My Boyfriend is an Alcoholic...

floaton89 · 01-07-2007, 03:50 AM

I'm 16 and as sad as it is true, many teens my age are heavy drinkers religiously. Which leads me to my boyfriend who's 17, we've been dating for 7 months. When we first started dating I knew he was a heavy drinker...I drink, but it's like once or twice a month.

I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night, but whenever we hang, he's completely sober...he comes over sometimes after he's gotten drunk with his buddies and he's not really a different person, it doesn't bother me that every night (literally) he's out getting drunk with his buddies because he's always there for me and I know what he's like drunk...I do get drunk with him on occasion.

Leads me to my question...what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age? He's very bright and he's a good guy...you couldn't even tell he was an alcoholic...and i've asked him this...why do they get drunk EVERY night? and he says it's fun...

just want your thoughts on teen drinking...

musicguy · 01-07-2007, 04:07 AM

I'm totally against teen drinking. I mean I have my reasons for not getting drunk, but I do drink a little bit. Alcohol is a depressant and can damage the liver. My best friend died of alcohol poisoning when I was 14 and it sucked. I don't understand why people drink..they say it's an "escape" and it's "relaxing" well there are a lot of other things one can do besides drink. All getting drunk makes you do is look stupid and act foolish around others and for girls sometimes get yourself into a bad situation cuz some guys like to take advantage of a drunk girl. Anyway, there is my opinion on teen drinking/drinking in general.

Mr Mister1 · 01-07-2007, 04:11 AM

Well alcoholism is an addiction, so like all other addictions you feel as though you can't go without it. It's not so much that you want to do it but that you can't feel like you can go on without it.

Quote:

Leads me to my question...what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age?

It depends. If he can get help and clean himself up then he can still lead a successful life. He's young and so he has many years ahead to get back on track. BUT.. he can never drink again, not EVER! Once you're an alcoholic you'll always be one.

If he doesn't get cleaned up and keeps drinking then there's no telling what could happen.

Mr Mister1 · 01-07-2007, 04:12 AM

I also agree with everything musicguy said!

J6hn · 01-07-2007, 05:06 AM

I personally hate alcohol.
My girlfriend likes it, but knows I don't so she's deliberately taking it easier and drinking far far less.

People who drink in their teens can grow to do many things including:
- Grow out of it and become an adult who only drinks casually and in small amounts socially.
- Continue an alcoholic lifestyle and hamper any major possibilities for respectable careers.
- etc.

pip · 01-07-2007, 05:41 AM

Something's got to give. You can't get drunk every night forever - there's no way he'll be able to become a productive person as he grows older & more mature if he's still doing that. Not to mention the side effects for his health.

I used to drink when I was younger but never actually appreciated alcohol (as an enjoyable social activity you do to unwind and in moderation) until I was about 22 or 23. It's sad to see kids getting wasted all the time.

blender · 01-07-2007, 05:49 AM

This is very sad.. poor guy.. he's hurting inside and he's addicted, he needs help.. professional help...

Well, maybe you can think about what you wrote: QUOTE: "I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night"
END QUOTE

You do not mind that he's an alcoholic?? He's always there for YOU... what about his health, his happiness, safety, future??

He's hurting, something is wrong, he's not drinking like this because he "wants' to.. at this point he is powerless over alcohol and his life will become unmanagable... of course he needs to admit this for himself... but..

If you care for him, it would be nice and mature for you to have a HUGE problem with him being an alcoholic... because he needs help, he's so young, and this drinking is not only about the many EMOTIONAL problems but also the PHYSICAL problems, his liver could fail, I'm sure it's already damaged, his heart muscle will not grow strong... his kidneys get weak.. these are things he can not turn back the hands of time on.. once the damage is done, it's done..

Why is it okay for you that he's an alcoholic? Just because he's just drunk at night and not when he's with you? My gosh, don't you worry for him, fo his health, his future, his life, his heart.. his addiction and sadness? And you're own losses here.. of what you hope to have in a relationship?

HIS poor self esteem and his confidence must be very low.. if he feels the need to drink at night.. ugh... please try to go to an "al-anon" meeting so you can learn how you can be more helpful for yourself and for him, and you can also lovingly suggest that he go to an AA meeting..for himself.

