do it to say they are, then they realize the mistake they made. not all though. it's not the good ole days when marriage was set in stone and divorce was unheard of.

03-01-2007, 04:51 PM	#1
chickidee23 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 317	Marriage- what does society really expect? I am getting married in less than two weeks. I am so excited for it! However, I have noticed a sort of trend lately from people when I tell them what I think is fabulous news- the general remark is, "what are you thinking??????????" Why is it that society puts such pressure on us to get married but at the same time makes it seem like it's the biggest mistake everyone makes? Why has marriage become so casual to people instead of being the sacred unity it really is? I just want to note that society's veiw of marriage does not affect how I feel about getting married- I just want to hear other people's takes on the concept of marriage and why the views on it have changed so drastically in the past 30-40 years.

03-01-2007, 05:30 PM	#5
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	I think it depends on which society you are referring to. i've read recently-I'll have to find it - that Americans are negative, over all. So if you're talking about American society, then in -line with that thing I read, it makes sense that negative things would be said...... When I was tellling people that I was getting married, I remember one guy asking me, "so...you're done having sex then?" Sorry you're getting negative responses and comments. Just do your thing. Best of luck to you bad CONGRATS!! __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

03-01-2007, 07:28 PM	#6
shes2smart Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,142	I think some of it depends on your age (if you're under, say 23 or 24, the perception would be you might be a bit too young) and some of it depends on what they've observed about your relationship (if, for example, a couple that argues in public a lot announces they're getting married, people they know might be a little less than optimistic about their chances.) People's views are also clouded by their own experiences -- if they've lived through a nasty divorce (theirs or, say, their parents) they might have a more negative view of marriage than someone who is happily married. If you are doing what you believe is right for you, then screw the naysayers. They're entitled to their opinions -- even on things that are none of their business -- and you are entitled to ignore them. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

03-02-2007, 10:19 AM	#10
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,444	marriage is a joke to people these days. they do it to say they are, then they realize the mistake they made. not all though. it's not the good ole days when marriage was set in stone and divorce was unheard of. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

03-01-2007, 04:57 PM	#2
JoeWho Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: North East USA Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 836	Congratulations!!!

03-01-2007, 05:02 PM	#3
renaissancewoman101 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the land by the sea Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 8,565	I think nowadays people have such a casual outlook on marriage because divorce is so easily obtained and doesn't have the same stigma as in the years past. So now people dont seem to be as motivated to work through problems in a marriage as they once did before. Now, if things get too tough in a marriage, divorce seems to be the answer.

03-01-2007, 05:22 PM	#4
Leonhart Offline Join Date: Feb 2007 Gender: None Specified Posts: 2,411	Congratulations! Wish you guys all the best!! Society is anti-marriage, in some respects because of the ever-high divorce rate. 50% of marriages end in failure in the U.S. That's crazy! Some people are anti-marriage because of anti-religious views, some because of the traditional gender roles, some simply because they are bitter because they can't find anyone. Don't listen to them, and have a great life with your new husband! Good luck and best wishes.

03-01-2007, 07:46 PM	#7
caro33 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,569	I'm not sure that society as a whole is anti-marriage. I agree with shes2smart - it may well come down to those specific people's perceptions of your young age, or jealousy or bitterness. Maybe you're just surrounded by the wrong people for this type of news, which is a shame. Quite frankly I am surprised. I got married in October last year and everyone was all over me with excitement and it actually freaked me out . (Actually I did have one friend whose marriage had ended 18 months or so beforehand, and me telling her I was engaged actually ended the friendship - she wanted nothing more to do with me. Some people just have issues.) Congratulations! I hope you both have a very happy day and a wonderful life together.

03-01-2007, 08:05 PM	#8
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,824	why are people giving you the negative remarks? are you very young? It's funny how people don't make the "what are you thinking!?!?" comment when referring to a bad fashion choice or ordering some strange dish at a restaurant, but when you make major life decisions, everyone has an opinion.....

03-01-2007, 08:10 PM	#9
sophie274 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 2,059	I agree with caro and shes2smart. I assume from your name you're 23 (maybe I'm wrong)? Maybe it makes others nervous that you are getting married relatively young, and they are just projecting their own fears onto you. Don't listen to them. I think it's usual (though not good) for people to project their feelings into situations. This guy at my college recently got married - he is in the sophomore class but is 21 - and he got married to a girl he had been dating for only 6 months. I have to admit: I was speechless and could not stop talking about it with some of my friends and about how much it freaked me out! I think marriage nowadays is a both a big deal and risky, so when people see someone take the plunge it brings out their own fears about marriage. Congratulations! I hope you have both a wonderful wedding and a wonderful marriage!