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Best introduction lines?


pedroisgod45

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I know this incredibly general, my apologies in advance.

 

Whenever I see a girl who I like, no matter what the situation... I always feel incredibly awkward trying to initiate a conversation with her. Even if the setting is very social, like a bar or something, I never ever know what to say or how I should approach. I don't know, I guess I have it in the back of my mind that I'll approach her, introduce myself, and she'll just laugh at me and reject me on the spot . I don't have a ton of experience with this stuff; I spent the first three years of college madly in love with this girl who ended up totally breaking my heart (I didn't think it was right to go after girls when I felt that way about someone else - in retrospect, bad idea). Since then, any girls I have dated have been ones that have approached me first. Honestly, I ahve no clue what I'm doing here.

 

What's the best way to approach a girl? What will the girl's reaction be like - will she be irritated to be hit on (I don't want to be a * * * * *)? To ask a girl out - is it better to ask on a real date (like dinner or something) or something more casual? Also, how do girls respond to bragging? I guess I should stop here; thanks a ton for any help, I'm just driving myself crazy right now being alone and I really don't like it .

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Well if you're serious about this man there's a lot you can do to look good in a woman's eyes and a lot you can do to screw it up. More or less you screw it up by being nervous and anxious when approaching. why? Because it says to them that you're nervous and anxious over them like you're already worried they're going to reject you. That immediately tells them that you're anticipating the situation too much and that they can too easily say things to sway your mind. If they approve, you'll be all bright eyed and wagging your tail like a dog, but if they reject you you'll be cowering away with your tail between your legs.

 

Maybe you don't think that's how it will appear, but your reaction will say EVERYTHING.

 

Here are some key points to remember when approaching women:

- eye contact (strong & controlled, not long and creepy)

- voice (do your best to not be too quick with your speech)

- appearance (dress nicely, nails cleaned and cut, hair done nicely, eyebrows and nose hairs plucked.)

- breath (gum or mints are always a thing to have on hand)

 

And remember that its more about your personality and your ability to stand strong. If you look uninterested and a complete prude, you're no good to anyone. Its alright that you're not smiling every second because that's just plain weird, but its alright to laugh and smile when it feels right. Only uncontrolled behaviours and actions seem flighty to women and then it seems forced or constrained and they'll try to understand why.

 

Best of luck man and as far as openers go, that's not so important because if she's special, she'll get hit on a LOT and have all sorts of jack___s trying to get with her. Humour and humbleness go hand and hand AND they prefer that a man can make light of the little things instead of trying to brag about his "big things".

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How about just saying, "Hi'. It's a classic.

 

If you want to get fancy, then, "Hi. How are you?" or "Hi. Nice to meet you." or "Hi. I'm ____. Nice to meet you.". Use your imagination. No matter what you say, follow it up with a nice, big smile why maintaining eye contact.

 

Try to maintain eye contact while talking to her. If she's willing to return it, that might give some clues. Also, eye contact might positively influence her.

 

I have the potential to be humorous and a sweet talker with a GF, but when I first meet someone, I want to keep it simple, friendly, and polite. Then based on her reactions, you can determine whether to keep talking, or start walking. i.e. - if she wants to talk, then listen to her, then respond to what she's just said. That's the start of a conversation where you listen first, talk second. I think many women would find it refreshing to meet a guy who listens to them. I originally learned this from real estate sales training, but guess what? It applies to people in general. Everyone likes it when someone listens to them.

 

If she doesn't want to have a conversation, then walk away. Typcially, I'd try to do this politely by saying, "Have a nice day" or something similar and then walking away.

 

I'm not a dating expert by any means, but I think I've got this part down. Those are my thoughts.

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Start off by making eye contact with her and smile. If she makes eye contact and smiles back, thats a sign.

 

Move in closer, and make eye contact and smile again. If she returns the favor, then thats your sign to approach her.

 

Just walk up to her, and say "Hi" or something else sincere. You can try complimenting something like "Hey, I like your shirt" or something, but nothing having to do with her body...

 

If you are at the bar, just start off by asking what she's drinking (if it's not obvious). If you are in other situations, just be aware. If you are in the gardening section of Homedepot, ask her if she's got a garden. Be observant, and be smart about it. If you say something stupid, like "What are you drinking" and she's holding a budlight, she'll think you're dense, unless you can spin it into something funny (a bonus).

 

Really, it's not what you say, but how you say it. Say it with confidence, with a smile, while making eye contact (important). She'll respond.

 

The key is to get her talking about herself. And if things are going well, suggest that you two meet for coffee sometime, and ask her for her number.

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After thoughts about your fears.

