Does marriage ALWAYS mean someone has to give up something

renaissancewoman101 · 02-16-2007, 02:53 PM

Besides ENA, I also hang out on a guinea pig forum. It is a forum dedicated to guinea pig enthusiasts. Recently one of the regular posters on there posted about how she was going to have to give away some of her guinea pigs because her husband objected to them and told her that if she loved him enough, she would sacrifice and give up some of her guinea pigs, just like since he cared about her a lot, if she ever asked him to give up his dog, he would. Is that normal in a marriage? She had guinea pigs before getting married and she brought them to the marriage and he knew about them.

If I ever get married, I would NOT be happy if, halfway down the marriage, I was asked to give up something and do it because "if I cared about my husband, I would do it" That sounds like a crock of crap and manipulation.

I dunno.

Brooke657 · 02-16-2007, 02:57 PM

I would never give up my pets...unless the guy was allergic or something. If he loved her he wouldnt even ask.

under_my_amberella · 02-16-2007, 02:59 PM

Sounds like a real riot of a forum.

I'm a frog enthusiast. I'm absolutely passionate about the cute little buggers. The first time my bf ever came over to my house, he took one look at Queen Elizabeth, my adorable, slimy pacman frog and went "oh my god, she's disgusting!" I wouldn't let him come over after that for about a month. I told him Queen Elizabeth had her feelings hurt and didn't want to see him. So he was banned from my place. After we moved in together, though, she started to grow on him. When I went to Europe for 3 weeks he had to take care of her and grew quite attached. He eventually had a special fondness for her and found her adorable like me.

I don't think you should have to change who you are, or who your pets are!

**Hope75** · 02-16-2007, 02:59 PM

Well,

I do think that marriage consists of compromise and sacrafice sometimes. Being married means adjusting to living together and sharing property and even pets. I'm not saying that your friend should have to give up the piggies- her hubby knew about them before they got married and apparently was OK with them- and to me a pet is for life, but I'm trying to see where the hubby is coming from here too.

I'm wondering what your friend's husband's reasons were for asking her to find home for some of her piggies. Is she taking good care of them? Cleaning the cages regularly enough that they are healthy and do not cause excessive odor in the house? How many pigs are we talking about here?

Day_Walker · 02-16-2007, 03:00 PM

I think that this sort of behavior happens all the time, although sometimes those exact words are not used but it will cause the same effect. The problem that people say things to that effect is because they are effective. The notion that you pick something you enjoy doing over a person you love seems absurd to most people. While I do believe in compromise, that does not mean that one person does the giving and other gets their way, the key is middle ground. I would not give up something that I enjoyed doing just because a significant other wanted me to. But I do think that is a normal reaction that most people have. In most peoples minds they believe that they should do whatever is necessary for a significant other and I do not share the sentiment. You should not give up something just so the other person can get what they want. Sounds more controlling than anything else but if those ploys work then people must believe the rhetoric.

Daddy Bear · 02-16-2007, 03:01 PM

In every good marriage there is going to be some give and take on both sides. Saying "If you love me, you'll do this," though... I'm not down with that. Too much like extortion for my taste.

renaissancewoman101 · 02-16-2007, 03:02 PM

This has nothing to do with me. I just noticed that about one of the posters on that guinea pig forum and I feel bad for her. Some of the other posters came to her rescue and adopted the piggies from her to help out.

It's just kind of sad because he knew about her love for guinea pigs when they got married and they had guinea pigs, but then he decided that the pets were too expensive and time consuming and I think he got jealous that when she got home, she fed the pets first. So, he threw it in her face that "I love you so much that if you ever wanted me to get rid of the dog, I would do it for you, then you should get rid of the pigs if you care about me.

ratherbesailing · 02-16-2007, 03:03 PM

Just how many guinea pigs did this woman have?

Brooke657 · 02-16-2007, 03:05 PM

yeah i guess the number of animals matters

**Hope75** · 02-16-2007, 03:06 PM

I think his line of thinking and the way he's approaching her about this is not right (seems a bit manipulative to me), but I do think that marriage does require compromise and thinking of yourselves as a team rather than a single anymore. It can't be all about you and what you want.

But again, your friend had these pets before they married and her hubby knew about them- so it's tough to ask her to give them away now. Pigges have a pretty short life span (5-8 years) so can he bear with them and ask her not to get any more after they go?

