Best introduction lines?
I know this incredibly general, my apologies in advance.
Whenever I see a girl who I like, no matter what the situation... I always feel incredibly awkward trying to initiate a conversation with her. Even if the setting is very social, like a bar or something, I never ever know what to say or how I should approach. I don't know, I guess I have it in the back of my mind that I'll approach her, introduce myself, and she'll just laugh at me and reject me on the spot . I don't have a ton of experience with this stuff; I spent the first three years of college madly in love with this girl who ended up totally breaking my heart (I didn't think it was right to go after girls when I felt that way about someone else - in retrospect, bad idea). Since then, any girls I have dated have been ones that have approached me first. Honestly, I ahve no clue what I'm doing here.
What's the best way to approach a girl? What will the girl's reaction be like - will she be irritated to be hit on (I don't want to be a *****)? To ask a girl out - is it better to ask on a real date (like dinner or something) or something more casual? Also, how do girls respond to bragging? I guess I should stop here; thanks a ton for any help, I'm just driving myself crazy right now being alone and I really don't like it .
By far the most successful pick up line is "Hello", all you are looking for is to introduce yourself then follow it up with some questions about them because people typically love talking about themselves.
"A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine
"The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein
Well if you're serious about this man there's a lot you can do to look good in a woman's eyes and a lot you can do to screw it up. More or less you screw it up by being nervous and anxious when approaching. why? Because it says to them that you're nervous and anxious over them like you're already worried they're going to reject you. That immediately tells them that you're anticipating the situation too much and that they can too easily say things to sway your mind. If they approve, you'll be all bright eyed and wagging your tail like a dog, but if they reject you you'll be cowering away with your tail between your legs.
Maybe you don't think that's how it will appear, but your reaction will say EVERYTHING.
Here are some key points to remember when approaching women:
- eye contact (strong & controlled, not long and creepy)
- voice (do your best to not be too quick with your speech)
- appearance (dress nicely, nails cleaned and cut, hair done nicely, eyebrows and nose hairs plucked.)
- breath (gum or mints are always a thing to have on hand)
And remember that its more about your personality and your ability to stand strong. If you look uninterested and a complete prude, you're no good to anyone. Its alright that you're not smiling every second because that's just plain weird, but its alright to laugh and smile when it feels right. Only uncontrolled behaviours and actions seem flighty to women and then it seems forced or constrained and they'll try to understand why.
Best of luck man and as far as openers go, that's not so important because if she's special, she'll get hit on a LOT and have all sorts of jack___s trying to get with her. Humour and humbleness go hand and hand AND they prefer that a man can make light of the little things instead of trying to brag about his "big things".
How about just saying, "Hi'. It's a classic.
If you want to get fancy, then, "Hi. How are you?" or "Hi. Nice to meet you." or "Hi. I'm ____. Nice to meet you.". Use your imagination. No matter what you say, follow it up with a nice, big smile why maintaining eye contact.
Try to maintain eye contact while talking to her. If she's willing to return it, that might give some clues. Also, eye contact might positively influence her.
I have the potential to be humorous and a sweet talker with a GF, but when I first meet someone, I want to keep it simple, friendly, and polite. Then based on her reactions, you can determine whether to keep talking, or start walking. i.e. - if she wants to talk, then listen to her, then respond to what she's just said. That's the start of a conversation where you listen first, talk second. I think many women would find it refreshing to meet a guy who listens to them. I originally learned this from real estate sales training, but guess what? It applies to people in general. Everyone likes it when someone listens to them.
If she doesn't want to have a conversation, then walk away. Typcially, I'd try to do this politely by saying, "Have a nice day" or something similar and then walking away.
I'm not a dating expert by any means, but I think I've got this part down. Those are my thoughts.
Last edited by charley; 11-27-2006 at 02:29 PM.
Today, 01:35 AM
Start off by making eye contact with her and smile. If she makes eye contact and smiles back, thats a sign.
Move in closer, and make eye contact and smile again. If she returns the favor, then thats your sign to approach her.
Just walk up to her, and say "Hi" or something else sincere. You can try complimenting something like "Hey, I like your shirt" or something, but nothing having to do with her body...
If you are at the bar, just start off by asking what she's drinking (if it's not obvious). If you are in other situations, just be aware. If you are in the gardening section of Homedepot, ask her if she's got a garden. Be observant, and be smart about it. If you say something stupid, like "What are you drinking" and she's holding a budlight, she'll think you're dense, unless you can spin it into something funny (a bonus).
