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  1. #1
    Member hardcharger's Avatar
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    16 yr old girls sleeping together

    I am in the unfortunate position of having my 20 yr marriage dissolve right before my eyes. Seems like I am helpless to stop it. One of the factors is I am "daring" to speak up concerning some of the behavior of my 16yr old daughter. She has a 15 yr old girl friend who very frequently sleeps over, and they sleep in the same double bed. Of course these kids have had lots of sleepovers over the years, but I think it is time to stop. We have a empty guest room with adjoining bathroom which her friend is free to use. I am not against girls/women sleeping together, like on a trip or something because of convenience, but what has been happening is this kid is VERY often spending weekends at my house, 2 nts, and that is just a followup from the summer, when she was staying 3 out of 4 nights. I actually don't think anything is going on, the girls are quite boy crazy, but it is time to stop and grow up. What do you think? My wife thinks I am being totally irrational and mean and now she makes up that I am accusing my daughter of being a lesbian, which is sicko. Thanks dear! You really know how to use your power as a mother.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member doyathink's Avatar
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    Are you serious? My daughter is 17 and she has her friends stay over all the time.....and they sleep in the same bed.

    My daughter has had the same bf going on two years. She is still a virgin...and NOT into girls in that kind of way.

    Why on earth would you have a problem with them sleeping in the same bed? They're kids....and girls just do that.
    Don't dwell on what went wrong, Instead focus on who to punch first

  3. #3
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    You would stake a marriage on wheather your daughter has a friend over or not?
    Are you sure you are not trying to get a divorce and using this as a reason.?
    The way you put it, you sound irrational.
    20 years is a long time to throw down the tube based on sleep overs. What if she is a lesbain? Or they are just giggly 16 year old girls?
    This is worth a marriage?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    I don't know... I'm 20 and still sleep in the same bed as a girlfriend and I am completely straight (as are they). In my opinion, girls just don't think it's a big deal to sleep together. Sleeping is just sleeping.
    JenSocietyOfSloreMaking!

    Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon? Tell me this was just a game we played called life...

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member AwdreeHpburn's Avatar
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    Hey Hardchanger - I personally think your over re-acting but I'd sort of like to know why?

    Why do you care?

    Why would it be wrong?

    What does having a sleep over or not have to do with being a grown up?
    What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

  7. #6
    Member elaineska's Avatar
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    Um, completely normal. Sometimes I and two other girlfriends would sleep in the same bed. I think sleeping in the guest room is kind of silly. I've never been told to do that. Except at my boyfriend's house, maybe. That's a tad different.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clementine orange's Avatar
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    I think you are probably overreacting too. You might be looking at this from a guy's persective - as in if you had a 15 year old son that was sleeping in the same bed as his male friend. Teen guys don't do that (unless there actually is something going on) but girls are less phobic and more affectionate with each other. Ever notice how teen girls hug each other and link arms etc sometimes? It's just different for them.
    That's my opinion anyway.
    I'd drop this issue and investigate the other issues that are causing problems in your marriage.

  9. #8
    Member hardcharger's Avatar
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    thanks for the answer ladies. it has more to do than with just the sleepovers. I have two daugthers that I would like to be raised in a certain way, my oldest is 100% class(18, my youngest 16, is going astray. Much of this started about 2 yrs ago when she picked up this new friend call her Ann. Ann parents are going through a divorce, she lives with her mother, mother apparently is never home, certainly she NEVER participates in driving her daugther and mine around(or very rarely) on weekends on in the summer. She has a respectable job but from different people i have heard she has an alcohol problem.

    I don't like Ann, she is not the worst, she is apparently smart. but i feel she is a bad influence on my daughter and offers her nothing, it is more than coincidence that my daughter has gone "downhill" mentally and socially since hanging with Ann. They are more and more inseparable and lately have been taking us to having them drive them 15 miles to another school district to "hang" with boys I know nothing about.