 

Don't worry or care about what her reaction might be. If you are polite, friendly, and respectful, here reaction will probably be polite, friendly, and respectful in return whether she is interested or not, available or not.

 

If a woman is rude to you when you've been polite, friendly, and respectful in your approach, then to hell with her; and her bad attitude is her problem, not yours. However, I don't think a woman would treat a nice, respectful man badly for approaching her.

 

I've never had a woman be seriously rude to me when approaching her. The worst I've ever received is being ignored, but that's rare.

 

Most women are nice to a nice guy, or at least polite to a polite guy. So you have nothing to fear.

 

The guys who get the really hostile reactions deserve it due to being rude, or overly aggressive, or maintaining eye to boob contact when talking to her. Worst of all, they might have touched her or slapped her someplace. You aren't going to do any of those extreme bad behaviors. So you have nothing to fear.

 

The worst thing I've ever known a woman to do to me or any other polite guy is ignore us. Big deal. That doesn't hurt much. Most women will be nice to a nice polite guy, even if she's turning him down.

 

Don't be afraid.

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Honestly, I think your best bet is to be yourself and be natural. Don't seem scripted.

 

Some things in those how-to guides make me laugh:

 

How are the fries/coffee/cookies today?

 

 

-are you a dancer

-you looked like someone I saw

 

 

-I like your hairstyle.

-It makes you look relaxed

 

*chick(s) sitting down/in line with you..etc, link removed or not, but with link removed, start to

talk about chicks clothes next to you, then open her

-nice dress/like my sister

-where did you get it

-what color you like?

-where you go shopping

-you seem like natural person, eyes are warm/relaxed

-lets be friends

 

I can't speak for all women, but that would definitely make me want to be far, far away from the person saying those things.

They seem corney and scripted. The person who wrote it refers to women as "chicks" which speaks volumes for itself I suppose.....

 

Take how-to guides with a grain of salt. Just try to relax, and I agree that "hello" seems like a much more normal/social thing to say if you want to talk to a woman.

 

BellaDonna

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I think there are any number of methods and any of the above could work. But, I think there is must more to it than just the conversation and words. Most of the communications that matter have nothing to do with the words you speak. Body language is very important.

 

I always liked the cocky method and just made fun of something about a woman or fun of myself when all else failed. Once you break the ice, jsut talk.

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Is it just me, or does "Hello" seem rather formal? I think "Hi" sounds much friendlier.

 

=============

 

On the cocky side... I'm not cocky or confident enough initially to be cocky when meeting a woman, though I tend to get more confident later.

 

I would personally would not say the following, but it seems like it might be fun to say, "Hi. I'm ____, you're new boyfriend." I'm not saying it would work, but it sure would be entertaining.

 

The old, old school cocky come on from my grandparents day went lilke this:

 

Him: Hi. My name is ____. Nice to meet you.

 

Her: Hi. My name is ____. Nice to meet you.

 

Him: Do you have a boyfriend?

 

Her: No.

 

Him: You do now!

 

Seriously, that is an oldly from way before my time. I know a senior couple in their 80s and that's how they first met. They've been married over 50 years now. So it worked for him. That routine is so old now that it would be new again. To bad I don't have the nerve to try it just for the entertainment value. It might even work.

 

However, I'm going to stick to my polite, friendly, respectul, and sincere approach for first meetings and save my slightly naughty humor and mild cockiness for later, if there is a later. Still, wouldn't it be fun to dust off that old one and try it?

 

For the thread starter, I'm not recommending the aggressive approaches above. I only mentioned them for humor because they make me laugh.

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I would not go with charley's cocky. I'd be more likely to succeed by making fun of her bag, what was in it (if I could openly see), or what she was reading, than telling her I was her new boyfriend. I think I'd be more likely yo succeed by telling her that she was not going to be able to get me as her new boyfriend. ""Excuse me Miss (or Ma'am), but don't look at me that way. Stop undresing me with your eyes, and I'm certainly not going to be your new boyfriend."

 

And Scout, all I hear after listening to those lines is a plane plummetting to Earth, in flames. Compliments can work, but you also have to deliver it, and be prepared to shurg, turn around and walk off, immediately after giving one. And you need to have that attitude before you say it.

 

Any of these can work, you need to find your own game. Try some out, see what works for you. Keep trying.

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I don't know about being cocky working. When making fun of someone you run the risk of hitting a nerve. In approaching women, you have so many things that can go wrong, why take that chance?

 

Compliments work REALLY well if they are delivered sincerely. I can't tell you how many times "I like your shirt" or "I dig your hairstyle" has worked for me.

