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  1. #1

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    Does anyone else besides me hate casual sex?

    I'm not talking about the sex part.. but i really really don't do good with the casual sex thing. I think it's a scam... something that guys thought up so they can be the laziest.. most non-feeling creatures walking the earth.
    Hey.. you don't even have to bother goign to pick up the girl.. Just have her come over and screw you! No bothersome gasoline bills.... no debating where you are to go.. cuz you never go anywhere except to bed!
    And hey.. you can save on phone bills too... cuz you NEVER call the girl.. Have her call you! It's good for your ego...makes you feel important.
    Never mind that you are making your lover feel like chit doing this...that's not the point of casual sex. it's all about YOU guys!!!!!
    But now you can brag to all the guys at the office...you're a player.. you got it going on.. The only problem is... everytime you pull this crap... where you have the girl come over.. you never bother to call her.. you treat her like dirt.. secretly she's starting to resent you more & more...
    But what the heck! What does it matter? You are getting free sex.... you are doing nothing, nothing to get it...It's delivered to ya.. what could be better?
    I think you guys are fooling yourselves...and making what should be really special and beautiful between a man and a woman into something cheap and meaningless. That's really sad, imho.
    Is anyone else in one of these casual sex relationships and starting to feel really worthless about yourself??
    I know I am.. I want to make love to a guy who cares about me.. who likes to be with me.. (OUT OF BED).. who wants to do things with me about town... where are these kind of guys at anyway???

  2. #2
    Member Lost in fairytales's Avatar
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    Girl, value yourself more! You deserve to be with someone who truely loves you. Reward the ones you love and values you with sex. Otherwise, have sex only when YOU want to!

  3. #3
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
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    Hey girl,

    I gather from your post that you (recently?) had a bad experience? Are you in a situation with a guy that doesn't love you but does want to have sex with you? If so, get out. If you don't want to have casual sex, that is your full right. I don't think it's necessarily just MEN who want the no-strings-attached situation, although I think that it might be generally harder for women to distinguish sex from love.

    What leads me to the question why some girls (I do not mean you, I don't have a clear picture of your current situation!) DO sleep with men very early on, while they are looking for LOVE and not SEX. I think the best way to avoid this situation is to date for a few months before stepping to the intimate level. It takes two to tango, if the guy starts to talk you into bed on the first date and he loses interest if you say no, well then he is not someone you want to date anyway.

    Take care,

    Ilse
    To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
    ~~Bertrand Russell~~


    Our little girl will become a big sister in June '12!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I tried casual sex, and started to feel the way you do.

    That is when it is time to stop. You CAN find a nice guy who wants more, but first you need to be available for it.

  5. #5
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    Why don't you take any of the responsibility? Did he force you to have sex? Sounds like it is consensual. I know women who enjoy casual sex just like you claim a man does. You cannot be "scammed" when you are consenting to having sex with this man and he has not promised you a commitment. And if the man is turning something beautiful into something cheap, in your opinion, aren't you doing the same?

    I always knew I would not be comfortable with casual sex and adding STDs and pregnancy risks reinforced my decision not to have casual sex. I have been somewhat intimate with men in a casual situation - where there was no potential for a long term serious relationship --and I often felt bad about myself, so I stopped. I never thought the man was a "jerk" or trying to scam me because I happen to believe in taking responsibility for my actions and being accountable for them - essential to my self image and values.

  6. 12-12-2006, 08:52 AM
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  7. #6

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    why are you turning this all around on me? I'm not the one who only wants casual sex!

    blah blah blah blah
    Last edited by SexySadie7; 12-12-2006 at 07:27 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member southerngirl's Avatar
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    Tell the guy how you feel, you cant lose anything.

    Just what you put here.
    I wonder what his reaction would be if I said.. to him.. "Look.. this is really hurting my feelings.. Cuz I feel like you don't care about me at all. That may not be so.. but the fact that you don't want to call me up hardly or take me out anywhere is making me feel like ****. Is this what you want me to feel like?"
    If thats how you feel then let him know! You are worth so much more than this. Sure, I can understand needs... we all have needs. But one of those needs is as it should be to feel loved and respected too.

    Also, keep your mind open to other guys because it doesnt sound like he is the one even if the sex is great. In otherwords, dont close out your other options yet.

    If you dont get anywhere by telling him how you feel, and how you wish it to be then drop him. Life is too short to waste in unhappiness.
    A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own.

    Latin Proverb

  9. #8
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I know you are needing physical affection. Sometimes I feel like it can be "a curse" wanting physical affection but not wanting just a bed buddy. I also think you deserve more than this, and if you are looking for sex + LOVE + RELATIONSHIP, this man isn't the one. He simply doesn't sound like he is respecting you at all, so I don't know if any notes or whatever will get through to him or make a lightbulb click over his head and go, "Oh yeah, I really should be nicer to sadie!"

    I think some people are just lazy, and they will do the bare minimum to make you happy. If you are still coming over and having sex with him, he thinks you must be happy. So why should he bother calling you or making dates if he is already getting what he wants?