    New years day I woke up and they had been together almost totally since Friday evening, Ann was in her P.J.'s again in my house on Saturday 3pm, just waking up from being out till 3Am friday nt. which my wife gladly picked them up. "girls will be girls" and she is having fun my wife would say. My wife just feels sorry for daughter. I voiced my opinion monday am and holy hell broke loose. This girl has her own family, her own nest, i have mine that i built for my kids. We are extremely Generous in having kids over, but this is going way to far. This same little Ann was staying over 4-5nts per week this summer.

    >What does having a sleep over or not have to do with being a grown up?
    this is not a sleepover but "roomates", this is not a sorority house. now my wife is saying i am acussing my daugther of being a lesbian. oh by the way, last nt at 11:15(thurs school nt) some very creepy 18 yr old boy in a bandana was creeping down the steps, leaving my house, no one knew he was here.

    No i don't think girls sleeping together means anything on a sleepover. But when it is going on 2x/wk or more, enough is enough. And yes, my daugther is more of a woman than she knows, and things can happen. Why push it. Again, not against it, but the frequency is causing alarm bells to go off.

    overall, things are very bad around here, and this is just a small part of it. i guess it has to do with very different opinions of child raising and what childhood is all about and what the responsibility of a "parent" is. Personally, I don't think my responsiblity is to make sure every little whim of my daugther is satisfied, but more to prepare her for this world, which can be cruel.

    i turned out all right!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member doyathink's Avatar
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    Ah! A bandana? LOL

    I'm sorry HC, I still have to side with your wife..lol
    I guess you would consider me an awful parent then. I have helped raise half of my sons friends....because their parents didn't give a crap about them...but I did! They would spend entire summers with us. I helped buy their clothes...did their laundry...cooked their dinners....eh!

    I love kids...if they're in need then I'm available to help. Why be selfish when a child needs your attention and guidance? Maybe you should feel blessed that you actually have a chance to make a huge difference in this girls life!

    Maybe she was brought to you for a reason. You wont go broke feeding her...or giving her a stable place to stay. Take this time to make a positive influence in her life. There are children in this life who need an adult to take the time to say...I CARE! I care what happens to you.

    You do however have the right to tell these girls what the rules are and to enforce them. NO BOYS IN THE BEDROOM! Visiting hours are such and such...your curfew is .......

    My mother did this for a couple of our friends too....and now, I have one of my daughters friends that we have most of the time as well.
    Don't dwell on what went wrong, Instead focus on who to punch first

  11. #10
    Member hardcharger's Avatar
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    >Ah! A bandana? [-o< LOL
    that did come out so funny, kids don't know about my grateful dead bandana days and i'll keep it that way.

    >Why be selfish when a child needs your attention and guidance? Maybe you should feel blessed that you actually have a chance to make a huge difference in this girls life!

    exactly! that's the point. this girl is a little waif. she gets no attention or "guidance" from me, in fact she never talks to us, we know nothing about her, she runs right upstairs in our large house and stays in my kids bedroom, no hello, no goodbye, no this is what is going on these days. then i just hear her giggling and giggling like some fool. I love kids and I feel I could be a good teacher to kids cause i've lived a life with alot of experiences, but this kid brings nothing to our household.

    >There are children in this life who need an adult to take the time to say...I CARE! I care what happens to you.
    again, i have absolutely no idea what is happening in her life, nothing.

    >You do however have the right to tell these girls what the rules are and to enforce them.
    no, i don't, not in my household, i'm squat, just the breadwinner, has always been that way, better to keep my male mouth shut. or This will happen.

    >My mother did this for a couple of our friends too....
    i'm all for teaching and helping people and my life shows it. but my responsiblity is to raise my own kid, and worry about how they are turning out. I can barely affect my own kid, let alone some other kid i know nothing about. and besides, i am not affecting the stranger or influencing her whatsoever, that is the sad part.

    i'm going to keep trying and do what know is right and best for my kid.

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