 

They work even better if it's delivered unexpectedly, like while on the bus, or if you just walk bysomeone on the street, or in an elevator.

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Hey, Beec...don't take my word for it, I'm just a female...expressing what I'd rather here...a sincere compliment that acknowledges I took time to gussy up and look good. I'm not looking for fancy footwork, just a bit of warmth and flattering attention. Likewise, if some guy repeated the joke you suggest above, I wouldn't think it's funny (or original) and his attempt would fall flat with me. You don't know how many guys take this cocky approach, and it always comes accross as pre-planned and something they gleaned from some site about how to pick up chicks. Maybe other gals respond to it, though.

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I don't know about being cocky working. When making fun of someone you run the risk of hitting a nerve. In approaching women, you have so many things that can go wrong, why take that chance?

 

Because for many it works.

 

I think it works be eliminating the one thing many guys have who doon't get a lot of women; an appearance of desparation. If you can bust on her, you don't seem desperate.

 

Delivering a compliment and pulling it off usually requires a guy with confidence, not some guy who has not asked a woman out for a couple years.

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I don't know about being cocky working. When making fun of someone you run the risk of hitting a nerve. In approaching women, you have so many things that can go wrong, why take that chance?

 

Compliments work REALLY well if they are delivered sincerely. I can't tell you how many times "I like your shirt" or "I dig your hairstyle" has worked for me.

 

They work even better if it's delivered unexpectedly, like while on the bus, or if you just walk bysomeone on the street, or in an elevator.

 

Exactly...you run a real risk of hitting a nerve. Because everyone has a different sense of humor. What some might think as funny, others wouldn't. You have no way of knowing what a stranger is going to find amusing.

 

And I think everyone responds to compliments. I've complimented guys on their cologne, their sweater, etc. Everyone likes a little recognition for the effort they make to look presentable and attractive.

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Obviously if busting on a girl works for you, then why mess with perfection.

 

I think that if a girl likes you (ie you're ultra hot) then yeah busting on them is fine.

 

For me its a huge turn off if a girl that doesn't know me teases me.

 

The way I get rid of the desperation, is to not be desperate. I believe that I'm the catch of the century. Any girl would be lucky to be with me. It's confidence that borderlines on cockiness, but it works. If a girl doesn't want to give me the time, it's her loss. Not mine.

 

Delivering a compliment and pulling it off usually requires a guy with confidence, not some guy who has not asked a woman out for a couple years.

 

Anything you do should be done with confidence if you want it to succeed.

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I remember a male movie star was once asked what qualities a girl has to have for him to like her. And he said, "First and foremost, I like someone that actually likes me."

 

With that in mind, I try to be more complimentary in my pursuing efforts. I really don't want a guy that would like me more if I acted like I didn't like him.

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Delivering a compliment and pulling it off usually requires a guy with confidence, not some guy who has not asked a woman out for a couple years.

 

Beec, I don't mean to bust on you too much here...so bare with me (or is it bear? I always forget)...but I am honestly curious. You don't think it would take even more confidence/chutzpah for a guy to repeat the kind of joke you suggest, instead of just delivering a simple compliment?

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Obviously if busting on a girl works for you, then why mess with perfection.

 

I think that if a girl likes you (ie you're ultra hot) then yeah busting on them is fine.

 

For me its a huge turn off if a girl that doesn't know me teases me.

 

The way I get rid of the desperation, is to not be desperate. I believe that I'm the catch of the century. Any girl would be lucky to be with me. It's confidence that borderlines on cockiness, but it works. If a girl doesn't want to give me the time, it's her loss. Not mine.

 

Anything you do should be done with confidence if you want it to succeed.

 

If you really believe you are the catch of the century, then you don't need any lines, any gimicks, any crutches whatsoever, you will just have it. You'll value your self such that meeting women and getting dates is not a big deal. It's easy. And that attitude makes you pretty unique. Few have it and keep it. Many get it and lose it, get it and lose it. Some never get it. If you are asking the question to original poster asked, you do not have this kind of confidence.

 

The cocky and funny shtick is great way for a guy who does not have confidence to learn a few things: One, that you are not going to attract her, that she is not required to be attracted to you, just because you are nice to her; two, that not be kissing her rear end, you are not necessarily driving her away; and that you need to have some inherent value, IN YOUR OWN MIND, to be able to work your game.

 

But for the average guy, lacking in self-confidence, the cocky shtick, provided it is done in good humor, not to bring her down, often works.The same guy making a compliment seems desperate much too often. If you are mean and not humurous, you won't succeed either.

 

LostInMyThoughts may not need this crutch, and it is a crtuch, but don't think it won't help many. Some guys can really use it to begin getting a game.