Really, it's not what you say, but how you say it. Say it with confidence, with a smile, while making eye contact (important). She'll respond.
The key is to get her talking about herself. And if things are going well, suggest that you two meet for coffee sometime, and ask her for her number.
"If you're going through hell; keep going." - Winston Churchill
Here is some help
And always remember that the way you do it is much more important than what you say.
If you have some loot, I'd also recommend the DVD's and ebooks from both www.mysterymethod.com and www.realsocialdynamics.com. The have helped my skills out tremendously.
After thoughts about your fears.
Don't worry or care about what her reaction might be. If you are polite, friendly, and respectful, here reaction will probably be polite, friendly, and respectful in return whether she is interested or not, available or not.
If a woman is rude to you when you've been polite, friendly, and respectful in your approach, then to hell with her; and her bad attitude is her problem, not yours. However, I don't think a woman would treat a nice, respectful man badly for approaching her.
I've never had a woman be seriously rude to me when approaching her. The worst I've ever received is being ignored, but that's rare.
Most women are nice to a nice guy, or at least polite to a polite guy. So you have nothing to fear.
The guys who get the really hostile reactions deserve it due to being rude, or overly aggressive, or maintaining eye to boob contact when talking to her. Worst of all, they might have touched her or slapped her someplace. You aren't going to do any of those extreme bad behaviors. So you have nothing to fear.
The worst thing I've ever known a woman to do to me or any other polite guy is ignore us. Big deal. That doesn't hurt much. Most women will be nice to a nice polite guy, even if she's turning him down.
Don't be afraid.
Last edited by charley; 11-27-2006 at 02:42 PM.
Honestly, I think your best bet is to be yourself and be natural. Don't seem scripted.
Some things in those how-to guides make me laugh:
How are the fries/coffee/cookies today?
-are you a dancer
-you looked like someone I saw
-I like your hairstyle.
-It makes you look relaxed
I can't speak for all women, but that would definitely make me want to be far, far away from the person saying those things.
*chick(s) sitting down/in line with you..etc, EC
or not, but with wing
, start to
talk about chicks clothes next to you, then open her
-nice dress/like my sister
-where did you get it
-what color you like?
-where you go shopping
-you seem like natural person, eyes are warm/relaxed
-lets be friends
They seem corney and scripted. The person who wrote it refers to women as "chicks" which speaks volumes for itself I suppose.....
Take how-to guides with a grain of salt. Just try to relax, and I agree that "hello" seems like a much more normal/social thing to say if you want to talk to a woman.
Carly, don't be sad
Life is crazy, life is mad
Don't be afraid
Carly, don't be sad
That's your destiny, the only chance
Take it, take it in your hands
Well behaved women rarely make history.
I think there are any number of methods and any of the above could work. But, I think there is must more to it than just the conversation and words. Most of the communications that matter have nothing to do with the words you speak. Body language is very important.
I always liked the cocky method and just made fun of something about a woman or fun of myself when all else failed. Once you break the ice, jsut talk.
"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
C.S. Lewis--Answers to Questions on Christianity
Is it just me, or does "Hello" seem rather formal? I think "Hi" sounds much friendlier.
On the cocky side... I'm not cocky or confident enough initially to be cocky when meeting a woman, though I tend to get more confident later.
I would personally would not say the following, but it seems like it might be fun to say, "Hi. I'm ____, you're new boyfriend." I'm not saying it would work, but it sure would be entertaining.
The old, old school cocky come on from my grandparents day went lilke this:
Him: Hi. My name is ____. Nice to meet you.
Her: Hi. My name is ____. Nice to meet you.
Him: Do you have a boyfriend?
Him: You do now!
Seriously, that is an oldly from way before my time. I know a senior couple in their 80s and that's how they first met. They've been married over 50 years now. So it worked for him. That routine is so old now that it would be new again. To bad I don't have the nerve to try it just for the entertainment value. It might even work.
However, I'm going to stick to my polite, friendly, respectul, and sincere approach for first meetings and save my slightly naughty humor and mild cockiness for later, if there is a later. Still, wouldn't it be fun to dust off that old one and try it?
For the thread starter, I'm not recommending the aggressive approaches above. I only mentioned them for humor because they make me laugh.
Last edited by charley; 11-27-2006 at 03:08 PM.
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