02-16-2007, 02:53 PM	#1
renaissancewoman101 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the land by the sea Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 8,565	Does marriage ALWAYS mean someone has to give up something Besides ENA, I also hang out on a guinea pig forum. It is a forum dedicated to guinea pig enthusiasts. Recently one of the regular posters on there posted about how she was going to have to give away some of her guinea pigs because her husband objected to them and told her that if she loved him enough, she would sacrifice and give up some of her guinea pigs, just like since he cared about her a lot, if she ever asked him to give up his dog, he would. Is that normal in a marriage? She had guinea pigs before getting married and she brought them to the marriage and he knew about them. If I ever get married, I would NOT be happy if, halfway down the marriage, I was asked to give up something and do it because "if I cared about my husband, I would do it" That sounds like a crock of crap and manipulation. I dunno.

02-16-2007, 02:59 PM	#4
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,512	Well, I do think that marriage consists of compromise and sacrafice sometimes. Being married means adjusting to living together and sharing property and even pets. I'm not saying that your friend should have to give up the piggies- her hubby knew about them before they got married and apparently was OK with them- and to me a pet is for life, but I'm trying to see where the hubby is coming from here too. I'm wondering what your friend's husband's reasons were for asking her to find home for some of her piggies. Is she taking good care of them? Cleaning the cages regularly enough that they are healthy and do not cause excessive odor in the house? How many pigs are we talking about here? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

02-16-2007, 03:00 PM	#5
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,884	I think that this sort of behavior happens all the time, although sometimes those exact words are not used but it will cause the same effect. The problem that people say things to that effect is because they are effective. The notion that you pick something you enjoy doing over a person you love seems absurd to most people. While I do believe in compromise, that does not mean that one person does the giving and other gets their way, the key is middle ground. I would not give up something that I enjoyed doing just because a significant other wanted me to. But I do think that is a normal reaction that most people have. In most peoples minds they believe that they should do whatever is necessary for a significant other and I do not share the sentiment. You should not give up something just so the other person can get what they want. Sounds more controlling than anything else but if those ploys work then people must believe the rhetoric. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

02-16-2007, 03:06 PM	#10
Hope75 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: kitteh ville Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 12,512	I think his line of thinking and the way he's approaching her about this is not right (seems a bit manipulative to me), but I do think that marriage does require compromise and thinking of yourselves as a team rather than a single anymore. It can't be all about you and what you want. But again, your friend had these pets before they married and her hubby knew about them- so it's tough to ask her to give them away now. Pigges have a pretty short life span (5-8 years) so can he bear with them and ask her not to get any more after they go? __________________ Muffin cats need love too. Please refer to the forum rules before posting: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :)

02-16-2007, 02:57 PM	#2
Brooke657 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: newport coast, california Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 926	I would never give up my pets...unless the guy was allergic or something. If he loved her he wouldnt even ask.

02-16-2007, 02:59 PM	#3
under_my_amberella Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 5,036	Sounds like a real riot of a forum. I'm a frog enthusiast. I'm absolutely passionate about the cute little buggers. The first time my bf ever came over to my house, he took one look at Queen Elizabeth, my adorable, slimy pacman frog and went "oh my god, she's disgusting!" I wouldn't let him come over after that for about a month. I told him Queen Elizabeth had her feelings hurt and didn't want to see him. So he was banned from my place. After we moved in together, though, she started to grow on him. When I went to Europe for 3 weeks he had to take care of her and grew quite attached. He eventually had a special fondness for her and found her adorable like me. I don't think you should have to change who you are, or who your pets are!

02-16-2007, 03:01 PM	#6
Daddy Bear Offline Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: TBA Gender: Male Age: 47 Posts: 4,358	In every good marriage there is going to be some give and take on both sides. Saying "If you love me, you'll do this," though... I'm not down with that. Too much like extortion for my taste.

02-16-2007, 03:02 PM	#7
renaissancewoman101 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the land by the sea Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 8,565	This has nothing to do with me. I just noticed that about one of the posters on that guinea pig forum and I feel bad for her. Some of the other posters came to her rescue and adopted the piggies from her to help out. It's just kind of sad because he knew about her love for guinea pigs when they got married and they had guinea pigs, but then he decided that the pets were too expensive and time consuming and I think he got jealous that when she got home, she fed the pets first. So, he threw it in her face that "I love you so much that if you ever wanted me to get rid of the dog, I would do it for you, then you should get rid of the pigs if you care about me.

02-16-2007, 03:03 PM	#8
ratherbesailing Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 49 Posts: 237	Just how many guinea pigs did this woman have?

02-16-2007, 03:05 PM	#9
Brooke657 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: newport coast, california Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 926	yeah i guess the number of animals matters