You can find an "al-anon" meeting (these are meetings for friends, family of alcoholics) in your area by just looking on the internet under al-anon, search to find a meeting in your area, they are free, offer guidance, have wonderful books, you don't have to speak you can just sit in the back and listen.. and see if you might learn something that would be helpful for you..

redding500 · 01-07-2007, 02:11 PM

what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age?

Every day that goes by in which he's drinking, is another day that he doesn't grow at all emotionally. If it starts at a young age, then emotionally he is "frozen" to that age for as long as he continues to drink heavily. So by the time he reaches his forties, he could still be in his teens emotionally.

**annie24** · 01-07-2007, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blender

This is very sad.. poor guy.. he's hurting inside and he's addicted, he needs help.. professional help...

Well, maybe you can think about what you wrote: QUOTE: "I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night"
END QUOTE

You do not mind that he's an alcoholic?? He's always there for YOU... what about his health, his happiness, safety, future??

He's hurting, something is wrong, he's not drinking like this because he "wants' to.. at this point he is powerless over alcohol and his life will become unmanagable... of course he needs to admit this for himself... but..

If you care for him, it would be nice and mature for you to have a HUGE problem with him being an alcoholic... because he needs help, he's so young, and this drinking is not only about the many EMOTIONAL problems but also the PHYSICAL problems, his liver could fail, I'm sure it's already damaged, his heart muscle will not grow strong... his kidneys get weak.. these are things he can not turn back the hands of time on.. once the damage is done, it's done..

Why is it okay for you that he's an alcoholic? Just because he's just drunk at night and not when he's with you? My gosh, don't you worry for him, fo his health, his future, his life, his heart.. his addiction and sadness? And you're own losses here.. of what you hope to have in a relationship?

HIS poor self esteem and his confidence must be very low.. if he feels the need to drink at night.. ugh... please try to go to an "al-anon" meeting so you can learn how you can be more helpful for yourself and for him, and you can also lovingly suggest that he go to an AA meeting..for himself.

You can find an "al-anon" meeting (these are meetings for friends, family of alcoholics) in your area by just looking on the internet under al-anon, search to find a meeting in your area, they are free, offer guidance, have wonderful books, you don't have to speak you can just sit in the back and listen.. and see if you might learn something that would be helpful for you..

I agree with everything blender wrote. If someone is getting drunk all the time, that is the sign that they have big problems, and are using alcohol to "medicate themselves." he is trying to drown his pain in alcohol, but it is a vicious cycle and the more he drinks, the worse his life will get.

I would encourage him to get help to stop drinking, and definately, I think you should go to al-anon meetings. learn as much as you can about alcoholism, google it on the internet, get more information, and I think you will start to see how serious it is. you are so young, and watching someone kill themselves with alcohol is so painful.

john of portland · 01-19-2007, 04:25 PM

it's difficult to know what to do....you want your own needs met.... but the other person has this life threatening addiction. It makes you wonder, how do I love this person? What do I do if I am actuallly serious that I love them? You cannot change them...its banging your head against the wall. If you decide to stay, find a way to be happy with him just the way he is... otherwise the tension will tear you apart.

01-07-2007, 03:50 AM	#1
floaton89 Offline Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1	My Boyfriend is an Alcoholic... I'm 16 and as sad as it is true, many teens my age are heavy drinkers religiously. Which leads me to my boyfriend who's 17, we've been dating for 7 months. When we first started dating I knew he was a heavy drinker...I drink, but it's like once or twice a month. I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night, but whenever we hang, he's completely sober...he comes over sometimes after he's gotten drunk with his buddies and he's not really a different person, it doesn't bother me that every night (literally) he's out getting drunk with his buddies because he's always there for me and I know what he's like drunk...I do get drunk with him on occasion. Leads me to my question...what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age? He's very bright and he's a good guy...you couldn't even tell he was an alcoholic...and i've asked him this...why do they get drunk EVERY night? and he says it's fun... just want your thoughts on teen drinking...

01-07-2007, 04:12 AM	#4
Mr Mister1 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 452	I also agree with everything musicguy said! __________________ The above post contains the opinions of Mr Mister1 based on the information available. These views are not neccessarily shared by others in the enotalone community nor are they neccessarily backed by specific experience or expertise in the relevant topic. Please keep this in mind when deciding whether or not to act upon any advice provided.

