Sex addict?

lilady · 01-29-2007, 12:52 PM

Wondering how do you know when your need to be close to your partner sexually/intimately is at the brink of addiction? Say you feel the need to be close with them constantly in that way when you are in their presence; you may have even just been with them intimately and you dread that its over or that you have to do other things. I'm not talking about a physical need... I'm speaking emotionally and psycologically when does it become "not normal" or imbalanced... how do you know when you are too needy to the point that is is unhealthy. What is the definition sexual addiction?

the yang to the worlds yin · 01-29-2007, 12:57 PM

I would assume thats just loving your partner a lot, as well as craving them with you at all times. As long as you can go about your normal day, then I'd say it's fine. But thats not a sexual addiction, I don't think.

Day_Walker · 01-29-2007, 01:01 PM

I believe that there are many factors to consider. I suggest doing some research on the internet or consulting with a medical professional about this issue.

sddeaston · 01-29-2007, 01:05 PM

If you mean you get anxious or nervous that your SO is leaving for work/home/class...whatever, I would say its an insecurity issue at work.

If you mean you are just going to miss the sex or closeness until he gets back, I would say its infatuation and there is nothing wrong at all

in a harmless and controlled manner of course, there are those who smother.

Sexual addiction I would imagine is where the thought of sex, or the act of sex is engulfing your time elsewhere and negatively affecting your ability to be productive in your everyday life.

Enjoying sex is not wrong!!

MollyElise · 01-29-2007, 01:17 PM

I would say that if you are making decisions to fulfill this obsession that bring negative consequences to your life then you have a problem.

Example: You don't want to leave him in the morning so you stay until he leaves, making you 30 minutes late to work, your manager says something about your tardiness, yet you continue to do choose to stay with him in the mornings instead of leaving on time even though it is hurting your reputation at work.

I mean... most of the time I wish I was with my S/O but I have a life to live too so I'm at work right now, Ill run errands later and soon enough I know I will be back in his arms... nothing to obsess over, just something to look forward to.

lilady · 01-29-2007, 01:18 PM

I might feel like I need him when he is away from me but honestly my problem is that it is when we are together that I feel this way the most... even if we are alone for days... I go thru doing other non sexual things impatient for when we will "reconnect". I need him in that way I think because it is at those times that his attention is focused solely on us. Can I be so insecure that I'm jealous of even mundane conversation or daily tasks that take his attention away from me? Am I obsessive?

**BellaDonna** · 01-29-2007, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilady

I might feel like I need him when he is away from me but honestly my problem is that it is when we are together that I feel this way the most... even if we are alone for days... I go thru doing other non sexual things impatient for when we will "reconnect". I need him in that way I think because it is at those times that his attention is focused solely on us. Can I be so insecure that I'm jealous of even mundane conversation or daily tasks that take his attention away from me? Am I obsessive?

So your addiction is not to the sex itself but to the attention and priority you receive from him during the act???

I had a situation similar to this occur once in my relationship. My husband's sex drive was going through the roof (seemingly out of nowhere) and I honestly could not keep up with it anymore. We talked and talked and after all was said and done, we got to the bottom of it. He was feeling unhappy, depressed, stressed out at work and sex was the escape, the comfort, the attention which made him feel better.

In these sitautions you need to learn other ways to get comfort and support from your partner, and from other outlets too, because it can be very taxing on the relationship for sex to be the only outlet. It places a lot of pressure on your partner.

First, ask yourself if you are happy with what is going on in your life. Is there anything making you insecure or unhappy? What void is sex filling, etc. Then talk to him about it and try to make a point of it to come up with other activities together that will fill the void, but not place pressure on the relationship like the sex does.

BellaDonna

lilady · 01-29-2007, 02:35 PM

Exactly Belledonna, I think thats it! Its the attention and priority .... I know that because most of the time it is only him that reaches final orgasm ...so it isnt "sex" its the closeness because of sex I think. He seems to never have that need. I am always the initiator it seems and something as small as "oh I'm expecting a call from so and so" might deter him from getting intimate or if he hasn't brushed his teeth.... I feel like I could care less .."I WANT HIM" all the time!!! yet he's satisfied holding my hand or sitting on the couch together... taking our intimacy further seems to be my need not his. I want him to need me too! The kind where he steals away 10 mins in a closet away from everyone cause he can't stand another minute without that kind of closeness. Since he doesn't I wonder if maybe my need is unrealistic.

lilady · 01-29-2007, 02:50 PM

BellDonna,

Sorry, I responded before I fully read your entire comment.
I see what you are saying and I believe I know what could be going on. Being alone with him like that gives me the kind of happiness, comfort and security that does make me forget everything around me. It is one of the few times I can escape all the other thoughts feelings and fears going on in my head usually. I have to think more about this issue on this angle.