    My advice is to ditch this man, and get some sex toys from the store to tide you over for a while. I am sure that dating gets a lot harder with age, less available people, but don't settle for scraps! There are lots of good, older men out there also, and I agree with ilse, waiting a few months before you have sex and get emotionally attached is better than having sex too soon and getting your heart broken.

    good luck
    There's no place like 127.0.0.1.



  10. #9
    Silver Member arwen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SexySadie7 View Post
    Well. i have physical needs too ilse.. And after awhile.. it's like how long do you actually want to wait to have sex? 6 months.. a year? It gets rough..
    But yeah... I do want to be in a relationship in which the guy cares about me.
    It seemed at first that he did care... and we didn't have sex on the first date or anything like that..in fact he was a perfect gentleman to me then.
    But now..it's like twice I've gone to his house and all we did was hang out and have sex. Now I like his company alot so i'm not complaining about the sex part... But i'm starting to feel really worthless about myself.
    I wonder what his reaction would be if I said.. to him.. "Look.. this is really hurting my feelings.. Cuz I feel like you don't care about me at all. That may not be so.. but the fact that you don't want to call me up hardly or take me out anywhere is making me feel like ****. Is this what you want me to feel like?"
    That sounds drastic.. but it would be good before I get in over my head (which maybe too late at this point) where his headspace is...
    I did write him a note and told him basically how I felt about this whole sitation.. I don't know if he's even got it yet.. He doesn't get his mail too frequently.
    He called me yesterday.. I was rather surprised cuz he doesn't call me too much. He told me he really enjoyed himself with me (in bed).. but then he was going to call me back later on.. and of course. he never did.. He NEVER does!
    I just really don't need this kind of chit right now. I'm getting really depressed. I have NO ONE to spend xmas with.. my birthday is coming up next week, tuesday.. and I don't even know if he'd be willing to see me on my birthday! How screwed up is that? It was his birthday a few weeks ago.. he didn't even want me to call him up on it!
    I dunno...my life is just so screwed up. it's unbelievably. There's hardly any single guys to date in my area anyway... It's like take it or leave it... or just be alone..
    I'm so tired of being alone.. No one on this forum could possibly understand. You are all in your 20s with lots of possiblities of meeting new people.
    I understand you have physical needs, but it seems that your emotional need for a commitment is much stronger. I am sorry that things seemed so right at first with this guy, and that you feel betrayed. It is very frustrating to have experiences like this and they can really take away your belief in a happy future relationship.

    I think that the only thing you can do at this point is take matters in your OWN hand. Take back the power, girl, and dump this guy. You are looking for something different, something that he is not able to offer. That doesn't mean you are looking for something that doesn't exist at all.

    Do you live in a small town? You say that there are not too many guys that you would want to date. If it is really true that it's take it or leave it, I'd leave it. I'd rather be single than settling for less than I want in a relationship. I have been single for a long time between my first relationship. I did have some flings, but they were just adventures and I wasn't looking for anything more than that. After concluding that flings are also not my thing because they didn't add to my life or growth (physical needs can be fulfilled... otherwise as well!), I was single and hadn't sex at all for 1.5 years. The first date after that soon turned out to be not-for-me (we hadn't slept together yet before we broke up). Also between my current bf and my latest ex was 9 months of 'celibacy'.

    If this guy is NOT what you are looking for, again, break things off now. Sooner rather than later. I'd be mad as well if someone would pretend an interest for a relationship, have sex, and make it all about sex. And if you feel he did this (maybe even consciously), you should just tell him that and walk away.

    Ilse
    To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.
    ~~Bertrand Russell~~


    Our little girl will become a big sister in June '12!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member I'mThatGirl's Avatar
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    First off, you seem very defensive. Slow down a minute. You asked for advice and you are getting very good advice.

    Casual sex relationships can be easy to fall into. You have a lonely girl (or guy.) They meet someone once. Hope that they are going to have a future with the person. Have sex with them acting like the casual sex is okay with them but Hoping that it will be more than that. It never becomes more and they wonder why not?

    I can understand where you are coming from. As alot of us probably can. How old are you?

    Here's how I see it and yes, casual sex makes me sick and mad. If we act like we are okay with something, then the people we date will expect us to be okay with it. You've accepted this situation thus far. You haven't had a talk with him or set him straight with your expectations. Your standards haven't been too high. Some women would be completely okay with the situation you are in. How would he have any idea that you aren't?

    My suggestions:
    Have a talk with him. Express your feelings and expectations.
    Take responsibility in this. You have allowed it to roll out like this.
    If he isn't willing to meet your expectations, move on - suck up being lonely and stop being "used."
    Raise the bar, your standards, and your expectations. When you meet someone else, demand to meet for dates outside of his home only for at least a month if not longer.
    Even once you do visit him at his place, don't sleep with him for awhile!
    Get to know him and allow him to get to know your expectations, values, boundaries, and standards, and goals.
    Then both of you will understand each other - you will be better able to determine if he just wants a cheap . . . . or if he actually is falling in love with you as you want.
    Never make someone your priority when they only make you their option.
    Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you.
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein

    Wonder of these days.... how do they sleep at night? How? Is there something I'm missing? In search of. . . . understanding I guess.

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