01-07-2007, 05:06 AM	#5
J6hn Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Gender: None Specified Age: 19 Posts: 187	I personally hate alcohol. My girlfriend likes it, but knows I don't so she's deliberately taking it easier and drinking far far less. People who drink in their teens can grow to do many things including: - Grow out of it and become an adult who only drinks casually and in small amounts socially. - Continue an alcoholic lifestyle and hamper any major possibilities for respectable careers. - etc. __________________ ~J6hn loves his Sam.

01-07-2007, 05:41 AM	#6
pip Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Age: 28 Posts: 242	Something's got to give. You can't get drunk every night forever - there's no way he'll be able to become a productive person as he grows older & more mature if he's still doing that. Not to mention the side effects for his health. I used to drink when I was younger but never actually appreciated alcohol (as an enjoyable social activity you do to unwind and in moderation) until I was about 22 or 23. It's sad to see kids getting wasted all the time. __________________ There is no remedy for love but to love more - Henry David Thoreau Last edited by pip; 01-07-2007 at 05:43 AM.

01-07-2007, 05:49 AM	#7
blender Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 2,605	This is very sad.. poor guy.. he's hurting inside and he's addicted, he needs help.. professional help... Well, maybe you can think about what you wrote: QUOTE: "I don't have a problem with my boyfriend being an alcoholic, he's just drunk at night" END QUOTE You do not mind that he's an alcoholic?? He's always there for YOU... what about his health, his happiness, safety, future?? He's hurting, something is wrong, he's not drinking like this because he "wants' to.. at this point he is powerless over alcohol and his life will become unmanagable... of course he needs to admit this for himself... but.. If you care for him, it would be nice and mature for you to have a HUGE problem with him being an alcoholic... because he needs help, he's so young, and this drinking is not only about the many EMOTIONAL problems but also the PHYSICAL problems, his liver could fail, I'm sure it's already damaged, his heart muscle will not grow strong... his kidneys get weak.. these are things he can not turn back the hands of time on.. once the damage is done, it's done.. Why is it okay for you that he's an alcoholic? Just because he's just drunk at night and not when he's with you? My gosh, don't you worry for him, fo his health, his future, his life, his heart.. his addiction and sadness? And you're own losses here.. of what you hope to have in a relationship? HIS poor self esteem and his confidence must be very low.. if he feels the need to drink at night.. ugh... please try to go to an "al-anon" meeting so you can learn how you can be more helpful for yourself and for him, and you can also lovingly suggest that he go to an AA meeting..for himself. You can find an "al-anon" meeting (these are meetings for friends, family of alcoholics) in your area by just looking on the internet under al-anon, search to find a meeting in your area, they are free, offer guidance, have wonderful books, you don't have to speak you can just sit in the back and listen.. and see if you might learn something that would be helpful for you.. Last edited by blender; 01-07-2007 at 05:53 AM.

01-07-2007, 04:07 AM	#2
musicguy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tattoo Land Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 3,751	I'm totally against teen drinking. I mean I have my reasons for not getting drunk, but I do drink a little bit. Alcohol is a depressant and can damage the liver. My best friend died of alcohol poisoning when I was 14 and it sucked. I don't understand why people drink..they say it's an "escape" and it's "relaxing" well there are a lot of other things one can do besides drink. All getting drunk makes you do is look stupid and act foolish around others and for girls sometimes get yourself into a bad situation cuz some guys like to take advantage of a drunk girl. Anyway, there is my opinion on teen drinking/drinking in general.

01-07-2007, 02:11 PM	#8
redding500 Offline Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 58	what happens to him and people like him who are alcoholics at a young age? Every day that goes by in which he's drinking, is another day that he doesn't grow at all emotionally. If it starts at a young age, then emotionally he is "frozen" to that age for as long as he continues to drink heavily. So by the time he reaches his forties, he could still be in his teens emotionally.

01-19-2007, 04:25 PM	#10
john of portland Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 16	it's difficult to know what to do....you want your own needs met.... but the other person has this life threatening addiction. It makes you wonder, how do I love this person? What do I do if I am actuallly serious that I love them? You cannot change them...its banging your head against the wall. If you decide to stay, find a way to be happy with him just the way he is... otherwise the tension will tear you apart.