01-29-2007, 12:52 PM	#1
lilady Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 41	Sex addict? Wondering how do you know when your need to be close to your partner sexually/intimately is at the brink of addiction? Say you feel the need to be close with them constantly in that way when you are in their presence; you may have even just been with them intimately and you dread that its over or that you have to do other things. I'm not talking about a physical need... I'm speaking emotionally and psycologically when does it become "not normal" or imbalanced... how do you know when you are too needy to the point that is is unhealthy. What is the definition sexual addiction?

01-29-2007, 01:01 PM	#3
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,884	I believe that there are many factors to consider. I suggest doing some research on the internet or consulting with a medical professional about this issue. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

01-29-2007, 01:17 PM	#5
MollyElise Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Austin Tx Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 717	I would say that if you are making decisions to fulfill this obsession that bring negative consequences to your life then you have a problem. Example: You don't want to leave him in the morning so you stay until he leaves, making you 30 minutes late to work, your manager says something about your tardiness, yet you continue to do choose to stay with him in the mornings instead of leaving on time even though it is hurting your reputation at work. I mean... most of the time I wish I was with my S/O but I have a life to live too so I'm at work right now, Ill run errands later and soon enough I know I will be back in his arms... nothing to obsess over, just something to look forward to. __________________ "Does no one cry here, either? I suppose there's no need to, in heaven" Age of Innocence

01-29-2007, 12:57 PM	#2
the yang to the worlds yin Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 722	I would assume thats just loving your partner a lot, as well as craving them with you at all times. As long as you can go about your normal day, then I'd say it's fine. But thats not a sexual addiction, I don't think.

01-29-2007, 01:05 PM	#4
sddeaston Offline Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 412	If you mean you get anxious or nervous that your SO is leaving for work/home/class...whatever, I would say its an insecurity issue at work. If you mean you are just going to miss the sex or closeness until he gets back, I would say its infatuation and there is nothing wrong at all in a harmless and controlled manner of course, there are those who smother. Sexual addiction I would imagine is where the thought of sex, or the act of sex is engulfing your time elsewhere and negatively affecting your ability to be productive in your everyday life. Enjoying sex is not wrong!!

01-29-2007, 01:18 PM	#6
lilady Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 41	I might feel like I need him when he is away from me but honestly my problem is that it is when we are together that I feel this way the most... even if we are alone for days... I go thru doing other non sexual things impatient for when we will "reconnect". I need him in that way I think because it is at those times that his attention is focused solely on us. Can I be so insecure that I'm jealous of even mundane conversation or daily tasks that take his attention away from me? Am I obsessive?

01-29-2007, 02:35 PM	#8
lilady Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 41	Exactly Belledonna, I think thats it! Its the attention and priority .... I know that because most of the time it is only him that reaches final orgasm ...so it isnt "sex" its the closeness because of sex I think. He seems to never have that need. I am always the initiator it seems and something as small as "oh I'm expecting a call from so and so" might deter him from getting intimate or if he hasn't brushed his teeth.... I feel like I could care less .."I WANT HIM" all the time!!! yet he's satisfied holding my hand or sitting on the couch together... taking our intimacy further seems to be my need not his. I want him to need me too! The kind where he steals away 10 mins in a closet away from everyone cause he can't stand another minute without that kind of closeness. Since he doesn't I wonder if maybe my need is unrealistic.

01-29-2007, 02:50 PM	#9
lilady Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 41	BellDonna, Sorry, I responded before I fully read your entire comment. I see what you are saying and I believe I know what could be going on. Being alone with him like that gives me the kind of happiness, comfort and security that does make me forget everything around me. It is one of the few times I can escape all the other thoughts feelings and fears going on in my head usually. I have to think more about this issue on this angle.