Does he really care about me or is he playing me?

Hi,

I've was dating a guy for a couple of months. When we first started dating, we saw each other several times a week. However, it became more of a challenge because we both had to go to work early in the morning and work a 11 to 12 hour shift. So we started narrowing our time down to mainly the weekends. We had sex a few times, but we stopped because he didn't want our relationship to be purely sexual. Well recently, he started a new job wear he has to devote a lot time and energy to building a client base. I also had to spend this month to prepare for a major examination. During that time I still wanted to get together with him when I thought we both had free time, but he was always busy or out of town (back in his home town seeing family and friends). It also became really difficult to call him, because I could never figure out when to catch him. When he did call he would apologize and said that he wasn't avoiding me. Also, he said he wanted me to do well on my test and for him not be distraction. Well it became increasing frustrating, because I felt like we were playing phone tag. We ended up talking earlier this week and he said wanted us to take things easy and be friends. He said he didn't lose interest in me and thought I was a wonderful girl. He loved the fact that I was spiritual, understanding and focused on my goals. I asked if he was going to date other people and he said he didn't have the time. He also said he doesn't expect me to wait for him to get his life in order and that he didn't want to hold me back from happiness. I told him I still care about him and that he was worth the wait. He also talked about the possiblity of getting together to hang out around the holidays or when I finish my test.

Well I guess the thing I'm asking is if he is really a nice guy that cares or is he playing me. I've had guys in the past that would say nice things about me before they gave me the kiss off, so they could avoid hurting me. He always seemed to be straight with me, but I don't know. I can't seem to shake the doubts that I have. I'm afraid to ask because I feel like I would be rehashing the subject and he would be insulted. What should I do?

I think he thinks he messed up by having sex early on, and that made his feelings way too strong for you, and by not calling you and apologizing and saying he isn't avoiding you that, he probably wants to end the intimacy but doesn't know how, the thing is though he doesn't want to hurt you at all.

He could have feelings for you but he wants a clean start, hence why he stated that he wants to be friends and see if the relationship escalates into an intimate one naturally.

So to answer your question I believe he thinks he messed up the relationship, he isn't playing you. I think he does care about you.

Anyway, good luck.

Edit: I forgot to add, all the guy wants here is another shot at the relationship between the two of you, he just doesn't want to rush things.

Honestly, he probably really doesn't have time to be with you or anyone else.. but either way, whether he's giving you the brush off or not is kind of irrelevant. For whatever reason, he just wants to be friends. Only you can decide if that is going to be OK with you (can you handle that?) I wouldn't try to initiate taking it to the next level in the future, let him do that, if you're available and interested, that's great.

Good luck on your exam, if you haven't already taken it..

What you should do in this case is go into "react mode"... See him when he arranges to see you. Answer when he calls, but don't call him. Only return his calls but never initiate. Basically leave him alone unless otherwise arranged on his end. And sometimes be unavailable. And during the whole thing, if some other opportunity with someone else pops up, go for it!

Don't cut this guy off. But definitely don't wait in the wings for something that may never exist. He's basically cut you loose for the time being. If he realizes (for himself, without your help) that this was a mistake he can always start putting forth the effort to see you again, right? And if he doesn't? Well then HJNTIY. But if he DOES then you could have a very productive relationship happening.

If he really did want to date you, he would make time to see you. I don't buy the "I am too busy right now" excuse. There was a time in my life where I was working from 7-5, commuting 2 hrs a day and studying for exams at night. But I still made time to see my girlfriend and have meaningful conversations on the phone. Put him on ice and make him make the effort to see you!

Yes, I agree with Lion-Guy. I think it's probably worth chalking this up to experience in a 'oh well, nice while it lasted, time to move on' kind of way.

He does sound like he's saying the kind of things that someone who doesn't want to be exclusive with you would say if they were trying to be nice but withdraw themselves at the same time. For whatever reason, this relationship is not really going ahead right now and you might be best off thinking of it as dead.

I agree... go into react mode. Don't burn your bridges, but keep a grip on your heart.

You need to hold out for someone who has very deep feelings for you, someone who would struggle to keep it going with you despite his busy life, because he doesn't want to miss the chance to be with you. It doesn't sound like he has those feelings for you.