Page 1 of 10 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 100
  1. #1
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    220
    Gender
    Female

    Children of Cheating Parents

    I have some questions for those whose parents have cheated:

    1. Which parent cheated?
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    I found these questions on another message board, but unfortunately they have some odd 60-day rule so that once a thread is 60 days old, no one can reply to it any more. So if people take longer than 60 days to help you with a problem, it will never get solved because if you post for help on the same subject you then become a spammer and get banned.

    Anyway, I wanted to hear more from those whose parents have cheated, so I nicked the questions and posted them here.

    Here are my own answers to the questions:

    1. Which parent cheated?
    My mum.

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    They had a lot of fights and came close to a divorce, but in the end they stayed together even though the affair is still continuing several years later. My dad even drops my mum off to see this woman. I think he loves her too much to leave even if she has punched him in the face over this.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    When I first found out I felt sad. As I found out my mum continued to lie to me about these things I felt more betrayed and my sadness melted away into disgust, anger and hatred. Especially after she continued to lie to protect this woman instead of telling me the truth and comforting me even though I was crying my eyes out in front of her. She even laughed at me crying. I thought that here in Canada I could forget about the whole thing and stop caring, but every time I talk to my relatives I am reminded my mum is still having this affair. I am haunted by resentful dreams of confronting my mum where she continues to lie and act clueless and I become so frustrated and angry I strangle and/or hit her.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    I don't know if I was first to know about the affair or not. I have confronted my mum about still being "friends" with this woman (who tried to tear the family apart with lies), but not about having an affair. I feel it is the one thing I need to do, but every time I have confronted her she has acted clueless and lied to my face.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    No. I don't think I can; I can only pretend that nothing has happened, but every time I am reminded of her lies to me I become more and more disgusted by her and hateful towards her.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?
    I could never do it. Especially after witnessing all the pain my mum has caused. I never want to be like her.
    "Love can be defined by neither age nor gender."

  2.  

  3. #2
    Super Moderator BellaDonna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    U.S.
    Age
    34
    Posts
    9,130
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated? Mother



    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

    They are in the process of getting a divorce.



    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was very angry and disgusted with her. Things are still not the same between her and I.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No, luckily I was not put in that position.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? I'm working on it. It's very difficult.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? No way. Affairs destroy lives. I don't care what the "reasons" for them are. I think if you're not happy, get out of the relationship. Cheating is not an acceptable option in my eyes.

    BellaDonna

    Carly, don't be sad
    Life is crazy, life is mad
    Don't be afraid
    Carly, don't be sad
    That's your destiny, the only chance
    Take it, take it in your hands



    Well behaved women rarely make history.





    Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone:http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

  4. #3
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Middle of Canada
    Age
    34
    Posts
    12,899
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated?

    Father.

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    Divorced eventually after a couple "second" chances. He left for his mistress (whom he has been married to for many, many years now).

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I knew, though did not really "get it" then, I was 7 and just knew all of a sudden dad did not live there, and he lived with my stepmother instead.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your
    parent who was not cheating? What did you do?

    No, I was too darn young..ha. And I cannot say what I would have done if I was older, though I don't know, I think I would have to let my parent being cheated on know if I really knew to be honest.

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

    Hmm, tough question. My mum forgave him for cheating, but not how he was to us after (he became rather "absent" in our lives. I guess I forgave him for the cheating initially when I was younger before I understood it. Now, I don't understood why he ever did that, and I definitely don't understand how he could just decide to "drop out" of his own kids lives after the fact. I talk to him rarely.

    I love him, but do not respect him as someone to look up to, and in fact pity him for never really knowing us kids, because my siblings are wonderful people too. He works hard, and I know he has not had a great upbringing or life, but he should of been a better father to us kids even absent of his cheating.

    I am okay with how things turned out though, my mum is much happier, and my stepfather is WONDERFUL, and he has been with us 21 years now. My mum is very happy.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?


    No, and no. I think there is no justification for them ever, and you either make a choice to work through what you have, or leave, but do not get involved with someone before doing either.

    I am a firm believer we all have a choice, and we have a choice to NOT go down that road, and to not put ourselves in those situations where it just "progressed"....affairs are not "accidental".

    And they do destroy people emotionally, and really mess up everyone around you's life - children, friends whom have to "take sides", extended families, everyone.
    Last edited by RayKay; 11-27-2006 at 05:26 PM.
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT]
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B]
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I]


    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

  5. #4
    Platinum Member yeawutever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Age
    27
    Posts
    6,225
    Gender
    Female
    That must be a terrible experience. Since none of that happened, I cna't answer these questions. In the end, even if they had affairs, they are still your parents. Well I will only answer the last question.