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Beec, I don't mean to bust on you too much here...so bare with me (or is it bear? I always forget)...but I am honestly curious. You don't think it would take even more confidence/chutzpah for a guy to repeat the kind of joke you suggest, instead of just delivering a simple compliment?

 

No it doesn't. It really doesn't. Think about a group of teenage boys full of bravado, and all they do all day long is bust on each other. None of them has any real confidence, but they can all pull out such jokes. Which one of them dares to pay a compliment? None.

 

Compliments without confidence seem desperate. And often, usually, come accross as someone looking for something from the recipient. If done right, it has to be done without expectation of anything being given in return. It must be really given, not just be offered in exchange.

 

Most women will tell you to pay another woman a compliment, and most women will tell you that because that is what they think they should want. It's rarely worked for me or for any one I know, and I've studied it.

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Most women will tell you to pay another woman a compliment, and most women will tell you that because that is what they think they should want.

 

Well...I consider myself someone with reasonable intelligence and self-awareness. I know what I want in terms of approaches from the opposite sex, and it's not based on what I *think* I should want.

 

I definitely do not want a scripted cocky joke. Nor do I want a phony compliment. I'm just looking for a little sincerity and warmth. And humor is fine, as long as the person is cracking jokes at his own expense, not mine. As you suggested in an earlier post, which I actually agree with. Plus, it's often the way I joke around myself, so I can relate and thus respond to it.

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If I was clearly trying to crack a joke and a woman got upset and turned off, I would personally think "THANK GOD" because she would seem to me as if her skin was too thin. If either she, you, I or anyone else could not both take a joke aimed at us, and make one at our own expense, I'd think whoever it was is a little too sensitive, and I would be scared off of her if she was a woman. If it's only a joke, then it should not be treated as if she was insulted. If it is, run like a gazelle, RUN FAST, RUN FAR, because she is very likely to be HIGH MAINTENANCE. A person who is really secure laughs at themself and jokes made at their expense, so long as they are jokes. And if there is a doubt, consider it a joke. I'd rather think it was only a joke, because then I am thinking the best about them. I expect to be treated the same way. Give me the benefit of a doubt.

 

And let's not forget, the original question was posted by someone who has not been dating. Someone who works on and understands their game, and really has it going on in their own mind, would not tolerate Ms. or Mr. High Maintenance, becaues they would not need to, they would know that green pastures were near that did not require such heavy labor. And they would have their own unique game, that they developed and adapted.

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It's not that I can't take a joke. It's just that I can't laugh at a joke I don't find funny. I did not find your suggested joke funny. That doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humor. Just a different one than you have.

 

And yes, I still stand by my opinion that for an inexperienced dater/approacher, delivering a brief and sincere compliment is going to be easier than delivering the joke you suggest. If he's extremely nervous, to a gal with a decent heart, she's going to think it's cute that he's nervously saying something nice to her. If he's nervously saying something insulting, even under the guise of a joke and not intended as a real insult, he's just going to come accross as painfully embarrassing, which in turn, is going to make the woman feel equally embarrassed and uncomfortable for him. And probably want to end the interaction as soon as possible.

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I think you've said some important stuff here. I think really to be successful, you gotta believe that you are the catch of the century. You know what makes me different than any of the other people here? Just the fact that I truly believe that I'm the deal of a lifetime (of course I can show you the mathematical proof of my greatness, but thats beyond the scope of this conversation). Once you really believe that you are special, then rejection (while it still sucks) isn't so debilitating. It's easier to pick yourself back up, and you don't use rejection as proof of being inferior. I believe once you are at this place inside yourself, dating becomes much easier. It's almost as if you become apathetic to the outcome--which is quite powerful.

 

I guess I should have tempered my advice by saying that it really only works for guys who aren't looking for one-night stands. Just for the guys who see a girl and would like to get to know them better--taking the first steps towards some relationship. If you want to work on your game, ignore my suggestions. I have no game. I'm good at meeting women, but not ones who just want to hook up.

 

I think humor is great. If you can make a girl laugh, you probably have started a good connection. It's just that humor is difficult to pull off. It sounds like you have the gift to pull it off well, and that it's worked. That really is more unique than a person who believes in themselves.

 

I've heard from a few girls that they don't really care for the smooth-talking guys they meet at the clubs. They feel like those guys only are into one thing, and thats sex.

 

I wonder how well a person who lacks self confidence will do in a relationship. Will they come accross as needy because they need validation for their insecurities? Of course not everyone who is selfconfident can approach women. That is nerve racking for even the best of us.

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