    6) Have/would you ever had an affair?
    Definately not, if I can't solve this in the mature way by communicating, then might as well end it right away. What on earth does a third person has to do with problems you and your spouse are having/had??? By having an affair, you have place yourself in the lowest of lowest value scale.
    Opened-minded to those in need of help. Not everything is black and white as it seems....
    If you're gonna do something, think twice and make sure it's something worthy that you don't later on regret!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. #5
    Silver Member Cadence308's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,305
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated?
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    1. My father, multiple times.
    2. They fought a lot. My mom cried a lot. I think that she blamed herself and thought about leaving him each time. The fact that she threatened to leave him each time, kicked him out of the house each time, but always remained with him may have allowed him to feel that he could do what he wanted and she would never leave him.
    3. The first affair I was aware of in 8th grade. My cousin was staying with us and overheard them fighting over this woman named Tammy, who had a child a few years younger than I that my sister and I sometimes played with. They lived a few houses up the street. Then I heard them fighting about the affair. It was late at night and their fighting woke me up. My mom was screaming and crying and accusing him of the affair and he lied to her and completely denied it. This continued for a couple of weeks for days and nights. It made me cry in my bed at night and made me so sad to see my mom so upset. I remember my dad took us kids to get new shoes at the mall and the next thing I knew he was talking to Tammy at the mall. He used us to see her. At the time I didn't understand it. It wasn't until much later that I undrestood this. I had no one to talk to about this and it was a very sad time in my life. It was very stressful for me. They were going to get divorced and when my dad moved out I was relieved. Then they got back together. I could have cared less.
    4. Thankfully I never knew about any of the affairs before my mom. My sister found out about the last one before my mom and she was the one who told my mom. She said at first my mom didn't believe her until she talked to others around town. My sister said that my mom was mad at her. I think my mom was really embarrassed.
    5. I don't think I ever forgave my father. I think I have lost a lot of respect for him. My mom tells me that I treat him like s*it and I think it has to do with that. His last affair was with a woman about 5 years older than myself. I don't trust him and was totally supportive of my mom when she was upset and told me that she was leaving him. Then she told me that she made a mistake and found out he was not cheating and they were back together. I found out all of the details from my sister. Apparently, he was cheating and he was mad at my sister for telling on him. What kind of a scumbag would do that to his family over and over again? It makes me think that he is always looking for someone to hook up with. I know that my mom does not trust him because she's always checking his internet history, etc. I have a hard time understanding why she has stayed with him through all of this.
    6. I have never had an affair and I would never have an affair. Everyone involved gets hurt. If I were ever that unhappy in a relationship and wanted something else then I would end the unhappy relationship before starting a new one. Maybe that's naive, but I've experienced what that can do to a family.
    I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and what I could be if...there weren't any other people living in the world. - Anne Frank

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Southern California
    Age
    39
    Posts
    103
    Gender
    Male
    1. Which parent cheated? Father
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? They got divorced
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening? I was so young I did not relly have any idea.
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? No
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Yes
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? Yes

  8. #7
    Silver Member thegirl_00's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    806
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated?
    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?
    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do?
    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?
    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    1. mom
    2. divorce, but they are still living together... for some strange reason.
    3. I was young and didn't find out until years later. Now I think my mom is scum as my dad still wants her back but will never have her.
    4.no
    5. I guess so, she is my mom...
    6. no, there's no excuse for one. Ugh, they thought makes me sick
    "Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like no one is watching"

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Mrs Elliott Smith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Age
    33
    Posts
    211
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated?

    Father

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage?

    They stayed together.

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?

    I was very young at the time, but I knew what was going on (I have older siblings). I didn't think much of it, but as I got older, it annoyed me. It made me love my father as a father, but hate him as a person.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent
    who was not cheating? What did you do?

    No

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not?

    Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair?

    No, and I never will.



    ******** I'd like to add a question to this:

    Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??

  10. #9
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Middle of Canada
    Age
    34
    Posts
    12,899
    Gender
    Female
    Has your parent's cheating affected the trust that you have in your own partner/spouse/boyfriend, etc.??
    For me, no.

    Maybe it is partly because I had a VERY suitable role model in my stepfather, whom is honest and faithful.

    Maybe partly as I have never been one to lump everyone in the same category.

    And a very large part is because I trust my OWN abilities and judgement to choose a partner whom respects and deserves me. I also have no tolerance for it (and I have been cheated on when I was much younger) so knowing that maybe makes me feel stronger.

    I honestly have never been one to NOT trust someone unless they give me REASON not to, and if they give me reason to suspect something is going on, then it's not about me not "trusting" it's about they are definitely up to something!

    I have certainly known people though whom don't trust "any" man or woman because of experiences from either their parents, or their own relationships. And this definitely affects EVERY relationship they are in, until they do address it and deal with it.
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT]
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B]
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I]


    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

  11. #10
    Bronze Member lovecrazy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Dawsonville, GA
    Posts
    579
    Gender
    Female
    1. Which parent cheated? Father

    2. What happened to your parents' marriage? Divroce, just like 8 before my mother

    3. What were your feelings on what was happening?
    I was young and really didnt know until I was a teenager, by then my father was dead, I have always had strong feelings against my father.

    4. Did you ever know about the affair before it was known to your parent who was not cheating? What did you do? Found out when I was a teen

    5. Did you forgive your cheating parent or not? Havent had the chance, my father died when I was 10.

    6. Have/would you ever had an affair? NO NO NO!!!

  •  

  • Page 1 of 10 1234 ... LastLast
    Related Articles & Books
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
     

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •  

    Expert Advice

    Online
    Call
    $3/minute
    Feeling pain, anger, humiliation, guilt? Let me help you as you go through the emotions of infidelity. I'll listen and lend support.
    Online
    Chat
    $2.99/minute
    Are you struggling with a partner's infidelity? Speak now to a top rated therapist to gain insight & clarity and come up with solutions for a way forward!
    Online
    Call
    $1.75/minute
    25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Call Now and Feel Better. Compassionate, caring, sound advice. "I felt so much better after talking to Robert" "Very wise and helpful."
    Online
    CallChat
    $4.99/minute
    Is your partner cheating? Are you cheating and feeling badly about it? Are you or your partner involved in an 'emotional affair' that exists via the internet? I can help you.
    Online
    CallChat
    $2.85/minute
    Trying to cope with your partners or your own infidelity? Wondering what to do? Confused and need clarity? I can help you.